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Have your loved ones shown you the true meaning of the word "family" with their actions? Or, is there a rift in your family that has gone on too long? Share your stories and solutions.
Replied By: lovemyfam1010 on Feb 28, 2015, 3:17PM
I am so worried about my kids and I can not find anyone to help me.   My husband and I seperated and moved in with his dad.  We have been married for over 12 years and for over 13 years him and his family have told me about all the violent physical abuse that occurred with everyone at the hands of the Dad.  At the same time I was told there was sexual abuse done to the adopted daughter and other extended family members.  Now that my husband moved in with his dad he thinks it is ok for the kids to live there.  My husband has NEVER allowed the kids to be alone with him and have only been over there with us probably 10 times.  His dad did not attend our wedding and I didn’t even meet him until we were at least 5 years into our marriage. Nor do most of the kids have anything to do with their dad due to the abuse and threats to kill the mom.   So for 13 years I have been told by him and all his family about how much of a monster he was and abused them and now he wants me to allow them to live with him.  Unfortunately, he was never convicted so he does not have a criminal record.  However, I have some text from the abused sister talking about it and other family members mentioning it.  Now my husband is acting like he has no idea what abuse I am talking about.  I truly believe he is suffering from some PTSD from his childhood and his job as a firefighter (he tried to save a 4 month old baby over 2 years ago and couldn’t.)  Since then he has slowly withdrawn from his family and friends, doesn’t really have many goals, stopped caring for the house and people and now he will allow his kids around his dad.  He of course thinks he doesn’t have a problem or need any help. 
Replied By: wifeandmama on Feb 28, 2015, 9:32AM
Growing up with Divorced parents was hard. Especially when my mother would get married or engaged. My dad had visitations on the weekends and had always tried his best for us kids. One of my mother's marriages my brother was verbally abused. Then in the last marriage my mother is now in the process of divorce from. When I was 17 the man would steal private items from my dresser. I remember my dad always asking me every weekend why we had to keep buying these items, but I'd always make excuses. My brother and I finally told my dad everything when I was 18. I remember him asking us why we didn't say anything sooner, but we didn't think he'd believe us because our mom never did. Our relationship with her now is at a decent point because of my daughter. I want my mother to be happy, but I just want her to be more careful with her choices. I want her to think of her kids and granddaughter this time before getting married. I still have alittle bit of trust problems with men that she dates because of my daughter. I don't want my daughter having to watch her grandma get hurt. I also don't want her know the hurt my brother and I went through because of the choices she made. 
Replied By: flashmycello08 on Feb 21, 2015, 10:41PM
My brother has been with his girlfriend for 4 years. He is cheating on his girlfriend with at least two other women. His girlfriend is not a nice person...she has called my family many names over the years. Should I send her an email with the proof I have that he is cheating? He is not a nice person, and I try to hold the belief that people can change. but I don't think he will. Thanks
Replied By: swedewh on Feb 21, 2015, 5:10PM
My father is 82 years old and my mother has died in 2010 from COPD and asthma.  She was 73 years old.

I stayed home and took care of her for 10 years and I also dealt with my own anxiety and throughout that my father was verbal and emotionally abusive.  Since my mother's passing he has gotten worse with the verbal and emotional abuse to me.  I have tried to better myself after my mother's passing by getting my college certification in Medical Coding and I graduated last year.  Ever since I graduated he keeps saying I will never get a job and no one would want to hire me because of my age, I am 52 years old, and because I am lazy because I stayed home and took care of my mother instead of working.  It is very hard to be positive when you are bombarded with negative words all the time.
Replied By: hakerr on Feb 18, 2015, 2:59PM - In reply to jersey3720
Being I'm sort of in a simular situation I hope this helps you. I'm not sure if where you live they have a low income housing for you to prehapes be able to go too. Such as some places around where I live But have many "rules" such as no alcohole, drug, guys over night and so on to start with. Though there are other low income places you might fit into. Also if your husband "now" happens to be a veterian there maybe help for you there as well financialy if you know where he's DD214 papers would be as in what city & so on. Don't ever think "your stuck like chuck" I was once told "If there's will there is away" start looking things up on the intertnet and please don't give up on your dreams for yourself life is too short for that & there has too be away! So if your using a home computer make sure you erase your history so 'he doesn't know what your doing/planning' please be careful and always remember take care of you! I hope your life works gets better then mine a lot sooner then later.Be Blessed
Replied By: ltcmom on Feb 18, 2015, 1:12PM - In reply to jersey3720
While my heart aches for you in the situation it's hard to know how to help you since you don't describe the reason you are in "Hell".  Are you being physically abused?  I don't recall if you mentioned the state you live in but almost all states have Domestic Violence laws now.  You mention that you have a job now, are you allowed to control the income you earn?  You are right about one thing, you may indeed go first.  It's easy for someone else to say "I wouldn't live that way", but without know your circumstances, it's hard to offer advise.
Replied By: ginahasfaith on Feb 11, 2015, 10:16PM - In reply to bdeborah82
I agree!!
Replied By: dmtf57 on Jan 30, 2015, 3:35PM - In reply to dmtf57
Replied By: dmtf57 on Jan 29, 2015, 5:34PM
Dear Dr. Phil,

I NEED HELP!!!!  I am an adoptive Mother of 2 youg adult boys.  The oldest one is 23 and is killing me emotionally.  I never lied to them about being adopted.  They come from 2 different families.  Their Dad and I divorced 6 years ago, but he is and continues to try to be involved with both of them.  Again the oldest one is very difficult. 

