Adoption

 
Have you adopted a child or are you considering adoption? Or, were you adopted? Have you fostered a child? Did you place a child for adoption and are you eager to reach out to him or her? Share your stories and support for others.

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Comments
Replied By: charybeth on Jun 3, 2017, 11:30PM - In reply to psalm10720
Reading you story made me think of my own a little bit. I was adopted at birth. Last year I found my bio family...and that is when I really started having the feelings of rejection. And then when I found them...and saw that family that I could of had...and the aunt's and uncles I would of grown up with, it is hard. 


Don't get me wrong, I am thankful for the family that I grew up with, I am thankful for the sacrifice my mom made...but there are some emotions that people will not understand if they had not been adopted. 
 
Replied By: charybeth on Jun 3, 2017, 11:24PM
I was adopted at birth through a Christian organization more than 30 years ago. Growing up I always knew that my birth mom was a young mother, where I was adopted from, and that I was loved. When I was around 20 I did try contacting the adoption agency about my birth mom but was told that the records were lost in a flood. So I gave up.

Last year, I happened to check my "spam" folder on Facebook and found a message from someone stating my name, birthday, where I was born and that I was adopted. Finding the message gave me chills. I wasn't looking for my birth family. I was doing fine and wasn't missing a piece of me or something...
So that day I responded to the message (which had been written to me 9 months before...I obviously don't check my spam folder often enough) and asked who the person was. That is when they told me that someone was looking for me. 
Immediately I called my mom (adopted mom)  and told her about this message. I knew that she knew my birth mom's maiden name. That night at around 11:30PM I used my phone to "google" myself ...and I found a message from my bio mom to me on a random adoption message board. Since I was borh from a small Christian agency there was no doubt that it was for me. 
That night I responded...but I was in such...shock...that I am not sure exactly what I wrote. I mean, seriously, how do you introduce yourself to someone that had given you away? Also, if this is the only time that you have an opportunity to say something to her, what facts are the most important? AND since the message was a year and a half old...you wonder if she will even see it. 
Well, my birth mom did see and she responded to me two days later. I remember it was a Friday night and I was sitting on the couch when my phone beeped saying I had an email...and when I saw it was a message from my birth mom....I said "Oh Shit"...and if you know me than you know that I don't cuss. 
Well my birth mom and I exchanged emails and decided that we would call each other the following Thursday since she was out of town (after she was home and able to talk to my 1/2 brother). On the day that I was to talk to my birth mom for the first time I got an email from the person that sent me a message on Facebook. They said that they had found my birth mom, that she was disabled, my brother was possibly overseas with the army, and that if I wanted her contact information I would need to pay them because my birth mom couldn't. THAT was when I knew that the person was a spammer.
I responded back to the spammer and told them that I didn't need their help and that I had found them on my own and then blocked the person off my email and Facebook.

Even though the spammer meant to scam my birth mother and I...I am thankful that they contacted me. Becuase I wasn't looking for my bio family...and because of that person I looked. Since finding my birth mom 8 months ago, I have driven across the country to meet her, several of my aunts and uncles, and a several cousins. 

Oh, and btw, the message that I found on the adoption website...was the ONLY message that my birth mother put in all the internet.  It was meant to be that I found my family and  have connected with them in a way I never dreamed. 
 
Replied By: wndyeliza on Apr 5, 2017, 7:07PM
I posted a couple of weeks ago my feelings about being an only child with a younger brother that had been placed for adoption at birth.  I had been initially told, after finding out on accident my mother had been pregnant a second time, that she had either fallen or been pushed down a flight of stairs and the baby died.  I later found out that it was a live birth that resulted in an adoption.  When I went to the County Recorders office I found the birth record but when I asked for the record, it was a closed adoption, the wall was up.  But the question remained.  Do I try to find him anyway?  Do I have the right to appear 54 years after the fact and intoduce myself when I do not have any answers to why it happened?  Am I being selfish?  Does he even know?


I have downloaded the casting application for "Long Lost Family".  I have not filled it out, but I have it.  I am still thinking about it, wondering if it is the right thing to do.  *sigh*  Families....we can be so complicated....


Wendy
 
Replied By: wndyeliza on Mar 24, 2017, 2:20AM
l am a big supporter of adoption, it is an act of love that has great blessings for everyone involved.   Now with the program "Long Lost Family" the question that the birth family had of did l really do the right thing, are they happy, and did they live a good life are answered along with any questions  the adoptee may have. 


My younger brother was born a couple of years after l was and was placed for adoption. I found that it was a closed adoption and at the time my mother wouldn't tell me anything and made me promise not to look for him until after my father died. Our mother died 7 years before he did.  I later came across a marriage announcement for my parents dated a couple of months after his birth with a married name l had never heard her talk of. Too many secrets. 


