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Single Moms

 
Are you raising a child or children on your own? What are some of the struggles you face? How have you persevered in this role? Do you struggle to balance parenthood and time for yourself? Share your challenges and strategies with others.
Comments
Replied By: aprilssmiling on Jul 30, 2014, 9:29PM - In reply to acebo20
your situation sounds insurmountable.   Be proud of yourself, be amazing, because you are.  Human beings are flawed and limited by thier own experience.  I doubt any of your school advisors or teachers have had a situation like your's, and have any idea what your doing, or going through.



Be proud of yourself.  Be mindful of how much you're accomplishing on a daily basis.   Don't let them or society tell you what to think or do in your shoes.  You have to walk in those shoes, and they don't. 



In other words,  'fuck them'.    If they can't see it they aren't worthy of your attention.   You sound like an Amazing person doing amazing things.   A grade in sociology does not decide who you are in society.  A grade in math does not decide how smart you are.  It's all just paper work in some governmental system that has nothing to do with who, or what you are.

I admire you, and think your amazingly strong.  

Don't let the fact that they are "educated adults" sway who you think you are.   Education and age have nothing to do with what kind of human being we choose to be. 

and that is more important then anything a school can give you.
 
Replied By: aprilssmiling on Jul 30, 2014, 9:18PM
I've survived and thrived for 7 years as a bipolar and a BPD because of my son.  He gave me a reason to be a mom, to be better, to survive.  Lately it has become so hard to keep doing it.  I constantly fight the suicidal ideations, none of them serious, but they bug me.  Like, Why the hell do these thoughts even come to me!!  It used to be that I'd just shrug them off, and tell them to go away, and I would be fine.  I went to my doctor, got on medication because I knew that it was becoming something I could not handle alone.  My doctor is amazing.  I explained to her that the mental health realm scares the crap out of me, and I'd do anything to stay away from it.  She's helping and trying to get me on a med that helps.  But to some extent I have a block that keeps me from telling her how bad the self dialogue and things have been. 

I've been there.... in the system, and I know if I go back in, I might not be able to raise my son.  That keeps me from breaking the edge.    Some days though, when I feel like I'm failing, when I feel like I'm totally screwing it all up for him, I start to wonder if he'd be better off without me.  I know it's bad, I know it's wrong, but somehow those thoughts kreep in and I have no idea how to deal with them without getting into the system.  

As much as the doctors would like you to believe the system helps....  it makes things worse.  Being in a nut house only solidifies the crazy... It makes it real, and then it's even harder to move passed.   I've been there, I've done that, and I need a way to deal with it, a way to head on the crazy without a bunch of educated pricks telling me how to keep it controlled.  I don't want it controlled, I want it to go away!!!  Let it storm, because rain just don't do nature justice.

and that's it.  Time for bed, and to start a new day pretending to be completely normal.  NO thing wrong with me!  I don't walk passed the machines trying to think of ways to be injured to death, oh no.  I'm normal and want to be a successful and well part of society!

because that's the way it's supposed to be.   And anything else would make me a bad mother.  And I would do anything not to wreck it for my boy.    Maybe why I left a nasty message for Dr. Phil.   I see all these horrible people , hurting and destroying other peoples lives getting help.... and all I'm trying to do is keep moving through the day... keep from hurting anyone.... and I have to hold everything back, keep it all in, otherwise, I might lose control completely and be a bad mom.  It suck's Dr. Phil, it's hard, and for all those people who don't have to struggle on a daily, hourly, second by second basis have no idea.  And yet they watch the show demonize these people... and it makes me feel hopeless. 

I remember when the show used to give me hope.   But not anymore.  I can't watch most times, it's so god damn depressing.  How can I ever get help, when I know this... (what your show visualizes to people) is what people think.   God help me.  I just want my boy to grow up happy and healthy.  I want him to be a kind loving person, and all I can think is... I'm going to screw this up somehow. 



I'm ranting.... I have no other outlet.  Does anyone feel what I'm saying?  Am I alone?  Is it just me in this tiny scary black room?  I hope so...

