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Raising Teens

 
As your child approaches the teen years, is your relationship changing? Is your teen acting out, doing poorly in school or disobeying your rules? Do you worry about new technology influencing your child? What’s your biggest challenge? Share your struggles and successes.
Comments
Replied By: shawnamb on Aug 29, 2014, 6:54PM - In reply to dougiezerts
First it isn't legal yet so your showing your child that laws don't apply to them. Second, even if it was legal, is this the life you want for them. When they were born did you look at them and say "I want you to grow up and smoke pot like me". No, we looked at them and said " When you grow up I want you to be better than me. To be happy, healthy, positive additions to society". I am not my childs friend. I am their mother and it is my job to keep them safe and to support them in making good choices, to guide them to positive outcomes, to lead them by leading in example of what I expect from them. You think that because you smoke pot that implies it is ok. Its not ok and in my opinion should not be legalized except for medical reasons andeven then I believe you must be 21 and older.
 
Replied By: dougiezerts on Aug 13, 2014, 6:25PM
"I see nothing wrong with my teens smoking a little pot.  It's a lot safer than other things out there.  And besides, I did it too, so I'd be a hipocrate to tell them not to do it."
How do all of you feel about this.  Is it a realistic attitude in these times of legal weed?  Or are these parents practicing a very bad lack of judgement?
My vote is for a lack of judgement!
 
Replied By: bmives on Jul 30, 2014, 9:03AM
I'm going through a nasty divorce. My ex is a partying parent. My girls (12 & 15) want to live with him because it's more fun. It seems like when I point out that it's an unsafe place for them to be - he lets my 15yr old drink and drinks till he himself passes out- the girls tell their lawyers nothing wrong is happening, and he wins more rights to them. I'm at my wits end. Any advice?
 
Replied By: hklicko on Jul 25, 2014, 10:04PM
I have a 15 year old going on 16 in September. i have 4 children ages-8,10,12 and 15. My 12 and 15 year old are from a previous relationship and I am married to the father of my 8 and 10 year olds dad. My 15 year old and my husband do not get along. They butt heads alot. If she doesn't get what she wants she throws a fit. The only time she wants anything to do with him is if he lets her do what she wants or buys her something. She is stubborn, likes to get the last word in and acts like she is always right. my husband is the same way so then I get put in the middle and they think I should pick a side. Honestly,all it does is makes me want to leave. I don't know what to do. Please help.
 
Replied By: nycole30 on Jul 25, 2014, 1:22PM
My step son or fiancé s son I consider my step son.. just turned 13 years old .. He lies constantly,cusses, steals, manipulates, is defiant, been caught smoking, has ran away, it goes on and on and on. I have tried every single possible avenue, counseling and such.. I put a punishment in place and he does the opposite. He now lives with my fiance's mother but now she is to her witts end too, So he is supposed to come back here. I don't want to fail him but he doesn't allow me to empower any kind of positive change. His mother is a thief and bad drug addict so I sympothize but I also can't let him use that crutch his whole life.. He brags abt what prison he will go to someday !!! He tells ppl I'm abusive because of my rules that my kids live with but I'm scared for his future and I do love him and want more than what he's headed for. How do I help? How do I get thru to him? Our household even with him just staying this summer has been chaos and completely revolves around him and his negative actions, my son who is the same age is tortured and bullied while I try not to show weakmess to my step son he wears you down I'm at a loss. I have to save him somehow! I tell him how brilliant he is and loved but nothing gets thru he just tells me what I want to hear and does it again. I'm actually scared of him and what he might do. While at his grannies he cut himself so I'm in fear of that too. Please help me please!!
 
Replied By: ledianatoska on Jul 9, 2014, 10:43PM - In reply to aginn10
Ma'am, as a teenager myself, I can say that we love our parents very much and that we dont like lying either but sometimes parents make us go through so much over a  problem that we feel like lying because we think that we might get away with it. Sometimes, parents beliefs and religion, make us want to rebell and because parents over react sometimes, it frustrates us teenagers. I can say that because we are over mature and because we want to fit in, TEENAGERS tend to have a short temper, not wanting any problems or everything going their way. I hope this helped.
 
Replied By: dnvrfox on Jun 28, 2014, 5:36PM - In reply to dnvrfox
I learned about you thru the XYZ Foundation.  I take care of my young adult cousin who was brain damaged in auto accident at age 7. Mom died in accident, dad not in picture much, no family members want her, consequently she was put into institutional care for more than 12 years.  I found her at age 20 and took guardship.  She began to live with me in 20007. She is 24/7 care, can't walk, talk, and is fed via a feeding tube.  I've had to learn a lot and still learning, trying to keep her out of a nursing home.  I have some home health but not nearly enough, and my health is going south fast.

She has seizures which developed 5 years after accident, and I brought her her after talking with ABC Org.


I need a support group, greatly.  We've been living in a hotel since November last year, can't find an apartartment or house to rent.  She is in wheelchair and not much out there on lower levels.  I'm ready to park a trailer in an open field; I'm so tired of this hotel room and the high powered electronics.


