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Friendship

 
A healthy, dependable, close relationship with a friend can enhance your life. What does it mean to be a good friend? Has someone shown you the true meaning of friendship? Are there times when you think only your friends can understand you? Share your stories.
Comments
Replied By: diedreshere on May 13, 2015, 1:33AM
I'm fortunate to have a bff.  I consider a friend to either be a close friend or an acquaintace type friend.  My bff and I do not share mutual people in our lives which helps immensely.  You have to be very careful when there are mutual friends in the mix because there's less confidentiality and more distrust sometimes.  It depends on who it is but for me, it's easier to have a bff as an exclusive because we don't share the same social circle.  There is more intimacy when it comes to sharing our communication in confidence and definitely more trust.  I'm lucky I've known my bff for decades so trust had been established long ago. 

What is a true friend?  A real friend has class.  She or he gives you time and space for one thing.  A friend treats others and you with respect.  He / she has a lot of integrity which is a telltell sign that you will be treated the same.  A friend is humble, honest, sincere, doesn't play mind games, is not complicated, isn't a drama queen, fair, selfless, thinks of you first before themselves, conscientious and honorable.  A great friend is difficult to find.  You don't want a friend who only associates with you because they want something from you whether it's help of any kind, financial help or sets up (manipulates) the friendship for the sole purpose of their personal gain in the future.  Avoid those types like the plague and if you're ever clued in, cease all contact with those types otherwise you'll be sorry for the longterm. 

What I look for in a friend is someone who is mentally stable and doesn't have too many problems because having problems galore reads like a Greek tragedy which can affect your life.  Never think that your friend's problems and burdens are your responsibility.  A true, real friend will never expect you to make their life easier as it is not your job.  You can be supportive but know where to draw the line.  Some friends do not have healthy boundaries which will get you into trouble so you have to be careful and be with NORMAL people.  Normal meaning no weirdos.  A friend must be sincere, kind and genuine.  There are plenty of charming, pretentious types so you have to be careful.  To me, what is alarming when a potential friend gets the ax, is lack of simplicity.  An easy going person is simple and straightforward.  A suspicious friend is very complicated psychologically and difficult to keep up with.  I stay away from head trips.  I look for those who are empathetic and simple.  These types of friends don't have any hidden agenda with regards to you.  Most of all, I look for secure people.  Luckily, I have such a friend.  I think I'm a good friend, too.  It's all about respect and remembering The Golden Rule: 'Do unto others as you would have them do unto you.'   Another tip for enduring friendships is to limit contact.  Sure, it's great to text, email and call but don't over do it.  It's easy to get sick of each other and end up arguing if you're in each other's faces and business too much.  No one wishes to be excessively hounded.  Exercise discretion.  A friend is in it for the long haul and friendship is based on unconditional love, no strings attached.    
 
Replied By: diedreshere on May 13, 2015, 1:03AM - In reply to shannajoseph
I've sort of have been through the same thing and it's a great big world out there.  If you want to attract friends, you make yourself happy first and do what you enjoy whether it's hobbies, sports, perhaps faith / church groups if you're the religious type, for example.  Then you have something in common with certain people and you can relate to them easier.  Be careful though because you can't trust everyone.  Listen to your intuition and gut because it's usually spot on.  Make sure your radar is up and pay attention to people who are humble, honest, sincere and most of all, be keenly aware of how they treat others.  You will be clued in by how they communicate with you and if something doesn't ring true or you don't agree with their life values, then they're not your cup of tea.  Weed them out.  Be street smart.  There are con artists, manipulators and sociopaths even amongst the general population.  Look for normal behavior and not unreasonable, out of whack behavior because if you don't, sooner or later you'll become victim of a friend who will use you somehow.  See who these new friends of yours hang out with because you are who your friends are as alike people attract alike people when it comes to treating others with respect and being a decent human being.  I've found needing a break from people has its advantages.  You have more time and freedom so the key is to find balance.  Sometimes having a friend or friends isn't all that it's cracked up to be because you become busier, have more commitments, it can get expensive socially and it takes energy and your time.  There are pros and cons to friends and the key is to find friends who are not energy vampires or time traps.  Being a social butterfly is overrated.  I know because I've been there.  And then, I've had a friend who sapped my energy due to her drama so choose friends who are happy and secure.  Make yourself happy and secure and you'll attract the same without having to try so hard.  Good luck.
 
Replied By: angie17842 on Apr 9, 2015, 4:42PM
Hello, I have a dilema that I am currently struglling with. I will be getting married soon and i have several friends whom  i have included in my wedding as bridesmaids. I have known all of these ladies for at least 10 or more years. i have two friends that up until about three years ago that i was extremely close to. We stopped talking for about 2 years for really no reason at all but have recently meaning for about a yr started speaking to both of them but really only maintaining a close relationship with one. I decided that I wanted to take a trip with these ladies to a near by state that is about 4 hrs away. i knew that all of the ladies would not be able to go since we are all adults and have different responibilities. i made it clear that i wanted whomever that wanted to go to come along. i also stated this trip is what i wanted for my bacherlorette party and that i would be financially responsible for any and all of my own portion of the expenses for the trip. we had conversations about this trip for over 2 months and i was extremely excited. when i was informed that they had decided to throw a bacherlorette party else where and that i should plan the trip that i wanted "some other time" and also that i "should be greatful for anything that they decided to do". After a arguement about this i decided that i didnt want anything at that point because the trip had been tarnished to me. i did not let this issue stop me from communicating with either of these ladies but i was still bothered by situation because i havent been able to share my moment because i simply didnt feel i had their support or happiness for me as their friend. i must also include that i am a only child my father is deceased i have no relationship with my mother and i really have no other family that i am close to. These girls are like my sisters. i have recently reached out to these ladies and told them how i felt and that i am not able to share this special time in my life them because i feel like they are interested. i have not received any response. i am now at the point were i feel like i have honestly tried to preserve this relationship but i feel as though this friendship is no longer wanted by the other parties and i do not believe in staying anywhere that i am not welcomed. at this point i feel like if there is no resolve that they should not be apart of  such a special day in my life. i love these girls truly but i dont want to feel any animosity by having them stay beside me on my day. Please HELP!!!
 
