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Friendship

 
A healthy, dependable, close relationship with a friend can enhance your life. What does it mean to be a good friend? Has someone shown you the true meaning of friendship? Are there times when you think only your friends can understand you? Share your stories.
Comments
Replied By: garbygal on Oct 22, 2014, 3:45PM - In reply to garbygal
I should mention too that part of the issue is that I want to be a friend too.  I love doing nice things for people, surprising people, and making people happy sometimes to a fault.  I miss doing that when I have no friends.
 
Replied By: garbygal on Oct 22, 2014, 3:43PM
I've dealt with social anxiety for years- my mom indicated that my doctor was worried about me in preschool.  Unfortunately my mom was overly concerned with the stigma of mental illness at the time, and sought me no assistance.  I've only ever had two close friends and after awhile both of them abandoned me.  One was because I was so depressed and I almost can't blame her other than that a true friend would have stuck by my side and attempted to get me help.  The second friend was a toxic friendship but I took it for years because it was all that I had.

Fast forward to now.  I'm 28-years-old and in therapy to overcome all my mental health issues.  It's going well except for one issue.  I could really use support, someone to talk to, but I still don't have any friends.  My therapist is recommending taking guitar lessons because music is a huge part of my life, but I can't afford to do that at the moment.  So right now I'm left not having a clue how to relate to people or how to find people with my same interests that I can talk to them about.  It's very frustrating to me because one of the things I want most from life is a BFF and it's the one thing I've never had.

I'm still struggling with the anxiety, but it's better.  I am more open to talking to people to try to make friends.  But I just don't know where to find them since everywhere I would meet them seems to cost money I can't afford.  Plus in the back of my head I worry because every "close" friend I've had has abandoned me.

Sometimes the worst part is that I project wanting friendships with some of the musicians I find inspiring because I have no one else.  I wish that they would talk to me, some times unhealthily.  I know deep in my heart it would never happen, but sometimes it overwhelms me because I feel so alone.  I know if I could just find some friends to talk to the celebrity obsessions would calm down but in the meanwhile I feel like crap because I'm somewhat obsessing over being friends with someone I will never meet and that would probably have very, very little in common with me.

I feel like a mess, I feel lost and I desperately need some friends to hang out with, but it's the one thing that I just can't seem to find.
 
Replied By: jasmineholtze on Jul 2, 2014, 3:20AM
I suffer with BPD and that makes it difficult for me to keep friendships due to my shifting mood, my inabilty to trust sometimes because I think everyone will leave me, and then I push them away which makes them actually leave, which is exactly what I didn't want to happen.


Being a shy person, I find it hard to just walk up to people and make friends. It is not how I work. I am really confused on how to keep a friendship with them actually understanding my mental problems. Most of my friends turn a blind eye to it, but it is such a big thing to turn a blind eye too when I have not got control over it yet.
 
Replied By: ksgirl81 on May 26, 2014, 1:52AM - In reply to shannajoseph
I am going through the same thing, i feel like i dont have any real friends. Seems like all the friends i've ever had have left me set, it does ruin your self esteem and you start to wonder if you really are unloveable! Its not a fun thing to go through! I'm sorry you are lonely and feel like you dont have any friends:(
 
Replied By: jaimie1974 on Mar 14, 2014, 5:20PM - In reply to lginsd
It must be very, very difficult to listen to your friend talk about being in love, etc., after she's only known this man for a few weeks. On top of that, she very recently divorced from an abusive relationship! However, please find the strength to stand by her. You've told her how you feel- so that is done. She is making this decision. She feels that she is in love, probably because she hasn't felt this way in so long. If you abandon her, she could become at risk of staying in a relationship that is unhealthy because she doesn't want to be alone. You don't want her to become isolated, and thereby becoming more reliant upon this man.

I'm suggesting that the two of you continue your friendship and for you to have the patience to let this relationship either grow & bloom, or, to die out. Whatever happens, in her eye it is "God's will"...

