Friendship

 
A healthy, dependable, close relationship with a friend can enhance your life. What does it mean to be a good friend? Has someone shown you the true meaning of friendship? Are there times when you think only your friends can understand you? Share your stories.

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Comments
Replied By: mads756 on Feb 18, 2017, 3:52PM
To be honest, I don't think I have ever had a 'true friend'. The word friend seems to mean something completely different to me than others. Sure... I have people to hang out with. I have people I get advice from. I have people I trust with certain things... but 'certain' is the key word here. Most things in my life are in my head, and my head alone. Some may say I have trust issues, and that may very well be true. However, the lack of trust of people has come from many past experiences with 'friends'... or so I thought. 

A 'friend', in my opinion, is someone that is supposed to be there for you, someone that listens to you, someone that cares about what is going on in your life, and most of all, someone that would never betray you.

I've always tried my hardest to be the best 'friend' I could be, but with every person that has called me a 'friend', it was always one sided. Sure I was a good friend, but I could never call them a 'friend'. Maybe I have too high of expectations? I'm unsure, but I don't think I am asking too much of someone to just 'repay' the frienship I am giving them. 

Everytime they need me: "Can you come over tonight? I'm feeling depressed"...Im on my way. "Let's hang out today"...Ok, let me get dressed. "Can I borrow your earings for my date"... Sure, just don't lose them. etc...

Everytime I need them: "I can't come over today, I am too tired"...."Nah, I'm already in my PJs"..."No, you can't borrow that. It's my favorite"...etc.

Everytime we already have plans: "Can't come tonight, My boyfriend just texted me"..."Gotta cancel, so and so asked me to have dinner"..."Sorry, I'm sick" (Get a text an hour later because they are drunk at a bar and need a ride home)...etc.

Now this has been a pattern in every single 'friendship' I have ever had. Does this sound like a 'friend'? To me, it does not. I have people calling me their sister and BFF...Since when is this a healthy 'friendship'? There is not one person I have met that is a true 'friend' to me. I am not perfect, but I think I am worth more than to be used when it is convenient and thrown to the side when it isn't. Everytime I have ever gotten close to someone, I am the one trying and giving up because the other person does not care. 

I am down to one person that I talk to as if I was a 'friend', but I myself do not consider said person a 'friend' as the same pattern continuously happens. 

This all being said, I am content with who I have in my life and I will always be a 'friend' to anyone that actually tries with me; however, unless I get the same 'friend' experience back, I will never consider you a 'friend'. 
 
Replied By: missyama on Jan 21, 2017, 9:55AM
Hi, would  like a second opinion on this.  I am an active member in the gym for the last 3yrs and over the last 1yr I have developed an excellent rapport with one of the gym instructors.  I really like her as  a person, she has a wonderful personality, and extremely lovable.  I have attended every single class of hers for the last year.  We both hit it off very well and see and chat with each other almost everyday.  


However there is this guy in the class that comes in and a few times went up on the stage with the instructor and behaved in the most disgusting way.  The first time, i thought it was just a passing phase but he did it again.  I left right after and have decided not to go to those classes again.


The instructor is aware of this and has asked me the reasons as to why I was not attending and I did advise her of the reasons.  I somehow think that this did not go down well with her as she seems to enjoy the attention of this guy.  The guy is so loud and makes the other females uncomfortable and a few of them have dropped off due to this  Ever since this happened the instructor is behaving rather bizarre and is pretty much giving me the cold shoulder.  It is a bit awkward now when I go to the one class that the guy does not attend and that she instructs.  Our relationship has become strained due to this.


I do miss the company of the instructor as we seemed to have  had a good friendship there and I also miss her classes as they are  the best ones.  I am not sure if I should completely cut off relations with this instructor,  or go for all the classes and just turn a blind eye to it , or complain to the management of the gym.  I look forward to hearing from you.  Thank You.
 
Replied By: onfire4jc4 on Jan 6, 2017, 3:11PM - In reply to sisterofbpd
My advice is don't give up on your friend. Your story sounds so similar to mine that I had to comment. I have bipolar disorder and so does my ex-friend, although she refuses to admit it now. We were close friends for a year and a half until she decided she didn't want to speak to me anymore. Two years later, I'm still not over it and probably never will be.
 
Replied By: wideeyed on Sep 20, 2016, 2:40PM - In reply to raquelha
Hi!
I realize that you posted this some months ago, but I just joined this community and saw your post :)

If the question still stands; are there any type of classes/lessons you can participate in? Like a tai chi/qigong-class, or maybe a language class?
My dad at 67 went to this "light excerise"-class and made some new friends there :)
 
Replied By: amandarachele on Apr 15, 2016, 3:29PM - In reply to camaroaustin
Feel free to talk. We all need someone
 
Replied By: raquelha on Mar 30, 2016, 5:00PM
I've always hated church and the whole religion thing never made sense especially when I actually thought about it. So a few years ago I simply accepted that I am a full blown atheist and absolutely hate anyone telling me to go to church blah blah blah but honestly I have no idea where people go to meet others. I quite smoking and drinking so many years ago I wonder who that was back then so haven't done bars in forever either. I've got a couple of friends but they're actually much much younger than I am and of course have different priorities. Any ideas? Can't talk much in a library of course! Or the theater. I honestly just have no idea. I'm looking for a friend is all right now. I'm very interested in politics but liberal and the more liberal the better! With a brain would be awesome. And just as a bonus does anyone know how to play cribbage at all these days? Geez people don't seem to play games at all like they used to from what I can tell at least. And thank you anyone for some help!
 
