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Family

 
Have your loved ones shown you the true meaning of the word "family" with their actions? Or, is there a rift in your family that has gone on too long? Share your stories and solutions.
Comments
Replied By: flashmycello08 on Feb 21, 2015, 10:41PM
My brother has been with his girlfriend for 4 years. He is cheating on his girlfriend with at least two other women. His girlfriend is not a nice person...she has called my family many names over the years. Should I send her an email with the proof I have that he is cheating? He is not a nice person, and I try to hold the belief that people can change. but I don't think he will. Thanks
 
Replied By: swedewh on Feb 21, 2015, 5:10PM
My father is 82 years old and my mother has died in 2010 from COPD and asthma.  She was 73 years old.

I stayed home and took care of her for 10 years and I also dealt with my own anxiety and throughout that my father was verbal and emotionally abusive.  Since my mother's passing he has gotten worse with the verbal and emotional abuse to me.  I have tried to better myself after my mother's passing by getting my college certification in Medical Coding and I graduated last year.  Ever since I graduated he keeps saying I will never get a job and no one would want to hire me because of my age, I am 52 years old, and because I am lazy because I stayed home and took care of my mother instead of working.  It is very hard to be positive when you are bombarded with negative words all the time.

  swedewh@yahoo.com
 
Replied By: hakerr on Feb 18, 2015, 2:59PM - In reply to jersey3720
Being I'm sort of in a simular situation I hope this helps you. I'm not sure if where you live they have a low income housing for you to prehapes be able to go too. Such as some places around where I live But have many "rules" such as no alcohole, drug, guys over night and so on to start with. Though there are other low income places you might fit into. Also if your husband "now" happens to be a veterian there maybe help for you there as well financialy if you know where he's DD214 papers would be as in what city & so on. Don't ever think "your stuck like chuck" I was once told "If there's will there is away" start looking things up on the intertnet and please don't give up on your dreams for yourself life is too short for that & there has too be away! So if your using a home computer make sure you erase your history so 'he doesn't know what your doing/planning' please be careful and always remember take care of you! I hope your life works gets better then mine a lot sooner then later.Be Blessed
 
Replied By: ltcmom on Feb 18, 2015, 1:12PM - In reply to jersey3720
While my heart aches for you in the situation it's hard to know how to help you since you don't describe the reason you are in "Hell".  Are you being physically abused?  I don't recall if you mentioned the state you live in but almost all states have Domestic Violence laws now.  You mention that you have a job now, are you allowed to control the income you earn?  You are right about one thing, you may indeed go first.  It's easy for someone else to say "I wouldn't live that way", but without know your circumstances, it's hard to offer advise.
 
Replied By: ginahasfaith on Feb 11, 2015, 10:16PM - In reply to bdeborah82
I agree!!
 
Replied By: dmtf57 on Jan 30, 2015, 3:35PM - In reply to dmtf57
PLEASE PLEASE DOES ANYONE HAVE ANY INPUT ON THIS SITUATION?????  PLEASE RESPOND~
 
Replied By: dmtf57 on Jan 29, 2015, 5:34PM
Dear Dr. Phil,


I NEED HELP!!!!  I am an adoptive Mother of 2 youg adult boys.  The oldest one is 23 and is killing me emotionally.  I never lied to them about being adopted.  They come from 2 different families.  Their Dad and I divorced 6 years ago, but he is and continues to try to be involved with both of them.  Again the oldest one is very difficult. 


4 years ago, when he was 19 he wanted his birth mother information.  Not only did I give it to him, but also I helped him find her and brought him to meet her.  He decided at that time he wanted to live with her and moved out of my home.  I was heart broken but I let go.  Within a month she dumped him at her Mother's home, which tried to help him and within a week or 2 he was back at my door. 


