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Family

 
Have your loved ones shown you the true meaning of the word "family" with their actions? Or, is there a rift in your family that has gone on too long? Share your stories and solutions.
Comments
Replied By: littlejean579 on Jan 22, 2015, 4:51AM
Hello everyone I am Erica.


It's been over ten years and yet my nightmares feel like yesterday still! I can't stand the thought of using the hate word but I'm there when it comes to my mother. I need help so badly. This is no way to live! When I was little she got naked in front of me and asked me if I was ready to have sex. My sister and I were molested by her husband also. We were abused all the time for no reason! My anger grows worse and worse everyday because she will never admit to her wrong doing. I also hate her because when I had a miscarriage she said "good because I would be a terrible mother"! How do you forgive someone who says that to you, your own kid? Of coarse she doesn't remember that and denies it. I know she had it rough to but everyone has to deal with their own consequences especially if they caused their own pain. I'm tired of the excuses how can you change yourself for the better if you don't listen to the people you hurt and just deny every doing those things. She needs to take a lie detector test because till this day no one believes that my own mother asked me if I was ready to have sex while her husband was naked on the bed. Everyone has this outlook about me that is based on her lies. No one will ever give me a chance to prove I'm better than that. I now have my own daughter who is 8 months old. When I found out I was pregnant I went back to college and straightened up because I knew what I had to do for her. I really am a good person but I can't live a normal life with normal friends and normal thoughts because I can't make peace with my past. I try so hard but I just can't do it alone. But I have no one who can help me the way I need. Everyone is so quick to judge and hurt me but if only they knew I use to want to die I just quit caring about myself. I used to hurt myself because I was just tired of crying tears weren't enough for me. I'm still alive because God had other plans for me. I need to make peace with my life or the stress will literally kill me. I'm only 21 and I don't wish this pain on my worst enemy. Can anyone please help?
 
Replied By: silvestra on Jan 21, 2015, 8:46AM
Hello,

My name is Silvestra, I'm 23.I fell in love when I was 18 with a shcool friend of mine and we got married at 20 and had our beautiful daughter before we were 21.It's been 3 years of mariage now, but I feel like we felt out of love.I don't know exactly when my problems started,if it was before getting married or after , but I now feel horible for the angry person I have become.I feel bullied by my parents in law. My problems started during my pregnancy. I think due to the problems I had during the pregnancy I got into a deep depression and never got out of it.I suffered this problem during my teenage years, but I think the pregnancy was a big deal for me to handle.Not being ready to have and support a baby, no job, no experience...and then, after convincing myself for the blessing I had with me, I was told that there were 50% chances for my daughter not to survive because of a problem doctors here in Albania call Oligoamnios.Thank God, my baby was born healthy and beautiful. Due to the fact she was premature, she always had weak health and was always getting sick.So we decided to keep her at home. Me or my mother in law had to stop working to take care of my daughter.So due to the fact that I was getting paid more than my mother in law, she stoped working and started taking care of the house ond my daughter Gabriela. Everything started getting way worse after that.After 1 year my father in law decided to stop working too, and started drinking a lot (there is a traditional alcohool beverage here in Albania called Raki), and he gets drunk every day.So we are 5 persons at home, and from more than 1 year only 2 of us work.Meanwhile we have to do everything else. Cover all the expenses, repair everything at home, have discussions and fights because of money ( We earn enough money to support the family we have, but still it is never enough for my in laws).My mother in law is a very manipulative person, and she treats me very very bad, and then when my husband comes back home, she starts telling him things about me that don't excist. I've had so many fights in that house with my husband and my in laws that now I directly lose my temper. I start shouting and berely control myself , because I tend to become violent.The problem is that I started to treat my daughter that way. I used to be very calm and had the capacity to explane everything to her, but now I feel so tired and mentaly exhausted that I can't stand her most of the time. I hate my self for that because I've been blessed with that child.She's amazing.


But after all the fighting and shouting and stupid problems I have in that house, I feel the need to separate from my husband, take my daughter and move away.The problem is that here we live in a very masculine country, and mu father would be humiliated because of my divorce and he keeps telling me that I have to stop complaining and to thank God for what I have.He tells me that it will be more difficult without my husband and his family than with them.The problem is that I'm feeling so bad, and I've started to consider suicide, and I don't want to lose my mind one day and do it.
Can anyone please, tell me what should I do, for my husband doesn't understand how hard it is getting for me..I just want to be there while my daughter is growing up and I want to be calm enough to dedicate myself to her.
Please someone hel :'( 
 
Replied By: jersey3720 on Jan 15, 2015, 5:01PM - In reply to jersey3720
Surely someone can help me out here.
 
