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Are you raising a child or children on your own? What are some of the struggles you face? How have you persevered in this role? Do you struggle to balance parenthood and time for yourself? Share your challenges and strategies with others.
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(Last: May 6, 13, 2:10PM)
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Replied By: reddarling on May 6, 2013, 2:10PM
i left my exhusbad who adopted my three kids which is now grown but he was a vietnam vet with ptsd! he molested my youngest daughter and went to va han his lawyer got him off cause of his mental problems! he also was violent verbal and phyiscal . the va set him money for the three kids but he pocketed it and refused to give me a dime! mary blair in the va affairs said they can collect the money but dont have to give to spouce for child support as that wasvery wrong! i hope they can change that rule before any other woman gets hurt bye it as i had to pay for everything myself! thank you and god bless!
Replied By: lonelyjen on Apr 22, 2013, 1:23AM
I am a single mother of two children that are 13 and 3, I am in my early 30's and I go to school full-time which I am in the process of withdrawing since I simply can not deal with the day to day stresses that come along with raising two children all on my own while attempting to pass my classes. You see I suffer from Bipolar Disorder, Depression and Anxiety Disorder. I have since I was only 10 years old. I have been hospitalized several times for suicide attempts in the past. When life gets to hard, I can't pay my bills, the children are fighting constantly....I just want to curl up into a ball then run from all of my problems.
I take medications, I see a counsler yet nothing seems to keep my manic episodes under control. I love my children but when they are alway fighting, I just lose it and get angry, I only raise my voice at my children as I would never lay a hand on them. But several minutes afterwards I feel so sad, guilty and as if I'm the worst mother in the world. My children deserve a mother that does not have a mental illness. Some days I can't even function normally, I need help but I simply do not know what to do. I want my children to have the best life they possibly can. To live in a household without yelling or chaos. I do not know how to get them to get along.
My 3yr old daughter is so attached to me that I can't go anywhere without here. She follows me everywhere I go. I can' t get her on a schedule, she acts out in every public place we go. It's so embarassing. My 13 year old son gets annoyed by her and it makes me sad that they can't get along and love one another. I just want use to be one happy family but my illness needs to get better some how. Right now we are facing getting evicted from our place, losing everything we have so tensions are high.
I would just like suggestions from people as to what they think I should do. Please be kind in your response as I am a very emotional person. Thank you
I take medications, I see a counsler yet nothing seems to keep my manic episodes under control. I love my children but when they are alway fighting, I just lose it and get angry, I only raise my voice at my children as I would never lay a hand on them. But several minutes afterwards I feel so sad, guilty and as if I'm the worst mother in the world. My children deserve a mother that does not have a mental illness. Some days I can't even function normally, I need help but I simply do not know what to do. I want my children to have the best life they possibly can. To live in a household without yelling or chaos. I do not know how to get them to get along.
My 3yr old daughter is so attached to me that I can't go anywhere without here. She follows me everywhere I go. I can' t get her on a schedule, she acts out in every public place we go. It's so embarassing. My 13 year old son gets annoyed by her and it makes me sad that they can't get along and love one another. I just want use to be one happy family but my illness needs to get better some how. Right now we are facing getting evicted from our place, losing everything we have so tensions are high.
