Raising Teens

 
As your child approaches the teen years, is your relationship changing? Is your teen acting out, doing poorly in school or disobeying your rules? Do you worry about new technology influencing your child? What’s your biggest challenge? Share your struggles and successes.
Comments
Replied By: dgharris on Sep 16, 2016, 12:06PM
I have a 19 year old granddaughter who works in a nursing home caring for alzheimer patients which is a HARD job and also going to college to become a nurse.  She usually hangs out with loser boys.  They don't have a car, don't have a job, always has an excuse asking her mom to let them stay one night.  Her mom has repeatedly told her no but these guys give her SAD stories and she always feels sad and thinks her mom is selfish. My daughter has also been told this particular boy will just walk in to someones home or apartment and go take a shower without asking.  WOW why can't my granddaughter see what is going on?   Her mom is a single mother struggling to make ends meet.  How does she get her daughter to realize these freeloaders are NOT her friends but just using her without breaking her spirit?  I cosigned for her to have a nice car (not expensive) to drive to work and school but it really is partly a transportation vehicle for all her looser friends.  At a loss.  Thank you.
 
Replied By: novamonday on Jul 26, 2016, 6:20PM
What do you do when you cannot protect or parent a child because adults who are supposed to protect your child are actively enabling him to continue using drugs and egging the child on to commit violence against your family members?

Seriously?

You love your child and want the best possible life for your child, but you watch in horror as your child and other adult family members are flushing your child's life down the toilet.

I'm living it, but it's much worse for my son who is immersed in it and desperately needs help.

His former stepfather (Not even his biological father) has taken him into his household and continues to provide him with alcohol and marijuana. This man has stated to me and others that he is managing my son's habit.

I have a 50B against this man due to domestic abuse. This man used to beat me and my children, but my son identifies with this man for some crazy reason. To him, this man's word is gospel and he can do no wrong.

Worse yet, my son is making allegations against my current husband to anyone who will listen, saying my husband has beaten him. This has not happened and my son's adult siblings and my own father were witness to all of these occasions. They've been interviewed by social workers and thankfully the professionals know that this is not true because my son's stories change and the witnesses were able to let these professionals know that it was my son jumping on his stepfather, not the other way around.

Heck, I don't know if my son is flat-out lying or delusional. He swears up and down to everyone it's the truth, but I, my children, my dad, and my husband know for a fact this is not true. My ex and his family eggs my son on despite the fact that my son's siblings have told them that this is not the case.

My son takes antipsychotic meds to control his violent behavior. He has now quit taking those because my ex has talked him out of it. My ex favors holistic medicines and illegal drugs to manage mental illness. I've reached out to my son's mental health professionals, the law, and everyone for assistance. Nobody knows what to do, because 17 year olds can do whatever they want.

The only accountability we have in place now is a court date for the assault. My son also got two charges from the police because he ran from them and had marijuana on him at the time. My son is hispanic and this terrifies me because if he acts the fool in front of police again, next time he might not be so lucky as just to spend a night in jail.

I don't want my son to lose his life. He's only 17 and is a genius at building things and repairing things. He has learning disabilities and mental illness that make him act younger than his chronological age, but in spite of them, he uses YouTube and other resources to learn how to do things. He could have an amazing life, but everyone has washed their hands of him, and I've begged everyone for help that I know of.
 
Replied By: worriedmom73 on Mar 14, 2016, 3:18PM
He had  een bounced back and forth through the years between his dad and I.  When he was 17 and close to finishing school, he came back to stay with me.  He was enrolled, went for a week, turned 18 and quit.  The next bomb he dropped on me, he felt like he wanted to be a female,  he is completely addicted to video games and I can't get him to focus on anything.


