Grandparents Raising Grandchildren

 
Grandparents face unique challenges raising their grandchildren. Are you raising your grandchild? What are your biggest concerns? How is raising a grandkid different than raising your children? Share your advice, support and stories.
Comments
Replied By: lpartin on Jul 15, 2016, 9:45AM
Dr phill everyone tells me your the man that Can help put are family back together I have been fightting cancer and when I was in liver surgry in I.l c.t.c.a my daughters boyfrien I belive hurt the baby I have fought and won with my cancer but thay would not let me see the boys becouse of my cancer fight it was heart braking anyway we had a atturny bit she never filed lies can show you everything video text paper work emails I have filed to adopt the boys and was denid denidbut now I filed appeal out of money we have the 11 year old brother from birth he makes all A in school the stat trid slandering are family more for been cancer suviver my 11 year old was not aloud see his brouthers it has killed are family thay flamed evan is to Bill it these are all lies Dr phill can you please help me we have ran out money I just need someone to help me with my appeal if you can just look at the gal record go to Maryann Bruder V dhs and Maryann Bruder V Smith how I ask is this person alowed to see what is gift for the boys this is crazy no one will address the salting of are babies by are states and goverment bottum line thay say the kids have bounded with foster parents and better not to move the better off liveing in a downtown Detroit no white no schools thay failed to get them tretment the only reson I know where thay love is foster p to lazy get medcen for Emmett so Cvs called me I had to deli


Vet to the court house I can't spell well buytthis case I have worked everyday please Dr fill look at Mary Ann b ruder everything in her court case is just. What she done to my family God your all I have for hop this has took me husben to are knees I can't leve the boys thay was stolen and how and what could a e t year olc minds figer that out my poor babies have be taken from all that know food family toys home everything this can't be best for boys Dr phill I need you to check in and do a evaluation with boys to see if you agree the star says that don't know us be couse that want let us see them please help your my only hope please call me I know you do so much if you can ring it in that big warm heart I will be forever gratfull Lisa Partin someone has to stop how the state's are makeing money off backs of are babies help us please God bless
 
Replied By: soaper54 on Jun 29, 2016, 12:34PM
OK I get so frustrated at young adults w children who feel entitled! This young mother hates her mom cause she has guidelines however she is raising her grandaughter in a nice, clean environment. She has a boyfriend who is a recovering drug addict who thinks he should get a job with no effort. What fulltime jobs does this young mom and "future step dad" have to offer this little girl? !   Will she have a safe, stable, clean place to live with proper food, clothing, medical insurance because her mom works full time? Her future Dad is working fulltime? Just cause your born does not give you privilages to this young mom & dad!
 
Replied By: ladeevis on Jun 1, 2016, 1:23PM
Hi there, I am becoming a grandparent for the first time. I do not think that grandparents should raise their grandchildren. When two people choose to have children they should consider this very carefully. Can we affort bringing a child into this world, are we as future parents prepared for this little one and give this child everything it needs without taking it daily to the grandparents, because both parents need to work to earn their money. I do not think that it is fair not only to the child but also not to the grandparents. Nowadays grandparents are independend probably still working a,d they should put their lives on hold, again? Not fair at all in my opinion. Is it selfish, no I do not think so, because I will be there always when they need me, when they want to go out to dinner i am very much willing to take care of my grandchild. The only thing I do not want to do is raise the child, that is not my task but the task of the parents.


I just want to be a loving grandmother. Where it is always fun to go to, where my grandchild finds a special warm place, where it gets spoiled a little. A warm and loving place to go to for the child
 
Replied By: tngrammie on May 25, 2016, 10:18PM
I have helped raise my grandkids they are 5 and 7 . my daughter has been a big partier and is selfish and has put herself first and then she uses them to get what she wants. girls just lost her dad the day she got out of rehab and oh it is hard
 
Replied By: httink on May 24, 2016, 9:21PM
I moved out of my mom's when I was 12. She was a drunken drug addict who cared more for her boyfriends then her own kids. I raised myself and my little sister until I was 12. I wouldn't be who I am today without weekend visits to grandma's with an aunt who showed me what a mother really was. I lived with my aunt until I was 18 and got my own place. Today I still call her mom. I'm not sure where I would be if she wasn't in my life. I am so thankful that she stepped up and became my mother when she didn't have to be.
 
Replied By: navyangel9603 on May 16, 2016, 9:50AM
I am raising two grandkids I have had the oldest since she was 7 and she is now 13. My oldest is currently in prison and will not be able to get her back when he gets out. Her mother has had absolutely no contact with her in 4 years or more. I at times have my hands full with her and I fear I cant provide the emotional support she so craves from her mom. I dont worry about her parents coming and trying to get her back as Mom lost her to foster care when she was a year old and my son has no way of getting her back after his prison sentence is finished due to the charges.However the other grand child is 3 I have had him pretty much since he was born. Both parents addicts and my daughter is there when its convient for her but she has no consistant schedule with him. She gets angry when he calls me mom and at one time when he was a year old slapped him across the mouth for calling me mom. His dad has not been here to see him for 17 month's. The child dont even recognize a picture of his dad. This all breaks my heart and may I add that both parents have supervised visitation by me only.  Both of these kids have no true family but my husband and I. My grandson's pateranl family is not involved with his life as every time I tried to do what was right and allow the grandparents to take him the court order was violated and his parents were allowed to be there. I couldnt and won't jeapordize losing him to the stae and him being placed in foster care. But I feel so guilty at the same time as I feel he should be involved in the other side of family. But I must also Protect him and put him first. All this being said I am still very worried that if and when my daughter or his father ever get their life back on track that they will get him back and he will be ripped from my arms. I honestly dont feel as I could handle this. When I was asked to take custody of him so he wasnt in the foster care sysytem I did so thinking that it would be temporary why the parents went to rehab and did what needed to be done. But it is now 3 almost 4 years later and neither of them are close to getting him back. And I feel he is my son. I have raised him, I have nurtured, loved and provided for him in every sense of a Mother and I feel it would be so wrong to take him from the only home and true meaning of family he has ever had. I have been the only real mom either of these kids have ever really known and in my heart they are my children not my grand kids. If the time ever came that they be removed from my care it would seriously kill me.
 
