Over three years ago I was in a relationship qith my baby's father. He was very abusive to me. We ended up breaking up and later that year I found out I was pregnant. When my daughter was born he would not try to be apart of her life. It took me a year to get him to be there for her. We made a verbal agreement of visitation. At this time he was dating a girll who was 17 and he was 20. January of this year he tried to keep her away from and the police were called. He was no longer able to see her because of that. A week before my wedding with another man he served me with papers. He was going to try to get full custody of my child. Were going through a battle now. I'm scared that since he abused me wil he abuse my daughter. Since he still is an abusive person. He has been abusing the girl he is with now. I'm terrified that he might get mad at my daughter and hit her or sling her around like he did to me. What do i do?

I am replying to Ms. Laverdiere's post: I am the "step" mother to the two children that she claims to have been taken from her and kept from her since the divorce, the childrens father was awarded FULL/SOUL/PHYSICAL/LEGAL CUSTODY of the children in 2003. Ms. Laverdiere was awarded SUPERVISED ONLY visitation, due to circumstances while the children were in her care. Ms. Laverdiere NEVER was issued custody at any time other than a TEMPORARY order when the children's father was deployed during the 2nd Gulf War and the chidlren were to be returned two weeks before he was due to come home. She claims that she did not know the where abouts of the children until October/November 2012, this is not a true statement. What Ms. Laverdiere has failed to mention in her post is that she walked out on her family in 2000 to go live with a man she met on the internet in California. She did however go back to Oregon at one point to "make her marriage work", after a few days when the children's father went to work, she ransacked the house, taking some of the children's belonings and left with them and their father had no idea where they were for some time. He received a phone call at one point form Ms. Laverdiere stating that if he wanted the kids back he could come get them, but she wanted her personal belongings such as clothes, golf clubs, bicycle etc to trade for the kids return. Without hesitation their father went to go them and they have been with him ever since. Her claim that I told the children that I was thier biological mother is also not true. The children know who their biological mother is and that I am their step mother. Ms. Laverdiere made no attempt to contact the children since November 2003 until 2012. We had no idea where she was living other than California as she has had more than 20 addresses since 2003. She claims "parental alienation" that may be but it has been her that did her own alienation. There is so much more to this story that is not fictatious, also Ms. Laverdiere has been communiticating every week with her daughter and a few times with her son, but she is neglecting to tell that side of the story only the version to gain sympathy from anyone she can. My husband and I have never said a cruel or unkind word about Ms. Laverdiere to the children. She didn't file a claim with the police in Oregon until 2012/2013 regarding the "abduction" . It's amazing to me that she has the nerve to make postings like this knowing that she is not telling the actual story, I have been there at every conversation with the children regardless of what Ms. Laverdiere says, we are abiding by the court order always have.

