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Single Moms

Are you raising a child or children on your own? What are some of the struggles you face? How have you persevered in this role? Do you struggle to balance parenthood and time for yourself? Share your challenges and strategies with others.
Replied By: juliemichele31 on May 25, 2015, 10:13AM
So just curious and would like some feedback some other parents. I needed to go on the internet so I got my 10 year old sons phone and went and opened the web browser and the first thing to come up is a porn site. At first I was very angry and shocked but after thinking a through a little more i am not quite sure how to go about this. I am a single mom of my 2 kids my son being the oldest and he has no male role model in his life cause his dad took off 3 years ago. I do not want to make him feel ashamed about exploreing his body because i do understand that is normal but also do not think he should be watching internet porn.

How would anyone else react and or what kind of talk/punishment would be given in this situation? any and all comments would be very helpful thank you concerned mom 
Replied By: sfiergola on Apr 8, 2015, 10:49AM
6 monthS ago my ex just up and left one day and he is the father to my youngest child who is two years old..he move out of state to live with his mom...i have allowed visits up to this point...recentlly he has seemed unstable yo me.  Everytime ive talked to him he has a new plan for a new job or new place to move...also a new girlfriend... and in the pasthas jump from relationship to relationship job to job and moved at least 8 times in the las t four years...he has been in phyc ward a time to...latlty I feel like I will be unsafe for my son to go with him unless it is supervised by his sister or this wrong for me to do? Im torn cuz I know my son loves and misses his dad and want them to have a relationship but on the other hand I dont want my sonto be tossed around like a rag doll like his other son...any advise will help!
Replied By: numichelle928 on Nov 15, 2014, 12:59AM - In reply to numichelle928
My point is when I entered the emergency vehicle I was told he was more afraid of everything he would have to write and apology letters to the fireman the women that hot him Amy boss cause I hd to miss work and a letter to every family me,ber he scared. To this dy he is not pulling anymore stupid again   

MY POINT REPUTATION WITH WRITYING WORKS I DID MY OWN CLINCIAL STUDY AND I HVE PROVEN RESULTS THAT REALLY WORKED ....  he is now 19 has never been hit by a car since, he so has never stolen again or disrespected me to my face byway that I can recall!!!! Just dso me FYI 
Replied By: numichelle928 on Nov 15, 2014, 12:53AM
These are just some ideas that really worked for me.... I started as young as I figured it out,  my Samantha was 2 Maxwell new born so I guess you could say she was my Guinness Pig but it worked well...

instead of the nationally accepted TIME OUT  I did mine with a twist... My childern where to draw when they could not write and then write when they could. I always allowed them to pick there punishment when I could I pretty much picked my battles.  But, when it really needed to be addressed I was the one who set the guidelines,  NO TIME OUT EVER!!!!!  They'd both had a spiral notebook with a pencile attached they were required to sit alone with No Tv music friends or distraction.  They were required to write 5 sentences on what they did wrong, 5 on how it affected the person they hurt and 5 on how it would not happen again. The exercise numbers would or could increase depending on what we were addressing at that  times.     

My son played chicken at  age 9 and was hit by a car all I heard in the hospital was how I could sue the driver as he was a pedestrian , when I got in the rescue vehicle I was told he would be fine broken arn messed up face neck arms and legs as he bounced off th hood nd windshield. 

Replied By: oceanentity on Aug 28, 2014, 8:52AM - In reply to aprilssmiling
Hi just noticed there is also a Depression and Grief Title/subject discussion help part here on the message board. If you arent already part of it .
Replied By: oceanentity on Aug 28, 2014, 8:29AM - In reply to aprilssmiling
hello , firstly i would like to say i hope " today " you are feeling alright and reasonably ok. I suffer with depression and have been taking Cymbalta 90 mg for around 4 years , you sound like you have had a terrible experience in your mental health system and im so sorry for that , you are not " crazy " you are experiencing the symptoms of Bipolar. i will say though and you probably know already some people look like they are coping with society and appear what you call " normal " but their lives are only just manageable , i know that because im one of those people to the outside community. Not all professionals are bad , their educations is what keeps us safe i think you dont want just any tom,dick or harry playong around with your thoughts and feelings when your symptoms are not in control. that all said ( i like to rant to its what i like to do ) find your balance on any given day and go with it , dont let the symptoms of your bipolar define who you are. You dont need to see DR phil in particular to strengthen your life you can find a professional who can assist you do your work , to kick your own ass into action. Im sure you already know what it is you need to be doing.