Replied By: sisterofbpd on Mar 25, 2016, 12:23PM
My friend of over 26 years has borderline personality disorder and I'm desperately seeking help for myself to cope with her behaviors... Anyone familiar with this mental illness, and how to cope with it? Her bizarre behaviors sometimes make me wonder how much more I can take, but I care deeply about her and her family. I've had to block her from my cell phone, and now she says she can't get well or succeed in her therapy because of it....... Anyone out there have any ideas?  HELP!!!
 
Replied By: ravenlost1 on Jun 29, 2015, 7:13PM
 
I never.cared to use word friend,.it has no meaning or.purpose,.always used peeps (kelley brow,.tikia.debnam, kit chung,.gerry miller, patrice litvay, bernie, natasha mallon, francois matthieu) ex job.as followed.policy of.trust,

never.beg.borrow or.steal...

dad told.me.in 2001, madge.in video "is a.friend.",

other ppl know.ppl,.who know.i dont.break policy of ttno.tno.do not.rules....

ppl.will.understand.as.time.goes.by,.started.in 2012-2016.,,

seen ones, not low lifes who assume.have.ppl point.them.out...

seen ones as.doing.physche central,.for all.to hear as others are.listening....my job report,.to show appreciation for helping me.from 2011-2015..,race line.is.seen,.but.not.within touch
 
Replied By: diedreshere on May 13, 2015, 1:33AM
I'm fortunate to have a bff.  I consider a friend to either be a close friend or an acquaintace type friend.  My bff and I do not share mutual people in our lives which helps immensely.  You have to be very careful when there are mutual friends in the mix because there's less confidentiality and more distrust sometimes.  It depends on who it is but for me, it's easier to have a bff as an exclusive because we don't share the same social circle.  There is more intimacy when it comes to sharing our communication in confidence and definitely more trust.  I'm lucky I've known my bff for decades so trust had been established long ago. 

What is a true friend?  A real friend has class.  She or he gives you time and space for one thing.  A friend treats others and you with respect.  He / she has a lot of integrity which is a telltell sign that you will be treated the same.  A friend is humble, honest, sincere, doesn't play mind games, is not complicated, isn't a drama queen, fair, selfless, thinks of you first before themselves, conscientious and honorable.  A great friend is difficult to find.  You don't want a friend who only associates with you because they want something from you whether it's help of any kind, financial help or sets up (manipulates) the friendship for the sole purpose of their personal gain in the future.  Avoid those types like the plague and if you're ever clued in, cease all contact with those types otherwise you'll be sorry for the longterm. 

What I look for in a friend is someone who is mentally stable and doesn't have too many problems because having problems galore reads like a Greek tragedy which can affect your life.  Never think that your friend's problems and burdens are your responsibility.  A true, real friend will never expect you to make their life easier as it is not your job.  You can be supportive but know where to draw the line.  Some friends do not have healthy boundaries which will get you into trouble so you have to be careful and be with NORMAL people.  Normal meaning no weirdos.  A friend must be sincere, kind and genuine.  There are plenty of charming, pretentious types so you have to be careful.  To me, what is alarming when a potential friend gets the ax, is lack of simplicity.  An easy going person is simple and straightforward.  A suspicious friend is very complicated psychologically and difficult to keep up with.  I stay away from head trips.  I look for those who are empathetic and simple.  These types of friends don't have any hidden agenda with regards to you.  Most of all, I look for secure people.  Luckily, I have such a friend.  I think I'm a good friend, too.  It's all about respect and remembering The Golden Rule: 'Do unto others as you would have them do unto you.'   Another tip for enduring friendships is to limit contact.  Sure, it's great to text, email and call but don't over do it.  It's easy to get sick of each other and end up arguing if you're in each other's faces and business too much.  No one wishes to be excessively hounded.  Exercise discretion.  A friend is in it for the long haul and friendship is based on unconditional love, no strings attached.    
 
Replied By: diedreshere on May 13, 2015, 1:03AM - In reply to shannajoseph
I've sort of have been through the same thing and it's a great big world out there.  If you want to attract friends, you make yourself happy first and do what you enjoy whether it's hobbies, sports, perhaps faith / church groups if you're the religious type, for example.  Then you have something in common with certain people and you can relate to them easier.  Be careful though because you can't trust everyone.  Listen to your intuition and gut because it's usually spot on.  Make sure your radar is up and pay attention to people who are humble, honest, sincere and most of all, be keenly aware of how they treat others.  You will be clued in by how they communicate with you and if something doesn't ring true or you don't agree with their life values, then they're not your cup of tea.  Weed them out.  Be street smart.  There are con artists, manipulators and sociopaths even amongst the general population.  Look for normal behavior and not unreasonable, out of whack behavior because if you don't, sooner or later you'll become victim of a friend who will use you somehow.  See who these new friends of yours hang out with because you are who your friends are as alike people attract alike people when it comes to treating others with respect and being a decent human being.  I've found needing a break from people has its advantages.  You have more time and freedom so the key is to find balance.  Sometimes having a friend or friends isn't all that it's cracked up to be because you become busier, have more commitments, it can get expensive socially and it takes energy and your time.  There are pros and cons to friends and the key is to find friends who are not energy vampires or time traps.  Being a social butterfly is overrated.  I know because I've been there.  And then, I've had a friend who sapped my energy due to her drama so choose friends who are happy and secure.  Make yourself happy and secure and you'll attract the same without having to try so hard.  Good luck.
 
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