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Raising Teens

As your child approaches the teen years, is your relationship changing? Is your teen acting out, doing poorly in school or disobeying your rules? Do you worry about new technology influencing your child? What’s your biggest challenge? Share your struggles and successes.
Replied By: alholland712 on May 4, 2015, 6:31PM
I have watched many Dr. Phil shows that cover issues between parents and chiclren and I have to say I am stunned. I have 4 children a son 20, daughters 14, 11, 10. I have raised two boys of my cousin for 2 years and boys of a friend for 3 1/2 years so I feel I have experience with children. I have a difficult understanding why so many parents on the show are victims and helpless. It's society, it's T.V., it's the internet...When in reality it's the parents and their influences. Parents are forgetting that they are in charge. Kids are not our equals and due to physical and emotional development...They shouldn't be. If you don't like what your daughter is wearing stop it. Many people say it's not that easy but it is. One mother said we didn't like how she was dressing so we took away her computer and her cell phone... What? If you didn't like what she was wearing throw away the inappropriate clothing. 

Another issue is the privacy rights of teens. It is easy they have none. I have wonderful daughters who get A's in school, have never been in trouble in school or with the law. They know they have no privacy. They have very limited internet. They have no cell phones. They can use the landline. No non educational electronics during the school week. When they are grounded from something they don't try to sneak it because they know it would be a bad idea. My 20 year old moved out and I have never searched his house or computer or phone. He has his own place and he has privacy rights, but as long as they live in my house...Privacy is not a right. I monitor what they watch, what they listen to and where they go on the net. They are not allowed to use the internet in private areas. My kids are happy and healthy. They play outside during the week. They ride bikes and play board games. Electronics are not a necessity. Parents need to remember why they had children. Were they trying to grow friends (Which to me is pathetic) or did they want to be a parent. People say my kids are ruled and that I am overbearing, but my kids friend's mother's tell me how polite and respectful my kids are. People come up to me in restaurants and say WOW! your kids are so well behaved. 

My kids are not unhappy. They do not feel controlled. They are happy, healthy and respectful kids. They know what makes me mad and what doesn't.Maybe I am just blessed, but maybe my parenting has something to do with my kids. Parents need to take back the control and raise their children. Children are not born with an internal compas saying this is good and this is bad. They need limits and guidance to understand those boundaries. My children have never cussed at me. They may say things about me to their friends but they would never consider saying it to my face. Become a parent and take control. Don't allow your child to be the boss. If that was how God intended things to be they would leave us shortly after birth. Just my thoughts.
Replied By: heartsforkiwi on Apr 26, 2015, 9:59PM
I'm looking for some advice on how to handle a situation with my 14-year old daughter.  To give some background, I'm a single mom and my daughter has always been a really good kid.  She's in the gifted program at school, makes really good grades and has a big heart.  Her father sees her occassionally, but not very involved in her life and never has been, so I've handled all the parenting decisions myself for her whole life.  My daughter and I are relatively close and have a good relationship, but a little more strained lately as she enters her teenage years.  I expected this.  When she got her iPad, she gave me the password for it and I told that I may occassionally monitor what she's doing, but as long as she gives me no reason not to trust her I would not breathe down her back.  I've never had a problem until now.  I just found out that her and and a few of her female friends are "role playing" with each other via text messages.  For example, my daughter is pretending to be someone named "Sarah" and her friend is pretending to be someone named "Tom" and they act out various scenarios.  The problem is that the majority of this role playing is sexual in nature - and some of it is even down right dirty.   I was mortified to discover this and I'm not sure how to handle this discussion with her.  We have in the past had conversations about puberty, sex, etc... so I'm not afraid to have those kind of discussions with her, but I'm not sure how to make her understand that this is not appropriate behavior for a 14 year old.   I've thought of telling her that I'm going to monitor her very closely now, but then I'm afraid she'll just delete these text conversations so that I don't see them.  I know this is going to be very embarrassing for her when I bring it up and I intend to minimize that embarrassment as much as I can, but I'm very concerned.  I do know the girls she is doing this with, so it's not an issue that she's talking like this with strangers.  I can say with near certain confidence that my daughter is not sexually active but this is so difficult for me to wrap my head around because when I was her age, I wasn't even thinking that way.  I know it's a whole new era these days, but I'm not sure how to best handle this.  Has anyone ever encountered a situation like this before?  If so, how did you handle it?  
Replied By: ndandca on Mar 31, 2015, 10:44PM
I have a 16 year old who was getting into trouble and felt the need to send her to her father.  Her father just recently met her over a year ago and I thought he would be good at handling her.  He is very authoritarian and Im a little permissive.  I have been to parenting classes and doing my best.  I even tell my daughter to hang in there, behave, make good choices and be respecful; however, whenever she gets in trouble with her dad, I get a text or email getting blamed for past parenting mistakes and he even has told her counseler her behavior started when she lived with me.  It started after she first started communicated with him a few years back.