Replied By: amywinn on Feb 1, 2015, 1:09PM - In reply to garbygal
In response to wanting a friend.  I find its a bit like wanting a husband.  Sure you might get one, but if its not the right one, your are better off without them.  I have had some pretty awful friends.  Users, takers, and ones that disappeared when I became ill.  It was when I was the lowest and looked around that I found who the real friends were, and there were only three.  Dr. Phil has offered advice that it is better to be happy alone than sick (or unhappy) with someone else.  And I offer this advice...don't be so hard on yourself.  You may just be an introvert, like me, and enjoy your music, and reading and quiet time.  When a true friend comes along, be open and be a true friend back.  Although you want friends, don't push youself on people, as they may see that as desparation and take advantage of you.   At the age of 28, you have many years ahead to develope wonderful friendships, as you seem very kind and sweet.   And by the way, lots of coffee houses have open mike night where you might be able to meet others who enjoy music.  Maybe even someone who plays guitar and give you some pointers.  But whereever you go, go with a smile and an open heart.  Smiles attract, happy people - sad faces do not.  Good luck!!!!
 
Replied By: amywinn on Feb 1, 2015, 6:32AM
I wrote to Dr. Phil and others almost two years ago.  I was at the end of my rope, and had to decide whether I should continue painful, invasive medical treatment, or is it my right to say "enough already". Guess I got lost in those million other letters.  But I was desperate, and went online to see what others might think. I found a conversation on the TED web cite about dealing with big decisions.  For the first time in my life, I joined a convesation. I told total strangers that I felt like a burden to my family.  I asked for permission to make my own choice about my quality of life, or lack thereof.  

I received a response right away from a woman in Holland.  She told me she cared, and that giving up was not an option.  She asked me why I feel this way.  I spilled my guts. And she listened and cared and shared and cried, and encouraged and comforted me.  We exchanged personal e mails and have written well over 1000 letters back and forth,  She had never turned her back on the bad days, and we have shared the deepest of our souls.  She was a stranger who pulled me back from the edge, and now is the very dearest closest friendship I have known in my 51 years of life.  But it is very sad, becasue I have the best friend in the world and I HAVE NEVER MET HER!! 
 
Replied By: cfinley55 on Jan 5, 2015, 12:18AM - In reply to cfinley55
THIS WAS SUPPOSED TO BE POSTED UNDER EX BFF'S
 
Replied By: cfinley55 on Jan 5, 2015, 12:17AM
They don't lie to you.  They tell you when you're wrong, out of line, and not thinking straght.  They respect your space, your values, and your friends and family.


They bring you small gifts when you're down - even if it's flowers from your own yard.  They meet you in the middle of the night to help you change a tire.


They don't listen to gossip about you, or talk behind your back.  They listen, ask questions, and give advice.

They treat you, like they expect you to treat them.  IF you are their friend, it all works perfectly.
 
Replied By: cfinley55 on Jan 5, 2015, 12:00AM - In reply to groomer1208
Your ex, AND the girls you thought were friends, are nothing more than cheap whores.  I know from experience, how much it hurts to find out you were totally wrong about someone.  A real friend, would know how you feel about your ex, and tell the jerk to take a hike!  What did they say was their reason for sleeping with him?  Is this guy the only guy in town?  Did they sleep with him because they had to? Do they always sleep with any guy who asks them? They sound disgusting!

Don't concern yourself with anything they say to or about you - that's just their way of taking their guilt off their backs.  You need to take some time off, and find some real friends.  All these people are liars and cheats, and have absolutely no self respect.  They're loosers.  Trust me, you deserve much better. 
 
Replied By: cfinley55 on Jan 4, 2015, 11:49PM
We took our best friend relationship back to what it was in 1973! But, we're far more mature, there's no jealousy or possessiveness, and we both enjoy taking it easy.

They call this "friends with benefits" - something I never imagined myself doing. I would never try this if we were any younger than we are though. We are both Grandparents now, and have no reason to think of ever getting married again (both of us have been married more than once). We have everything in common, can talk about anything, and we don't need to be with each other constantly. Sex? Of course!

Yes, it would upset me if he met someone else, but that's always a possibility.
 
Replied By: groomer1208 on Dec 21, 2014, 11:21PM
I have already posted to the relationship page because of the fact that my bf of 2 1/2 yrs broke up with me and then 6 days later hes sleeping with another girl. Well its been over a month and now the two girls that i thought were my best friends (weve known each other since high school) were hanging out with my ex and the girl he cheated on me with. They told me that i lied to them about how much i had contacted him which is not true. For some reason they think its ok for my ex to leave and go sleep with someone else. After everything i have done for them i cannot believe they would do this. People just keep telling me to get over it but thats so not that easy. Please help!
 
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