Help.
 
Replied By: dnvrfox on Jun 27, 2014, 10:49PM
I have failed to find anything in this parenting section about parenting a child - or especially an adult - with disabilities, including individuals with severe and profound disabilities.  Therefore, I am posting here, hoping I have found the correct location.

I am Denver Fox, Ed.D., the founder and moderator of a parent's advocacy group, PAD-CO (Parents of Adults with Disabilities in Colorado), http://www.pad-co.info .

I am also the founder of NOEWAIT (National Organization to End the Waitlists)  http://www,noewait.info

I would like to broach three subjects:

1.  The waiting lists for services all across the country - up to 25 years in some states. Here are some statements from parents who are on these waiting lists (selected from over 1,000 comments from a petition signed by over 12,000 folks that has been presented to the President and Congress).  Please read them here:

http://noewait.net/docs/Apetitioncommentssamplefox.doc

2.  The idea that "Natural Supports" is the proper way to provide services to individuals with disabilities.  Here is a national survey of almost 500 parents (of which I am the author) which will describe the amount of "natural supports" that are available to parents:

http://www.ourwebs.info/naturalsupportmain.htm

3.  And I would like to provide you with some personal stories and comments from Colorado parents in regards to services for adult individuals with disabilities - in a booklet we published last year

http://www.ourwebs.info/BookletofGuestEditorials.pdf


PAD-CO was established in 2002.  It is not a non-profit or an incorporated organization.  It is simply a group of about 200 parent units sharing information and advocacy together.



I am the parent of two children with profound disabilities.



Please contact me at padcoweb@aol.com



Thank you





 
Replied By: expat1996 on Jun 9, 2014, 10:40AM
My15 year old daughter is a very sweet, accomplished honor student, no problems whatsoever, we are very close.  Last September she started a very innocent relationship with a charming young man aged 16 (he will be 17 in a few months).  He is adopted. This was his first ever girlfriend.  His mother is hugely controlling and summoned me to an initial meeting to lay down the law about supervision.  I am all for working with other parents and respected her conditions, but this woman has escalated her behavior to an abusive level with her adopted son.  They have never done anything inappropriate, ever - were not allowed to hold hands even.  The parents are very religeous (we are not particularly but are a normal middle class secure family, working hard, no issues or history of anything) and my daughter worked so hard to try and please them, going to church with them, baking them pies, dressing very modestly (she is very attractive).  Recently their son was banned from coming to our home, they said they didn't 'trust him' but no other reason.  Then he wasn't allowed out at all (even before he would be picked up by parents at 8.00pm even on a Saturday.  All phone conversations have to be on the family phone, on speaker.  Now he is banned from seeing her at all - I have tried to find out what the problem is and they will not tell me anything.  I suggested they talk to a counselor for guidance on appropriate teen discipline and boundaries.  That went down like a lead balloon.  They tell this very nice lad that he is stupid, worthless, they scream at him and have stripped his room down to what they describe as his 'prison cell'.  He is only allowed out to work at a neighbors home, cutting grass, cleaning, weeding the yard.  He has no phone, cannot see any friends and he really is just about on the edge or running away.  There has been some physical violence from them, nothing hospital worthy - father grabbed his throat and he's had a few minor hits.  This weekend they stripped him naked and took all his clothes and possessions and threw most away.  He has very little of anything left, including clothes.  They threw away a silver St. Christopher necklace my daughter gave him for his birthday.    He has cried on the phone asking us for help.  I want to, but know I cannot intervene or I will get in huge trouble for parental interference.  Is my only option to call Child Protective Services to see if they will visit?  The father is a teacher and the family is probably well regarded in the community.  What would the police do if he ran away?  Horrible horrible situation.  Any ideas?  My daughter is heartbroken and sick over it all as are my husband and I.
 
Replied By: ohiomom1966 on Jun 7, 2014, 8:07AM - In reply to rjrt14
I have a 14 year old daughter, my 3rd child...lots of diagnosis but not alot of resolutions.

I found out 6 months ago my daughter has been cutting for about 3 years.  This coninsides with when her father took me unexpectedly back to court, took away our shared parenting arrangement leaving me 2 weekends a month to see my daughter and her older sister.

She (the 14 year old) has been diagnosed with ADHD (not being treated for), depression, and BiPolar.  Her older sister (15) is being treated for a mood disorder and the doctor is working to determine whether she is BiPolar as well. She has been on Lithium for 2 years.

My youngest goes to counseling but nothing seems to work.  I am working to understand what is going on in her head but how can you really understand what someone else thinks?

With my youngest I observe Hyper Activity not a person with BiPolar Disorder.  My oldest I can see a mood disorder.  I just wonder if giving them medication is helping or hurting the situation. Are they learning to cope with reality?

I myself am 48 years and have had doctors over and over through my life want to treat me for depression. I personally believe that depression could be caused from an underlying issue.  I believe that for me I may have ADD and always have had and that it caused many of my issues throughout life and this in turn caused me to be depressed.

What are your feelings?

 
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