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Have your loved ones shown you the true meaning of the word "family" with their actions? Or, is there a rift in your family that has gone on too long? Share your stories and solutions.
Replied By: nannylo56 on Nov 30, 2015, 8:03PM
I have three adult children.  My youngest does not share the same father as the older two.  Dad and I have known each other a long time...we had a relationship off and on for years.  After the sex and idea of a relationship ended we were friends (phone buddies).  As time went on we didn't keep in touch and he did not contact or support his daughter in anyway.  Dad got married a few years back.  Now my daughter is a married mother of three and recently forgave her father for his neglect and wants a realtionship with him.  Him and I spoke on the telephone and said our apologies and were looking forward for a visit and everyone catching up and meeting his wife.  My daughter and I are best friends and my grandchildren are my world.  I see them everyday and we do a lot together.  Recently I found out her and her husband are getting a divorce and that he is abusive.  I contacted her dad to share this information and hear any ideas he may have for helping her get through this tough time.  For once I was able to share something, I wasn't alone in helping my child.  Things came to a halt when his wife said she does not want him to talk to me at all.  ??  Really...that just didn't make sense to me.  I am not trying to take her husband, we share a child and most of her life we didn't share in her care it was all me.  She always wanted to have her dad in her life and we all get along like my family does.  I don't understand what seems to me to be childish behavior.  Am I wrong to want everyone to get along?  Should I remove myself from things that involve her father?
Replied By: lisher on Nov 25, 2015, 3:03PM
Any advice would be greatly appreciated!

My mother in law is staying with us for the 2nd time this year. She lives across the US, so we do not see her very often. The problem is, I think she is overstaying her welcome. The first time this year, she stayed 6 weeks, this time she is staying 7 weeks.

I started feeling very frustrated with her towards the middle of the first stay because she doesn't respect any personal boundaries. She tries to help out with things around the house, but while that is appreciated, I do not want someone else folding my underwear, going into our bedroom, opening up our drawers and putting them away! A marriage bedroom is a very intimate place, and I don't appreciate her going in there for any reason.

When I make meals, she keeps getting in the way, trying to clean up as I am preparing the meals and as soon as plates are made, she starts packing everything up, without any consideration to whether we are finished eating. She packed up once before I even made a plate, because I was feeding our daughter. I am constantly searching for where she put things away this time...

She has a shopping addiction and keeps buying things for our house, herself and our girls. The last time she stayed she had a large bag and box she wanted us to store for her for her next stay. She bought kitchen utensils for the house, coat rack hooks, car seats, etc. She keeps buying the girls tons of things they don't need and when I even tell her they don't need that, she says, well I'm grandma and I'm buying it for them. (over 150 stuffed animals so far because they were on "sale") My concern is....she doesn't live here. We shouldn't be storing her things, when we are cramped for space as it is. If she needs to buy so many things to be comfortable while she is here, then she is staying too long. It's not her place to buy household items for our house without asking if we even want or need them and whether she is grandma or not, if we say no, our wishes should be respected.

She has a key to our house, and now even has MY garage door opener. My husband gave her his one day, borrowed mine and now I don't have one. He said he was going to ask to get it back, but it's been a few days. I want to confront her, but he asked me not to because he wants to talk to her about it instead saying she will take it better coming from him. My husband gets frustrated and sometimes snaps a quick response to her, but does nothing more to better the situation. 

My husband and I are now arguing all the time. I feel like he is taking her side, saying that's just how she is and he doesn't see her very much. She doesn't respect our wishes in regards to our daughters, even giving my daughter soda at age 1 and when we said absolutely not, she laughed and said, "oh it was only a little bit and that won't hurt her". That is not the point. She is our daughter, not hers and we choose what she eats and drinks, when she takes her naps and what she wears. I'm so frustrated. 

I feel it was very rude on her part to choose to stay with us for 3 holidays, without asking or considering our plans with my family over the holidays. She has essentially stayed with us over 3 months this year, and I think she is overstepping the bounds of hospitality. 