Replied By: highschoolguy on Jan 14, 2015, 6:44PM
Hello everyone, my name is Eustice and I live in a household with my mom, my dad, and my sister. There have been escalating problems within the last few years. My mom is bipolar and depressed and she is not doing to well. She is 59. My dad has diabetes and high blood pressure and does not take care of himself at all. He is 72. My sister is going through the teen years and always thinks she is right and never gets along with my mother, which usually starts the problems. I am a teenage boy and have been dating a girl for 4 months now and it is getting really serious. I have stayed the night at her house 3 times, with both of the parents permission. Today, however, I asked if I can stay the night after my snowball dance, and my mom got really mad and started yelling at me. When my mom says no, I always get mad, which is another way problems start. But the reason why i am posting is because i need advice to get our family to get along. A few nights ago, my sister would not listen to my dad from upstairs in her room, so my mom texted her (peacefully) and told her to give her my sisters phone and my sisters laptop. Of course like every other teenage girl, my sister was not happy so she yelled and screamed down the stairs and my mom and my sister were yelling at each other. Finally, my sister threw her phone and the laptop, hit her head really hard against the wall three times (I was suprised she wasn't concussed), and fell to the floor banging her fists. Also, two weeks back my mom broke her ankle and has been house ridden since, which has only made the problems worse. At first, she worked and got away from the house for awhile, which is what was keeping her sane. A couple months back, my mom threw a tantrum and started throwing everything that she could find including: silverware, dishes, pens, stamps, etc., just common house hold items. Now, the words my mom use are very harsh and hurt mine and my sisters feelings. They have ranged anywhere from little b**ch to f**k you or youre a failure, just anything you can think of. My sister is very mean also, she says she hates my mom and yells at her and never gets along with her. They very seldom get along. Me, i piss my mom off in two ways. I usually complain when she asks me to do things, and i always want to hangout with my girlfriend. I would just like any advice at all that could maybe somehow fix or make a little better the problems i have at home.


Thank you for your time and comments
 
Replied By: kaykaykitten1 on Jan 13, 2015, 4:11PM - In reply to josnj11
My mother was the same with me when I was a teen. I didn't earn a phone until I was in 12th grade. You are supposed to be protective, you need to be with all the technology and scammers and creeps/pervs out there lerking on the world wide web. Other parents don't do it because people have come to this feeling like, "oh my kid has to like me, my kid needs to think I'm a cool parent" and that isn't what it is about. I hated how my mom watched out for me as a teen because I was a know it all...like all teens are. But, looking back now at 25  if my mother hadn't been a parent, I may have ended up pregnant, on drugs, in a abusive relationship, I would have probably never gone to college and I probably would sleep around like I see a lot of teens doing these days. Which is sad, they see the girls in the media not respecting themselves or their bodies or images and want to be "cool" like them. They want to be liked by all the boys and at that young dumb age will do almost anything to be cool. So being active and whating what your child is doing on their phome, who they are talking to and what kind of information they may be giving to creeps is what a parent should do. Maybe that is just me but, parents aren't supposed to be their kids cool bff... they are supposed to be the loving annoying parent that watches and protects them. All my friends had cool parents...... they are all either drug addicts, young mothers, or drop outs. Their parents didn't care enough to push them or watch them like my uncool parent lol.. Keep it up, you are saving your teen from herself. I have 3 college degrees and got to pick my college and I am aware of the world and the scammers and creeps in it because of my mother. You can't protect your child from everything, so protect her from the things you CAN. :)Hope this helps.
 
