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Raising Teens

As your child approaches the teen years, is your relationship changing? Is your teen acting out, doing poorly in school or disobeying your rules? Do you worry about new technology influencing your child? What’s your biggest challenge? Share your struggles and successes.
Replied By: lizawren on Mar 30, 2014, 10:02AM - In reply to deedeer
My husband and I were opposite - he was a harsh disciplinarian and me, not so much. Here's what you could do: 1). Find out if your husband thinks ANY disciplinary action should be taken - if he does, great, if not, there is little hope of resolving this 2) if he thinks some action should be taken, tell him you will back him 100% and then implement it. You may think his idea of punishment is ridiculously lenient, but you need to present a united front to your son, and you can make it clear that, while you think the consequence is too light, you will stand solidly with him - openmindedly - and see if the punishment works. If your husband will not agree with your punishments or even negotiate to reach an agreement, then you have to move to stand at his side, even if you think it's not enough. Because here's what I found out - the actual consequence is not NEARLY as important as two parents standing solidly together and refusing to be played against one another. I could not agree with my husband's punishments - they were waaaaay to lengthy, plus he was always very verbally mean and insulting when dealing them out. I could not help but come to the protection of my kids when it sounded like he was being abusive. This made it so easy for our kids to divide and conquer, and believe me, they did. Plus, he worked 12 hours a day, and I (the marshmallow) would have to implement the harsh, often 6 month long or more consequences, which just did not work. My heart just wasn't in it. I found myself in the position of conspiring with the kids to get around the consequences, and it was a disaster. Finally a counselor told us to pick one small problem, and then asked me what consequence I would be comfortable with. My son always refused to pick up after himself, and would rather argue for hours than put a wet towel in the laundry, so that was what I picked. My husband said that he thought we should just kick him out of the house forever, end of story. In the past, because I was not willing to do that, my son was able to totally play us against each other. So I told the counselor I'd be willing to kick him out for one night, and could be firm about it. My husband was skeptical, but agreed to cooperate and, do you know, it only took ONE time of me asking our son to put his dirty clothes in the laundry, him refusing, and us not arguing, just telling him to be gone from the house by five o clock, and that he could come back at eight AM and take a shower for work, and that this would happen every time he refused a direct request for him to pick up after himself. I will never forget the look of disbelief on his face:-). After that, a light bulb finally went off in our heads, and we found it much easier to cooperate with discipline.
Replied By: jennpugli on Mar 14, 2014, 12:45AM - In reply to venture99
This is amazing change the child to a female and the situation is exactly the same!  My neice is 15 and has clinical depression/bipolar disorder.  She loves music and uses it to cope.  She too hates school all though she has good friends that she likes to be with. 

I am bipolar so I can relate to her and she knows she can talk to me but sometimes thats not enough.  Recently she went from being in the honors society to failing.  I told her no matter what that she (we) is responsible for her actions.  Just because she has depression does not mean that she shouldn't do her school work.  She says she has a hard time concentrating and I told her that this is part of it and she needs to learn how to cope.

I think a depressed teenager is easier to pick out than a hormonal one possibly.  For instance has your son just broke up with someone he cares about?  Did something happen in his life?  These things can certainly be factors but when you find that you can't be happy even on the happiest of days then you start getting an idea.

I'm sorry your going through this you obviously care for your son quite a bit he is blessed to have such a caring family. 

Replied By: jennpugli on Mar 14, 2014, 12:38AM
I have three children now ages 23-21-20 but not to long ago they were TEENAGERS OH NOOO!  lol.  I've been blessed with great kids.  My kids got into some minor trouble but nothing to write home about.  My husband and I were always real honest with our kids.  My husband and I had been through a cocaine addiction and we told them how horrible it was and what it made us do and how we lost everything.  Whenever they told me about something happening in their lives I would use my own life as an example and what I learned from it. 

My husband and I say it all the time we don't know how it happened, but we got through those teenage years pretty well.
Replied By: wingedrunner on Mar 13, 2014, 11:17PM - In reply to pdiddy47
Why jump to conclusions when all you need to do is call your PD to let them handle it.
Replied By: wingedrunner on Mar 13, 2014, 11:15PM - In reply to pdiddy47
I think you are fine with what you are looking at becasue I think you are young and experimenting with preferences. Thats totally fine. However if you feel like this site is taking over your life then set boundaries for yourself. This is also a huge part in becoming a respnosible adult. You have the control and power to say yes to somethings while saying no to others. If its taking over your life then you  need to adjust some things, but no one can help you except you.

Its all management. I hope this helps a bit. just my thoughts.
Replied By: pdiddy47 on Mar 13, 2014, 7:16PM
i was walking around outside one day and i saw some needles so i looked around and found heroin and steroids what do i do please help i think there is a local drug dealer who is hiding his drugs in my yard and he is going to be very upset with me finding them and kill me help.
Replied By: pdiddy47 on Mar 13, 2014, 7:14PM
hi, i am Alicia and i have a tumblr account. most people would think that tumblr is a fun site where you can post pictures and text posts and reblog other ones, but i went too far. one day i was browsing and i couldn't get myself to stop. i began scrolling through sex, drugs, art, sonic, anime, yiff, beastiality, and much more. but i seemed to like it ???? it was weird and i knew it was wrong and weird but i couldn't stop and now i have hundreds of followers and i am also friends with some of them and ive never met these people and i now have more tumblr friends than i do in real life. it has become an addiction to where if im not on tumblr i feel like i am going to die. please help.
Replied By: venture99 on Mar 4, 2014, 10:19AM
THis is my first time posting on this site. i am looking for some serious advice to help me help my 15 year old son. For a year and a half he has been suffering from depression. He has been seeing a therapist for some time and know I have decided it was time to try some meds. I am sick at the thought of the side effect of possible suicide thoughts this can bring. He has many friends in school and no one is bullying him there, but he HATES school. He does go but when he is there he tells me he is having a bad day. He has problems concentrating even though he can sit still. He has been tested for ADD and doesn't have it. He loves rap music which is fine when you aren't depressed, but when you are feeling sad, i think it is horrible. I don't want to take it away because he likes it so much i don't want to make the depression worst. I need some advice on how I can make him feel better. The meds don't seem to be working. I have done research on teen approved meds and Prozac is one which he is on. It doesn't seem to be doing anything. How can you tell the difference between depression and just plain old teen hormones. My head is spinning about this. How does your child go from being happy happy happy then all of a sudden unhappy and down in the dumps. We are a loving family who eats dinner together, vacation together and tell our kids that we love them all of the time! Dr. Phil...I wish you could help with some advice!
Replied By: imperatrice on Feb 13, 2014, 7:46AM - In reply to thanagirl
I read your post and then saw this and thought you might benefit from it - it speaks to relationships and how to build them.  Relationships require 3 things - all of which, if you read your post, are not there with you and your sd.  Good luck.
Replied By: char54 on Jan 27, 2014, 12:07PM
Please learn the most important rule...

Be the example and the parent . When you love a child it doesn't require being their best friend but the most trusted. Children will challenge your authority and this is normal. What's not normal is to allow a child to make the rules.  They should be involved in family guidelines but not in control of the parents decision . Love your child . Dedicate your position as parent to raise responsible healthy and happy children. But when a child has poor or rude behavior call them out on it. Deal with situation. Demand accountability ! When a child learns I am accountable for my choices and behavior they develope character and coping skills. This teaches respect for others and respect for themselves. 
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