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Single Moms

 
Are you raising a child or children on your own? What are some of the struggles you face? How have you persevered in this role? Do you struggle to balance parenthood and time for yourself? Share your challenges and strategies with others.
Comments
Replied By: oceanentity on Aug 28, 2014, 8:52AM - In reply to aprilssmiling
Hi just noticed there is also a Depression and Grief Title/subject discussion help part here on the message board. If you arent already part of it .
 
Replied By: oceanentity on Aug 28, 2014, 8:29AM - In reply to aprilssmiling
hello , firstly i would like to say i hope " today " you are feeling alright and reasonably ok. I suffer with depression and have been taking Cymbalta 90 mg for around 4 years , you sound like you have had a terrible experience in your mental health system and im so sorry for that , you are not " crazy " you are experiencing the symptoms of Bipolar. i will say though and you probably know already some people look like they are coping with society and appear what you call " normal " but their lives are only just manageable , i know that because im one of those people to the outside community. Not all professionals are bad , their educations is what keeps us safe i think you dont want just any tom,dick or harry playong around with your thoughts and feelings when your symptoms are not in control. that all said ( i like to rant to its what i like to do ) find your balance on any given day and go with it , dont let the symptoms of your bipolar define who you are. You dont need to see DR phil in particular to strengthen your life you can find a professional who can assist you do your work , to kick your own ass into action. Im sure you already know what it is you need to be doing.


when we feel low Dr Phils shows on certain topics can seem as if we are looking through frosted glass , uninspiring and on another day will appear different. try and change your own outlook in your life, theres always hope...never give up and be that role model to your child its never too late to start.
 
Replied By: oceanentity on Aug 28, 2014, 8:20AM - In reply to serenamoses
Hello , wow you have been through alot and i feel for you and can relate from many many years back. As long as you feel safe negotiating with this man thats great, but if not maybe utilise those mediation resources that are usually free of charge and have professionals that can assist the process for your children he may listen to them moreso then if what they reccommend doesnt sit with him he cant keep blaming his misfortunes on you as this may escalate into violence. He sounds as if he hasnt let go of his past and is still very immature, your instincts are spot on. I wish you the best an dhope it works out ok.
 
Replied By: oceanentity on Aug 28, 2014, 8:12AM
hi , i am again an independent  parent after 17 years , the first time was when my oldest daughter now 16 was only 14 months old i left an abusive relationship after 10 years. i find it a bit easier than when the she was young , now with her as well as my other 11 year old daughter i found i went through so many different stages which i think we can all relate to , i felt sad for the girls in reguards to losing the two parent home . I think i over worried when they were quiet that it was affecting them, At first i tried to show only strong mum who isnt affected but it was relayed back that they felt i was fine with the seperation when i wasnt i was feeling shock,hurt,alone and scared. they also felt this so i needed to i suppose not be on their level at their age as i feel they still need a strong role model in us but let them know im human also ? .


ill admit im still only comfortable sleeping on MY side of the bed ... i havent slept in the middle as other seperayed parents i know reccommend. I cried when i had to mow the lawn ( i know silly) .I got resentful and angry when i had to change a tyre or organise home repairs ( we lead a very traditional lifestyle . ( and no that has nothing to do with the seperation )


so still battling depression as the reasons behind the break has been traumatic and im still learning to cope ( not an affair) .
 
Replied By: serenamoses on Aug 1, 2014, 4:00PM
Hello I am a single mother of 3 beautiful children. 2 of my children have a father that has been in and out of prison this last time he got out I actually let him get involved with sports and stuff he begged for another chance my kids grades dropped tremendously and they got very confused so I talked to there dad about it he says it's my fualt I kept them from him but he put himself in prison and chose gangs so he went to a wrestling tournament and started telling a grandmother and some other parents he was still a gang member what are you crazy he hasn't even been out a year so when I talked to him and he put all the blame on me I said Fuck it and I moved with my children I told him prove he can stay out for a year take parenting classes and remove gang tattoos and don't try teaching my son prison crap like he's a boy if he wants to stand and pee he will he doesn't have to sit then we can start supervised visits am I doing the right thing cause his family is really giving me a hard time for this and they are happy now again
 
Replied By: neeva1975 on Aug 1, 2014, 9:27AM
Being a mother is a gift from God and is the most important person to a child's lefe and development. All of us who never thought we could be any stronger thsn we were learn something new about ourselves when we become the only one who is responsible for raising our children on our own by ourselves. I was in an abusive situation that only occurred once and got out as quickly as i could. My child was only 20 months old. I have never remarried and she is now a beautiful 15 year old. I have learned to step up and do many things i may not have wanted to do alone but did alone for my daughter. And yes its been a huge struggle to balance time for my child and time for myself but i think we have to dig down deep inside and face the reality of our situation and become a string role model for our children. I am not saying i have done everything right at all by any means. I get loud when i am mad but i have always put my daughter first. I will say this. I feel as though i had very good and strong parents with a flgood relationship with each other and me so i had great examples growing up. They have also been a huge part in helping with my daughter. I also have a major back problem and have had surgery and will have to have others so i cannot work. My daughter also lost her father in 2007. She has had a lot of issues with the grief and is currently in counseling. I continue along with my parents and her father's parents to try to provide good role models for my daughter. "I feel very strongly that our children see what we do and may not always listen to us. We can only do whst we know when it comes to our children and do it the best we can and if we can't, as mothers its our job to ask for help when we need it if it is in the children's best interest. Being proud is one thing but being proud and dumb effects those closest to you."
 