Am I being overly sensitive or is she just plain being rude?
Replied By: dougf325 on Nov 18, 2015, 5:49PM - In reply to jonisings55
What are you thinking (girl?) Kinda feel that she is NOT GOING TO CHANGE! Apparently you like pain. It's been a valiant act on your part regarding her. Got a feeling that you want your kids? to have a Grandmother! Please don't screw up their lives like yours currently is.
Replied By: dougf325 on Nov 18, 2015, 5:41PM - In reply to raymond1966
You answered your own question. There are laws against Libel and Slander. Got a feeling that you are somehow opening yourself up to be hurt by her. A good question that you might ask yourself is: "Why are you putting yourself in a position to be hurt by this woman?"
Replied By: dougf325 on Nov 18, 2015, 5:23PM - In reply to mellullaby
Saw your posting regarding what you consider to be an Alcoholic Step-father and his interaction with you over the years. Moving out at 19 is hard on any young adult. I can only suggest that you consider finding a support group like Alateen. I noted that your Mom is retired Military. You do qualify for military medical help regarding emotional issues within the family unit. I wish you well. It's going to take some sort of action on your part to address these family issues. Now you have two (2) options.
Replied By: amazingly5152 on Nov 15, 2015, 9:54PM
On Friday April 24th, 2015 Our Dad was in a serious car accident with life threatening injuries. Our Dad's car accident left him in critical condition. Our Dad was the sole caregiver to our Mom, who is disabled and in a wheel chair. Our Dad's recovery will be a slow process and will prevent him to take care of our Mom. We as her children have to work full time & our Mom would need to have someone stay with her, home health aide for a couple of hours few days a week. Since our Dad car accident my sister & I have been taking care of our Mom full time & have home health aide only come two days a week and on top we both work full time. Our brother is struggling as well to take care of his own family to help take care of our Dad who now at rehab slowly recovering. Here our problem: Our parents health insurances wouldn't cover anything to help our Mom to get home care for her because her condition wasn't new and they are both under the age of 65. While Medicare only cover a nurse for 1 hour. Now we are struggling financially to provide to help our Mom get the help she needs. Down the road we might have to pay our Dad medical bills. Our parents have met as teenagers. They been together for 45 years and marry for 38 years. Our Dad was always there for our Mom as a husband & sole caregiver. Since our Mom was a little, she had difficult time walking. By age 20 our Mom was diagnosis with Friedreich Ataxtia. Friedreich Ataxtia is an autosomal recessive inherited disease that cause progressive damage to the nervous system. By age 29 our Mom lost her ability to walk and she was confined to a wheelchair permanently. Our Mom did a great job taking care us her three children and we love her so much for that. We may have never saw her walk but we didn't even care. Our Dad was wonderful husband. Not only our Dad work for Con Edison to support his family and he took care of our Mom and us. After Dad retiring 34 years from his job, Mom disease have gotten worse & Dad took on a full time responsibility to take care of our Mom 7 days a week. Our parents would truly appreciate it so much for the help. Our parents took great care of us we want to do the same for them. Please help us share our parents GoFundMe and donate if you can please. They will truly appreciate it so much. We hope this story will help people who are in the same situation as us, and that they are not alone. Just maybe their stories could help us. Thank You so much.
Replied By: elima412 on Nov 5, 2015, 10:19AM
My problems started a few years ago when my sister put a marchment act on me. Five years ago my husband passed away a few days before our 25th wedding anniversary. I handled it wrong and I did use wine as a sleeping aid. I know I was wrong and I was trying to get my life back together when out of the blue I get a marchment act on me. I have never been in ANY kind of trouble with the police and I did not know what to do at first. So I called the police to find out what it was all about. They were confused and had no idea what it was, they actually had to pull up the information they had. They did find in their files the marchment act so they sent officers out to pick me up and take me to a detox facility. In hind site, I should have known my sister could do this. I have gone to other addiction facilities to get tested. She took me to some without me realizing where she was taking me and I went without any objection because I thought that would keep her happy. Well I was wrong, she has everyone believing I am smarter than all of the doctors, including Dr.Phil and I have fooled all of them to think I do not have any kind of addiction probelm. Unliike her I have never done any drugs in my life, and I barely drank before. I only start and it only lasted a short time when my husband passed away. 

Anyway, since then my life has been a total mess, there seems to be nothing I do that turns out right. She has even convinced my son that I have lied and fooled all the doctors that I am fine and have no prooblems. For the past 4 years I have been trying to get my life back together but it seems no matter what I do I fail. 

