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Raising Teens

 
As your child approaches the teen years, is your relationship changing? Is your teen acting out, doing poorly in school or disobeying your rules? Do you worry about new technology influencing your child? What’s your biggest challenge? Share your struggles and successes.
Comments
Replied By: greatkids2day on Jan 2, 2016, 10:31AM
Just found out my 11-year old daughter created a tumblr account without my permission and when I asked her about it, she initially lied and said it wasn't hers.  This is the first time since she was 7 years old that she has done something I deem as unacceptable behavior for how I am raising her and completely opposite of the example I set for her.  In going through her site, there was no sexual content, but she was using fowl language in her conversations.  This prompted me to take her phone where I found that she used a curse word with one friend.  When I asked her why she was deceitful and using profanity, she said cause she wanted to be "cool".

She has a 4.0 GPA and this is mild compared to what it could be, but I am concerned that this could be a gateway to worse and I want to prevent that.  I have taken her laptop and phone and have revoked her Internet previledge to use in the family common space only where can be monitored.  I lane to setup parental controls on her phone as well, but I feel like more needs to be done.  Possibly an extracurricular activity to occupy her time and build her self esteem.   Can anyone help?
 
Replied By: lannaky on Dec 24, 2015, 7:26PM
I watched the show on December 24, 2015, about teens giving out personal information to anyone who contacted them online. Some of the girls gave out their names, city, state, as well as their age and school name. This clearly shows that parents are not getting the job done to prepare their teens for life.

I wish Dr. Phil would write a book called  "Stop Raising Nice (NaiveDaughters". This book needs to alert parents of the importance of teaching their daughters about the dangers of releasing their personal information to strangers. This must be done even if it scares the teens. Their fears are much less important then anything they could actually suffer. It was shocking to see how naive these teens were. They seem to have a fairy tale belief that if they are "nice", then everyone will be nice to them. This kind of behavior could be expected in 5-7 year olds, but not in teens preparing to head off to college.

Of course, no girl asks to be raped, but their are things they can do to lessen the risk. They need to be taught that not everyone in life will have their best interests at heart, people have motives. They should not get so drunk they don't know what is happening to them. Don't give their personal information to people they don't know, or accept drinks from people they know casualty. Also, if they go anywhere with friends, don't leave without them. Watch out for friends and don't leave them with strangers. These habits should be engrained in teens by the time they reach 12-13. Parents who raise naive daughters, are doing them harm by not preparing them for life. 

Please write a book that will wise parents up, to the harm they are doing their daughters (and sons), by  raising naive teens.

lannaky
 
Replied By: mbwzx71 on Dec 19, 2015, 2:44PM
On December 8th 2015 I picked up my 15 ½ year old teen at the bus stop as usual (this day it was 2:30 pm). Her mom and I are divorced and I have my daughter after school until 7:30 pm Monday - Thursdays and every 1, 3 and 5th weekend.

On this particular day I was going to drop her off because I had something to do. However, she didn't have her key so I had a little time to kill anyway so we went to the IN & Out until her mom got home at 4:00 pm.

I was telling my daughter that she wasn't doing well enough to get her drivers permit! She just had this attitude that I couldn’t get past!! Her mom had gotten her an iPhone 6 s Plus just recently and I’m thinking to myself as I sat there eating my double- double that this kid should not even have a cell phone let alone the top of the line Apple Smartphone.

Anyway, I finished my burger and we proceeded to walk out. As we were walking out I noticed the $11 an hour posting on the door and told her to take a picture of it. So as we sat in the car I started discussing to her what a job like that would get her and she became increasing defiant about what I was making her do. So that little voice in my head just said take the phone from her and start looking through it!

This girl had secret folders with nude pictures of women and illicit writings of her sexual prowess or what she would like for it to be. She had conversation with boys whom I’m not sure of their ages. She also had porn movies of guys masturbating. I’m starting to think that my daughter is gay or bi curious.