when we feel low Dr Phils shows on certain topics can seem as if we are looking through frosted glass , uninspiring and on another day will appear different. try and change your own outlook in your life, theres always hope...never give up and be that role model to your child its never too late to start.
Replied By: oceanentity on Aug 28, 2014, 8:20AM - In reply to serenamoses
Hello , wow you have been through alot and i feel for you and can relate from many many years back. As long as you feel safe negotiating with this man thats great, but if not maybe utilise those mediation resources that are usually free of charge and have professionals that can assist the process for your children he may listen to them moreso then if what they reccommend doesnt sit with him he cant keep blaming his misfortunes on you as this may escalate into violence. He sounds as if he hasnt let go of his past and is still very immature, your instincts are spot on. I wish you the best an dhope it works out ok.
Replied By: oceanentity on Aug 28, 2014, 8:12AM
hi , i am again an independent  parent after 17 years , the first time was when my oldest daughter now 16 was only 14 months old i left an abusive relationship after 10 years. i find it a bit easier than when the she was young , now with her as well as my other 11 year old daughter i found i went through so many different stages which i think we can all relate to , i felt sad for the girls in reguards to losing the two parent home . I think i over worried when they were quiet that it was affecting them, At first i tried to show only strong mum who isnt affected but it was relayed back that they felt i was fine with the seperation when i wasnt i was feeling shock,hurt,alone and scared. they also felt this so i needed to i suppose not be on their level at their age as i feel they still need a strong role model in us but let them know im human also ? .

ill admit im still only comfortable sleeping on MY side of the bed ... i havent slept in the middle as other seperayed parents i know reccommend. I cried when i had to mow the lawn ( i know silly) .I got resentful and angry when i had to change a tyre or organise home repairs ( we lead a very traditional lifestyle . ( and no that has nothing to do with the seperation )

so still battling depression as the reasons behind the break has been traumatic and im still learning to cope ( not an affair) .
Replied By: serenamoses on Aug 1, 2014, 4:00PM
Hello I am a single mother of 3 beautiful children. 2 of my children have a father that has been in and out of prison this last time he got out I actually let him get involved with sports and stuff he begged for another chance my kids grades dropped tremendously and they got very confused so I talked to there dad about it he says it's my fualt I kept them from him but he put himself in prison and chose gangs so he went to a wrestling tournament and started telling a grandmother and some other parents he was still a gang member what are you crazy he hasn't even been out a year so when I talked to him and he put all the blame on me I said Fuck it and I moved with my children I told him prove he can stay out for a year take parenting classes and remove gang tattoos and don't try teaching my son prison crap like he's a boy if he wants to stand and pee he will he doesn't have to sit then we can start supervised visits am I doing the right thing cause his family is really giving me a hard time for this and they are happy now again
Replied By: neeva1975 on Aug 1, 2014, 9:27AM
Being a mother is a gift from God and is the most important person to a child's lefe and development. All of us who never thought we could be any stronger thsn we were learn something new about ourselves when we become the only one who is responsible for raising our children on our own by ourselves. I was in an abusive situation that only occurred once and got out as quickly as i could. My child was only 20 months old. I have never remarried and she is now a beautiful 15 year old. I have learned to step up and do many things i may not have wanted to do alone but did alone for my daughter. And yes its been a huge struggle to balance time for my child and time for myself but i think we have to dig down deep inside and face the reality of our situation and become a string role model for our children. I am not saying i have done everything right at all by any means. I get loud when i am mad but i have always put my daughter first. I will say this. I feel as though i had very good and strong parents with a flgood relationship with each other and me so i had great examples growing up. They have also been a huge part in helping with my daughter. I also have a major back problem and have had surgery and will have to have others so i cannot work. My daughter also lost her father in 2007. She has had a lot of issues with the grief and is currently in counseling. I continue along with my parents and her father's parents to try to provide good role models for my daughter. "I feel very strongly that our children see what we do and may not always listen to us. We can only do whst we know when it comes to our children and do it the best we can and if we can't, as mothers its our job to ask for help when we need it if it is in the children's best interest. Being proud is one thing but being proud and dumb effects those closest to you."
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