Sign up for the Dr. Phil Newsletter
Twitter Facebook YouTube

Stay-At-Home Moms

 
Being able to stay home with your child can be very rewarding, but do you sometimes crave adult interaction? Chat with other SAHMs, share advice, support, tips and ideas, and enjoy a little break from the kids!
Comments
Replied By: blueangelmilw on Oct 10, 2014, 1:59PM
I'm a SAHM with a daughter in all-day kindergarten. I am not at all happy in my marriage and want to get out.

My husband drinks too much. When he's sober, he's a good husband and father. But when he's drunk, he's verbally abusive. I'm tense all of the time, because living here is like walking on eggshells. Anything I say or do will be held against me next time he's drunk. I live my life trying not to give Mr. Hyde any ammunition to use against me. Because of this, I'm tense, jumpy and irritable. I can never relax. 

Our daughter recently said that sometimes she wishes he didn't live us, because all he does is yell at her. I told him this, hoping he'd see the light. Instead, he got drunk and yelled at me instead.

I tried to get a part-time job, but my husband is not supportive of anything permanent. He will let me work while she's in school, but expects me to be home with her before & after school, and expects me to quit during summer vacation. He feels very strongly that our daughter should not be in daycare before & after school or during the summer. 

I hear Dr. Phil's words in my head every day: "Children would rather be FROM a broken home than LIVE IN one," and "You sold out your kids for money?" I don't want to be the mom who subjects herself and her child to living in misery because she doesn't think she can provide for her family alone.  

I don't know how I'm going to start earning enough money to support my daughter and I. The bad economy has hit us hard, so his income cannot support two households and our bank accounts have been drained. I've been home for 7 years, so my skills are outdated. 

Are there any resources for women like me who need help figuring out how to get back to supporting ourselves so we can get out of an unhealthy marriage?
 
Replied By: mj0ates on Dec 7, 2012, 12:21PM - In reply to jgray007
I completely understand your perspective and at times feel there is no time in the day to take for myself.  That is up until my emotional strength started to plummet. I reached out to my mother and grandmother for advice and they both had some terrific ideas that were realistic and the BEST part~ NO COST!  One of the first suggestions I implemented right away- waking up an hour before my family wakes up. This was sort of a struggle at first, because to me sleep is like GOLD~ precious! After the first week I started to notice that my moods were more stable~meaning I didn't have frequent mood swings and I found that I was actually a happier mommy and wife for my family. During the hour of "you time" you can do anything you want....whatever it is you enjoy you can utilize this free hour to start of the day for "You". For instance, I really enjoy having my cup of coffee, my incense, soft relaxing music, and scripture time. I feel really good that I took this advice and recommend that if you do not already do that in your day, to try it out for at least a week or two.  Additionally, I have 3 children total; one who is in school all day, and two little ones that are with me full time. I find that planning weekly menus and dedicated days for different chores (spread out and not ever on the weekends) I have more time to think about what it is I am doing in the moment and more time to spend on something I need or want. My kids love learning, dancing, singing, and playing~ so in the morning we spend a good chunk doing activities together~after lunches we try to rest and have quiet time. Normally, during "rest time" I can hop online and start homework. I try to use daytime hours to spend on school and that shortens up the amount of night time hours I have to spend doing school. Finding 15 minutes of something you enjoy doing two or three times during the day, waking up an hour early, coupled with a good nights rest adds up to a huge treat I can give to myself that no amount of money can. I know it can be difficult to find "me time" or treat yourself to days of pampering, but you have to develop some new techniques in order to change what it is you do not like. If "you time" is rare and something that you do not give yourself daily~ well, you just will find yourself in the same old "rut". Your happiness is equally as important as your families. Being creative an open minded is just one way to start to make changes. Good luck to you!
 
Replied By: sharonv2549 on Nov 28, 2012, 8:04PM - In reply to jgray007
jgray007  what U said was 100% true.  U hit the nail on the head.  ty
 
Replied By: drphilisawesom on Nov 28, 2012, 11:40AM - In reply to jgray007
Well said!
 
Replied By: jgray007 on Nov 26, 2012, 3:58PM
I love Robin, but how unreal to think that a woman with 10 children can afford anything for herself!  She is crying out for help from her husband and Robin is telling her to "take time for yourself".  Hello!  No offense Robin, but you live a totally different life than us ladies who work full time, and/or go to school full time, keep a house full time, without or without help of any kind.  I could no more afford to get a "pedi or mani" than buy a postage stamp to send my bill off!  I think Robin is far beyond the "I have to clean my house, take a class or go to work, make  three meals for my family."  I love you Robin, and I know your heart is there, but most middle class American women are scrambling to survive.  Take time for yourself?  God Help Us Every Woman!
 
Showing 1-5 of total 5 Comments