I have tried for a very long time and spent thousands of dollars trying to get my x husband to stop using my children as weapons against me. He has three children from his second marriage that he is now using as weapons against my Daughter. She is also his Daughter. The Daughter he used against me. We had been Divorced for a few years. I remarried. Unfortunately and unbeknownst to me I married a pedophile. He molested my daughter. I know that I should have been able to be stronger for her but I ended up in the psych ward. At this point my x had a new girlfriend and they had a daughter. My daughters liked his new girlfriend and they loved their new sister so I asked him if my daughters could stay with them for a short time. I really thought he would be ok with this. In hindsight that was the worst thing I could have done. He petitioned the court for custody. He did not have to do that because we were in agreement. He petitioned the court so he could go home and say that he won custody because the judge saw what a bad Mother I was. I ended up giving him custody for six months. I was to go back in six months and get them back. He knew that within that six month period he had to make sure that she did not want to come back. Then the nightmare began. The first thing he did was take them out of therapy which I started them in because of what happened. He said that her therapist said she no longer needed to go. I called her therapist. She told me that he forbid her to discus anything at all with me. At the end of the conversation she asked me if I could try to get court ordered therapy for her. He knew that if she stayed in therapy we would not have become estranged. He set out to convince her that I knew what was happening to her and just did not care. The saddest part of that is that he didn’t give a s..t what that would do to her. He did it. By the end of the six months she was no longer coming to see me. He never let up on her. It was constant. Over and over and over again. They couldn’t have a meal without it coming up in conversation. My youngest Daughter was still coming to see me. She is why I knew what was happening. I told her that if she decided to come home all she would have to do is tell me. Not too long after that she asked me to try to get her back. She said that she didn’t know how much longer she could live there. I hired an attorney. Because (the x) told her that if she wanted to be with me He wouldn’t stop her. My attorney told to try first having a conversation with him and maybe there wouldn’t have to be litigation. That went over like a lead balloon. He laced into her for forty five minutes she got this whole conversation on tape. She had a voice activated tape recorder in her bra. (I did not know that she was going to do that)The litigation began. My attorney appointed a law guardian. But then he adjourned my case thirteen times. Each time claiming to have something more pressing. He billed me each time. In NY when a child is sixteen she can decide which parent she wants to live with. That march she was going to be sixteen. In Jan of that year she called me to tell me that she changed her mind. But she wasn’t coming to see me anymore either. She never said exactly why she changed her mind but I knew that he only had two months to change her mind. I think he threatened her, but I’m not sure. As soon as he had both girls not speaking to me he started taking them to court. He would have them parade around in front of me not speaking to me. They moved to Virginia and she went off to college. She got a full scholarship. He would not help her. He wouldn’t even co-sign a student loan for her. After three semesters she had to leave school. Now she has to go to Virginia. He and his wife told her that if she made any attempt to leave they would cut her tires and set her car on fire. That did not stop her. When she could no longer take it there she gave her job notice got a job in Ny and secured a place to live. The Monday that she was leaving she went to her sisters job borrowed her car went to her Fathers and moved out. The three younger siblings were upset. Her father told her that it was her fault that the kids were upset. I think what is going on now is that she