~aprilssmiling



you never know.  two days from now I might be the happiest person in the world, and I'll totally forget I even wrote this.   Such is my life.
 
Replied By: texasmom787 on Jul 25, 2014, 4:45PM - In reply to camflys
At 37, I don't think you are responsible for your 'child'.   Especially since he refuses to help himself...   As much as we wish we could protect them from the world, when they become an adult, they are really on their own unless they are mentally ill to the point of being in a hospital.   My heart goes out to you!   But you cannot give this child your life and it sounds like you just might be doing that if you continue to take him in.  Are there any social workers in your area ?     In my state there is an organization called LifeWorks that has counselors who work either on sliding scale or sometimes free.    I would ask every medical doctor/nurse, etc. I know to refer me and try to find a professional to help you.    prayers to you !
 
Replied By: jcwright on Jul 17, 2014, 5:30PM - In reply to spiritofflight
I don't know what happened, but good for you.
 
Replied By: spiritofflight on Jul 17, 2014, 11:05AM
Today marks two years since I truly had an out of body experience, and will be a date that will forever stand out in the story of my life. With the spirits of my guardian angels, my cousins, to guide me, I floated above myself that Tuesday morning, July 17th, 2012, and did not see myself at all really- at first, anyway. What caught my undivided attention in those desperate, chaotic moments, were my two beautiful children (only aged 3 1/2 and 10 mos), in the midst of a seriously unhealthy dysfunction, emotional turmoil, abuse and subsequent fear...yet nothing mattered more than to make the call that would ultimately 'save' us, even though it I knew that call would be the beginning of the end. My young daughters, who came into my life for a higher reason, I believe, originally served- and certainly still serve- as my sole purpose in getting out right then and there, or else I question if I still would be...but because of their almost divinely-intervened presence, I decided that day we were not meant to take continue on that path, in that life, and I came to fully realize and be grateful for this enlightenment.

It has taken some time to come to learn about myself, domestic abuse and violence and what I've had to do to live a happy, healthier, freer life...though it may have been in hindsight (and has come with more than the fair share of stress, and times where I've had to dig so incredibly deep to find more strength to keep it all moving onward and upward, even when I felt I was absolutely depleted- Excelsior!!), I do not have any regrets. I am wiser, stronger, humbled, hopeful...a survivor.

There are a small, albeit truly beyond special handful of people, who have selflessly contributed to supporting me and my cause unconditionally, but no need to name names, they know exactly who they are. And, this Facebook 'status'  is just the forum in which I may share this important, liberating message... that I am proud to continually and more audibly end the silence I had carried for so long. This you see is empowering in itself, but more so purposes to inspire others, as well as raise awareness of an issue so compound, embedded and intertwined in our society, it is rarely enough spoken about without reservation...So here it is...and this is my own proclaimed, personal 'Independence Day.'

 Interestingly, one of my favorite pics of my girls (taken just a couple weeks after that pivotal day) hangs on my dresser mirror as my reminder that these smiles were and are still enough to go on...to be incredibly proud of myself for completing changing their lives for the better. And my own as well, I guess I should add :)

Final note: it's perfectly ok- and a human right- to expect more for yourself and never settle for less than what you deserve, or how you should be treated! End the silence...
 
Replied By: terrym4u on Jul 9, 2014, 3:37PM
My fiancé needs some advice on how to break a 10 year old from thinking every time is play time even when it's time to be disciplined she plays and never takes her serious.  Her mom is guilty of playing with her too much and now it's getting real bad. HELP!!
 
Replied By: pattianne409 on Jun 18, 2014, 7:56AM
I am a single mom and there are alot of struggles that come with it.  I saw on the local news today that the little girl who was taken away in Boston is returning home.  I had the same thing happen to me in DC.  I think being a single mom played a major role in this event.  I think it hurt me more than it helped.  My hope is that I will be able to get my daughter back and clear my name.  I hope that all the parents who have been falsely accused get their kids back home safe.  I also hope that every parent who has been falsely accused and convicted of child abuse be fully exhonerated.  All these families need to be restored.  cps's all across the country need to be held accountable for ruining these families and all of our lives.
 