I would just like suggestions from people as to what they think I should do. Please be kind in your response as I am a very emotional person. Thank you
Replied By: milez91 on Apr 20, 2013, 6:34AM - In reply to butilookgood
Hello,
It seems as though you are a bit angry with your child. I see that you two are doing the same things to one another. When you guys are good and she is on your side you will praise her and be happy but the minute she returns with her dad you are talking bad about her. I feel as though you are still upset about the fact she chose to be with her dad and continues to do so as she is still upset with you for your reaction. It seems like a war between her father, the step mom, and you. Each person continuously trying to prove who is the better parent by how many kids are on their side. Both of you need to stop doing this. It should not be if your daughter is good with her father she is upset with you and vice versa. Kids have a funny way of praying on parents weaknesses. To say your daughter is jealous of you...well I can only go by what I read as I do not know the entire story. I don;t think your twenty something year old daughter would be jealous of her 50 something mother even if you look 35 30 or 27. I think it is more so she is hurt, angry, and she will try to make you pay and blame you for her own issues growing up. She knows you feel bad for it and it hurts you that she is not close to you. I know you love your daughter I can tell. But there is a thin line between loving someone and inabling them to do as they please. She is a grown women and when she chooses to mature and really be there you have to allow her. If you are explaining your situation to friends and family like you are on here I can see why she does the things she does as far as try to push things that she knows will hurt you to your face. The reason why I say this is, when she hears you say she is filthy and had pads everywhere and she is selfish and all of these things putting her most vounerable time (when she attempted suicide) out there and make it seem as though you were doing her a big favor by staying with her she is not going to be too pleased about that. I would not want my business out there like that. If you know she is purposely doing these things to upset you and you are confident in your parenting skills do not let that phase you. I don't think you should be looking on her facebook honestly becasue all that is going to do is really hurt you in the end. And like I said she may not be talking to you but she may be determined to hurt you and she is doing this just so you can be hurt and to negatively impact your day. Or she may really feel like that at the moment. My co-worker had a similar experience with her daughter and she flipped on her (they were like best friends) and was so disrespectful to her. I told her she should not stand for it. I told her she should let her daughter know how much she loves her and let her know the door is always openwhen she is prepared to sit down and respectfully talk to her but do not allow her to break her down and be disrespectful. Her daughter would also flaunt her dads new wife in her moms face (this is the women he had an affair with for 6 months, also his boss, and thats why their marriage ended) i told her to always pick up her calls, talk to her in a loving tone, always remind her you love her but nicely and firmly tell her you will not put up with her disrespect.And you know what? her daughter reached out to her apologized, cried, asked to take her to dinner and they are on good terms. the worst thing you can do as a parent is show your hurt and dissapointment in a negative manner. She will cling to that and use anything negative you say about her (even if it's true) as a reason she does not like you. I am speaking from experience. I am a mother and I was also very rebellious and thought I hated my dad. I was not too nice to my mother either. I just thought everyone was against me. My mom always was a calm loving person and she continued to do so. She knew how sensitive I was when people told me about myself so she found a differrent approach to talking to me and having me tell her how she feels. It helped alot. I feel your frustration and can sense the hurt in pain in your words. I know you love your daughter sooooo much and this is why the way the relationship is with you too hurt so bad and your frustrated. I think you need help as well because it seems as though you have been through alot with your ex husband and kids and you still hold a lot of animosity towards him and in a way blame him for how things played out. I think you may need to speak to a counselor to work through those emotions because I don't think you have ever truly dealt with them. As far as your daughter, be a friend, a supporter, a mother, a loving hand she can feel she can turn to. She is grown now so trying to be harsh will not help. Do not retaliate when she does something on FB. Don't talk about her, the father, or the situation. Anytime you talk to friends and family just say how much you love and miss her and how you hope your relationship gets better with her. As if you're sending little peace offerrings to her because just as she knoews you will see her FB posts she definitely hears how you talk about her and what you say about her. She will come along but do not Ever give up on your child. She needs her space and her time and give her that. Don;t worry about what you can't change but let her know when she is willing to talk or change you will be there for her 1000%. Continue to live your life and surround yourself with positive people. right now your dauhter may not be one of those and thats fine. Let it play out and be there when she is in need. She may not say anything but it will be a mental note for her that you are always there when she needs to talk and not judge her. Hope this helps a little.