I most have busted a million blood vessel in my head and I said a lot of things that I regret for about an hour. When I communicated this to my ex she just said this was no big deal and she would talk to her about this and to give her back the phone!! Wow, 1st of all she did deserve the phone in the 1st place and secondly theirs is no way in !@#$% I’m giving this child a phone that is laced with porn!

I think that my child is being abused by someone in my ex’s circle and I have no choice but to get the police and child services involved!

Where in the heck did I go wrong?   


 

 

 
 
Replied By: munchkin1223 on Dec 11, 2015, 4:43PM
Widowed after 25 yrs of a challenging marriage. Married to the sweetest, kindest man I've ever known. However, he complains to me a lot about my parenting of my 13 yr old son. He thinks my son is a Mama's boy.  


My son was born with a cleft palate and lip, abandoned at 3 mos old, and dumped into an orphanage until my late husband and I adopted him at age 5. His Dad died when he was 11.  He has vague memories of friends who died in a fire in the orphanage.  His big sister just moved away from home. 


So, new husband thinks son should be hanging out with his friends on weekends, not at home. Husband says son has no friends. Talked to teachers and parents who volunteer at the school and they swear son has plenty of friends. Teachers describe him as polite and hardworking. He plays football, and wrestling and plays sax in the band. Also involved in church.  Son is respectful towards husband, but doesn't take his hints when husband drops them about what he wants him to do. I've told husband to be direct, but he still complains. He compares son to what he was doing at son's age. Seems oblivious to son's background.  Doesn't understand why when he suggest the two of us adopt, my answer is absolutely not. If he can't comprehend son's struggles, I'm not about to adopt with him.  BTW, son is very responsive to correction, even from husband.  Can anyone recommend a book that might open husband's eyes to help him see where son is coming from?  

 
Replied By: jewells128 on Dec 10, 2015, 10:00AM
I had a 25 year old daughter who was the exact same way when she was 14 year old.  We went through years of therapy, changed schools etc etc etc.. Until you walk in our shoes, you would have no idea, including Dr. Phil.  Its not in a book that you read.  Every child is different, when you have one that doesn't care about consiquences, its very difficut to have punishments that would make a difference. Did what she wanted, didn't care.  As she got older, she just got bolder.  Then she wouldn't come home when she didn't want to.  The authorities, no help.  So until you walk in the shoes, don't ever judge.  Listening to Dr. Phil who never raised a troubles teenage girl, just do this, do that, talk to them, don't put up with it.  Be real, life just isn't that easy.
 
Replied By: lalexa64 on Dec 5, 2015, 7:36AM
Unbeknowst to me, my ex-husband and I hit the kid lottery with our three daughters ages, 18,15,12.  I have read through some of the comments, and to be honest I am astounded.


The worst problem I have ever had with my girls is having trouble getting them to help aound the house.  That's it, and even then it is as much my problem as it is theirs.  I hesitate to ask them to help.  If I do, they usually do as they are asked.


One person that commented said that teens don't have an privacy.  Ok, so I failed at  parenting because I don't enter their rooms without knocking, I don't read their emails, or text messages, I don't go through their things...ever.  I respect their privacy and in return they respect mine.  

Like I said, I won the kid lottery.  But, it isn't luck.  It is hard work, and you have to be willing to put your childrens needs ahead of your own in everything.   It is truly a blessing to have these wonderful, healthy, happy kids.
 
Replied By: marybb2 on Dec 3, 2015, 12:43PM - In reply to blackpannther
This is something where someone needs to be the adult here, and i t is better if it is you.   Time takes care of things like this, and you have to be the one who steps all the yelling.  She will soon realize its a mistake, but it has to Be her.  You need to sit back and let her come to you for advice or whatever.  Her father has stepped out if now and so should you.  And, she will soon realize her mistakes, when you allow her to do it.
 
