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Family

 
Have your loved ones shown you the true meaning of the word "family" with their actions? Or, is there a rift in your family that has gone on too long? Share your stories and solutions.
Comments
Replied By: coalminerd1 on Aug 31, 2015, 11:40AM
My 10 year old grand daughter was taken from her father and her family, just a few days ago by her mother.  Now that doesn't sound like a bad thing, does it?  But her mother is a meth addict, she is homeless.  We believe she is living in her car, or in drug houses, maybe various men.  Her mother has custudy of both the  10 year old and also her 12 year old sister.  Over a year ago, the 12 year old was brought to her dad's home and left there.  Her mother did t want her.  But since the 10 year old craves her mothers affection, and settles for whatever crumbs of attention her mother pays her, her mother keeps her with her most of the time.  This little girl has been going back and forth between her moms place and her dad.  And this is at the whim of her mother, since she has full custudy.  There are periods of time when she left the girls with their dad, and no one know where she had disappeared for months.  No word from her.  Then she appears and takes the 10 year old.  This last time the 10 year old was with her father for almost 4 months.  he bought her school clothes, enrolled her in school.  The girl was very happy living with her family.  Then out of the blue, the mother called, promised the girl new school clothes, and invited her to linchpin.  The 10 year old was so happy and excited to hear from her mom agai , she left and met her mom without permission.  We never heard from them again.  We called the police, we called human services, but they say since she has full custudy of her, they can't do anything.  Not only that, they can't investigate because no one knows where they are.  My son needs help to be able to afford legal help.  What can we do?
 
Replied By: cloud074 on Aug 30, 2015, 6:05PM
I was married at 24 yo to my husband who had two kids, a girl, 8 and a boy 6 at the time. They are now 25 and 23. We have no contact with my stepson, 23, by his choice. And we are currently raising his 4 yo daughter since April of this year due to her mother not wanting to raise her or her 3 yo half sister any longer. I have been so angry because I think this is SO unfair that we have to raise her. At 41, I just wanted to spend time with my husband and not have the responsibilities of raising a 4 yo. My husband doesn't seem to think it's a big deal that we have to raise her and I don't think he fully understands why I am not on board with this scenario. This is a deal breaker for me. I am having thoughts of leaving the marriage due to my unhappiness. Am I being selfish or would others feel the same way I do?? So conflicted......
 
Replied By: frelynne on Aug 21, 2015, 2:42PM
The whole Duggar family needs help but the social medias and newspapers ect need to stop posting anything about them They dont need media they need help with Parenting skills and the children need help They are a sick family and they dont need publicity I wish that Dr Phil could do something to help this messed up family without publicity involved
 
Replied By: jrosiebd on Aug 20, 2015, 4:22PM
My husband died a year ago, I has  chronic reflex destroy, "red"  live on sad and widows pay, my son's have drug addictions, youngest one has stolen my meds. For last three months, have had them arrested, orders of protection, where he has abused me and court system let's him go, all I have asked is both in rehab, no one has helped, my family want come around out of fear,  I stay in bad pain, I have prayed for God to show me what to do, my husband was the one that kept us all together now since he passed both son's have got way out of hand, I need help, I need move away but no money, owe three bank payments for youngest ones dope habit.
 
Replied By: worriednana on Aug 17, 2015, 10:32AM
Worriednana       I have been raising my Oldest granddaughter and grandson all their lives the girl 16 in Oct the boy 13. I am at the point of no return. I can't Handel how she speaks and treats myself and others no more. I have been married to my husband 36 years this October. I have tried so hard with this child she is my world as my own children but her abusive attitude is getting to be more then I can take. She has been to therapy etc. she will curse yall at me then when I try to really be firm she will scream and act insane till I go away. I live hiding in my room a lot as I am not. I am dieting inside I don't know what else to do.
 
Replied By: pghme911 on Aug 7, 2015, 2:25PM
I need to thank Doctor Phil for the many times he repeated the information about the statistics of children more likely to be abused by the mother's boyfriend who is not the biological father.  That kept ringing in my head when my niece moved in with her new boyfriend.  We already had doubts about his character and then to find out he himself was sexually abused as a child and adopted out from his prostitute mother.  Then I heard Dr.Phil's  words saying how they themselves can go on to become abusers themselves.  Lo and behold within hours of searching, I had all the information I needed for an intervention and got that sociopath bastard out of our lives with all the proof I needed.  The info I found was so much worse than I even imagined in my head. Let's just say it was a Duggar family type of situation complete with the same type of coverup.  I have learned the lesson that you really need to trust your gut.  I could have caught this sooner had I been more proactive, but they are out of the situation and with minimal damage in the five month relationship.  People were thinking I was being too noisy and intrusive.  TRUST YOUR GUT FEELINGS!!!
 
Replied By: amr466 on Aug 6, 2015, 3:30PM
After 25 years of marriage, I got a divorce from a man who had been cheating on me on line with MANY women, had totally emotionally withdrew from  me, and had become emotionally abusive.  I started suffering with major depression, panic/ anxiety attacks, full body hives and even ulcers.  It was awful.  Once I started getting help, my eyes were opened to what I was living with.  He was pushing me away, my kids away, and even his friend who would come by to be with him, visit with him, only to be ignored because being on line, or on his phone with his "women" was much more important.



He put me down often, told me I was fat, didn't do things right... and even told me that no one could love me, even my own parents.  Well that turned out to be true !  As I got help, and got stronger I started hanging wiht his friend who was trying to help our marriage with advice and support.  Nothing worked, but we ended up getting closer.  I tried to get my now ex to go to therapy, he refused, made up excuses, and when his friend would tell him things I needed, what was hurting me etc, he would go back and do them even more !  