wants to know why her father treats his new kids so much better then he treated her and. He keeps telling her that there was no difference. There was a tremendous difference. For example he could not be bothered putting heat in my daughters room. When his new daughter wanted to go to fat camp he let her go to the tune of ten thousand dollars. I don’t know the exact details but I’m assuming that she gave him a hard time about his answer. Now she is not allowed to see her siblings anymore. she lives with a Family in the same subdivision as her father. Their son was friends with her younger brother. He is now not allowed to be friends with him. That is so she doesn’t even get a glimpse of him. My last therapist told me that I am obsessed with he did. If I brought it up too many times she actually got annoyed with me. The night before Thanksgiving 2011 she and I a conversation on the phone. One of the things she said to me was “ I thought you didn’t want me anymore.” That is what he did. If I am obsessed with that, then so be it I’m obsessed. He was abusive to my son, who is not his son. I came home from work one day and he and my son were standing at the top of the basement steps in the kitchen. He was yelling at my son, telling him to go down the stairs and unplug the dehumidifier. There was twelve inches of water in the basement. He wanted him to wade through the water and unplug the dehumidifier. If he wants to hurt or punish you he will take away what is the most important thing to you any and every way he can. With me it was my kids and with her it is her siblings. His wife is letting him do this. He is extremely manipulative. I can recite almost verbatim his little speech as to why his children should no longer have anything to do with her. She has not worked the molestation through in therapy or any other way. I think that she still needs to do this. She won’t have anything to do with any kind of therapy. She gets very angry and starts spewing verbal abuse at me. I am going to enclose some letters that the girls wrote to me when they were with their father. You can see were she starts to change. Her sister who is her greatest advocate can see were she starts to change. At first I thought it was Stockholm syndrome. But, and I feel awful even thinking this, is it possible that she has become a sociopath like her father? Can that happen? Is it always there and just needs something to bring it out? My childhood was not ideal. My mother was not much of a mother. The only time she touched me was when she was hitting me. I was raped when I was eight years old by a stepbrother. I never verbalized this to anyone until I was twenty two years old. That was the first time I realized that it wasn’t my fault. She does not blame herself, she blames me. What makes me think that she may be a sociopath is that she calls people or goes to their house to tell them all the horrible things I did to her. I know that I never wanted anyone else to suffer because of what happened to me. She has a few different versions. You will see this in some of the emails that Jamie and I wrote to each other. One of them is that I did not believe her. Another one is I ignored her and just let it keep happening or that I already knew and just didn’t care. The fact of the matter is, thirty seconds after she told me, I threw his ass out of our house. she tells me that she has vivid memories. She has vivid memories of things that did not happen. Can they feel that real? She tells me that she remembers when I took her for birth control. I never took her for birth control. I have been in therapy most of my life. I actually took my mother to therapy with me because I could not explain her. The next visit he said that he was surprised that I function at all. I guess because of her it has always been very important to me to be a good Mother. I spent most of my life trying not to be like her. I didn’t always know what to do. I always new what not to do. The fact that my daughter wants nothing to do with me is so very hard to live with, But the fact that she thinks I did that to her is so much worse. My son is not willing to have one conversation with me. He has two children that I have never met and never will. I am not the person I was. I have turned into an awnery cranky old lady. I can’t even manage to hold on to a friendship these days. I don’t function, I live in a pig sty. I have a slumlord who won’t do repairs. I totaled my car in Nov. I now have a car payment that I can’t afford. I just lost $500 a month of income forever. I think about suicide every day. I plan it in my head. I ordered potassium cyanide on line. The post office intervened . It is apparently illegal to mail. I don’t want to live anymore. Ninety five percent of the time I am alone. I spend the day on the couch watching TV. I spend the night on my bed watching TV. Just going to the store exhausts me. I think it is cruel to make me live this life any longer. Something has to change soon. I feel like I am standing at the edge of a cliff and if I so much as sneeze I’m going over. My reactions to things are way out of proportion. I’m afraid to check my checking account balance, like that’s going to change it. Writing this has taken a long time. It doesn’t take too long to start crying and then I can’t see and then I can’t breath. I have to stop and wait a while. When those effects go away I can start again. you are my last hope. I’m almost afraid to mail this. I have always said with my luck, as soon as I get my kids back that I will get something terminal. Or if you don’t choose to help me and my kids, I don’t know were to go from here. Please don’t make my Daughter think that I don’t want her anymore. They won’t talk to me. I don’t know how to try to fix this if they won’t talk to me.

My ex had adult ADD and generalized anxiety. During the custody hearing, he argued that he was capable of raising a child. I raised concerns but everyone was so impressed that a dad was fighting for his child that I was ignored. Now, I find myself serving as his crutch so that our daughter doesn't suffer. If he forgets something, I bring it to her. If he loses her stuff, I replace it.


Our current fight is over school uniforms. Every fall, we buy 6 sets and divide them between the households although he only has her overnight two nights a week Until October, this worked. It is now May and we have only 2 full uniforms. I have no idea what he has done with the others. I refuse to buy an extras because they will just be lost as well. So, right now, he has to do laundry on the nights he has her so she has a clean uniform for the next day. Sometimes he does this, sometimes she goes in a dirty uniform, sometimes I drive a clean one to her school in the morning.



I know that I could just buy another uniform to give him, but the truth is that's $50 I'd have to take from something else she needs or wants. And I'm hoping he learns a lesson because next year, she will have a uniform for PE as well. I plan to buy 2 of those and give him one. Once it is lost, I won't replace it.


Am I being unreasonable? Should I just go on being his crutch?

My exh-husband does not have any contact with my children based on his decision. Although there is a child and visitation order in place, he will not comply. Without exaggeration, he owes over $120,000 in child support. He works under the table so he stays under the radar.

There was a show on a couple weeks ago about parents who turn their kids against the other parent, something like that. I received a couple of textes from that ex and he stated how he was watching this show and I guess he got an epiphamy.

He states to me in horrible emails and textes how I keep him from the children. Nevertheless, he has never once called to say he would like to see the kids or how are the kids doing, or do the kids need anything. He has been out of their lives for a good six years now. However, his mother still sends birthday and Christmas gifts every year.