I should menton, I am disabled with MS and this is killing me.  His anser for everything, is he even gives one, is "I don't know"-  He needs mental help and I have no idea whatelse to try.  He was supposed to be talking to "like minded" people about these hings, but doesn't.  His has lost so much weight and is rail thin it scares me. He won't go outside anymore, unless to shop with me or handle taking care of paperwork.  He gets zero exersize.  He's six foot 3 or 4 and looks like he escaped a concentration camp.  It is extemely heart breaking for me to see what he's become.  Immature, like 15 year old on top of it.  I feel desparate to help him.  I do not want to kick him out & give up on him or send back to his dad for furthur neglect.

I feel like I'm in a hopeless situation & he is one day away from going back to his dad's basement.  I am fearing for his health & his life.  What more can I do?
 
Replied By: greatkids2day on Jan 2, 2016, 10:31AM
Just found out my 11-year old daughter created a tumblr account without my permission and when I asked her about it, she initially lied and said it wasn't hers.  This is the first time since she was 7 years old that she has done something I deem as unacceptable behavior for how I am raising her and completely opposite of the example I set for her.  In going through her site, there was no sexual content, but she was using fowl language in her conversations.  This prompted me to take her phone where I found that she used a curse word with one friend.  When I asked her why she was deceitful and using profanity, she said cause she wanted to be "cool".

She has a 4.0 GPA and this is mild compared to what it could be, but I am concerned that this could be a gateway to worse and I want to prevent that.  I have taken her laptop and phone and have revoked her Internet previledge to use in the family common space only where can be monitored.  I lane to setup parental controls on her phone as well, but I feel like more needs to be done.  Possibly an extracurricular activity to occupy her time and build her self esteem.   Can anyone help?
 
Replied By: lannaky on Dec 24, 2015, 7:26PM
I watched the show on December 24, 2015, about teens giving out personal information to anyone who contacted them online. Some of the girls gave out their names, city, state, as well as their age and school name. This clearly shows that parents are not getting the job done to prepare their teens for life.

I wish Dr. Phil would write a book called  "Stop Raising Nice (NaiveDaughters". This book needs to alert parents of the importance of teaching their daughters about the dangers of releasing their personal information to strangers. This must be done even if it scares the teens. Their fears are much less important then anything they could actually suffer. It was shocking to see how naive these teens were. They seem to have a fairy tale belief that if they are "nice", then everyone will be nice to them. This kind of behavior could be expected in 5-7 year olds, but not in teens preparing to head off to college.

Of course, no girl asks to be raped, but their are things they can do to lessen the risk. They need to be taught that not everyone in life will have their best interests at heart, people have motives. They should not get so drunk they don't know what is happening to them. Don't give their personal information to people they don't know, or accept drinks from people they know casualty. Also, if they go anywhere with friends, don't leave without them. Watch out for friends and don't leave them with strangers. These habits should be engrained in teens by the time they reach 12-13. Parents who raise naive daughters, are doing them harm by not preparing them for life. 

Please write a book that will wise parents up, to the harm they are doing their daughters (and sons), by  raising naive teens.

lannaky
 
Replied By: mbwzx71 on Dec 19, 2015, 2:44PM
On December 8th 2015 I picked up my 15 ½ year old teen at the bus stop as usual (this day it was 2:30 pm). Her mom and I are divorced and I have my daughter after school until 7:30 pm Monday - Thursdays and every 1, 3 and 5th weekend.

On this particular day I was going to drop her off because I had something to do. However, she didn't have her key so I had a little time to kill anyway so we went to the IN & Out until her mom got home at 4:00 pm.

I was telling my daughter that she wasn't doing well enough to get her drivers permit! She just had this attitude that I couldn’t get past!! Her mom had gotten her an iPhone 6 s Plus just recently and I’m thinking to myself as I sat there eating my double- double that this kid should not even have a cell phone let alone the top of the line Apple Smartphone.

Anyway, I finished my burger and we proceeded to walk out. As we were walking out I noticed the $11 an hour posting on the door and told her to take a picture of it. So as we sat in the car I started discussing to her what a job like that would get her and she became increasing defiant about what I was making her do. So that little voice in my head just said take the phone from her and start looking through it!