I had begged to have him show me he loved me, he never did.  And I got tired of fighting.  Then, after finding out 100% about the "women" in his life (through phone records etc) I was done.  By then my Ex's lies have gotten worse, or rather I started seeing the truth.  


I asked for a divorce and tried to leave.  He threatened me, threatened my dogs, and made me come back.  Where he made me continue to live with him even knowing we were done.  He then started with emotional black mail, saying he called suicide prevention (he did, called twice, didn't even talk a minute each time)  and that he wanted to kill himself.  Then he got even meaner, and he smashed my computer, but LIED about it !! Letting me punish my daughter for it, even knowing he did it.  

He was telling my older children and parents and sister lies about what was going on in the house, making me look awful.  Leaving out things that made HIM look bad, but making sure people thought the worst of me.  Like how I pushed him and kicked him... but the truth was he had cornered me yet again in our room to scream in my face, I pushed him to get him away, he fell, and as I was trying to get out of the corner he got me in he grabbed at my feet, so I kicked at him to get away.  But to hear HIM tell it, I just attacked him for no reason, NOT the truth.

But sadly, my parents, sister and friends all believed his stories.  They refuse to be in my life, have blamed me, and believe I am the one responsible for the divorce, and the one who did wrong.  They don't care that he has been caught in lie after lie... somehow he manipulated them so well, they don't want anything to do with me.


I tried, over and over to talk to my parents (my mom is a therapist) only to be ignored, or hung up on because she "couldn't deal with it"  I got nasty, I will FULLY admit it !! I was hurting so badly, my marriage was over, I was emotionally fragile from the emotional abuse, and I was lost and alone.  And NO ONE but my current husband (My Ex's old friend) was there for me during it all.  my mom denied supporting my ex, but I went through her email and, got the proof of it.  Her writing HIM, supporting HIM... even telling her I was a "fool" and telling him to open a secret account to protect himself from me.


It was heart breaking !!  As HE gets invited to Christmas, and I am the out cast.  As HE gets invited to family get togethers, and I am not.  Nor are the three children still living with me.  They have been hurt so badly by this too. 


My older sons refuse to speak to me.  I got horrible emails from them, accusing me of things that I didn't do, but they won't talk to me in person.  And again, I did write nasty emails back after trying over and over to get them to hear my side... I am human !!  And hurting HORRIBLY !!  But they were so manipulated against me, they jsut don't care.  They are FINE with not havint their mom in their life.  As they are told lies about me by my ex husband.  Just like he told my older daughter who finally caught on to his lies.

All my ex does is lie, and hurt.  He emotionally hurts my children now, but there is nothing I can about it becasue I can't afford an attorney, or to bring him to court.  I am so stuck :(  But he will do anything to hurt me , and every time they leave with him my heart lives in fear.  


I don't know what to do.  My family won't listen to me, return calls, or emails.  No one seems to care what he is STILL doing to me, and how much damage he did becasue he has them so fooled.  I need help, and don't know where to turn.  I have my younger kids in therapy, but I can't afford it for myself and the depression is so deep... I am hurting so badly.  I have tried to get all the kids (adult and younger ones) to sit down in a therapy session together to repair their relationships, but the boys living with my ex REFUSE !! (and are nasty about it) saying it doesn't help, won't help... but they won't even try.  The family is in pieces, and I live with the guilt of leaving- even though I know it saved my life.  I am a mess

But again, I have no family to turn to.  My friends were told lies about me, blame me ( I was called horrible things to my face in front of my children)  I feel so lost !! ANd when my current husband asked my Dad why he wasn't there for me, that I was blood... my dad said blood doesn't matter :( 
 
Replied By: plgalus on Jul 23, 2015, 5:22PM
My 43 year old daughter died in my arms on 12/27/15. I heard her first heart beat and had my hand on her chest for her last breathe, Our family is on a journey of unending grief. As she left us, I promised to keep watch over her 12-year old son. Since her death, her husband has not allowed me or my other daughters to spend time with her son. My daughter beleived he is a narcissist as does his first wife. His current actions, while not toally unexpected, have crushed my family. I finally sent my grandson a card secretly, tellinghim  I love him, miss him, want to keep my promise his mom to have his back and will see him when I am allowed.

But my question really is, how does a narcissist grieve? He is already playing kissy-face with her cousin. It feels like once she died, my daughter is simply a replacable part.
 
Replied By: ashlymills on Jul 9, 2015, 11:21AM - In reply to rockerwife15
I understand some of what you are going through only with my mother in law. She would degrade my husband to him and our son, she would tell everyone we were bad parents, mean to her, didn't love our son etc. We begged her to work with us, I printed article after article of why her way of behavior was not ok for my husband or our son and she would NOT work with us. Eventually we ceased all contact. I am if the mindset that if you are the only one working and trying to make things better, it is not worth it.  I. Ant imagine the pain of it being an actual mother, but I think if she can't be in your life productively, than bye bye booboo. We live in a small town and people try to judge us as well because of the things she has said.  I try to control only what I can. My happiness, my little family,  and my families happiness. If people are negative to that in anyway than I don't need them. 


I created a walking group for my area to try and create new positive friendships, and it helped. There is even a site called "i hate my mother in law" for people to vent and support.  Find positive support. Know you are not ALONE. And kniw that no matter what you weigh, you didn't deserve to be treated that way. You deserve love and respect. You deserve happiness.
 
Replied By: sethmorin on Jul 8, 2015, 4:43PM
Family was God the father's plan
 
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