We do not speak about my ex in my house. He never comes up, the kids never ask about him, and I leave it at that. But when that ex tells me that I put ill thoughts in the kids heads and that I am manipulating them as well as damaging their minds against him, I get so frustrated. My responses to him are not pretty and I know that I should not respond to his malfeasancant behavior but he makes me so angry.

He continually scapegoats his responsibilities and his behavior all of the time. There is nothing no one can say to him in order for him to understand that words from me about him do not affect the children's attitude about him. I never have to speak about him at all because he does all of the talking year after year, month after month, day after day.

How can a person owe $120,000 and claim to be a good father? How can a person who doesn't even know thier own children's birthdays be a good father? How can a person who will not even communicate with his children be a good father?

I have taken the steps to try to get child support from him through the states and its a continued process. He doesn't have a home of record and he doesnt work. His mother covers for him by saying she hasn't seen him for weeks at a time or some other excuse. And when I ask for support payments he will either lie and say that it's coming or simply excuse himself from paying.

I just needed to air my thoughts about my silly ex husband who thinks he's father of year.

Dr. Phil, I am a mother who went through a horrible divorce. And we had court orders, husband disappeared with my children now for 8 yrs. I found him on Facebook, and sent him a very nice email, and he lashed out at me as always. Finally I had to get Police involved, National Missing and Exploited Children, and the courts, after I was telephoned by a young lady, that dated one of his sons. Come to find out my children did not know I was their mother, the woman he married was his ex wife and she told my children how she delivered them, and how hard it was in the delivery. My children just recently found out I was their Mom, and they hate me. But my Ex husband has beat me down to a core. Dr Phil there is so much to this story, and it is Horrific, what I truly have gone through. And it will make you sick. On June 18, 2013 there is a Criminal Trial against him, and he has to appear. Twice he did not come to court, because apparently he could not afford it. Which their household Income is over 5000.00 a month. I do pay child support, he claims I do not pay at all, and I have paid, and he has contacted school friends of mine that he does not know at all, he and his wife have slandered me, also I found out that they accused me of sexual abuse, which never came up in court, nothing at all. I went into that court room and my attorney that received over 10,000.00 did not show. So to say the least they took it to me in the court room. Dr. Phil, I have started Support Groups, for Alienated Parents, and I'm getting ready to go before the State Capital with my story and what I have endured. Mr Sean Cruz, who had a Law after his Son, Arron, Arrons Law has been working hand in hand with State Representative Keny-Guyer. And she has asked I speak to help strengthen this Law with my story. It has been horrific for me, and now my children are paying the ultimate price. Please hear my Story Dr. Phil. Please

My daughter is 5 years old. My husband who has been parenting her since she was 2 yrs old was trying to adopt her. Her biofather who hasn't seen or contacted us since she is 4 mos old contested the adoption.We tried to terminate his parental rights. The judge decided that 4.5 years of no contact, no effort, no support was insufficient to terminate his rights and that his intent wasn't permanent. The judge, without giving him legal father status or setting up support arrangments, gave him the right to an "introduction" to Olivia via supervised therepeutic visits.  Since that time, bio-contributor and his attorney decides that in the 6 weeks we've started therapy that the visits aren't moving fast enough.  So we were brought into court on Friday and the judge acted like I was the reason for this. That I'm standing in the way of scheduling the visits. I am not.  I do have an infant that is disabled and requiring additional resources but, that has not stood in the way of my appointments .  We are going at the therapists pace and she will attest to that. The therapist wanted to meet with me 2x and him 2x and then us together and also feels it's necessary to garner Olivia's trust too. This is about Olivia and facilitating a relationship. However on Friday, the Judge told me I'm to tell the therapist that "this child NEEDS a father" (mind you this stemmed from a stepfather adoption. she has a daddy) and that I'm to tell the therapist Olivia must meet biocontributor IMMEDIATELY.  Is this my job? Is this the judge's job to tell the therapist how to do therapy? The judge also stated (its recorded by the court recorder and i have the document) that "maybe we just won't use a health care professional."  How can a family law judge decide we won't use a health care professional to handle this delicate emotional situation and insure the long term mental health of Olivia? I feel this judge is being reckless. Pro dad and irrational.  I have thetranscript from the court reporter if you'd like to read it. I'd like to find out what's normal for a therapist to do when introducing a stranger to be a "father" after 4 1/2 years of no contact? I'd also like to find out if this is normal for a Judge to put the father's needs and wants before that of a child?