It seems as though you are a bit angry with your child. I see that you two are doing the same things to one another. When you guys are good and she is on your side you will praise her and be happy but the minute she returns with her dad you are talking bad about her. I feel as though you are still upset about the fact she chose to be with her dad and continues to do so as she is still upset with you for your reaction. It seems like a war between her father, the step mom, and you. Each person continuously trying to prove who is the better parent by how many kids are on their side. Both of you need to stop doing this. It should not be if your daughter is good with her father she is upset with you and vice versa. Kids have a funny way of praying on parents weaknesses. To say your daughter is jealous of you...well I can only go by what I read as I do not know the entire story. I don;t think your twenty something year old daughter would be jealous of her 50 something mother even if you look 35 30 or 27. I think it is more so she is hurt, angry, and she will try to make you pay and blame you for her own issues growing up. She knows you feel bad for it and it hurts you that she is not close to you. I know you love your daughter I can tell. But there is a thin line between loving someone and inabling them to do as they please. She is a grown women and when she chooses to mature and really be there you have to allow her. If you are explaining your situation to friends and family like you are on here I can see why she does the things she does as far as try to push things that she knows will hurt you to your face. The reason why I say this is, when she hears you say she is filthy and had pads everywhere and she is selfish and all of these things putting her most vounerable time (when she attempted suicide) out there and make it seem as though you were doing her a big favor by staying with her she is not going to be too pleased about that. I would not want my business out there like that. If you know she is purposely doing these things to upset you and you are confident in your parenting skills do not let that phase you. I don't think you should be looking on her facebook honestly becasue all that is going to do is really hurt you in the end. And like I said she may not be talking to you but she may be determined to hurt you and she is doing this just so you can be hurt and to negatively impact your day. Or she may really feel like that at the moment. My co-worker had a similar experience with her daughter and she flipped on her (they were like best friends) and was so disrespectful to her. I told her she should not stand for it. I told her she should let her daughter know how much she loves her and let her know the door is always openwhen she is prepared to sit down and respectfully talk to her but do not allow her to break her down and be disrespectful. Her daughter would also flaunt her dads new wife in her moms face (this is the women he had an affair with for 6 months, also his boss, and thats why their marriage ended) i told her to always pick up her calls, talk to her in a loving tone, always remind her you love her but nicely and firmly tell her you will not put up with her disrespect.And you know what? her daughter reached out to her apologized, cried, asked to take her to dinner and they are on good terms. the worst thing you can do as a parent is show your hurt and dissapointment in a negative manner. She will cling to that and use anything negative you say about her (even if it's true) as a reason she does not like you. I am speaking from experience. I am a mother and I was also very rebellious and thought I hated my dad. I was not too nice to my mother either. I just thought everyone was against me. My mom always was a calm loving person and she continued to do so. She knew how sensitive I was when people told me about myself so she found a differrent approach to talking to me and having me tell her how she feels. It helped alot. I feel your frustration and can sense the hurt in pain in your words. I know you love your daughter sooooo much and this is why the way the relationship is with you too hurt so bad and your frustrated. I think you need help as well because it seems as though you have been through alot with your ex husband and kids and you still hold a lot of animosity towards him and in a way blame him for how things played out. I think you may need to speak to a counselor to work through those emotions because I don't think you have ever truly dealt with them. As far as your daughter, be a friend, a supporter, a mother, a loving hand she can feel she can turn to. She is grown now so trying to be harsh will not help. Do not retaliate when she does something on FB. Don't talk about her, the father, or the situation. Anytime you talk to friends and family just say how much you love and miss her and how you hope your relationship gets better with her. As if you're sending little peace offerrings to her because just as she knoews you will see her FB posts she definitely hears how you talk about her and what you say about her. She will come along but do not Ever give up on your child. She needs her space and her time and give her that. Don;t worry about what you can't change but let her know when she is willing to talk or change you will be there for her 1000%. Continue to live your life and surround yourself with positive people. right now your dauhter may not be one of those and thats fine. Let it play out and be there when she is in need. She may not say anything but it will be a mental note for her that you are always there when she needs to talk and not judge her. Hope this helps a little.
Replied By: lemondroplet on Apr 18, 2013, 11:32PM
Hello, I am a young single mom, previously married to my childs father but he and I divorced a couple years ago. My little one is 4, and I am seeing someone serious, but we do not live together, so I count myself as a single mother.
I have suffered with depression, or dysthymia for as long as I can remember....as a child and teen I went to numerous therapists, counselors, psychiatrists, and none of them helped me at all. I've always felt "low"...I was always told I was too serious a child, I thought it was just part of my personality...turns out it has a name- dysthymia.