Replied By: jersey3720 on Jan 6, 2015, 6:09PM
I believe I am safe asking this question here. Friends, 9 years ago I met and quickly married someone I met on the internet. I had just been divorced from my first husband who I had been with a total of 33 (married 27) years. I moved 1300 miles away  from life as I knew it. My kids at the time were 17, 19 and 21. No one knew what happened, why did I go? (I don't think I knew myself). I do have a relationship (strained) with my youngest two, my oldest struggles and we rarely communicate, she hurts real bad. I quickly realized I made a huge mistake within two days actually, and tried to get the marriage annuled. I did not meet the criteria to make that happen, so I stayed with him. I have been miserable and so unhappy, I can count on one hand the "happy" times. I tried in 2009 to go back home and make a life for myseld (he did not know) - I failed miserably at securing a job and or a place of my own. I stayed with a friend during  that time as my oldest was in a one BR and was not even talking to me then, my middle rented from her dad and my youngest still lived at home with dad. So, I came back to my miserable life. I stay because he has kept my name on his retirement and life insurance (not the whole 100% but a decent percentage). Only if he passes before me, I will get the money. I go over in my head all the things I have missed ll these years I have stayed, living in this hell. My youngest two graduating, my oldest two getting married and the births of my two  grandchildren among other things. It has been 4 years now since I have seen any of my family or friends. I have reached the point where I see I am staying because of what I "might" get as beneficiary on those two accounts-heck it may be me who goes first! I want to ask him to buy me out and live on my own. For now I would probably stay in the town I am in as I have a job, 30 hours per week but I do get health insurance. At my age it is very hard to find employment and for me to relocate back home is something I know I cannot afford to do right now. Friends, what is your opinion and is there something you can see by my story that I am not  thinking of that might come back at me? Thank you, I am grateful for any input you have and for not judging me.
 
Replied By: ebonyg64 on Jan 4, 2015, 12:00AM
I am worry about my sister's son. Over all he is good kid but every time he gets into a relationship it starts to go wrong. He can be controlling. I am worried that he maybe become an abuser and I don't want that for him.
 
Replied By: regidcamp on Jan 3, 2015, 5:33PM
Hi my name is Regina 

When my daughter was 13 I allowed my Father an Step Mother to adopt my daughter i had moved to Louisiana an remarried my daughter wanted to stay in Tx an continue school there so she stayed with my parent. So they came to me telling me in order for her to b on therye insurance an b able to care for her they needed to adopt her that they would raise her but that I would still b in her life as her mother long story short my daughter is grown now an my step mother vontinues to call her her daughter not her grandaughter an I take offinice to this an it bothers me because she is my daughter an her grandaughter when my dad passed away she listed my daughter as theyrs an that bother me also because there are other siblings an grandchildren involed  an I believed she should have been listed as a grandchild I don't understand why she is doing this knowing it hurts me I gave tried to talk to her but she always comes yup with legally she is her saughter what the hell she is he grandchild So I guess my question is is she her daughter or her grandaughter an why can't I just let this go but she's mine not hers 
 
Replied By: sweet_tink1978 on Dec 26, 2014, 11:10PM
My Name is Tina and I have a problem.  My brother in law was a great guy when I met him 9 years ago we actually had a pretty good relationship till he got divorced, lost his business, lost his four kids who do not talk to him, got married to another woman who is very selfish and told one of the daughters that she was at fault and making her life mesarable.  He keept to himself except when he needed money he would run to his parents and give him money, when both of them were lossing the house his parents bailed him out.  I do not like her she never worked but now has started but dose no laudrey, dose cook sometimes, and drinks at least ten cofiees a day.  One Christmas my neice had enough and said that he never calls her, never spends time with them and poor Keneddy was his brith child he has not spoken to her since they got married which is two or three years ago.  He seems to never think it is his fault and that all of us are at fault.  I am still have a very good relationship with his other kids but his new ones are okay and I do not want to blame them its only between me and m brother in law.  So Chrismas came and i tried so hard not to say anything but I did.  My Husband had a heart attack this summer everyone came except for him. No phone call no text message nothing, my neice called him and said were he was what floor and hospital and nothing.  So I had to say something and tears were even in my eyes and asked him a ton of times where were you and he was almost dying and you didnt even see him".  He had no anwer nothing so I told him "You don't give a s**t and your an a**hole fore not even coming to see him, and that why we can no longer be friends anymore".  He is a its all about me and only me.  How do I let go even though I told him off was the right thing to do? and I do not understand why people are like that any suggestions?.  I also did try to talk to him but its like talking to a brick wall.
 
Replied By: elaine1957 on Dec 24, 2014, 4:23PM
i had a very bad relationship with my mother.  i grrew up in a very disfunctional.family.  my mother and i barely talked for about 15 or so years. it started to get better once i realized that her life was no picnick.  About 12 years go i finanilly saw her as a human.  ialso realized that my expectations as an adult was unreasonable.  you see i finally grew up.  in 2003 she moved in in with me and for the last 10 years we had the greastest relationship.  we laughed alot and had alot of fun.  i am very glad.  last year on august the 21st she past away.  And while I am glad she is no longer in pain i miss her more each day.  I wrote a peom for her and i will mail it.to you that is as soon as i find your address.
 
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