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A healthy, dependable, close relationship with a friend can enhance your life. What does it mean to be a good friend? Has someone shown you the true meaning of friendship? Are there times when you think only your friends can understand you? Share your stories.
Replied By: amywinn on Feb 1, 2015, 1:09PM - In reply to garbygal
In response to wanting a friend.  I find its a bit like wanting a husband.  Sure you might get one, but if its not the right one, your are better off without them.  I have had some pretty awful friends.  Users, takers, and ones that disappeared when I became ill.  It was when I was the lowest and looked around that I found who the real friends were, and there were only three.  Dr. Phil has offered advice that it is better to be happy alone than sick (or unhappy) with someone else.  And I offer this advice...don't be so hard on yourself.  You may just be an introvert, like me, and enjoy your music, and reading and quiet time.  When a true friend comes along, be open and be a true friend back.  Although you want friends, don't push youself on people, as they may see that as desparation and take advantage of you.   At the age of 28, you have many years ahead to develope wonderful friendships, as you seem very kind and sweet.   And by the way, lots of coffee houses have open mike night where you might be able to meet others who enjoy music.  Maybe even someone who plays guitar and give you some pointers.  But whereever you go, go with a smile and an open heart.  Smiles attract, happy people - sad faces do not.  Good luck!!!!
Replied By: amywinn on Feb 1, 2015, 6:32AM
I wrote to Dr. Phil and others almost two years ago.  I was at the end of my rope, and had to decide whether I should continue painful, invasive medical treatment, or is it my right to say "enough already". Guess I got lost in those million other letters.  But I was desperate, and went online to see what others might think. I found a conversation on the TED web cite about dealing with big decisions.  For the first time in my life, I joined a convesation. I told total strangers that I felt like a burden to my family.  I asked for permission to make my own choice about my quality of life, or lack thereof.  

I received a response right away from a woman in Holland.  She told me she cared, and that giving up was not an option.  She asked me why I feel this way.  I spilled my guts. And she listened and cared and shared and cried, and encouraged and comforted me.  We exchanged personal e mails and have written well over 1000 letters back and forth,  She had never turned her back on the bad days, and we have shared the deepest of our souls.  She was a stranger who pulled me back from the edge, and now is the very dearest closest friendship I have known in my 51 years of life.  But it is very sad, becasue I have the best friend in the world and I HAVE NEVER MET HER!! 
Replied By: cfinley55 on Jan 5, 2015, 12:18AM - In reply to cfinley55
Replied By: cfinley55 on Jan 5, 2015, 12:17AM
They don't lie to you.  They tell you when you're wrong, out of line, and not thinking straght.  They respect your space, your values, and your friends and family.

They bring you small gifts when you're down - even if it's flowers from your own yard.  They meet you in the middle of the night to help you change a tire.

They don't listen to gossip about you, or talk behind your back.  They listen, ask questions, and give advice.

They treat you, like they expect you to treat them.  IF you are their friend, it all works perfectly.
Replied By: cfinley55 on Jan 5, 2015, 12:00AM - In reply to groomer1208
Your ex, AND the girls you thought were friends, are nothing more than cheap whores.  I know from experience, how much it hurts to find out you were totally wrong about someone.  A real friend, would know how you feel about your ex, and tell the jerk to take a hike!  What did they say was their reason for sleeping with him?  Is this guy the only guy in town?  Did they sleep with him because they had to? Do they always sleep with any guy who asks them? They sound disgusting!

Don't concern yourself with anything they say to or about you - that's just their way of taking their guilt off their backs.  You need to take some time off, and find some real friends.  All these people are liars and cheats, and have absolutely no self respect.  They're loosers.  Trust me, you deserve much better. 
Replied By: cfinley55 on Jan 4, 2015, 11:49PM
We took our best friend relationship back to what it was in 1973! But, we're far more mature, there's no jealousy or possessiveness, and we both enjoy taking it easy.

They call this "friends with benefits" - something I never imagined myself doing. I would never try this if we were any younger than we are though. We are both Grandparents now, and have no reason to think of ever getting married again (both of us have been married more than once). We have everything in common, can talk about anything, and we don't need to be with each other constantly. Sex? Of course!

Yes, it would upset me if he met someone else, but that's always a possibility.
Replied By: groomer1208 on Dec 21, 2014, 11:21PM
I have already posted to the relationship page because of the fact that my bf of 2 1/2 yrs broke up with me and then 6 days later hes sleeping with another girl. Well its been over a month and now the two girls that i thought were my best friends (weve known each other since high school) were hanging out with my ex and the girl he cheated on me with. They told me that i lied to them about how much i had contacted him which is not true. For some reason they think its ok for my ex to leave and go sleep with someone else. After everything i have done for them i cannot believe they would do this. People just keep telling me to get over it but thats so not that easy. Please help!
Replied By: garbygal on Oct 22, 2014, 3:45PM - In reply to garbygal
I should mention too that part of the issue is that I want to be a friend too.  I love doing nice things for people, surprising people, and making people happy sometimes to a fault.  I miss doing that when I have no friends.
Replied By: garbygal on Oct 22, 2014, 3:43PM
I've dealt with social anxiety for years- my mom indicated that my doctor was worried about me in preschool.  Unfortunately my mom was overly concerned with the stigma of mental illness at the time, and sought me no assistance.  I've only ever had two close friends and after awhile both of them abandoned me.  One was because I was so depressed and I almost can't blame her other than that a true friend would have stuck by my side and attempted to get me help.  The second friend was a toxic friendship but I took it for years because it was all that I had.

Fast forward to now.  I'm 28-years-old and in therapy to overcome all my mental health issues.  It's going well except for one issue.  I could really use support, someone to talk to, but I still don't have any friends.  My therapist is recommending taking guitar lessons because music is a huge part of my life, but I can't afford to do that at the moment.  So right now I'm left not having a clue how to relate to people or how to find people with my same interests that I can talk to them about.  It's very frustrating to me because one of the things I want most from life is a BFF and it's the one thing I've never had.

I'm still struggling with the anxiety, but it's better.  I am more open to talking to people to try to make friends.  But I just don't know where to find them since everywhere I would meet them seems to cost money I can't afford.  Plus in the back of my head I worry because every "close" friend I've had has abandoned me.

Sometimes the worst part is that I project wanting friendships with some of the musicians I find inspiring because I have no one else.  I wish that they would talk to me, some times unhealthily.  I know deep in my heart it would never happen, but sometimes it overwhelms me because I feel so alone.  I know if I could just find some friends to talk to the celebrity obsessions would calm down but in the meanwhile I feel like crap because I'm somewhat obsessing over being friends with someone I will never meet and that would probably have very, very little in common with me.

I feel like a mess, I feel lost and I desperately need some friends to hang out with, but it's the one thing that I just can't seem to find.
Replied By: jasmineholtze on Jul 2, 2014, 3:20AM
I suffer with BPD and that makes it difficult for me to keep friendships due to my shifting mood, my inabilty to trust sometimes because I think everyone will leave me, and then I push them away which makes them actually leave, which is exactly what I didn't want to happen.

Being a shy person, I find it hard to just walk up to people and make friends. It is not how I work. I am really confused on how to keep a friendship with them actually understanding my mental problems. Most of my friends turn a blind eye to it, but it is such a big thing to turn a blind eye too when I have not got control over it yet.
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