I raised a son on my own. His father left us in a foreign country when my son was 2 years old. That was 21 years ago. Recently my son moved out of state to try and start a relationship with his absent father. I could have talked ugly about my ex, I could have turned my son against his father, but how was that going to help my kid? At 23 he is finding out for himself what kind of man he has for a father. When I hear that any parent lets his kid give them a black eye, take drugs or get out of control I just shake my head. I started early letting my child know I was the adult and I was not going to give in to whinning or bad behavior. If my son threw a fit in a store at 2, I ignored him. It was hard but if you give in once, you have lost the entire battle. I was not a perfect mom, but when I was wrong, I was adult enough to take responsibility and apologize. When my kid was wrong I expected him to take responsibility for his actions. I never expected my child to fill the void in my life. I did teach my kid responsibility. At age 11 I was doing his laundry and kept washing the folded clothes I had put in his room. He put wet dirty clothes on top of clean. I told him if he puts one more dirty towel on clean clothes I would never do his laundry again. The next week, my son did his own laundry from that point. When my son was having problems at 16 and was angry with the world, he started hitting the walls and leaving marks. One day I had enough and got in his face. He was taller than me at this point, but I got right in his face. He was screaming at me and I just stood there UNTIL... he pushed me with his first 2 fingers of each hand and yelled at me to back off. I dropped my voice to a whisper and told him to get in his bed because we were going to have a serious talk. I sat by his bed and calmly told him if he ever raised his hand to me in anger, I would take his baseball bat and smash his head in. I told him very calmly that if he ever put his hands on ANY WOMAN in anger, I would hunt him down and bash his head in with the bat. I told him I loved him more that life itself, BUT I was not going to raise a woman beater. I had been  beaten in my life by a man and I was not going to have my son go down that path. My son always knew I loved him. I was not able to give my son everything he wanted. There were probably times when he needed more than I could give. But at age 23 he moved out of state to get to know that father that ignored him for years. Now it is so hard not to tell my kid that his father just isn't worth that effort, but at 23 it is still not my place to come between him and his dad. Some might say I just got lucky and had a good kid, but i worked every day at raising my son to be an independent responsible citizen. He is by no way perfect. If fact I made sure he knew that I considered him perfectly imperfect. But some of the parents we see on the show need a reality check. When I see a small child throwing a fit in a store, I feel sorry for the kid that gets what he wants. What a shame. Parents that give in to a whiny child have lost the war before it ever began. To this day my son knows that if he whins, he will not get anything. I was not abusive. I did know the price of poker beforeDr Phil got his own show and told the world what that meant. At age 6 if my son disobeyed he knew his punishment would be 24 hours in his room over the weekend with peanut butter and jelly 3 meals a day. At that time he hated peanut butter and jelly so he rarely got into that much trouble. I was very consistant in my parenting. Every kid has the right to kmow what the rules are and what happens when you cross the line. I think I raised my son to live in the real world. He can cook, clean and has a great work effort. I could not be prouder. I would love for Dr Phil to interview good kids like my son to show others how good it can be.

I catch your show most of the time during the winter and you get some real doozies on here at times.
 This guy thinks he is gods gift to women but besides that. I think he resembles Gene Simmons not Bonjovi.
And who Is this so called mother to complain about anything going on at the dads house when she up and left the kids there. If she was so interested in their welfare, she would have taken them with her!

This guys is just too much ........... What a Disgrace to the Male human race.   I know several MEN that are single and Have raised or are raising thier children... All of which are Straight A students in honors programs.....