Replied By: phoenix002 on Oct 20, 2015, 7:50PM
So Im currently married and living with my Husband in a different country than I was born in. He had been allowing his mother to live with him ever since he got his own apartment. Which I was willingly accepting of and didn't mind when I married him and moved. But now tensions are rising in the household and I feel like a hermit that hides in our bedroom all day to avoid further issues.

Ever since before I moved here, my mother in law has had an issue with me. Worried that I can't cook or clean or take care of my husband, despite the fact that I've lived on my own for 3 years cooking and cleaning and taking care of my dog. She felt this way because I never wanted to cook while down on vacation visiting my then boyfriend. (I had no obligation to cook, he always said it was fine I was on vacation to not worry about it. But she would always talk to him about this concern despite him trying to assure her, that everything is fine.

I am now in a new country, far from all my family(about 12hrs drive), and living with my husband and his mother. At first it was all calm and nice, but over time tensions rose and things are very unsettled right now. There has been arguments between my husband and his mother, and one involved all three of us. All we were trying to do was let her know that we wanted things to change, now that we are married we wanted to take over the management of the money and the food, but she seemed threatened by it, and she felt we were attacking her and didn't like how she was doing things when that wasn't the case at all. THen she accused me of having all the issues and just using her son to say them all. These were all issues he had before I even moved there too, but she blames me.  It was also brought to our attention she was talking badly about me behind my back on several occasions saying she doesn't like me, that I'm bad for her son, and I'm selfish and all these things that aren't even true.  And they continued on and on. 

She takes little situations like, me grabing a plate for myself at dinner rather than everyone else, as selfish, when it was just old habbit because of how my family was. She acts like she knows me and twists little things like that into evil things that I was never intentionally meaning, and whenever I explain to her that isn't the situation she doesn't believe me, and then says something under her breath, acts like she never mumbled what she mumbled, lies to her sons face and then goes and proceeds to write about me behind my back telling lies to my sister in law and her other son or her friends.

She's also spoken poorly of me on facebook indirectly whenever my husband and I would have a misunderstanding. She would hear him or me from another room, act like she knows whats going on, and publizes it onto facebook for everyone to see. Its hurtful. She's been nothing but hurtful about me behind my back, every move I make she judges and its caused me to hide away and not spend time with her. I never did anything wrong to her, I was nothing but nice to her. I organized a lot of things within the house for her, constantly injuring my wrist flaring up my tendonitis, and just doing things she asks of me, but all she does is complain about me. She accuses me of changing her son, and making him angry more and mad and all these things that aren't true.

I hear all this from my husband and he is frustrated by it. Its affecting our life as a couple and I just dont even know what to do anymore. We want to have the place to ourself, but fear in asking her she'll lay on a guilt trip like she always does. She's claimed so many times she was going to get a place of her own, but a new excuse would come up. I am losing myself in this madness. I feel sad a lot and anxious, I can't be around her. She acts one way in front of me, and another behind my back, much like a two faced person.

I just dont get what I did so wrong to deserve this. I've been nothing but good to my husband and her. He's been very good to me lately too, he has helped me out with a lot of things, yet she sees only one side of it and thinks I am demanding or controlling him, when he's just offering these things, like taking out the dog, helping me with dishes. She thinks I'm just a monster who isn't good enough for her son.

And she even text him saying "Women come and go, but your mother will always be here for you." Its so hurtful, it makes me feel like I should leave, but I never could because I love my husband so much and I took a vow to be with him through anything and everything in life. I just don't know what to do anymore. Living here is getting more miserable when she is around.

After the last fight between her and my husband she left temporarily to her other sons house. But I am scared for her to come back. She gives me anxiety and I know now that everything I do is looked at by her under a giant magnafine glass and everything is judged in her eyes as wrong.  
Replied By: jonisings55 on Oct 19, 2015, 9:40AM
Yep little by little I have almost became my mother. I swore I'd never become the coldhearted woman she is I really have to snap out of this.I can only hope and pray that I have been a better mother than she . She left when I was 6 and I visited very little until I was grown. I have tried my damn best to have a relationship with her and now I am sick of trying.  Just to get close enough for her to rip my heart out and cram it down my throat over and over. I can't do it anymore.
Replied By: ninersfan42 on Oct 16, 2015, 12:00PM - In reply to mrsstew
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