I got married at 17, dropped out of school, and at 19 I became a mom. Ex husband was abusive, so after almost 5 years, I divorced him, and we've been going it alone for the last year. I am feeling so overwhelmed....I don't have a car, or any friends, and no family near me, so our entire week is spent inside our house, until the weekends when we get out with my boyfriend. I'm working on getting my license, but it's taking a long time. I feel like I'm two different moms...one mom is happy and cuddly and energetic- and she only comes out when we get out of the house and are able to have a normal life....the other mom is the quiet, depressed, sad, numb, easily frustrated mom who resides here all week long, because we are sitting in this house so much and the routine never changes. I'm too afraid to take my child outside because we live in a semi-bad area, so I'm terrified of taking my child outside the home unless someone is with us...so we stay inside all the time. I had an abusive childhood, so I am distrustful of nearly everyone. I am trying my best to be a good mom, but we are poor, without a car, and I just feel so numb when we're stuck in this house constantly...I can't explain it....I feel like I just shut down because it's the same old thing every day...I know this probably sounds ridiculous, but no one understands what this is like for me. You'd think being home constantly and being together 24/7 would make me the greatest mom in the world...but it doesn't...I want to be a better mom for my child, they deserve it.
My child is very loving, happy, energetic, and has everything inside the house that they could ever want. I make sure that I spoil my child as best as I can, because I feel like I have to make it up to them or not being able to take them out all week long until weekends. I love my child with all my heart, but I question myself constantly....I wonder what the heck is wrong with me, why I feel the way I do? I try to remember that we're inside constantly, it's like groundhog day, and because of that, it messes with my depression and makes it worse, which makes me numb and distant, so I just lose myself in reading, the internet, etc....I need help, and I don't know where to turn...please give me some helpful advice...I feel that once I'm driving, and have a job, that I will be the happy loving mom I should be- because that mom comes out when we have normal days where we can get outside and have fun together...but because i'm so scared of the ouside world with my anxiety, paired with being poor without a car or friends.....I'm not as good of a mom as I should be, and I'm ashamed....Help?
I have suffered with depression, or dysthymia for as long as I can remember....as a child and teen I went to numerous therapists, counselors, psychiatrists, and none of them helped me at all. I've always felt "low"...I was always told I was too serious a child, I thought it was just part of my personality...turns out it has a name- dysthymia.
I got married at 17, dropped out of school, and at 19 I became a mom. Ex husband was abusive, so after almost 5 years, I divorced him, and we've been going it alone for the last year. I am feeling so overwhelmed....I don't have a car, or any friends, and no family near me, so our entire week is spent inside our house, until the weekends when we get out with my boyfriend. I'm working on getting my license, but it's taking a long time. I feel like I'm two different moms...one mom is happy and cuddly and energetic- and she only comes out when we get out of the house and are able to have a normal life....the other mom is the quiet, depressed, sad, numb, easily frustrated mom who resides here all week long, because we are sitting in this house so much and the routine never changes. I'm too afraid to take my child outside because we live in a semi-bad area, so I'm terrified of taking my child outside the home unless someone is with us...so we stay inside all the time. I had an abusive childhood, so I am distrustful of nearly everyone. I am trying my best to be a good mom, but we are poor, without a car, and I just feel so numb when we're stuck in this house constantly...I can't explain it....I feel like I just shut down because it's the same old thing every day...I know this probably sounds ridiculous, but no one understands what this is like for me. You'd think being home constantly and being together 24/7 would make me the greatest mom in the world...but it doesn't...I want to be a better mom for my child, they deserve it.
My child is very loving, happy, energetic, and has everything inside the house that they could ever want. I make sure that I spoil my child as best as I can, because I feel like I have to make it up to them or not being able to take them out all week long until weekends. I love my child with all my heart, but I question myself constantly....I wonder what the heck is wrong with me, why I feel the way I do? I try to remember that we're inside constantly, it's like groundhog day, and because of that, it messes with my depression and makes it worse, which makes me numb and distant, so I just lose myself in reading, the internet, etc....I need help, and I don't know where to turn...please give me some helpful advice...I feel that once I'm driving, and have a job, that I will be the happy loving mom I should be- because that mom comes out when we have normal days where we can get outside and have fun together...but because i'm so scared of the ouside world with my anxiety, paired with being poor without a car or friends.....I'm not as good of a mom as I should be, and I'm ashamed....Help?
