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Family

 
Have your loved ones shown you the true meaning of the word "family" with their actions? Or, is there a rift in your family that has gone on too long? Share your stories and solutions.
Comments
Replied By: gsmith0629 on Oct 20, 2014, 6:09PM
My husband tells me what he is going to do and then he doesnt and I am the bad guy and so frustrated. For instance he told his child the other day that if she didn't say no sir instead of just no he would take her phone away for 15 min each time. That worked for about 30 min and now nothing is being done. He gets upset with me if I try to step in or remind him. This is one of many times he says one thing and we agree and then he does another. It's his word. I am exhausted! Please tell me what you think
 
Replied By: normalita1 on Oct 13, 2014, 5:19PM
my daughter was divorced 8 months ago.  She moved home to be near her family.  She gaveup  a high powered job in California to work part time here and part time for us.  She lived with us for a while, but then bought a condo and moved out.  We thoght everhting was going well.   Until, we took a family vacation.  The first couple of days were ok.  The last day of vacation, our daughter had amelt down, that was somehting.  She obviously has things on her mind that she didn't share.  She has let it fester until she blew.  She is taking it out on our son.  He made some comment and she took offence and just went off at him.  She sent us all running for cover.  She continued on to go visit a friend in Virginia.  We went home alone.  We heard nothing from her the rest of the time, no pictures on facebook, no texts nothing.  She got home at midnight on Sunday and was to work this morning.  I tried to talk to her and see what needed to be done to "fix" things.  and everyting I said she took the wrong way.  She can't understand why we won'd leave her alone to just be this pissy, nasty witch.  (this is so unlike her)  She used big words about her brother like, "he adds no value to my life or well being"  She won't go to a doctor and she won't see a therapist  so the only thing we know to do is give her her space.  No more going over to her house,  No more inviting her to diner.  We are just going to leave her alone until she is ready to come back.  We can keep an eye on her while she is working for us.But thats all

Any suggestions on how to handle this differently?  Or make it come out with a good ending instead of such a bad one?  Our son lives in New Mexico and he was to come home for Thanksgiving.  Now that htis has happened.....he is not coming home, so we will not see him for the holidays and I am very upset with that.  Especially because I lost both my parents this past year and so its just down to the 4 of us now.  and this is the first holiday with out grandpa and grandma
 
Replied By: ireland60 on Sep 30, 2014, 11:04AM
been watching some shows re:in-laws, grandchildren and estrangements. I know a family of 15 children, now grown. The parents made good money through hard work. The story one daughter told me is the parents had a place in puerto rico and rather than sobotaging or bad mouthing their childrens spouses; the parents felt the best gift they could give their children was by supporting their relationships. The parents gave each of them time in peurto rico every year without judgement. I may not be explaining it well...but that story was so profound that i've practiced it in any way possible toward my now 18 yr old daughter and so far IT WORKS! I haven't always liked who she dated-long term or short but I've never shown disapproval. Mostly she shows good judgement on her own. And I know I helped give that to her.
 
Replied By: gothicmiku2345 on Sep 27, 2014, 3:39PM - In reply to debbie10
im a girl and im not allowed to do anything and i hate my asian mother
 
Replied By: debbie10 on Sep 27, 2014, 5:11AM - In reply to gothicmiku2345
Look up the shows, websites concerning bullys and manipulation,   It took me years, but I now truley Believe that I or youdo not  have  the POWER  to Make anyone  hurt themselves or others,,, It doesnt feel like it many times but God gave us,  and yes even Your mother Free Will.                   Get some support, then maybe if you feel comfortable as, k to to Explain Why she does not want you to become the man She raised you to become,  then LISTEN to see what she says,    It must be hard on your dad being put in second place  in his wives life, maybe since both of you are feeling the effects of your moms  Fear of something, you guys can help each other,  Stay strong  and remember None of us have the power to make our parents do anything.  its there way of controling there own fears or imagination,
 
Replied By: gothicmiku2345 on Sep 26, 2014, 8:35PM
my parents wont let me move out and im 22 years old i want to kill myself because im not allowed to move out of my parents home, mom threatens to leave my dad if he lets me  can you help dr phil or not?
 
Replied By: evs5912 on Sep 25, 2014, 10:42PM - In reply to jel_e_bean
You are so fortunate to have such a loving, kind supportive family. And it sounds like you do not take it for granted.  It also sounds like it is not one sided and that all of you are equally as loving and kind to one another.

