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Divorce

 
More than half of all marriages end in divorce, but that doesn't make it any less painful for those going through it. How did you start over after your marriage ended? Are you struggling to co-parent with your ex? Discuss your experience here.
Comments
Replied By: lovemyfam1010 on Feb 28, 2015, 3:14PM
I am so worried about my kids and I can not find anyone to help me.   My husband and I seperated and moved in with his dad.  We have been married for over 12 years and for over 13 years him and his family have told me about all the violent physical abuse that occurred with everyone at the hands of the Dad.  At the same time I was told there was sexual abuse done to the adopted daughter and other extended family members.  Now that my husband moved in with his dad he thinks it is ok for the kids to live there.  My husband has NEVER allowed the kids to be alone with him and have only been over there with us probably 10 times.  His dad did not attend our wedding and I didn’t even meet him until we were at least 5 years into our marriage. Nor do most of the kids have anything to do with their dad due to the abuse and threats to kill the mom.   So for 13 years I have been told by him and all his family about how much of a monster he was and abused them and now he wants me to allow them to live with him.  Unfortunately, he was never convicted so he does not have a criminal record.  However, I have some text from the abused sister talking about it and other family members mentioning it.  Now my husband is acting like he has no idea what abuse I am talking about.  I truly believe he is suffering from some PTSD from his childhood and his job as a firefighter (he tried to save a 4 month old baby over 2 years ago and couldn’t.)  Since then he has slowly withdrawn from his family and friends, doesn’t really have many goals, stopped caring for the house and people and now he will allow his kids around his dad.  He of course thinks he doesn’t have a problem or need any help. 
 
Replied By: siirikaisa7896 on Feb 19, 2015, 2:11AM - In reply to iifollow
with 10 yrs of verbal abuse he tried to kill me,  Being accused to sleeping with everyone  I have no friends,  I tried to keep it together and he used the excuse of medications made him act that way.  I dont know how to handle the PtSD and anxiety that I have now.  I am a mess amd dp see a therapist but no one knows how it feels to be locked in my house beause I think he is going to break out the windows and finish what he started.  Does anyone know how to help me.  I am in farm country and there are no support groups
 
Replied By: traciegs on Jan 14, 2015, 2:13PM
I have been married for 20 years me and my husband aren't getting alone and we have seprated. and while we were seprated i started talking to someone else and really likethis guy alot. so now i dont know if sure stay with the new are work on my marriege... Help
 
Replied By: tundra123 on Nov 28, 2014, 10:41AM
This is my second marriage after a 25 year first marriage. Last year I found out my spouse of 6 years had been using meth. for years before I knew him. We were working on that. Soon after, although he drinks socially, I started finding stashes of vodka bottles, and he was drinking extra alcohol. Most recently, I found a flash drive full of XXX videos, and he fessed up to more and viewing internet porn long before I knew him. So, is he just an addictive person? Or, are these all separate addicitons? How broken am I?  I asked that he go to therapy and he said yes. That was a week ago and he has not called yet.  But, can he be helped? He is 65 years old and has been doing this for a long time.  I would like to know if others have experienced such events. I am very worried as to what I am going to find out next. The most amazing thing is that I had no clue of any of these things before we married.
 
Replied By: largefries on Oct 25, 2014, 4:38AM - In reply to fransuzy
stick with drug guy and maybe you won't have to worry about your minimum wage job and your car. you won't have either if you get arrested with party boy who won't grow up.
 
Replied By: largefries on Oct 25, 2014, 4:31AM - In reply to normalita1
i'm confused how her divorce 8 years ago has anything to do with recent anger with her brother.
 
Replied By: normalita1 on Oct 11, 2014, 10:16PM
My daughter was divorced 8 years ago.   She moved home to be near her family.  She gave up her big corporate job to work part time from home.  She also works for us.  She bought a condo and moved out of our house.  She has good days and bad...but we thought she was doing pretty good .

we recently went on a family vacation to New Mexico to visit our son.  While we were there...our daughter had a complete melt down on the last day we were there.  She took it out on our son...she told him he did not add any value to get life and well being and until he apologized for something get didn't do...she wants nothing to do with him and said he insulted her intelligence.

we all came home and she went on to Virginia to visit a friend.   We haven't heard anything from her.   She will be home on Sunday and I don't know what to say it how to even approach her.   We don't know if she us under a lot if pressure from her other job....if someone from the other job sent get a disturbing email....we just don't know why she had this melt down.  I want her to get some help to get things right in her mind...but she is refusing
 
Replied By: sierrakat on Jun 26, 2014, 4:54PM
At first, divorce seemed doable and a must, considering Domestic Violence was/is a factor. However, now I feel worn down and exhausted.  I was able to obtain a 3 year restraining order and custody of my children with limited visitation, but, the ex-doesn’t follow the RO and the police say they can't do anything unless he physically attacks us/ me.  The ex-even tries to use protective services as a weapon against me and thankfully they have been very helpful to me and my children.  The part I can't seem to get past is when and if his actions will ever cease and until then how do I handle the stress of it all? What else can I do protect myself and my family from anymore chaos?
 
Replied By: wingedrunner on Jun 5, 2014, 3:29PM - In reply to artiebill
It is not selfish, and is completely understandable that you feel he has lost nothing but he has. He is walking away from one of the most amazing things that a human can do in their lifetime...being powerful.


I write  a lot about being powerful on this site to people because the traits of a powerful person do not come without a heavy cost. The fact that you are looking for answers demonstrates to me that you are very powerful and not afraid of the ugly. Sounds like he is missing out on a pretty wonderful lady.


Your mind, heart, spirit is much too precious to be loved in such an ill manner. You are worthy of safe, powerful love. I’m not writing this to exhault you because this is true for everyone in the world, even your ex. We are all exceptional beings and  its when we start to believe that we are less that we start making decisions that cater that belief.


A belief is a thought  that promotes choices, that begats a lifestyle that births an environment of empowerment or dysfunction.


Your husband is walking around with the belief that he is powerless. He has completely forgotten (or never know,) what his value is and what he is truly capable of. We all have greatness in us, and when we try to become less we start acting less, and it leaks onto our surroundings...what really hurts is when people like yourself get hurt by this kind of thinking.


Our value is so important to remember and to walk out daily. We must remember that we are powerful, precious, capable of great love, honor, respect, and strong connections. I can see that you are, and I really hope that one day he wakes up and realizes this too.  


So just know that this situation is not about who left with more damage, rather try an see it as he is really broken, very hurt and not seeing that his actions are tearing his life apart. Whats really sad is that he is taking all of this dysfunction that he bestowed on you into the next relationship. UGh….I fear for the next woman.


In the mean time, while you heal, I would make some lists of what makes you powerful, and what you are not going to take with you into your new life ahead.  Here are some things that I see from what tou have written as powerful traits: 1. You are not afraid to be real2. Commitment is a strong value to you 3. You are not afraid of the truth 4.You are okay with being a process


Pretty great start I think:) I hope this empowers your thinking as a powerful woman.
 
Replied By: artiebill on Jun 5, 2014, 10:48AM - In reply to wingedrunner
Your words were kind and thoughtful.  I hear all the wise right words and advice in my head.  It is my heart filled with confusion and I know I will never get any true answers.  Sadly, I am the only person in this scenario that lost anything.  He did not, his affairs did not, and I feel cheated.  I know that is shallow, but it is a true gut feeling.
 
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