Replied By: nana3jaskids on Jun 17, 2014, 3:20PM
i am a single mother 32yrs old my oldest son 10yrs old have  ADHD he has to get help in school he is in EC classes i have a son that is 5 he ADD and a daughter that is 4yrs old and i have to take care of them 24/7 with my mental problems i  have really bad ups and downs they come alot my mother didnt help me r tell me school was important so education i am really not good with it so i talk to my kids everyday my GOD give me air to breath that EDUCATION IS THE KEY i tell them you cant make it no where in life without EDUCATION i was going school online my family doctor took me out bc i didnt have no clue to what to do with my mental issues i write POETRY ABOUT MY LIFE AND WHAT I BEEN THROUGH to get me through i my not read on my age but i write with all my might because GOD use his true DEEP SHEEPS TO DO HIS DEEDS and i feel i 1 of them  i think ever mother needs a broke every now and again so i can understand were this mother is coming from it happens but people really dont like to tell family problems I DONT MIND IT HELPS ME OUT TO HELP MYSELF AND SOMEONE LOOKING IN I AM A LIVING TESTMONY that dont mind tell my life bc GOD is MY LIGHT every person has a story but who wants to hear it and really help
 
Replied By: acebo20 on Jun 15, 2014, 8:16PM
My mom is a single mom. A year ago, she had her 2nd heart attack and quad heart bypass surgery. She recovered, then got shingles, then the vomiting began. We became homeless, I dropped out of school, most of our valuables were stolen, our beloved cat died, we had no car, no family. We only had each other. And she was sick. I became her caregiver.


1.3 million teens are caregivers of a sick family member. 22% of dropouts of caregiving youth. Often, they do it all alone. And they are misunderstood. Their dental, medical, emotional, social, and personal hygiene are neglected because they r too busy taking care of their parents or too stressed. I was one of them. 




These teens go to their parent's hospital and doctor visits for emotional and physical support, as well as giving doctors info (SSN, BD, illnesses, medicines, symptoms, etc.) At home, they do all the household chores and errands and take care of their parent full time. They miss a lot of school. 



My school didnt understand. The guidance counselor and teachers didnt understand. Some were mad that i missed so much school or was moody. Awareness for caregiving youth is extremely low. And schools need to be more aware of what some of their students are dealing with and help them. Instead of lecture or yell at them or undermine what is going on. 


 
Replied By: gigi1066 on Jun 14, 2014, 1:39PM - In reply to camflys
I have empathy for your situation, being a single mom of four myself (one that has some disabilitites).  I think as mothers we think we are supposed to just give and give and give, no matter what sacrifices we have to make.  The problem with doing this is that it does take a huge toll on our mental and physical health, especially as we get older.  There has to be clear boundaries set in any relationship, even with our children.  I understand that you have had to carry the brunt of the responsibility with your son all these years and you did everything out of love for him.  I myself have always had the sole responsibility of making the decisions for my son when it comes to his mental and physical well-being and now that he is 18, nothing has really changed only because he does have some issues that will prolong him maturing and being able to handle the normal things that most adults learn to deal with sooner.  So I am saying all of this to let you know that you are not alone, but more importantly, you have to take care of yourself before you can help anyone else.  It will not do your son any good if your health declines further, and it will also not help him to grow and take on the responsibilities that he desperately needs to learn to handle.  I do not know if your area offers transition services such as DARS, but if you were to call either your local Department of Human Services or even contact the prison, they should be able to offer suggestions as to what is available as a source of help for you and your son.  My son is just now beginning to work with DARS to help him transition from high school into college and the real world once he graduates next year, so I cannot offer any real feedback as to how the services work at this time.  I do however know of many parents that have gone through using them and have had alot of success.  I truly hope things work out for you and your son.  As difficult as it is, the reality is that one day we will not be here to guide them, or bail them out of trouble, so as their mothers we have to find a way to help them become as independent as possible while we are around.  First and foremost is taking care of you!!
 
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