Coming from a family that is quite the opposite I can only wish for a miracle to happen and change things around.  I had thought when my Dad passed away it would be a wake up call to all of us but sadly not even that worked.

I have accepted things the way they are and I'm very lucky to have found love and support in the friendships I have made over the years.Took me a while but I finally realized that it did not have to be blood relatives in order for me to feel part of a loving family.

Still........it would be nice.

God Bless all of you. Keep looking afer one another.  It is so important.
 
Replied By: oceanentity on Sep 5, 2014, 11:40AM - In reply to maria2014
Hello Maria and thank you for being brave enough to share your bullying story. I am SO glad that your family have stopped teasing you . Bullying is self destroying and it has eroded your self worth and self esteem. Please if you ever feel like ending you own life , LIFE LINE has experienced councellors to call or a new chat part please use them. You need some professional councelling also ok to help you unravel what the bullying has done and begin to heal the wounds inflicted. guess what the good news is ? theres hope, you CAN and will heal from this and go on to lead a beautiful life , and you will have the wisdom to help other bully victims. 


would love to hear about your healing progress ok.
 
Replied By: oceanentity on Sep 5, 2014, 11:31AM - In reply to malec1750
Hello , i can SO feel your anguish in this situation through your words. Firstly i would like to reflect on what DR Phil says consistently reguarding In law situations , it is YOUR husbands responsibility to communicate to HIS family NOT yours , HE has to make the firm stand that YOU and his children are his FIRST and main priority. That he will NOT tolerate any bullying from his sister or mother. He has to say this firmly and not back down. He needs to make it clear that this is what HE wants for HIS family ( and not throw you under the bus and say hes doing what you say or on those lines ) he needs to want this for his family. he needs to be the HERO in this situation as DR Phil always says .


Next time you find yourself at your sister in laws or his mothers house and it turns into arguments or violence , protect your childrens wellbeing pick them up and get out of there, then your HUSBAND needs to enforce to them that in NO WAY will he allow HIS children to be subjected to that kind of abuse, that any time they chosse to act in this way around his children you will all be leaving immediately. and this needs to be followed through , just get up and leave.


with reguards to your sister in laws remarks towards you etc, dont play into the drama. be consistent with your responses say " i will not respond to what i know i have not done or said " and thats it nothing more nothing less . theres no need to add fuel to the fire reguardless to how or who started it but your sister in law sounds like she has a penchant for drama and trouble but when you remain consistent, without responding by telling your reasons you allow yourself to be her channel for the drama, so this one sentence over time will set the boundary from you to her of what you WILL NOT tolerate.This goes for your mother in law also.


dont feel guilty if you have to make the decision not to go to their house because of their abusive natures , you are not subjecting your children to that rubbish behavior. There is nothing wrong with wanting your children to grow up in a good healthy peaceful environment. You wouldnt let a stranger berate your children dont let the extended family . NO WAY.


good luck ok. stay strong. do this for your children.
 
Replied By: oceanentity on Sep 5, 2014, 11:12AM - In reply to bonniemay916
Hello and thank you for sharing your trajic early life story, phew you really are a survivor and you have done SO well for yourself and your children , good for you ! pat yourself on your back. please tell yourself that your mother is still thinking of you as you describe a " loser " is her lack of love and compassion for her child,( you) and no matter what you did to acheive anything in your life SHE will always say something negative because she seems to be negatively wired. IT IS NOT YOU IT IS HER. 


stop tormenting your  self worth by needing her validation, you DONT need this . she is still able to affect your wellbeing and accomplishments , she is still stealing your happiness, and as DR PHil says in these situations


You are only a certain percentage pretty much as even a mother or wife not 100 % because you allow her selfishness and disfunction as a mother to erode and penetrate your wellbeing and ultimately your life. Please gift yourself councelling to change this negative pattern she has imposed on you and FREE yourself. YOU DESERVE to be happy, your husband and children deserve a mum whos 100 % there, a woman who requires only her own validation not validation from a mother who cant love herself enough let alone her children or grandchildren.


i wish you all the best . congratulations on your acheivements that is so admirable and inspiring to all of those who are in childhoods like yours was to see that they can rise above any barrior and achieve anything. when you heal this need for her validation please come back and reflect it here i think that would be great wisdom to SO many who are in this exact position.
 
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