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Raising Teens

 
As your child approaches the teen years, is your relationship changing? Is your teen acting out, doing poorly in school or disobeying your rules? Do you worry about new technology influencing your child? What’s your biggest challenge? Share your struggles and successes.
Comments
Replied By: ledianatoska on Jul 9, 2014, 10:43PM - In reply to aginn10
Ma'am, as a teenager myself, I can say that we love our parents very much and that we dont like lying either but sometimes parents make us go through so much over a  problem that we feel like lying because we think that we might get away with it. Sometimes, parents beliefs and religion, make us want to rebell and because parents over react sometimes, it frustrates us teenagers. I can say that because we are over mature and because we want to fit in, TEENAGERS tend to have a short temper, not wanting any problems or everything going their way. I hope this helped.
 
Replied By: dnvrfox on Jun 28, 2014, 5:36PM - In reply to dnvrfox
I learned about you thru the XYZ Foundation.  I take care of my young adult cousin who was brain damaged in auto accident at age 7. Mom died in accident, dad not in picture much, no family members want her, consequently she was put into institutional care for more than 12 years.  I found her at age 20 and took guardship.  She began to live with me in 20007. She is 24/7 care, can't walk, talk, and is fed via a feeding tube.  I've had to learn a lot and still learning, trying to keep her out of a nursing home.  I have some home health but not nearly enough, and my health is going south fast.

She has seizures which developed 5 years after accident, and I brought her her after talking with ABC Org.


I need a support group, greatly.  We've been living in a hotel since November last year, can't find an apartartment or house to rent.  She is in wheelchair and not much out there on lower levels.  I'm ready to park a trailer in an open field; I'm so tired of this hotel room and the high powered electronics.


Help.
 
Replied By: dnvrfox on Jun 27, 2014, 10:49PM
I have failed to find anything in this parenting section about parenting a child - or especially an adult - with disabilities, including individuals with severe and profound disabilities.  Therefore, I am posting here, hoping I have found the correct location.

I am Denver Fox, Ed.D., the founder and moderator of a parent's advocacy group, PAD-CO (Parents of Adults with Disabilities in Colorado), http://www.pad-co.info .

I am also the founder of NOEWAIT (National Organization to End the Waitlists)  http://www,noewait.info

I would like to broach three subjects:

1.  The waiting lists for services all across the country - up to 25 years in some states. Here are some statements from parents who are on these waiting lists (selected from over 1,000 comments from a petition signed by over 12,000 folks that has been presented to the President and Congress).  Please read them here:

http://noewait.net/docs/Apetitioncommentssamplefox.doc

2.  The idea that "Natural Supports" is the proper way to provide services to individuals with disabilities.  Here is a national survey of almost 500 parents (of which I am the author) which will describe the amount of "natural supports" that are available to parents:

http://www.ourwebs.info/naturalsupportmain.htm

3.  And I would like to provide you with some personal stories and comments from Colorado parents in regards to services for adult individuals with disabilities - in a booklet we published last year

http://www.ourwebs.info/BookletofGuestEditorials.pdf


PAD-CO was established in 2002.  It is not a non-profit or an incorporated organization.  It is simply a group of about 200 parent units sharing information and advocacy together.



I am the parent of two children with profound disabilities.



Please contact me at padcoweb@aol.com



Thank you





 
Replied By: expat1996 on Jun 9, 2014, 10:40AM
My15 year old daughter is a very sweet, accomplished honor student, no problems whatsoever, we are very close.  Last September she started a very innocent relationship with a charming young man aged 16 (he will be 17 in a few months).  He is adopted. This was his first ever girlfriend.  His mother is hugely controlling and summoned me to an initial meeting to lay down the law about supervision.  I am all for working with other parents and respected her conditions, but this woman has escalated her behavior to an abusive level with her adopted son.  They have never done anything inappropriate, ever - were not allowed to hold hands even.  The parents are very religeous (we are not particularly but are a normal middle class secure family, working hard, no issues or history of anything) and my daughter worked so hard to try and please them, going to church with them, baking them pies, dressing very modestly (she is very attractive).  Recently their son was banned from coming to our home, they said they didn't 'trust him' but no other reason.  Then he wasn't allowed out at all (even before he would be picked up by parents at 8.00pm even on a Saturday.  All phone conversations have to be on the family phone, on speaker.  Now he is banned from seeing her at all - I have tried to find out what the problem is and they will not tell me anything.  I suggested they talk to a counselor for guidance on appropriate teen discipline and boundaries.  That went down like a lead balloon.  They tell this very nice lad that he is stupid, worthless, they scream at him and have stripped his room down to what they describe as his 'prison cell'.  He is only allowed out to work at a neighbors home, cutting grass, cleaning, weeding the yard.  He has no phone, cannot see any friends and he really is just about on the edge or running away.  There has been some physical violence from them, nothing hospital worthy - father grabbed his throat and he's had a few minor hits.  This weekend they stripped him naked and took all his clothes and possessions and threw most away.  He has very little of anything left, including clothes.  They threw away a silver St. Christopher necklace my daughter gave him for his birthday.    He has cried on the phone asking us for help.  I want to, but know I cannot intervene or I will get in huge trouble for parental interference.  Is my only option to call Child Protective Services to see if they will visit?  The father is a teacher and the family is probably well regarded in the community.  What would the police do if he ran away?  Horrible horrible situation.  Any ideas?  My daughter is heartbroken and sick over it all as are my husband and I.
 