Replied By: cali31008 on Apr 6, 2013, 9:52PM - In reply to firebrand51
I feel exactly the same way as you do! And I don't even know how you meet anyone these days.....I'm so busy with work and my daughter that's its almost impossible to find time for anything else
Replied By: butilookgood on Jan 8, 2013, 3:42PM
My children (son & daughter) were taken away from me by their Father because he didn't want to pay child support and he knew that was the last and most effective way to hurt me. He flat out told me all this. He didn't want them he just wanted to hurt me and knew I couldn't afford an atty to fight him in court. He makes a lot of money...I was a 911 dispatcher and lived paycheck to paycheck. He is an alcoholic/drug addict who is very mentally and emotionally unstable. He also has horrible anger issues and beat me 1 time. And then I divorced him after that. Married 13 yrs...were childhood sweethearts. He is very jealous and controlling. But I thought if I loved him enough I could "fix" him. I was very young (22) and naive. He has tried to kill himself 4 times in the last 6 mos. My kids were 10(daughter) and 12 (son) at the time.
Now they are adults and I have a wonderful wonderful relationship with my son. However, my daughter has a very unhealthy attachment to her Dad. He has told the kids he wished they were never born, that they are stupid, ugly, etc. VERY verbally abusive. He even told my daughter that he thought she was a lesbian because she was still a virgin at age 18! She promptly went out and found a "boyfriend" to remedy that and lost her virginity. And made sure everyone knew it! He and his wife who is much younger than he is.. they come to her with their marital problems... She has been so afraid of him that I regained custody of her at age 15 because she colored her hair and he threatened to kill her. She then lived with me and my 2nd husband for the next 5 yrs. I got divorced due to my 2nd husband having an affair. She then went back to living with her dad...they didn't speak for over 2 years, but eventually "made up" and they began their cycle of verbal abuse and control etc... and she is completely defensive of him. I have never put her Dad down or bad mouthed him in front of either of my kids. She is now 21 and was recently engaged and they broke up a couple days before xmas. When ever she is in trouble or is at the end of her rope, she runs to me. She knows I love her unconditionally. She knows if she crossed her dad he would not speak to her again.
She has always treated me with little or no respect. Very rebellious when she lived with me....she would not comply with any discipline I would give her. she is very lazy and has a complete lack of cleanliness..her room, and bathroom , well you can't even see the floor due to the mess. She had a lot of anger towards me due to when they came to me and told me they were going to live with their dad...I lost it...i truly believe I had a nervous breakdown. My whole world was my kids and here they, well my son holds it all in and says nothing..but my daughter said they wanted to live with Daddy. I reacted by saying fine and began packing their things, callinghim to come gget them...throwing their stuff on the porch etc... I have regretted my actions and feel guilty about it to this very day. I have been in therapy for many years trying to over come this guilt for my actions that one night!!!
my daughter has told me tht she has been angry with me ever since then and that is why she treats me with no respect etc. she was living with her dad and her fiance' was living there too. well...one drunken episode led to them being thrown out. I have moved out of town and am just over an hour away from her. They got an apt but it wasn't ready yet and wouldn't come stay with me due to the distance and her fiance wouldn't "allow" her to come stay here...they would rather sleep in the car and be homeless. they wound up getting a motel room for a couple of weeks...with $ help from me. I am now disabled and on a very limited income. I did everything i could to help. as soon as they got the keys to the apt the boy broke off the engagement and whole relationship. she went running back to livewith her dad and step mom. keep in mind...all during these years they spent liveing with their dad. I ALWAYS came lasst. Even oing to the step moms family took priority to spending holidays and such with me. Unless she was in trouble...over drawn bank account..or fight with dad etc...always run to me when she had any trouble.
well after the engagement broke off she apologized for treating me so badly for so many years...crying and begging me to forgive her. Saying tht I have every reason to hate her etc. I told her I would never hate her and she knows I love her no matter what. She even said she wished her last name was my maiden name because of how her dad has treated her overthe yrs. She has NO self esteem or confidence. almost succeeded in a suicide attempt a year ago. I sat by her bedside while she was in a coma while her dad and step mom went home angry at her. she doesn't remember me being there 30 hours straight as was in a coma and her stomach pumped and she had seizures etc..but finally was ok. but she didn'tknow I was the only one who didn't leave her alone. she went right back to clinging to her daddy!! He was the reason she attempted suicide due to the mental abuse coming to a head one day.
well she is back with daddy and step mom now and I am back to being last on her list. she is bacck to posting things on facebook knowing i will see it and knowing it will hurt my feelings....she lists step mom as mom etc... she brags about how they are the best of parents and could never have made it through this break up with out them. ??? I was the only one there for her during this time...and now just because they allowed her to move back in ...she has reverted back to her old mind set...that they are the best of parents and she is back to treating me like crap.