Now that they are gone and l am alone, is it right for me to try to find him?  Do l have the right to intrude on him afterall it was a closed adoption. I don't have much to say about this time in our lives yet but l am looking for information. J


so for any one reading this who has been adopted, what are your feelings?  As a parent of an adoptee how would you feel if l called for your son on day?  I don't know if l have that right 


thanks for any input, Wendy
 
Replied By: valetasue on Oct 24, 2016, 10:52AM
Watched an old show this morning of a young 16 year old who didn't want to give her child up for adoption, yet she had no job, was not preparing. I want to say to young people, please think of adoption. I was adopted myself, then at 20, which I was not a mature 20 year old, I was spoiled, didn't work, I just wasn't ready to take care of me much less a child. So I gave my daughter up for adoption. The hardest thing I have ever done in my life, but it was what was best for her. I always prayed that one day I would be able to meet her and tell her my reasons, being adopted myself helped me to understand the questions she would have, the feelings she would have. I did meet my mother at age 18 and we had a wonderful relationship until her death. And 2 years ago I got my wish and found my daughter, she was 37 years old, I had almost gave up finding her, I later married and had 2 daughters with my husband, but I never kept my first daughter a secret and my husband was wonderful, when he did a mothers ring for me he included my first daughters birthstone. When I met my first daughter, it was lots of tears, lots of questions which I answered honestly. Now after 2 years we are family, her sisters and her get along great, with her family she only had a brother so to have 2 sisters, she loved it. I just want people to know, adoption if your not ready to be a mom is the greatest gift you can give your child.
 
Replied By: brandie62 on Aug 30, 2016, 9:26AM
My husband and I have been trying to finish an adoption that was started over seven years ago.  Our first attorney just gave us the paperwork and told us to bring it back when all filled out.  Our attorney that we have now refuses to return our phone calls or answer our emails.  Our daughter will turn eight in December.  This was suppose to be an easy family adoptio, not a nightmare.
 
Replied By: psalm10720 on Feb 19, 2016, 7:58PM
I was adopted at age 3 months and am grateful for the family I was adopted into. I wanted to share my own experience. One component of my adopted family was my parents were old enough to be grandparents. Wonderful people and happy with each other which provided a loving and stable environment. The only thing missing was discussions of things like "feelings, emotions, relationships, sex and other such topics. My parents were born in the late 1910's. I feel privelaged in many ways to have lucked out bit in others I did not have the type of relationship to develop emotional closeness. I started some bad coping ways as a young child because I had no one to talk to about these things and my parents were very "laid back" when it came to discipline. An adopted child starts life with a sense of rejection thinking there is something wrong with them to cause them to be left for adoption. That doesn't mean there is anything wrong with adoption or adoptees but it's a natural cause and effect of who an adoptee is. I want to encourage any adopter to develop a close emotional relationship and talk about these different things with your adopted child.
 
Replied By: kellilensley on Feb 15, 2016, 1:15PM - In reply to amazic
Yes I would love to help you with your decision.  There are tons of loving people in the world that would take care of your child.  Remember you have wonderful options of having an open/closed adoption.  Depending on the state you live in.  Please reach out if you have any questions.
 
Replied By: kellilensley on Feb 15, 2016, 1:12PM
My husband and I have been foster parents for some time.  I have had to give back 4 children to a system that is not perfect.  Over a year ago we were given the blessing to adopt our foster child.  This was a blessing and answered prayer for us.  I have a strong feeling about your show that aired in my area last week.  I took some time to pray for my response, which was needed.  Dr. Phil I felt you didn't give a fair shake to foster parents.  Believe you me, that there are some foster parents that are in it for the money, and that sickens me.  We do receive a paycheck for taking care of a child, but that doesn't even pay what is needed.  I can't count the many tears I shed over the years handing back a child.  I also had many waken nights, wondering if our little girl would be taken as well.  Media has never given a good light to foster parents, but most of us our out doing this deed with no thank you.  I am not asking for a thank you, just asking that more be done with media to shed light on this issue.  YOU have a wonderful opportunity to shed this said “light”.  I feel for every right minded foster mother.  I have had my little girl for over a year, and there isn't a time that I don't scan every place we go.  There is never a picture of my child online, which I feel people don't realize the issues around parading your child online.  This is hard with family, since most people don't see this as an issue.  I pray every night and thank God for his blessing.  You see we too were unable to have a natural child, adoption was our only choice.  We also didn't have over $40,000 to spend to get a child through adoption.  This was our only course of action.  Please, Please bring more to this issue and cover this topic again.  You have the chance to change the future, one child at a time.  I would love to share my story with you or anyone who will listen.  Of course no pictures of my little girl. You know. ;)

Thank you,

Kelli

 
Replied By: vixonlady21 on Oct 19, 2015, 3:09PM - In reply to amazic
Yes,I adopted my son many years ago,he was six weeks old when we got him,now in his senior years he has given me 3 lovely grandchildren,lots of pleasure and laughter,and I would do it all over again if I had to do it.
 
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