Family

 
Have your loved ones shown you the true meaning of the word "family" with their actions? Or, is there a rift in your family that has gone on too long? Share your stories and solutions.
Comments
Replied By: spiritual7365 on Feb 9, 2017, 12:38PM - In reply to ruby05
Hi Ruby 05,   Your message really moved me. I have compassion and empathy for anyone who is in Emotional Pain. You have suffered an immense amount and I agree it is wrong that your family has never acknowledged your successes. It would make you feel invisibe and like no one hears you. My heart goes out to you.

I am here for you and I enjoy communicating with people. Everyone needs to have the give and take of a relationship wether it is a mother, father or sibling. We need to be heard and seen. In other words we need to be VALIDATED. I believe that is what you are missing. No one tells you that what you do matters in this world and that is so sad. You sound amazing and I would be proud. I have daughters and grandaughter and they have accomplised college degrees and good careers. So I know I am proud of them. For some reason your family is clueless to this natural way of responding to those we love and are proud of.

I would so like to discuss this with you and see if we can't get to the bottom of this. Like Dr. Phil always says that "people act in a way that serves a purpose for them."  So there is an answer. Please feel free to message me or friend me and maybe we can figure it out. It  creates a "Hollow Victory" for you when they do not show that they get that you are working hard and have succeeded in gaining an education and other positive results.

I would like to be a friend you can talk to and communicate with. Check out my Blog. I hope to hear from you. Blessings, Spiritual
 
Replied By: lindabenefield on Feb 2, 2017, 5:04AM
My entire family was ripped apart because of my last marriage. My ex and his mother kept calling all my family members and telling them lies about me so that they could completely isolate me from my family. They also went through my friend's list on facebook and alienated me from half of my friends. My dad was told by them that I said he molested me and they told him that when he lent me money that I spent it on drugs, even though I have NEVER done drugs!! I thought my dad would believe ME, but apparently he took THEIR side. I feel very abandoned and betrayed by most of my family because of this. I have NO CLUE how to fix it!
 
Replied By: ruby05 on Jan 15, 2017, 9:57PM
I do have a family.  I have a mother, father, sister, and a brother.  Yet we cannot communicate.  I've tried, really tried but my parents get mad at everything...they expect everything to be perfect...I have to walk on egg shells with them.  I cannot talk to them about how I feel because they get mad...they want everything to be perfect.   My sister has poor listening skills plus she has kids....my brother listens but doesn't hear plus he has kids...I've had to resort to talking to my mother's friends and they defend her...I just want someone to understand how I feel and care how I feel.  My parents don't share in my joy over accomplishments of mine...everything is so non-chalant...I've made quite a few accomplishments over time and I tell them and they just say...oh, that's nice.   I don't ever hear anyone say "that's wonderful" and/or "I'm so proud".  The only time I've ever heard that is from one of my mother's friends.  What the hell is wrong with them?  They all act like they don't give a crap.   I don't expect a 3 pice band, just someone who will say "that's great!" or "tell me more about it" or "I'm so proud".  I have to hear those accolades from people on Facebook!!  People on Facebook tell me "you go girl" or "I'm happy for you" or "hang in there."  Why can't anyone in my family say that to me??  Seriously, I don't hear that from my own family!!  Is there a pen pal out there I can connect with that listens and responds with something other than "oh, that's nice"??  I've worked my butt off going to school and working a full time job.  I got an associate's degree and a bachelor's degree all working a full time job.  Granted, my parents did come to my graduations but I never heard the words "I'm proud of you."  Am I asking to much for someone to act like they are happy for me???  I am not trying to please people...the things I've accomplished in my life are things I wanted to do.  All I ask is that someone in my family tell me "wow, that's great".  Just the words, that's all!!!
 
Replied By: pqtalks on Dec 31, 2016, 4:11PM - In reply to fishies5678
Take a deep breath. There isn't an easy fix with this one. Anyway it goes most of the work is going to be on your side. 1) Have you told your boyfriend how you feel about this new development and expressed your feelings about it?


2) If you really can see a long term relationship with him then you're going to have to bite your tongue for a while.


3) You do have this baby to consider and you want to be able to be with the baby when it gets here. I'm good and have done this before, I have told a person I didn't like that I didn't like them face to face. I also told them that I was mature enough to treat them with respect and get along with them. I can't tell you that that is a good idea for you. With that said I want you to know I'm not encouraging you to bite your lip to the point where you're ready to scream. Just use description. I should have said that to begin with but there will be times when you will bite your tongue off. 


God be with you and guide you.

 
Replied By: fishies5678 on Dec 29, 2016, 7:02PM
so me and this guy we've been friends for 6 years and the past 3 months we've been getting serious. he was in a toxic relationship and now hes going to have a kid soon. it kills me every time i hear about it and i know he will need to see the kid. how do i deal with the pain of him seeing the kid without braking down. dont get me wrong i really care and love him and support him but i dont know how to accept the fact the love of my life has a kid with another woman because im infertlie and im jelious that ill never have the oppirtunity to have a child with him.also me and this girl have had a really bad past and she threatened to file childsupport on him if he doesnt do specific things. please help!!!!!
 