Since that time 4 years ago, she only contacted him when his 1/2 sister was in a car accident.  Again, I took him to see her.  Then nothing, or at least i thought nothing.  Christmas Day he was to go to his Dad's house and spend the holiday with his Dad and his fiancé.  We found out the day after, he was at his biological grandmother's house visiting his 1/2 sister.  He went his Dad's, when his Dad went the shower, he just took my car and left to go there.  I was upset, he lied and why didn't he tell me.  From that point again I thought he was over them. 


Just this past Friday, he wakes me up at 2 AM and asks if the 1/2 sister can come spend the day with him.  I said yes.  When I actually did wake up on Friday AM, I asked him what was going on with her?  No answer!  All I was told is she was living in a Motel 6 about 1 mile from my home.  Her baby daddy was sick and needed to be dropped off at the emergency room because he was going into rehab.  As I continued to ask questions, he continued to tell me I don't know and was getting irritated.  Not thinking I allowed him to pick up the baby daddy and drop him off at the hospital emergency room.  While he was gone doing this I decided to check his face book.  I clicked on his biological mothers name and it brought me to her Facebook.  Which is plastered with items on recovery and heroine and all kinds of stuff.  So when he came back home I told him I would take him over there and follow him back to my house with his 1/2 sister.  As I waited in the car for them, the biological grandmother called me and as we were talking she tells me that his 1/2 sister is addicted to heroine.  Well, right or wrong my heart is ready to go through the roof.  I went into the hotel and went to the room.  I walk in the room she is laying on the bed, he is sitting there with stuff just piled on his lap and I said What the F is going on here?  With that she jumps up and starts mumbling at me.  Needless, to say Dr. Phil, the story gets uglier and uglier! 



Now my son is living with this biological family in Tennessee in motel, in one room!  Its the birth mother and 3 siblings from another relationship, and my son she gave up for adoption.  The mother is in recovery- her new husband is in rehab court ordered for 6 months, her daughter is going in rehab, and the baby daddy is going in rehab.  The baby is in custody of DCFS in Chicago in a foster home.  This family needs a lot of help, but I cant help them and neither can my son.  I have tried to talk to my son who claimed he wanted to join the Marine Corp . that he can not help them.  He has worked on losing weight, studying for his ASVAB test, just received 3 job offers while waiting to get in the Marines.  I can’t understand why he would give up his dreams for someone he doesn’t 
know and who needs so much help! But I am told I am the bad guy, I don't understand, I think I am better than them.  They have slammed me on Facebook so I cut mine off.  Dr. Phil, what do I do???  My ex, my friends and my family say leave him alone he needs to learn on his own.  I feel like he is going to end up just like them.  PLEASE PLEASE HELP ME!  This kid is 23 and wasting his life!  I know I am not the perfect parent and I have made mistakes but watching your child destroy their life is HEART BREAKING!  PLEASE HELP ME!
 
Replied By: bdeborah82 on Jan 29, 2015, 3:46PM



Dear Dr. Phil,


I have a tremendous amount of respect for you and the great work you do for your guests. One area of concern is your misplaced faith in State Child Protective Services. They do not conduct complete investigations and they do a very poor job of protecting children. I have experienced this firsthand. One of my adult daughters is a heroin addict. her husband was deployed to Iraq for a year when my grandson was 8 months old. I discovered through a friend of hers that she was locking her baby son in his bedroom at night and going out partying for 10 to 12 hours at a time. I immediately reported this to AZ CPS. They told me that as long as she was not giving the baby drugs, they would not open a file! i went to her apartment and took my grandson and moved him in with me. She fought with me about it, but, I prevailed Even though I had no legal right to take him. I called the military and reported her. They also called CPS and again they did nothing! I kept my grandson until his father returned from Iraq. Fortunately my daughter didn't try to get him back. There are stories much worse than mine, where children have died after CPS did a cursory investigation and returned the children to the abusive homes.
 