Replied By: blackpannther on Nov 19, 2015, 2:23PM - In reply to ekypg1
Hi. I've read what you wrote. Why do you think I picked that tilte? Because in this case, your are the beholder & you are blind to your own beauty. You think beauty is in the physical appearance? A friend once told me that "Beauty is only skin deep but ugliness goes all the way to the bone." It means a person who is beautiful in appearance can look ugly to the rest of the world if he or she is ugly on the inside. The most unattractive person who has the most beautiful heart can actually be a beautiful person in physical appearance. Are you a good person? Nobody cares that you had all your teeth removed. I had all mine removed as well because my past anorexia. No vitamines or nutrients to keep my teeth strong. Ooops. Oh well, nothing I can do about it now. I have scoliosis, can't turn my neck. Something like degenerative bones or something like that. I have depression, anxiety disorder, & panic disorder. Talk about falling apart at the seams. LOL. Anyway, I'm on SSI & if anyone judges that, I don't care. I may not be supermodel gorgeous but I know I'm beautiful because on Christmas, I feed the lonely in my home. I buy the food, I cook the food & my children watch me do this then I know I'm setting a good example for them. Around the table, we talk like we're family because I know that's what they need. In doing that, knowing that I enjoy it & they are happy & fed & they feel wanted by somebody then I know I can look into the mirrow & see a beautiful person. I tell you this because I wanted you to know that if you dig deep down inside yourself, you will find a diamond beneath all of that rubble. Do you remember the Ugly Ducking? Spoiler Alert, They found out he wasn't a duckling at all, he is a swan. You need to pick yourself up, list the good qualities about yourself & then look in the mirror. Look past what you think you've been seeing, keep telling yourself that your beautiful & why your beautiful because if you can't do that for yourself, then how can your daughter feel that way about herself? You know what? Christmas is coming up, take her out & pick someone or a family in need & make a project out of them. It doesn't have to cost money to do something nice for someone else but help them with something even if it is just to be their friend. Something like that can make someone else feel good & in return you will feel good as well & in time if you both will allow it, your self image will change & your self esteem will start to change as well & if anyone tries to put you down, then tell yourself, they are the ones ugly because ugly words came out of their mouths. As for being fat, I don't know what you look like but going for walks will help you feel good in that department as well. Helping people can also help in that department & as for your being old, they are saying now that age is just a number.  Vaulinteer work is the key, get your daughter involved. And remember, you need to fix your own self image before you can fix your daughter's because even teenagers mimic what they see. I hope my very looooong response helps & stay beautiful.
 
Replied By: blackpannther on Nov 19, 2015, 1:52PM
How do I respond to that? I've had problems with my teenage daughter. Then when she turned seventeen, my ex husband, her so-called father. We had joint legal custody of her while I had sole physical custody. That is supposed to mean something isn't it? Anyway, my ex came up with this idiotic plan how he was going 2 rip custody away from me without taking me to court. Yeah right. Atleast I thought that way until the day I took my nine year old to her wellchild appointment. I can't neglect my other 2 children just to sit & watch to make sure my 17 year old wasn't going to run off & get married especiallty since I had no clue that her dad, her & her husband were planning this behind my back. Anyway. After I got home from my 9 year old's Well Child appointment, it was fair week so I knew my 17 year old wanted to go to the fair. We have been getting along swimmingly well, no I know why bec next thing I know is I am getting a text from my ex husband, her selfish, childish father, telling me that he had signed his permission for her to get married then he sent me a picture of her marraige certificate. If that weren't enough, he had a cop escort them over to my home so that she can pack her things & leave. The cop told me there is nothing he can do, she had emancipated herself with her dad written consent even though she is still in school. It was a week after her 17th Birthday. All of this was because her dad didn't want to pay Child Support. Oh I took off after him & a cop stood in between me & him so that I couldn't hurt him & in the mean time he is yelling that I should want them to be happy because they love each other. If they love each other then they could have waited until next year when she turned 18. They still could have gotten married if it was true love bec true love is willing to wait. Her husband is 19.  I don't think anyone could help me at this point.  It's all too late. Her dad took off to a different state. That's another story in iteself. If you want to know EVERYthing, Then read my blog. It is a rather interesting story although it is 100 percent true. My case is beyond help but I just wanted to share my story with you anyway.
 
Replied By: momintbay on Nov 10, 2015, 5:32PM - In reply to ekypg1
How can you expect your daughter to have high self esteem when you speak the way you do about yourself.
 
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