Replied By: ohiomom1966 on Jun 7, 2014, 8:07AM - In reply to rjrt14
I have a 14 year old daughter, my 3rd child...lots of diagnosis but not alot of resolutions.

I found out 6 months ago my daughter has been cutting for about 3 years.  This coninsides with when her father took me unexpectedly back to court, took away our shared parenting arrangement leaving me 2 weekends a month to see my daughter and her older sister.

She (the 14 year old) has been diagnosed with ADHD (not being treated for), depression, and BiPolar.  Her older sister (15) is being treated for a mood disorder and the doctor is working to determine whether she is BiPolar as well. She has been on Lithium for 2 years.

My youngest goes to counseling but nothing seems to work.  I am working to understand what is going on in her head but how can you really understand what someone else thinks?

With my youngest I observe Hyper Activity not a person with BiPolar Disorder.  My oldest I can see a mood disorder.  I just wonder if giving them medication is helping or hurting the situation. Are they learning to cope with reality?

I myself am 48 years and have had doctors over and over through my life want to treat me for depression. I personally believe that depression could be caused from an underlying issue.  I believe that for me I may have ADD and always have had and that it caused many of my issues throughout life and this in turn caused me to be depressed.

What are your feelings?

 
Replied By: rjrt14 on Jun 4, 2014, 9:09AM
My 15 year old is my 3rd child out of 4, all have the same father. We have been divorced for over 10 yrs. I was recentaly granted full custody and none of them have a relationship with their father. He is emotionaly, verbaly and physically abusive. My daughter has been receiving counseling since she was around 6/7. She has been diagnosised w/ADD, edpresion, anxiety, ptsd. She pulls out her own eyelashes & eyebrows, has cut, and is now smoking. She is also failing all her subjects in school, and stealing from everyone in the house.I have also found inapropriate messages and pictures between her and several other boys. I am at a loss. I have tried everything from rewards, restiriction, compromise. Ive taken away cell phone and computer privledges. 


I can't help but wonder if there is more going on in her brain, She has no remorse or empathy at all. She will lie about everything and anything even what she ate for lunch. She will continue lieing even if I am standing right infront of her showing her the proof I have.


We are christians, and attend church 2 times a week. I have reached out to our youth pastors, and others @ church but no one can make any progress with her. I am open to all suggestions.


Thank you
 
Replied By: ullakastrup on Jun 4, 2014, 6:55AM
According to Danish traditions parents serve alcohol for the first time for their child as part of the confirmation of the Christian belief which takes place aged 14 or 15. The Danish law grants teenagers aged 16 to buy alcohol on their own if the percentage is below the safe level of 16.5

The problem I face is that my daughter dislike alcohol. I am worried that she might get shunned and isolated because she would not attend the Friday bars at our high school. Normally the few students who are not found there is not Christians but supporters of strange beliefs which condemn western life style. People who support the criminals who attack our soldiers abroad.

I believe that I have raised my children as Danes. I certainly would not risk having my children labeled as a security risk.

What can I do? I do want my children to be able to socialize in high school. How can I teach them to look like they drink alcohol like the rest when they just don't like it?
 
Replied By: aginn10 on May 26, 2014, 12:15AM
I have read dr Phil's answers. It is so difficult to believe if her lips are moving she's lying.  She has a.ways gotten the age appropropriate disciplewhen in trouble and seen it through. It's always preventEd a repeat. This time it's different. She got caught in a HUGE lie that caused a lot of problems for a lot of people2 weeks ago.  WHILE grounded she did one of the things again andlooked me in the eye and lied even though she knew I KNEW she was lying. I know she loves me but I don't understand why she doesn't respect me enough or her dad to not lie to us...
 
Replied By: griffinwolf on May 25, 2014, 9:21PM
I'm sorry but I don't  now nor have I ever believed in the label's that have been put on kids over the years.......dhd, dddddd something or other.........I have 4 children eldest 33 youngest 14 every child is an individual  that needs to be nurtured, loved and guided in a different way.........not run off to a doc to be diagnosed with some bloody "D" label...............no offense Dr. Phil
 
Replied By: aurorarose2011 on May 24, 2014, 8:45AM
As far as I know she hasnt had sex yet, and of course there is a huge back story here, but my 13 year old is scaring me with her actions.  She is flirting strongly with grown men in PUBLIC or in front of people including touching them inappropriately, and claims it was just a joke so whats the big deal.  She makes out with her boyfriend at church, by sneaking off or acting like its no big deal despite the numerous talks about how its not okay.  She comes in the living room naked or with just a towel and dances or drops the towel regardless of who is here at the time.  She has even been making weird sexual like looks at her grandfather during church where people can see her do it.  She is acting out in other ways too, and she lost her father back in August...I have been in tears not knowing what to do for the last two weeks.  She has been in regular counseling sessions since she was 5
 
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