This girl had secret folders with nude pictures of women and illicit writings of her sexual prowess or what she would like for it to be. She had conversation with boys whom I’m not sure of their ages. She also had porn movies of guys masturbating. I’m starting to think that my daughter is gay or bi curious.

I most have busted a million blood vessel in my head and I said a lot of things that I regret for about an hour. When I communicated this to my ex she just said this was no big deal and she would talk to her about this and to give her back the phone!! Wow, 1st of all she did deserve the phone in the 1st place and secondly theirs is no way in !@#$% I’m giving this child a phone that is laced with porn!

I think that my child is being abused by someone in my ex’s circle and I have no choice but to get the police and child services involved!

Where in the heck did I go wrong?   


 

 

 
 
Replied By: munchkin1223 on Dec 11, 2015, 4:43PM
Widowed after 25 yrs of a challenging marriage. Married to the sweetest, kindest man I've ever known. However, he complains to me a lot about my parenting of my 13 yr old son. He thinks my son is a Mama's boy.  


My son was born with a cleft palate and lip, abandoned at 3 mos old, and dumped into an orphanage until my late husband and I adopted him at age 5. His Dad died when he was 11.  He has vague memories of friends who died in a fire in the orphanage.  His big sister just moved away from home. 


So, new husband thinks son should be hanging out with his friends on weekends, not at home. Husband says son has no friends. Talked to teachers and parents who volunteer at the school and they swear son has plenty of friends. Teachers describe him as polite and hardworking. He plays football, and wrestling and plays sax in the band. Also involved in church.  Son is respectful towards husband, but doesn't take his hints when husband drops them about what he wants him to do. I've told husband to be direct, but he still complains. He compares son to what he was doing at son's age. Seems oblivious to son's background.  Doesn't understand why when he suggest the two of us adopt, my answer is absolutely not. If he can't comprehend son's struggles, I'm not about to adopt with him.  BTW, son is very responsive to correction, even from husband.  Can anyone recommend a book that might open husband's eyes to help him see where son is coming from?  

 
Replied By: jewells128 on Dec 10, 2015, 10:00AM
I had a 25 year old daughter who was the exact same way when she was 14 year old.  We went through years of therapy, changed schools etc etc etc.. Until you walk in our shoes, you would have no idea, including Dr. Phil.  Its not in a book that you read.  Every child is different, when you have one that doesn't care about consiquences, its very difficut to have punishments that would make a difference. Did what she wanted, didn't care.  As she got older, she just got bolder.  Then she wouldn't come home when she didn't want to.  The authorities, no help.  So until you walk in the shoes, don't ever judge.  Listening to Dr. Phil who never raised a troubles teenage girl, just do this, do that, talk to them, don't put up with it.  Be real, life just isn't that easy.
 
Replied By: lalexa64 on Dec 5, 2015, 7:36AM
Unbeknowst to me, my ex-husband and I hit the kid lottery with our three daughters ages, 18,15,12.  I have read through some of the comments, and to be honest I am astounded.


The worst problem I have ever had with my girls is having trouble getting them to help aound the house.  That's it, and even then it is as much my problem as it is theirs.  I hesitate to ask them to help.  If I do, they usually do as they are asked.


One person that commented said that teens don't have an privacy.  Ok, so I failed at  parenting because I don't enter their rooms without knocking, I don't read their emails, or text messages, I don't go through their things...ever.  I respect their privacy and in return they respect mine.  

Like I said, I won the kid lottery.  But, it isn't luck.  It is hard work, and you have to be willing to put your childrens needs ahead of your own in everything.   It is truly a blessing to have these wonderful, healthy, happy kids.
 
Replied By: marybb2 on Dec 3, 2015, 12:43PM - In reply to blackpannther
This is something where someone needs to be the adult here, and i t is better if it is you.   Time takes care of things like this, and you have to be the one who steps all the yelling.  She will soon realize its a mistake, but it has to Be her.  You need to sit back and let her come to you for advice or whatever.  Her father has stepped out if now and so should you.  And, she will soon realize her mistakes, when you allow her to do it.
 
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