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Raising Teens

As your child approaches the teen years, is your relationship changing? Is your teen acting out, doing poorly in school or disobeying your rules? Do you worry about new technology influencing your child? What’s your biggest challenge? Share your struggles and successes.
Replied By: lakelife4me on Sep 11, 2014, 1:50AM - In reply to griffinwolf
If your child was showing signs of vision or hearing problems outside the normally expected range, how would you respond? My guess is that you would seek professional care.  I agree that labels have a negative connotation.  I  believe we are moving away from using labels and moving toward just identifying and addresssing needs.....whether they be visual, auditory, behavioral, or others.
Replied By: lakelife4me on Sep 11, 2014, 1:19AM - In reply to expat1996
How are you going to feel if you just continue "what if-ing" and the boy is badly injured or worse? Priority here is that child's immediate safety.  Contact CPS .... yesterday! Quite frankly, knowing a child is being emotionally and physically abused and doing nothing makes you almost as guilty.  We would all be surprised at what goes on behind those beautiful closed doors. (Teachers can be prosecuted if they turn a deaf ear to suspicious signs of abuse.)  Be the "hero" here and don't let this continue another minute. You have enough info to justify suspicion. If you are wrong, then let CPS determine that. Right now his well being is much more important than yours or your daughter's standing with that family. It sounds like you have done a great job with your daughter, and that says a lot about your judgement.  It is commendable that you are tuned in to your daughter's friends as well, and seeking a solution for this concern.  Now be confident and act!
Replied By: oceanentity on Sep 9, 2014, 10:55AM - In reply to pdiddy47
hello , firstly you are not alone SO many people have these troubles these days but when it starts worrying you to this point thats when it becomes the issue. firstly commend yourself for acknowledging this " addiction " 

that is step 1. Now you need to trial something and it wont be easy but you CAN do this.

spend a whole day off it  ...remove the access teasers the ipod, computer from you. Then go and DO something that isnt electronic ... honest i dont know what it will be.

of course you are going to feel some sort of anxiety associated to what is basically your pattern in looking and interacting with tumblr , but tell yourself IM NOT GOING ON TODAY BECAUSE IM BREAKING A HABIT.

ok ? every second day you HAVE to do this .... then FEEL what its like being off it ... 

Replied By: oceanentity on Sep 9, 2014, 10:48AM - In reply to aurorarose2011
Hello , this post is troubling you need to intervene EVERY time she acts out inappropriately. She shouldnt be having a boyfriend at 13 ? if she enters the lounge room naked or is dropping her towel intervene immediately , as with these adult men in public take her by the hand and lead her away while telling her that is NOT appropriate.

Has she been seeing the same councellor for all these years ? time for a new one i think. are you attending councelling also because i think you need strong advice on how to curb this behavior and recieve guidance , its going to take hard wirtk and dedication to turn this around. 

She needs to be closely monitored as she is a prime target for predators. she definately should NOT have access to internet, mobile phone or xbox ( as that has internet access). im serious. your daughter NEEDS GUIDANCE immediately.

i wish her all the best she is way too young to be growing up this fast.
Replied By: oceanentity on Sep 9, 2014, 10:41AM - In reply to ullakastrup
hello and i mean this in NO disrespect, but i can not believe what i am reading , your children DONT like alcohol see that as a blessing NOT a bad thing. It is YOUR belief that your children wont be able to socialize without alchohol , there are MANY ways to socialise without being in a bar or drinking. It is THEIR business to do or not do so , that they dont like it does not mean that they are going to take up with people of christian faith ( your wordds) who picket returned soldiers ? thats just reading WAY too much into things as well as being judgemental about who they may choose to befriend ?. be glad they will be safe NOT drinking at university bars.

LEAVE THEM BE who they want to be.
Replied By: oceanentity on Sep 9, 2014, 10:35AM - In reply to rjrt14
Hello , im not a specialist in any way but i do know that some of the behaviors that she is exhibiting is just behavioral , nothing wrong with her brain. She is fully acting out, rebelling. I saw a show recenlty on DR Phil where he had specialists review all the medications because if incorrectly diagnosed with ADD etc when they enter their teen years it causes havoc on the teenage brain and life. 