Therefore, whenever she acts up, my past mistakes get brought up and he even said that if I cant "control" her (I am 2 thousand miles from her right now) then exit her life. I raised her all by myself and he deserted us when she was almost 2.  I think I know how to rightfully answer is arrogant emails but I sure could use some advice.  He even at one time wanted me to give up custody of her and she already hates him.  She will be going into a girls home for some help very soon. Yet after, if her behavior has improved; Id like her to come home.
Replied By: christinaa4101 on Mar 6, 2015, 9:56AM
I have a soon to be 14 yr old daughter that has been changing drastically within the past 2 years. I found out that she started cutting. She has gone from ab honor roll to almost all f's. I have takin her to a rehab place that lasted 6 weeks. Gone to a counselor and nothing seems to be helping. I do not know what to do. They are superficial cuts, but I worry about her being alone, hurting herself to an extreme. I try to get her to talk to me but she will only say what she wants. I ask her why she cuts and the reasons vary.
Replied By: mikerichard on Mar 1, 2015, 4:30PM
To all the parents out there--good luck!  American society is so full of temptations and pitfalls for young people.  You can do the best job as a parent, but our society is constantly undermining your efforts.

My advice is: hang in there, kids usually will leave home eventually, and pray a lot, and don't

quit on yourself.  I'm 59, never married or raised kids, but I've watched my siblings do those things.

It's not easy, and you have to be very strong to endure the trials of parenting.  Your reward will be in heaven if you do it right.
Replied By: smoses80 on Mar 1, 2015, 5:24AM - In reply to nativegal38
I think you should take FB away immediately. She needs a counselor. She needs someone other than you to assist in teaching her right from wrong and boundries. If you need to take away the internet on her phone too, do that.
Replied By: smoses80 on Mar 1, 2015, 5:20AM - In reply to athenapka
First of all, the utter lack of communication & respect is appalling. The parents set the rules and the standards. You see, they spoiled their children but worse than that, they have Neglected their children. They have not taught them responsibility, self-worth or respect (for themselves or others). I hope your neice gets professioanl help Immediately and the Entire family need counseling. Those parents are Not being Parents and they need professional help now too if they ever want to have any type of communication with their children. They have Failed as Parents and they should be ashamed of themselves. They probably do Not even know that.
Replied By: smoses80 on Mar 1, 2015, 5:11AM - In reply to rowefarm
If I were you I would Not feel guilty. He will get Really tired of crashing on peoples couches (or they will get really tired of him doing this). He won't have food or $$ unless he works. It will be a taste of the real world and I doubt he will like it. He will come back home...only on the condition that, although you Love him Very Much, he has to live by your rules and Be Respectful. Naturally you would worry about him. I would do the same. I Hope he has already moved back and that things are different.  PS If he is a Senior now, the discussion about his grades is almost a moot point. Graduating HS is important and hopefully he has the GPA to do it. BTW, even if he is living there at age 18 the same has to apply. Just because he is 18 that doesn't give him free reign to do whatever he wants if he Chooses to live there. My friend has a troubled son who is 24 and she wanted to kick him out. The police told her that she can't just kick him out because he lives there. She would have to go through the Legal Process of Evicting him!! Ridiculous!! In my opinion. He is in Jail so there is no need to follow through. That was in Florida. Before they are 18 they can't be kicked out by law as they are your resposibilty until then. Some thoughts......Good Luck
Replied By: smoses80 on Mar 1, 2015, 4:49AM - In reply to bgore829
There were Many deaths from that synthitic week in the past couple years around here. The City of Manchester actually Banned the sale and Still check the stores and if they find it still being sold the stores are Closed. It is Not ajoke. The ingredients they found were Extremely Harmful. It is Not all natural. It is Really Bad for you and there is a probability for Death!! I hope it gets banned in the USA Soon!!
Replied By: bgore829 on Feb 26, 2015, 9:49AM
I have a 17 year old son who is addicted to synthetic weed. It's also called spice, fake. It has so many different names and is very easy for the kids to get. It is 10 times more addictive and stronger than real weed and way easier for them to get. I want to get the word out there to parents who have children going into high school. It is an epidemic that is being swept under the rug. My son went from an honor student, an athlete, and a promising future to a drug addict. He's dropped out of school and has quit everything and puts drugs before everything now. His health is getting worse and he still can't admit his an addict. It is a horrible drug. If anyone else has dealt with this drug I would love to hear from you. 
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