In this fairly small community, both the perpetrator AND the victim get suspended equal time.


There is to be ZERO self defense.  


There is nothing a parent can do - supposedly even their attorney isn't allowed to view the video tape of the incident "because there are other kids in the video".  Yes, showing them standing there cheering the bully on, and also showing that unlike the rhetoric, teachers are NOT standing in the hallways during passing periods as they are supposed to for behavior monitoring, crowd control, etc.




Can the parent file civil suit again the bully and the bully's parent(s)?

My son is bullied on a daily basis and I am just about at my end.  My son who is now 14 has been bullied most of his life.  I am just so tired of it and about at my end.  I was informed by his high school that it would be stopped there and that they wouldn't put up with it. Guess what it happens daily.  My son has had a basball whipped at his head but caught him in the spine.  He has been called a faggot, gay, loser, retarted, poor he has had threatening text messages sent to him, he has had sexual text messages sent to him.  The other day he was told to choke on a cock and die. These are just some of the things that have been happening to him since the end of september of this school year.  I came home early from work one day to find my son hiding in his closet because he didn't want to go to school.  Here in Canada by law a child must attend school until the age of 16 so I feel like I am stuck between a rock and a hard place.  I call the school everytime that things happen and all I seem to get is the run around.  At the beginning of this I was told that it didn't matter if it was heard through the grapevine that from now on the kids would be suspended.  All that has happened is these kids have been spoken too.  After the latest incident I called the school and was told by the vice principle that there was nothing he could do because he has no proof that this happened to my son.  I think I just about lost my mind when he said that to me.  He asked me when all this was happening in his school and I told him at lunch time.  He then proceeds to tell me that my son then should find a quiet place where theses people aren't at lunch time to go and sit.  So now not only does my son have to be subjected to this bullying every day because he has no proof, he wants him to go and hide away from everyone and everything. While his bulllies get to keep on bullying him and get free run to be able to do what they want.  I guess my 20-30 phone calls to the school isn't proof enough for him.  So if anyone has any suggestions on what I can do it would be greatly appreciated.

What happened to me... I was date raped two times. After that, I decided just NOT to say NO cause I felt I had no power. I became very promiscuous. I just slept with whoever wanted to have sex with me because it was easier to say yes than struggle, scream, and fight with nobody coming to my aide. Now, these poor girls are called sluts, whores, etc. At least in my day there was no social media otherwise I might've commited suicide myself. My question now, as a mother of a 9 yr old boy, how do you instill on them the true value of a girl or woman? I hope he has gotten it by how I require my husband to treat me now and how I require he treat his little sister. But, I am so scared for my daughter... I don't want her to go through the pain that I did. It makes me wince and cry thinking about what happened to me. And, then to think someone would call her a slut on social media because she was raped... I am just sickened...

Hi Dr Phil;I
Thank you for doing the show on bullying, it is so so sad that kids are being shamed and bullied and hurt so so much that they are choosing to take their own life as a way out. I have been there and am still there. I am now 42 I was bullied as a teen not only by other teens but also by teachers. My parents were very "old school" one from Britain and my mum from Australia. My dad was in and out of my life a lot as a child as he was always away working my mum didn't know how to deal with the situation, and when my dad was home neither did he. I'm only 5 feel tall now, when I was in junior high I was only about 4'1 I was always the shortest in the class and the most timid which I supposed made me an easy target.  I went to school with "rich kids" and my parents were not in that category, the teachers always did what they could to try and get themselves into the parents "social circles" so no matter how little the children  of these parents tried or didn't try they were always treated like royalty, and given amazing marks, I would ask for help and teachers would agree and then not show up for the meetings, I would get physically abused and emotionally and mentally abused  by my PE teacher, and she used me as her punching bag. I tried so hard to keep her happy, I tried over and over and over to do what she wanted but she would be little me infront of the entire class or make fun of me with the mean girls, and then failed me two years in a row, just because she could.  After high school I was angry, all the time, I started using drugs quite regularly to try and ease the pain I would also drink quite heavily, and on more than one occassion tried to commit suicide. I went to counselling for years as there was so so much more that happened over the years, and occassonally I still see a therapist.  I know try to work on my anger by working out, sometimes without my antidepressants, I find myself sometimes getting back into that dark hole where I want to stay in bed forever and never see the light of day.
Some parents and authority figures within the school system do not fully understand the way a teenager processes depression or bullying. They don't understand that words to hurt and it eats away at your soul and burns inside your brain, and you find yourself getting physically ill from worry, and find yourself doing different things to cope with the pain such as cutting, or bulimia, drugs or alcohol. Bullying is a crime and it is soooooo far past the time where it should be treated as such. If these bullies can premediate the behaviour and acts they are willing to commit then in my opinion they should be able to suffer the consequences of they're actions by taking responsibility for the damage they have caused. There has got to be a way to help those being bullied, there has got to be a stand, we have to stand together to make this stop so that there are no more senseless suicides, so that no more parents have to bury they're children and so that brothers and sisters, aunts and uncles, friends and other relatives of these children have to go through living the tragedy over and over and over.