Replied By: kylegr on Dec 1, 2016, 5:45PM
My mother is 79 years old and has been tearing up our family of her children, grandchildren and great grandchildren with outrageous statements. She is constantly talking about us to each other and saying such horrible things. We are a great family that are all very close. When I was a child it was just my mother, father and my sister and I. My mother was physically abusive and did not show much love and attention to my sister and I. I had told my husband once that I felt like I was in the way as a child. A couple of months ago my sister just up and said she felt in the way as a child. I though wow, we both felt that way! When my kids were small we had family gatherings at my parents house and all was fine. Once my kids grew up and got married and with that have their extended families the trouble began with her. She expected she was the priority. She has gotten progressively worse in the last 16 years. She claimed I owed her money from the 1980's and filed a lawsuit against me in court. I had no idea what she was talking about. I never knew, nor did she ever tell me I owed her any money. She is my mother so I took her word for it and paid her. Her house had burned a few years ago. It was rebuilt and much nicer than the original. When the family went to see them when they moved back in, my son her grandson said he liked her new furniture, my son-in-law said he loved her new wood floors. She turned that into "they want my furniture and my house!" She kept on for months saying it is not a home anymore because she lost her things. Trying to get her to look at the positive I said "Well you have new furniture and the new wood floors you had wanted and it looks great". She turned this into and told everyone that would listen that I said it was a good thing her house burned. Today my husband received a letter at his place of employment. It was a letter that she had my dad write stating we owed them money from the 1980's!  She said she paid for things for me. One, this is not true, two why have I never heard of this until now. I fear for my dads safety. She told her grand daughter that my parents have an agreement then if one of them dies first the other will shoot themselves in the head. I can see my dad doing that. My mother on the other hand is very much about money and things. She would take the money and travel. I don't know if we can take any legal action to have her mental health checked or what we can do. There is so much stress in the family. I have not seen my parents in about 3 years and they live walking distance from me.
 
Replied By: spiritual7365 on Oct 14, 2016, 2:01PM - In reply to justcindi
Hi Justcindi,    My heart goes out to you for the pain and heartbreak you are living with. It is so hard dealing with a loss when it is by normal circumstances, but when it is deliberatly done it is beyond endurable. It seems that to punish her ex-husband and his family she has cut out the parents that so want to be in their grandchildren's lives. I have never experienced this type of loss and pain but I can see how futile it all seems. The hope would be that she would at some point see how she is hurting all of you.

I know, since I have watched Dr. Phil, since his first show that he states that a child should always be surrounded by grandparents who give a special kind of love and quality to the child that is not supplied by other people not related. A grandparent's love is unique in that their being one generation removed they can offer the undconditional love that children are always enriched by. It is extremely sad that she has closed herself and her children from this abundance of love. What, I wonder is the opinion of her ex about not allowing you and your husband plus the other grandparents access to their lives?

I would say, don't give up hope that someday she will see the error she is making. She should not have the right to demand who you are friends with. Esp. since the other people are the grandparents also. Can you send mail to her and cards to the children? Does she have contact with her mother? Maybe that would be someone who would be sympathetic to you plight. Just assuming of course, but I do truly wish I could help. My prayers are with you for a resolving of this situation. And it is sad but at some point in their lives these kids will want to know the rest of their family and they will most likely resent her for depriving them of your love and the beautiful relationship you all could have been a part of. If you would like to talk further then please contact my blog, or here. Many prayers and blessings for you and the other family members, Spiritual
 
Replied By: justcindi on Oct 14, 2016, 10:51AM
I think you need to do more episodes of broken families with estranged children and grandchildren. I have written numerous times about my personal situation,  where my stepdaughter, who I used to be VERY close to, pulled out of the family, taking her 2 children (OUR grandchildren). She has now been gone for about 10 years now, due to me being best friends with her in laws, which she abruptly despised after the first baby was born.  The in laws and I were best friends, which is how she met her husband, now exhusband. Our family is now divided and unfixable. I wrote to the Dr Phil show, hoping for help, but have now given up, because now I think help wouldn't even help now. Now, she is expecting baby #3, and Im sure we will never see that lil sweet nundle of joy. I feel so much sympathy for anyone in this position and would like to see some shows on how to live estranged from my grandchildren. Life just doesn't seem as important to me anymore. Hugs to others in the same position!
 
Replied By: spiritual7365 on Oct 5, 2016, 1:47PM - In reply to lovebug18
Hi Lovebug18, 

    You're so very welcome!! I'm glad it helped and I know that it is hard for you to not feel guilt at times but when you do just remind yourself that you are not disowning her but instead you are protecting in a way that small connection that you still have that isn't tainted by her control. So each day know that you are protecting your sanity and your family from turmoil that accompanies her when she is around.

Hope to stay connected on your blog or mine for chats on the shows etcl. Take care and stay strong in your reslolve to be positive and at peace.  Blessings, Spiritual 
 
Replied By: lovebug18 on Oct 3, 2016, 8:51AM - In reply to spiritual7365
Thankyou thankyou for these ever so helpful words... I completely agree with you on every point!  It's taken me 25 years to get to this place, believe me it is the hardest thing I have ever done.  I live 1200 miles from her and that's never happened, I also have not spoken to her since the first of June.  She does continue her manipulation through my brother who tells me what she says... some things involved her telling him to have his son call my son and ask him what is really going on at my home.  This just reconfirms over and over again how toxic she really is!! It seems like when I start having guilt because people tell me I still need to stay in touch with her, this is what she does.  


So, with all that said, as disturbing as it is to me I will continue to keep a rather long arms length from her.  I can't be her punching bag anymore!!!

Much thanks to you!!!

 
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