4 years ago, when he was 19 he wanted his birth mother information.  Not only did I give it to him, but also I helped him find her and brought him to meet her.  He decided at that time he wanted to live with her and moved out of my home.  I was heart broken but I let go.  Within a month she dumped him at her Mother's home, which tried to help him and within a week or 2 he was back at my door. 

Since that time 4 years ago, she only contacted him when his 1/2 sister was in a car accident.  Again, I took him to see her.  Then nothing, or at least i thought nothing.  Christmas Day he was to go to his Dad's house and spend the holiday with his Dad and his fiancé.  We found out the day after, he was at his biological grandmother's house visiting his 1/2 sister.  He went his Dad's, when his Dad went the shower, he just took my car and left to go there.  I was upset, he lied and why didn't he tell me.  From that point again I thought he was over them. 

Just this past Friday, he wakes me up at 2 AM and asks if the 1/2 sister can come spend the day with him.  I said yes.  When I actually did wake up on Friday AM, I asked him what was going on with her?  No answer!  All I was told is she was living in a Motel 6 about 1 mile from my home.  Her baby daddy was sick and needed to be dropped off at the emergency room because he was going into rehab.  As I continued to ask questions, he continued to tell me I don't know and was getting irritated.  Not thinking I allowed him to pick up the baby daddy and drop him off at the hospital emergency room.  While he was gone doing this I decided to check his face book.  I clicked on his biological mothers name and it brought me to her Facebook.  Which is plastered with items on recovery and heroine and all kinds of stuff.  So when he came back home I told him I would take him over there and follow him back to my house with his 1/2 sister.  As I waited in the car for them, the biological grandmother called me and as we were talking she tells me that his 1/2 sister is addicted to heroine.  Well, right or wrong my heart is ready to go through the roof.  I went into the hotel and went to the room.  I walk in the room she is laying on the bed, he is sitting there with stuff just piled on his lap and I said What the F is going on here?  With that she jumps up and starts mumbling at me.  Needless, to say Dr. Phil, the story gets uglier and uglier! 

Now my son is living with this biological family in Tennessee in motel, in one room!  Its the birth mother and 3 siblings from another relationship, and my son she gave up for adoption.  The mother is in recovery- her new husband is in rehab court ordered for 6 months, her daughter is going in rehab, and the baby daddy is going in rehab.  The baby is in custody of DCFS in Chicago in a foster home.  This family needs a lot of help, but I cant help them and neither can my son.  I have tried to talk to my son who claimed he wanted to join the Marine Corp . that he can not help them.  He has worked on losing weight, studying for his ASVAB test, just received 3 job offers while waiting to get in the Marines.  I can’t understand why he would give up his dreams for someone he doesn’t 
know and who needs so much help! But I am told I am the bad guy, I don't understand, I think I am better than them.  They have slammed me on Facebook so I cut mine off.  Dr. Phil, what do I do???  My ex, my friends and my family say leave him alone he needs to learn on his own.  I feel like he is going to end up just like them.  PLEASE PLEASE HELP ME!  This kid is 23 and wasting his life!  I know I am not the perfect parent and I have made mistakes but watching your child destroy their life is HEART BREAKING!  PLEASE HELP ME!
Replied By: bdeborah82 on Jan 29, 2015, 3:46PM

Dear Dr. Phil,

I have a tremendous amount of respect for you and the great work you do for your guests. One area of concern is your misplaced faith in State Child Protective Services. They do not conduct complete investigations and they do a very poor job of protecting children. I have experienced this firsthand. One of my adult daughters is a heroin addict. her husband was deployed to Iraq for a year when my grandson was 8 months old. I discovered through a friend of hers that she was locking her baby son in his bedroom at night and going out partying for 10 to 12 hours at a time. I immediately reported this to AZ CPS. They told me that as long as she was not giving the baby drugs, they would not open a file! i went to her apartment and took my grandson and moved him in with me. She fought with me about it, but, I prevailed Even though I had no legal right to take him. I called the military and reported her. They also called CPS and again they did nothing! I kept my grandson until his father returned from Iraq. Fortunately my daughter didn't try to get him back. There are stories much worse than mine, where children have died after CPS did a cursory investigation and returned the children to the abusive homes.
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