I am so confused??? Many ppl have told me to just stay away from her and cut her out of my life. I am now remarried, very happily.... and lost over 150lbs and look like i did in high school. I am 48 but told I look 35!! So everyone tells me she is jealous of me. and that is the root of her treatment of me.
I just am so hurt and thought she had finally seen her dad for what he really is... and the step mom actually texted me and told me to butt out that they know what is best for her and they will take carre of here. well its only a matter of time before the next drunken episode and she will be kicked out. They are in the process of trying to sell their "mansion" and wanting something smaller so that no kids can come back and live with them. step mom has a 20 yr old who lives with them with his girlfriend and her baby...not the father or her baby. she calls him her only brother because her brother moved away to go to college and she feels abandoned by him... and uses that as an excuse to say her step brother is her only brother.
everyone told me that one day after he took them from me that they both would see the truth and come back to me...well my son did that long ago..he never wanted to leave me...he was too scared of his dad to speak up..he has been beaten by his dad many times...physically and verbally,emotionally.
What should I do about my daughter?? She is lazy, selfish and completely a walking disaster...she wont shower for days at a time... leaves a mess where ever she is... she spent the night with us on xmas eve and the mess she left in the bathroom and bedroom was just horrible. she was on her period and left used pads open and laying all over...blood all over the toilet seat and in the shower...i told her she had to shower since she smelled so bad. she was already gone when i found the mess. I called and told her that this was not accceptable and she needed to apologize for her mess.... she said she didn't think she left any messes.... she actually said that.
Now she doesn't even want to talk to me. and like I said she is posting things on her FB she knows i see and knows will hurt me. Praising her daddy and mommy (step mom) for being the best parents in the world etc!!!
what should I do? I am so angry and hurt. and just numb... my husband says she is flat out jealous of me and my life. and most everyone else says the same...even my therapist.
she is my daughter and how am I supposed to just "let her go"?????
Now they are adults and I have a wonderful wonderful relationship with my son. However, my daughter has a very unhealthy attachment to her Dad. He has told the kids he wished they were never born, that they are stupid, ugly, etc. VERY verbally abusive. He even told my daughter that he thought she was a lesbian because she was still a virgin at age 18! She promptly went out and found a "boyfriend" to remedy that and lost her virginity. And made sure everyone knew it! He and his wife who is much younger than he is.. they come to her with their marital problems... She has been so afraid of him that I regained custody of her at age 15 because she colored her hair and he threatened to kill her. She then lived with me and my 2nd husband for the next 5 yrs. I got divorced due to my 2nd husband having an affair. She then went back to living with her dad...they didn't speak for over 2 years, but eventually "made up" and they began their cycle of verbal abuse and control etc... and she is completely defensive of him. I have never put her Dad down or bad mouthed him in front of either of my kids. She is now 21 and was recently engaged and they broke up a couple days before xmas. When ever she is in trouble or is at the end of her rope, she runs to me. She knows I love her unconditionally. She knows if she crossed her dad he would not speak to her again.
She has always treated me with little or no respect. Very rebellious when she lived with me....she would not comply with any discipline I would give her. she is very lazy and has a complete lack of cleanliness..her room, and bathroom , well you can't even see the floor due to the mess. She had a lot of anger towards me due to when they came to me and told me they were going to live with their dad...I lost it...i truly believe I had a nervous breakdown. My whole world was my kids and here they, well my son holds it all in and says nothing..but my daughter said they wanted to live with Daddy. I reacted by saying fine and began packing their things, callinghim to come gget them...throwing their stuff on the porch etc... I have regretted my actions and feel guilty about it to this very day. I have been in therapy for many years trying to over come this guilt for my actions that one night!!!