Replied By: aprilssmiling on Jul 30, 2014, 9:29PM - In reply to acebo20
your situation sounds insurmountable.   Be proud of yourself, be amazing, because you are.  Human beings are flawed and limited by thier own experience.  I doubt any of your school advisors or teachers have had a situation like your's, and have any idea what your doing, or going through.



Be proud of yourself.  Be mindful of how much you're accomplishing on a daily basis.   Don't let them or society tell you what to think or do in your shoes.  You have to walk in those shoes, and they don't. 



In other words,  'fuck them'.    If they can't see it they aren't worthy of your attention.   You sound like an Amazing person doing amazing things.   A grade in sociology does not decide who you are in society.  A grade in math does not decide how smart you are.  It's all just paper work in some governmental system that has nothing to do with who, or what you are.

I admire you, and think your amazingly strong.  

Don't let the fact that they are "educated adults" sway who you think you are.   Education and age have nothing to do with what kind of human being we choose to be. 

and that is more important then anything a school can give you.
 
Replied By: aprilssmiling on Jul 30, 2014, 9:18PM
I've survived and thrived for 7 years as a bipolar and a BPD because of my son.  He gave me a reason to be a mom, to be better, to survive.  Lately it has become so hard to keep doing it.  I constantly fight the suicidal ideations, none of them serious, but they bug me.  Like, Why the hell do these thoughts even come to me!!  It used to be that I'd just shrug them off, and tell them to go away, and I would be fine.  I went to my doctor, got on medication because I knew that it was becoming something I could not handle alone.  My doctor is amazing.  I explained to her that the mental health realm scares the crap out of me, and I'd do anything to stay away from it.  She's helping and trying to get me on a med that helps.  But to some extent I have a block that keeps me from telling her how bad the self dialogue and things have been. 

I've been there.... in the system, and I know if I go back in, I might not be able to raise my son.  That keeps me from breaking the edge.    Some days though, when I feel like I'm failing, when I feel like I'm totally screwing it all up for him, I start to wonder if he'd be better off without me.  I know it's bad, I know it's wrong, but somehow those thoughts kreep in and I have no idea how to deal with them without getting into the system.  

As much as the doctors would like you to believe the system helps....  it makes things worse.  Being in a nut house only solidifies the crazy... It makes it real, and then it's even harder to move passed.   I've been there, I've done that, and I need a way to deal with it, a way to head on the crazy without a bunch of educated pricks telling me how to keep it controlled.  I don't want it controlled, I want it to go away!!!  Let it storm, because rain just don't do nature justice.

and that's it.  Time for bed, and to start a new day pretending to be completely normal.  NO thing wrong with me!  I don't walk passed the machines trying to think of ways to be injured to death, oh no.  I'm normal and want to be a successful and well part of society!

because that's the way it's supposed to be.   And anything else would make me a bad mother.  And I would do anything not to wreck it for my boy.    Maybe why I left a nasty message for Dr. Phil.   I see all these horrible people , hurting and destroying other peoples lives getting help.... and all I'm trying to do is keep moving through the day... keep from hurting anyone.... and I have to hold everything back, keep it all in, otherwise, I might lose control completely and be a bad mom.  It suck's Dr. Phil, it's hard, and for all those people who don't have to struggle on a daily, hourly, second by second basis have no idea.  And yet they watch the show demonize these people... and it makes me feel hopeless. 

I remember when the show used to give me hope.   But not anymore.  I can't watch most times, it's so god damn depressing.  How can I ever get help, when I know this... (what your show visualizes to people) is what people think.   God help me.  I just want my boy to grow up happy and healthy.  I want him to be a kind loving person, and all I can think is... I'm going to screw this up somehow. 



I'm ranting.... I have no other outlet.  Does anyone feel what I'm saying?  Am I alone?  Is it just me in this tiny scary black room?  I hope so...

~aprilssmiling



you never know.  two days from now I might be the happiest person in the world, and I'll totally forget I even wrote this.   Such is my life.
 
Replied By: texasmom787 on Jul 25, 2014, 4:45PM - In reply to camflys
At 37, I don't think you are responsible for your 'child'.   Especially since he refuses to help himself...   As much as we wish we could protect them from the world, when they become an adult, they are really on their own unless they are mentally ill to the point of being in a hospital.   My heart goes out to you!   But you cannot give this child your life and it sounds like you just might be doing that if you continue to take him in.  Are there any social workers in your area ?     In my state there is an organization called LifeWorks that has counselors who work either on sliding scale or sometimes free.    I would ask every medical doctor/nurse, etc. I know to refer me and try to find a professional to help you.    prayers to you !
 
Replied By: jcwright on Jul 17, 2014, 5:30PM - In reply to spiritofflight
I don't know what happened, but good for you.
 
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