 
Replied By: lginsd on Feb 3, 2014, 7:13PM
My friend's divorce from an emotionally abusive man was final two weeks ago after 40 years of marriage.  She met a man online a week before the divorce was final.  Now after 3 weeks, she has declared she is in love and would marry this new man if he asked.  I am very concerned for her.  I told her I am glad she has met a nice man but it would be good for her to give it more time before making such a serious decision.  She just gets smug and declares it's "God's Will".  I can't be supportive of this and it's straining our friendship.  Anyone have any advice?
 
Replied By: shannajoseph on Nov 3, 2013, 1:17PM - In reply to camaroaustin
I also don't have any friends.   There are women I work with but to tell the truth women don't usually make the best friends.      But I have tried and I guess there is something wrong with my personality.      I was an only child and was sheltered so much that I never learned how to interact.
 
Replied By: mariamorris on Oct 30, 2013, 2:11PM
 
In high school I found my first friend. I became close friends with her family. They 'pushed' me to go to their church, and so I did at that time because I wanted to keep my friend. So I became a baptist for many years. When my friend left to become a missionary across the ocean, we lost contact. Her new concern was her family and home. Since then after her years as a missionary, I tried to get in contact with her, but she did not want to have anything to do with me. Her family was priority.

I made another friend in grade 8. We were friends for 35 years. She married an abusive alcoholic and had two children with him. I did not see her much in those years. But when I met an older man who turned out to be a graduated alcoholic, she told me to leave him. I brought him to her Christmas party by invitation, but once he entered the house, I would guess he switch personalities and went back into the car and sat there until I left. At the same time, my friend's oldest was frequently throwing tantrums and the youngest always taking off somewhere and not letting my friend, their mother, take control of the situation. It was a pretty dysfunctional family as was mine. But, as I say...but... she was judgemental about the guy I was hanging out with, but did not live with. It was his actions at this Christmas party in 2004, there abouts, that quickly crumbled our friendship. Again, she said her family was more important for her than having me drive forty minutes to go and see her. She had remarried another man who drank on occassion (made his own beer), so I wondered why she was so judgemental. When my father died five years ago, she showed up and asked me if I was still hanging around this guy who was turning into an alcoholic. I replied, "he's dead now." She said, "Good for him." What a kick in the teeth.

It seems that now a days, friendships are fleeting when living in social assistance housing. I try to help people who are recovering from addictions, but once helped, they turn the other cheek and take whatever they can from me. So I've come to the conclusion that having a friend is being a sucker to get taken, whether it is friendship or a relationship.

My dog, Sandy boots, who was also stolen from me, was my best friend as of late, but due to mis-communication and associating with an alcoholic who betrayed me and the situation regarding purchase of this dog, I am without one. As two counselors have said to me, "cut your losses and get on with your life and leave the past behind." ... hard to do especially when the losses are mine.

 
Replied By: leeunit on Oct 26, 2013, 6:09PM
I am kinda new to take control of my life in 2006 I started with the Dr Phil books life strategies and self  matters  and tge workbooks that go with it any tips?



 
Replied By: dee0123 on Oct 22, 2013, 2:18PM - In reply to ebug1988
When I was younger it was easier to find friends.  But, now that I'm older it is hard to find a friend that I can just sit down and have a great conversation with.  I know what you mean about being a loner, I have turned into one.  Because, after years of  having friends & losing friends it just bums me out.  Most people I meet are religious, probably explains why they are so nice.  But, truth is they only want me to join their church and after so many attemps they just go away.  I have allowed myself to get close to a few, just to end up being dumped.  I find myself missing those friendships, but realizing they weren't friends after all.  I would connect with them so much, hug them everytime I would see them.  Buy them these little gifts that says 'friends' on them.  Just to find out, they weren't interested in ME as a friend, they just wanted me to join their church.  I guess after so many times this happening, I just became a loner. 
 
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