my daughter has told me tht she has been angry with me ever since then and that is why she treats me with no respect etc. she was living with her dad and her fiance' was living there too. well...one drunken episode led to them being thrown out. I have moved out of town and am just over an hour away from her. They got an apt but it wasn't ready yet and wouldn't come stay with me due to the distance and her fiance wouldn't "allow" her to come stay here...they would rather sleep in the car and be homeless. they wound up getting a motel room for a couple of weeks...with $ help from me. I am now disabled and on a very limited income. I did everything i could to help. as soon as they got the keys to the apt the boy broke off the engagement and whole relationship. she went running back to livewith her dad and step mom. keep in mind...all during these years they spent liveing with their dad. I ALWAYS came lasst. Even oing to the step moms family took priority to spending holidays and such with me. Unless she was in trouble...over drawn bank account..or fight with dad etc...always run to me when she had any trouble.
well after the engagement broke off she apologized for treating me so badly for so many years...crying and begging me to forgive her. Saying tht I have every reason to hate her etc. I told her I would never hate her and she knows I love her no matter what. She even said she wished her last name was my maiden name because of how her dad has treated her overthe yrs. She has NO self esteem or confidence. almost succeeded in a suicide attempt a year ago. I sat by her bedside while she was in a coma while her dad and step mom went home angry at her. she doesn't remember me being there 30 hours straight as was in a coma and her stomach pumped and she had seizures etc..but finally was ok. but she didn'tknow I was the only one who didn't leave her alone. she went right back to clinging to her daddy!! He was the reason she attempted suicide due to the mental abuse coming to a head one day.
well she is back with daddy and step mom now and I am back to being last on her list. she is bacck to posting things on facebook knowing i will see it and knowing it will hurt my feelings....she lists step mom as mom etc... she brags about how they are the best of parents and could never have made it through this break up with out them. ??? I was the only one there for her during this time...and now just because they allowed her to move back in ...she has reverted back to her old mind set...that they are the best of parents and she is back to treating me like crap.
I am so confused??? Many ppl have told me to just stay away from her and cut her out of my life. I am now remarried, very happily.... and lost over 150lbs and look like i did in high school. I am 48 but told I look 35!! So everyone tells me she is jealous of me. and that is the root of her treatment of me.
I just am so hurt and thought she had finally seen her dad for what he really is... and the step mom actually texted me and told me to butt out that they know what is best for her and they will take carre of here. well its only a matter of time before the next drunken episode and she will be kicked out. They are in the process of trying to sell their "mansion" and wanting something smaller so that no kids can come back and live with them. step mom has a 20 yr old who lives with them with his girlfriend and her baby...not the father or her baby. she calls him her only brother because her brother moved away to go to college and she feels abandoned by him... and uses that as an excuse to say her step brother is her only brother.
everyone told me that one day after he took them from me that they both would see the truth and come back to me...well my son did that long ago..he never wanted to leave me...he was too scared of his dad to speak up..he has been beaten by his dad many times...physically and verbally,emotionally.
What should I do about my daughter?? She is lazy, selfish and completely a walking disaster...she wont shower for days at a time... leaves a mess where ever she is... she spent the night with us on xmas eve and the mess she left in the bathroom and bedroom was just horrible. she was on her period and left used pads open and laying all over...blood all over the toilet seat and in the shower...i told her she had to shower since she smelled so bad. she was already gone when i found the mess. I called and told her that this was not accceptable and she needed to apologize for her mess.... she said she didn't think she left any messes.... she actually said that.
Now she doesn't even want to talk to me. and like I said she is posting things on her FB she knows i see and knows will hurt me. Praising her daddy and mommy (step mom) for being the best parents in the world etc!!!
what should I do? I am so angry and hurt. and just numb... my husband says she is flat out jealous of me and my life. and most everyone else says the same...even my therapist.
she is my daughter and how am I supposed to just "let her go"?????
Replied By: firebrand51 on Dec 29, 2012, 12:30AM
The hardest thing about being a single mom is holding it all together. I dont know about the rest of you, but for me... I have a hard time sleeping at night. So I am up late, then up early in the morning to get my son ready for school. I cant nap during the day because I have laundry, cleaning, and chores. Then I pick him up, help him with school work, cook supper, and most days he is in bed by 8. You would think I could sleep after all that, but no.... the insomnia kicks in... and the cycle starts again. But I wonder if i dont sleep because I hate the emptiness of the bed. I miss having someone to share my stories with. Someone to talk to and laugh with. Someone who will get up with him on the weekends so I can sleep in. Maybe I find it hard to crawl into those cold sheets because it reminds me just how very alone my life really is. Maybe I am afraid of the possibility that this is my entire story! The title of the final chapter being "She's a Mom". and thats how it all ends.