SHE is in crisis here , something is not right in her life that she needs support for ... psycological councelling on HER OWN ... so she can start to unravel whats going on.
Replied By: oceanentity on Sep 9, 2014, 10:30AM - In reply to expat1996
This abuse needs to be reported, this poor boy , who knows how long this has been going on and this is the first time its being seen. PLEASE find help for him. can he attend a school councellor and talk about what is going on here ? seems way beyond whats the norm in parenting practices, especially that they are using physical violence on him. HE NEEDS SOMEONE TO STEP UP AND OFFER HELP. Please keep us pdated here.
Replied By: oceanentity on Sep 9, 2014, 10:22AM - In reply to nycole30
Hello , this poor guy has seen too much in his young life , he must be in such turmoil that hes tied up in knots.

AT the moment that his biological mother is in a bad place IS going to be his " crutch "that is his NOW reality it will take SO much time for him to overcome these obstacles. He cant move on until these things are unravelled with professionally. He needs ongoing councelling . What is his fathers place in all this ?what is HE doing ? This is HIS son. as DR Phil says all the time the same sex parent is the main influence in any childs life. IS he actively trying to heal his own sons life ? .

This boy sounds like something isnt 100 % right in the home there or he would be thriving ? look at the dynamics between your husband and your self , the communication in the house, could this child possibly be feeling left out some how, does he feel welcome and PART of this family , not just the son who visits. 

Are you trying to be too full on with him too soon , i hope he isnt living with his mother ? if so then his father needs to protect his son be his hero show him hes wanted and that he wll show him by taking him out of that situation. if thats the case THERES why he is acting out.

Good luck 
Replied By: oceanentity on Sep 9, 2014, 10:12AM - In reply to hklicko
did you see the step parenting episode ? there is a weath of information there about the psycology behind these types of arguments.  you dont get to check out. HE is the adult i think reguardless to him being her father biologically or step parent the issue is communication.  The added stress IS that there is a step parent relationship also which means that intensifies the feelings on your daughters part due to the complexity of the dynamics. from the shows i have seen SHE needs YOUR validation she needs to feel safe and supported, protected ( of course this doesnt mean ignoring bad teenage behavior ) but from all the step family shows its always a cry for help from the teen. 

DO you feel your husband is unreasonable in his communication with your daughter ? what does HE need to do to be the ADULT in this situation ? what does HE need to do to calm this situation down ? yelling and screaming over the top of her while she is yelling and being a teenager NEVER is the soloution ...HIM or YOU doing it back does not make it right at all.

if he wont attend councelling to remedy his communication problems , from the show ive seen YOU need to step it up , protect her , intervene between the two so SHE feels safe. Your husband and you need to be on the same page with parenting her so you are a tight unit. this means consistency in her punishments. not with yelling ad screaming. It wont happen over night but with time and pateince it WILL. looks like YOU have to be the hero in this situation.
Replied By: oceanentity on Sep 9, 2014, 10:03AM - In reply to bmives
Hello , im new to the boards here and just read your post. I feel so sad for you in this situation ! oh my goodness you must feel devastated ! are you recieving any councelling to support you though this ?

have you thought about trying to gather evidence of this drinking through their social networks ? a secret account ? save photos ? This seems to be the only way that you will win creditability with the court , since the courts involved. ( as DR Phil always points out once the courts are involved its a whole different ball game )

is there anyway that you can go to mediation with your husband ( as well as individual counceling for yourself to be better prepared for the mediation) if the two of you can gather some shared parenting and he was onboard with the rules you want to enforce with these girls and he support and respect that then the court can be left behind in this. that the two of you can work together to co parent these girls who are so young ... 

This seems the only way now that courts involved that you can sway any situation and have a say in it. FOR your girls sakes. you need to get your ex husband on your side.

good luck
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