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Co-Parenting

 
Dealing with an ex when you have children together can be difficult, especially when negative emotions are involved. Are you sharing a child with someone who doesn't live with you? How do you handle the situation? Are you amicable, or is it a challenge? Share your stories and advice with others.
Comments
Replied By: momchoices on Feb 19, 2015, 2:45PM
I left my husband/relationship of 10 years as he never wanted to change or make the effort to fix himself, as he had a crack problem, drinking and cheating.... it took alot of strength to leave this marriage as i thought staying was best for the kids. he attacked me once he found out i left and stalked me for month and hired PI. He then decided to start new relationship with a women he has an affair with. now my children spend every second weekend with them and they are out to prove i am horrible mom and dont want to co parent. they put the children in the middle of adult issues, his girlfriend believes my children would be better off raised by her. so they continue to try and take me to court to gain more time with them but the court as not apporved it, as he is breaking court order by continuing to drink while he has them. he also does not pay his child support. he is 15 g behind. now in canada , child support and visitation are seperate, if he doesnt pay it , he still sees them. i do believe my children need a relationship with him and i am happy he does see them but co parenting is so hard as he doesnt see i am doing everything i can to provide for them and he doesnt do it at all. the hardest thing is to keep myself from getting angry at him but if i do get angry then he will see that what he is doing is bothering me and that would allow him to feel like he is in control so i do not say a word and work hard for my kids, i spent ten years in his control..now its time to take my life back.
 
Replied By: jeni867 on Jan 26, 2015, 10:21AM
I have lived this situation with my husband and step daughters. We have raised his daughters for 10 years and they have said everything and done everything that these girls have done except the mother was a already felon and didn't take them away. She lost custody when they were 6,7 and 13. It was like I was watching my own story. They accused my husband of abuse, sexual and emotional. They ran away, they hooked up with people on the internet and had an online predator come to our house and when we addressed it they said we were to harsh and they ran away to their moms when she didn't have custody.. We've had the police called on us several times because we raised our voices at them. The have never ever been touched.  Everthing that came from Brittany's mouth was said by our eldest! The three of them would also post everything on twitter and facebook about how mean we were. We also had them shut the computer off at midnight or had one or two hours of computer time. I block unappropriate sites and music when they were in Jr. High and I was a monster. When they would get punishment, it would be we would take their phones away. They would call their mother crying and she would call the police and make up some story about my husband. The mother also bought them another phone so in High School they had two phone each. One we paid for and one they paid for. This is not abuse, this is PARENTING! To Brian in this situation, it's not worth it, it's not worth the fight, the girls will always put their mother on a pedestal and hold you accountable. Our girls are over 18 now and only come around when they want money. I just wanted to let Brian know he is doing what is right for those girls whether they think so or not and I totally support him and his wife!
 
Replied By: howiedennison on Jan 10, 2015, 8:25PM - In reply to stayathome1974
Sorry to hear there is somone trying to keep you out of your children's life.  This sounds like it might be classic parental alienation.
 
Replied By: jayne65 on Nov 13, 2014, 11:32PM
I split up with the boyfriend during pregnancy.He took me to court when the baby was two weeks old for full custody.The Judge decided last week that we should split half custody of my baby.He is only 6 months old and I have not seen him this week at all.I am devasted.How can this be good for a 6 month old baby who has beenw ith me since birth to have no contact with me at all..I feel like my heart has been ripped out..I am all about right for dads but I do not believe this is the right decision..Any help would be appreciated..
 
Replied By: elizabeth4819 on Jun 24, 2014, 12:46PM
My ex husband and I co-parent our 5 year old son and have for over 4 years.  It wasn't easy at first but we both have put our son and his needs first.  Whatever hurt and anger we have caused each other, we know it doesn't do our son any good to let that get in our way for raising our son together.  We're able to see our son whenever we want.  We don't follow our parenting plan - though it's great we have one, we talk to each other - not talk down to each other, and we keep our focus on our son.  He's the one that's benefiting with having both his parents in his life.  We have never bad-talked each other in front of him or to each other.  He's our number 1 priority.  If only adults could quit using their kids against one another, they would begin to see how important it is to have both parents in the child's life.  The focus should always be on the children and not on how to use the children against the other parent - cuz in the end, it's the children who end up hurt.
 
Replied By: stayathome1974 on Jun 3, 2014, 6:57PM - In reply to jewleye
I am so sorry... I know what you are going through :(
 
Replied By: stayathome1974 on Jun 3, 2014, 6:52PM - In reply to maryanne64
I think it depends on the state... I think... with him being in the system who knows...
 
Replied By: stayathome1974 on Jun 3, 2014, 6:46PM - In reply to toni81
as a step parent, I dont think it should have ever been up to me when a my step-children had any contact with thier mother... I would get a little upset when everyone just assumed that I would pick up or drop off... but that was between my husband and myself... would never have allowed it hurt the kids by refusing to do it...
 
Replied By: stayathome1974 on Jun 3, 2014, 6:20PM
I am a step-mother of two children... It is very hard when I have to take the blame for everything that is wrong with my step-children...I have been accused of being abusive, being to demanding and brain washing my husband... I have been married for 9 years and the children were 6 and 4 when I started dating my husband... they are now 15 and 13. I have done everything I can think to do to get along with his ex-wife including letting her live with us so that the kids could be close to thier parents... I will admit that I have made some mistakes I am human... My step son lived with us for three years and I will admit that I demand that my children do THIER best... they dont have to be the best and they dont even have to succeed, but they have to give it their all... When I allowed her to move in I saw him pull away from his father and me almost right away...we were not allowed to get on him before school, he no longer had a bedtime, he had one chore, taking out the trash and would barely to speak to his father or myself... his grades went down, he quit wrestling and played video games all day... after they moved out and she took the kids 1,200 miles away he stopped talking to us together... and the texts that is was my fault starting pooring in from her... he cut his father off totally...I have been over and over it in my head... is it my fault? did i do this to my husband? Did I hurt my son? These questions keep me up at night... to be accused of abuse (I never laid my hands on either of his kids,or called them names or tried to make them feel bad in any way) to be accused of brainwashing my husband because he now believes the kids should have personal responsibility? (This is not me, this is how he feels) and to tell him that his kids do not want to be part of his life because of me ,just breaks my heart... I dont know what to do...I can go down a list of things she has done that I feel are wrong but we are talking 9 years of different things...and as I said I made mistakes too... why should I be held to a higher standard than anyone else in this situation?
 
Replied By: toni81 on Jun 3, 2014, 3:40PM - In reply to dontakeit
I am a mother too..and am going thru HELL...with my daughters fathers new wife, anything and everything to keep me out (Or TRY) of my daughters life
 
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