Don't get me wrong. I love my son. He is my world, BUT every once in a while I just want someone to look at me and love me for me. Not because I wiped his nose and tied his shoes, but because even with bed head and morning breath, they think I am beautiful! So I continue this cycle daily, eating carbs, not sleeping, and while I am a good mom... I am still VERY MUICH ALONE!
Don't get me wrong. I love my son. He is my world, BUT every once in a while I just want someone to look at me and love me for me. Not because I wiped his nose and tied his shoes, but because even with bed head and morning breath, they think I am beautiful! So I continue this cycle daily, eating carbs, not sleeping, and while I am a good mom... I am still VERY MUICH ALONE!
Replied By: mahealani on Dec 4, 2012, 1:27PM - In reply to saljon2051
Raising children alone is hard work. Dont get me wrong on this one. i have raised 3 kids alone without no help from their no good for nothing father. He was too busy playing the hood life and dealing with drugs and younger females and drinking thats his choice. But the choice I was given were 3 innocent babies that deserve a LIFE to be loved by their MOTHER who will always be there no matter what in life. I didnt want my kids to be around the street life nor the drug life i wanted them to have a good life what is called a HEALTHY LIFE. There are no better mothers out there in this world to be a single mom - divorced mom - and etc. ....But if the father of your child leaves me LET HIM....at the end of raising your children you make sure you dont lie to them or make up stories on their father who left. Just tell the truth eventually the child will grow up and make their own opinion on their father aka dad. Mine do and I can tell you 1 out of 3 is involved with their dad and the other two rather not. The older the child gets he or she will see what the TRUTH is about their dad eyes dont lie they will voice it....
Replied By: littleirish on Nov 13, 2012, 7:49PM
I don't know about anyone else, but i'm all for a mommy makeover right now. I've been a single parent for about 11 years. The first 4 of that the children's father checked out on everything except for keeping his job, I took care of everything. That all changed in 06 shortly after our 3rd was born. Then he checked out permently.
Anyhow i have been razing my children, and working like crazy to rebuild everything that was lost in the devorce. Meteral things, such as house, and credit. Now that i have givien to them part of me feels it needs to be my turn, Just wondering when or if that day will come for a mommy make over.
The weight is doing a yo yo thing since 06, After having 3 c-sections i look like i've been through the ringer, and Hate it... I'm lucky to get a coupe of hours a week to myelfe, and my dateing life is NONE...... I work inside and outside the home, and the rest of the time is taking care of the ones i love most :), "my children" I know most of you know how it is to always put them first, i and know they should be put first. Somedays i have to fight becaue i feel i'm not doing enough for them, yet they tell me i'm doing a good job. Sometimes fighting for the things you want come with a price, that's not always easy to pay. I feel like the mountain i'm trying to climb is knocking me down, and all my time in effert is soundering there world. Just wodering if i'll ever get a turn is all. ::::
Anyhow i have been razing my children, and working like crazy to rebuild everything that was lost in the devorce. Meteral things, such as house, and credit. Now that i have givien to them part of me feels it needs to be my turn, Just wondering when or if that day will come for a mommy make over.
The weight is doing a yo yo thing since 06, After having 3 c-sections i look like i've been through the ringer, and Hate it... I'm lucky to get a coupe of hours a week to myelfe, and my dateing life is NONE...... I work inside and outside the home, and the rest of the time is taking care of the ones i love most :), "my children" I know most of you know how it is to always put them first, i and know they should be put first. Somedays i have to fight becaue i feel i'm not doing enough for them, yet they tell me i'm doing a good job. Sometimes fighting for the things you want come with a price, that's not always easy to pay. I feel like the mountain i'm trying to climb is knocking me down, and all my time in effert is soundering there world. Just wodering if i'll ever get a turn is all. ::::
Replied By: dkmon3 on Nov 8, 2012, 5:00PM - In reply to saljon2051
I had the same problem. If I had my choice I would have preferred not even telling his father, but my sister at the time told me I needed this child, and that his father would be a wonderful father, even after seeing what he did to his daughter. All I can say at this point my son is better with his dead beat father, because I can't handle my son anymore, and I always fear for my life, wondering if I will wake up the next morning.