Replied By: imkayleesmom on Jan 29, 2015, 3:04PM
I lost my mom 6 months ago. She was my best friend! I come from a very disfunctional background. Both parents were alcoholics and my mom was addicted to prescription drugs. I had been taking care of her since I was 12. I had seven half-brothers and sisters. Three sisters have passed. I have a long history of mental illness in my family. Currently I am suffering from depression, anxiety and fibromyalgia. I quit my job 4 1/2 years ago to stay home with my mom to take care of her and to get some relief from the anxiety at my job. Since my mom passed, my depression and anxiety have gotten progressively worse. I have a wonderful husband and two beautiful and successful girls. They are always there to support me. I'm lucky in that aspect.


Here's the problem, I am looking for advice regarding my relationship with my siblings who are left. One is a horrible alcoholic that I refuse to have a relationship with. He is my mother's son. He can also be abusive. The other brother from my dad lives on the West Coast and I live in the South. I believe he's also an alcoholic but, he is functional. I talk with him from time to time. He's too far away to have a close relationship with. He is 25 years older than me. The last two living sisters are my twin sisters who are my dads. We are 6 years apart. I am 47. We all grew up together except my oldest two siblings and my mom raised the twins from the age of two. My dad's first wife and my mom's first husband died the same year. Then they got married.

The twins have always treated me as an outsider but claim they love me. They have bullied me for years and even blamed me for my mom's behavior. The twins and my mom had a falling out about my dad and she through them out of the house in their senior year in high school. I'm trying to make this as short as possible without a lot of detail so, to make a long story short, they stopped calling her mom and cut their ties with her. My father was abusive to my mom. I'm not blaming my dad for all of their problems in the marriage but I was always afraid of him. My sisters put my dad on a pedestal and think he was the greatest man ever. I'm a realist, I know my mom and dad were both wrong. After many years in and out of rehab, a doctor diagnosed my mom as bipolar. With the right medication, my mom got much better and became the mom I always wanted! The twins never tried to reconcile with her.

I was was never fond of my dad because he never took responibility for his actions and he was never there for me other than money. My sisters constantly guilted me into spending time with him which was useless because he always made you feel like crap. Nothing was ever good enough for him. I did this for years even though I hated it whole time. They also demanded that I was there in the end to take care of my dad. I didn't want to but I always remembered honor thy mother, honor thy Father. I did what I needed to do.

During my mothers illness, the twins were all over my Facebook giving me support that was public for all to see but offered no other help other than by phone. The never made peace with my mom before she died and I have built resentment towards them. I reached out 3 times to them during my mom's illness for serious help and neither came. After the funeral, they came to my house to bring food and even showed up for the funeral. I think they did that to save face and it literally made me sick!

I've always felt like an outsider. They invited me to things as a family at Christmas and such but ignored me and my family when we showed up. They never included me otherwise. After my mothers death, I have been struggling with my depression and they were constantly interjecting themselves in my life. At Thanksgiving and Christmas they started texting me wanting to know if I was coming. I made an excuse of course then they asked one last time and I replied that the holidays were too emotional for me because my mom wasn't here. I told them about my depression and anxiety and that I couldn't come. I broke down and told my niece I couldn't do it any longer. She talked me into giving them one last opportunity to come and discuss exactly how I felt and they did not come. They wanted only us three to get together and have that conversation. I refused because we've been through this before and they gang up on me until I agree with them. I said no to their invitation because I refuse to be bullied any longer. Now they are trying to build a bond with my daughters. My oldest is getting married in September and they think they can get back in my graces by trying to get through to my kids. I'm tired of drama, I'm tired of the anxiety that it causes me. I physically can't take the pressure from them any longer.

Does anyone have and suggestions as to how I should handle this situation? Anyone else have a similar situation? All advice is welcome!
 
Replied By: imkayleesmom on Jan 29, 2015, 12:49PM - In reply to pumpkinchick
I have a similar situation going on. I no longer have anything to do with my sisters or brothers. Both of my parents are deceased. I've never known what it was like to have a real family. I am the youngest of eight children. It's a blened family but I am the only child between my parents. I only have half sisters and brothers. I, like you are treated differently than everyone else.
 
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