Replied By: srw1958 on Feb 16, 2016, 11:10AM
Just watched a rerun of the show and sorry I can't remember names but the Mother and Step Father were there with the grown Daughter that had 4 kids from different Men and gave 3 up for adoption and the Mother has raised the Boys now 11 years old. Why was Dr Phil so gentle with this Woman? She sat with a smirk on her face like it was all fun and games! House is disgusting and not even fit for a Dog! Does drugs and is a total mess! I feel Dr Phil tiptoed around her! I would like a update show on this Family and hoping the Children are far away from her!
 
Replied By: danidani on Feb 2, 2016, 12:30AM
The concerns in recent years to now is to just share by blogging," how important it is for there to be support outside of the family" with minimal motive or unrecognized objectives or judgements. For some reason it seems people really don't care to make friends or they are consumed in their lives. I've learned also that it is not a sure thing what a GP knows and to utilize knowledge or in the middle of learning new things such as current best practices versus how things were handled 150 years ago with great G G Grandmaw but what currently is advocated for. There are many people against grandparent (s). It's almost anti-social most suredly communication blocks. I think any arrangements that include the birth parent(s) coming and going has its pros and cons but most importantly the larger groups are better dealt with from grandparents instead of birth parents. It's heck out there and the amount of support the larger group has is important to the lives / lifestyle of the GP and Gc. My Gc didn't see his mom very much the first 3 years, but I had ask her with the assumption a Social Worker would be making contact with her because she still currently has no HS diploma, no job, and unmarried and was 22 23 years old, running around in the information age of infested drug communities, with a fractured splintered shoulder, with prescription medications, "will she be putting him in pre-k?" . It got her attention but she didn't. There's noone saying she had too, so as a GP being on your toes is best. I wake up better now than I did 30 years ago. I hear more pertinent information more than I did at  20 and 30. I've now gotten the second half of the discipline plan where 30 years ago I only was part dicsiplining, and I now have so much information but saddened at how some of the problems being uniqe can be occuring after we've done so much.
 
Replied By: lineinthesand on Jan 7, 2016, 5:40AM - In reply to lineinthesand
Hello i am in pretty much the same situation. The main difference is that the bios did have custody for about 2 years and the grandsons do remember that time, especailly the older one. We have had custody since they were 2 and 4, they are now 7 and 9. Just like you, the bios have supervised visits. I specifically told my daughter to stop talking about reuinification in her vists. I told the vist monitor she is not to talk about reunification with the boys. Well, yesterday, she announced to the boys that she is pregnant. I am not happy about this pregnancy, mainly becuase of my daughter's manipulations and refusal to acknowledge her mental illness and drug issues. She has used heroin as recently as 7 months ago, and although she may be "clean" for time periods, she has not dealt with her mental health issues. She continues to live in a fantasy world and is a horrible influence on the children. Like you i have the boys seeing a terrific counselor. They have made so much progress. But this pregnancy, and her failure to tell me before the boys proves she is not making plans to protect their emotional well being. She is a long way from being capable of raising these boys along with another baby. The man she is living with (i am assuming he is the father) is not a drug user but i am dissapointed in him noneltheless that they did not use a better form of birth control and that he would make a baby with someone with so much drama and mental illness it is unfair to the child. I have compeltely distanced my self from my daughter. I only see her when i absoutely have to. So i will not have a relationship with this new baby very much either. I am okay with that. But i worry about the boys seeing my lack of enthusiasm for this pregnancy. To make matters worse, she is high-risk, so the chance if a misaciiruage is so high that she shoould not have told them until she was at least in the second trimester. Obviously, she has no concept of protecting the children from unnessesary drama and her manipulations.
 
Replied By: lineinthesand on Jan 7, 2016, 5:39AM - In reply to ashtin
Hello i am in pretty much the same situation. The main difference is that the bios did have custody for about 2 years and the grandsons do remember that time, especailly the older one. We have had custody since they were 2 and 4, they are now 7 and 9. Just like you, the bios have supervised visits. I specifically told my daughter to stop talking about reuinification in her vists. I told the vist monitor she is not to talk about reunification with the boys. Well, yesterday, she announced to the boys that she is pregnant. I am not happy about this pregnancy, mainly becuase of my daughter's manipulations and refusal to acknowledge her mental illness and drug issues. She has used heroin as recently as 7 months ago, and although she may be "clean" for time periods, she has not dealt with her mental health issues. She continues to live in a fantasy world and is a horrible influence on the children. Like you i have the boys seeing a terrific counselor. They have made so much progress. But this pregnancy, and her failure to tell me before the boys proves she is not making plans to protect their emotional well being. She is a long way from being capable of raising these boys along with another baby. The man she is living with (i am assuming he is the father) is not a drug user but i am dissapointed in him noneltheless that they did not use a better form of birth control and that he would make a baby with someone with so much drama and mental illness it is unfair to the child. I have compeltely distanced my self from my daughter. I only see her when i absoutely have to. So i will not have a relationship with this new baby very much either. I am okay with that. But i worry about the boys seeing my lack of enthusiasm for this pregnancy. To make matters worse, she is high-risk, so the chance if a misaciiruage is so high that she shoould not have told them until she was at least in the second trimester. Obviously, she has no concept of protecting the children from unnessesary drama and her manipulations.
 
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