Yours truly;

Tiffany

I never imagined I'd write anything to a tv show, but this time its important enough to say something. I can't possibly tell my whole life story on here, but I was born into a dysfunctional family with horrible child abuse, physical and mental. It was also done to my older sister. ( she became a bully and I became a non- existant mouse). At one time she protected me all she could, then she got out as soon as she could. I was beat up and called whore and slut everyday before my bus came for school, even though I was an honor student and didn't know what a whore was yet. My mom has lived in a constant rage her entire life. She is now 72 and the same. Long story, lots of missing pieces in this. What I want to say is, with my dad a a convicted pedophile....I had little chance of getting any self-esteem. I am told I am pretty and when I hear it, I think 'you are a liar'. I don't feel it, I never will. You cannot buy self-esteem. I have seen a counsler for 4 years. It helps me 'deal' with the people around me, but it can't help how awful I feel inside. For many reasons, I am home alone almost 24 hours a day....I have one last kid, 14 that is living with me, an honor student involved in lots of activities..she is everything I wish I could have been. I love her. Wonderful girl. The rest of my family is horrible. Too much for this space. Things have been going from bad to worse for me and my mood and feelings to hopeless. I have had pills in my hand more then 5 times in the last month. I put them back for fear my daughter would be the one to find me.

The reason I want to thank you is I have never associated low self-esteem with bullying (from family and others) and bad choices I make. It actually shocked me. When you talked of that young girl jumping in front of a train, due to bully's who added to what was already there...low or no self esteem, it clicked in my mind, that although I am much older then her, I am the same as her. Wow. You said, promiscuity isn't about sex...and I started to cry. I never admitted to my counselor about that side of me. I didn't want her to be ashamed of me like everyone else. I realized that you are right, its seeking some acceptance in this world, some approval, something...I have never found it. Thank you for enlightening me. I don't have anyone to tell me like it is. Your words mean life or death to some people and to me......it meant life. I feel like you didn't judge me. You explained to me why I do this. I really didn't know it. If I could type forver, I would tell the whole story, its not a pretty one and you have probably figured out most of it anyhow.

Thank you......for not judging....for telling even an 'older' person that there are reasons people behave like they do, the guilt was killing me and I feel now that I can make a better choice, knowing 'why' I made the bad ones. Sincerely........Robin

My son, who is high functioning autistic and now 18 years old, when he started high school, was bullied! First is was taking things out of his back pack while it was on his back. Then he got beat up, and I got the call to come pick him up. When I arrived at the school, he was sitting there with a black eye, and he told me that he pushed the kid to get him off him, but he was still suspended, because of course no one stood up for him. I appealed but lost! The taunts kept going on, they carried on at school, and then started up on facebook...they even started a page about him. I contacted the school and was told by the adminstration there was nothing they could do, but contact the parents, well of course a lot of good that did! It just got so bad, that my "happy" boy became an angry/depressed individual...so I took him to his psychiatrist and he was admitted to the psychiatric ward for 4 days! He returned to school, but things didn't change. As I mentioned he is high functioning autistic, so one day in gym, and this kid has been bullied they are playing a game in gym "flag football" and one of the kids who had bullying my kid grabs the flag from my son's shorts and pulls his shirt up (who is very self conscious of his weight and can't stand being touched) and my son gets upset. So the gym teacher tells my son to sit in the hallway so he can calm down, and my son asks to go to see his case manager which gym teacher agrees too. Unfortunately my son when he went to the locker room saw the kids back pack and decided to put it in the shower (DID NOT TURN WATER ON...and SWEARS 3 YEARS LATER HE DIDN'T), long story short he again was suspended for TEN days! Kid of course claimed that his ipod was damaged , i told my son to tell this boy  that his mother (who of course was an assistant principal at another school) should contact me, which of course NEVER happened. Kid wanted my son to give him money! I appealed this decision and we had a meeting, and in this meeting the head of the special education department at the school made a comment to me: Ms. Rainey...well we never know what "sets Robert off...my response was "if we knew what set an autistic child off , then we'd have a cure"...and an adminstrator told me "that name calling in high school wasn't considered bullying". With these types of attitudes how can we stop bullying? Also, when the bullies are a lot of times the "teachers pets" or they are the types who are "the goodie two shoes"...they are the worse kind. When my daughter entered high school the following year, quite a few children when they realized that she was Robert's sister came up to her and told her that they actually witnessed Robert's bullying and told the administration and they were ignored and blown off. Robert we succeeded in moving to another school in the county after going to the school board and to the media, but I recently found out that my son had NOT told anyone that he is autistic, so for 3 years he has been lonely has had no friend, because yes his social skills suck really bad. He is an angry individual since the bullying and doesn't trust anyone! And in a way, he at home has become a bully to me and his sister! But at least he didn't become a statistic!!!

Bullying is a shame and most publicity is directed at young people.  But, bullying doesn't just stop when you get out of high school.  I'm an adult and am experiencing bullying at work.  I have be employed there for 8 years, and have been trying to find another job for those same nearly 8 years, to no avail.  It is a group mentality, condoned by the supervisor and now endorsed by the Director. I have been accused of being the problem! I got a transfer & promotion, but the bullying began again and extended to my new team, so my new supervisor decided to retire, explaining that she didn't have to endure it, she was sorry, but she was leaving.  I was placed back under the bullying supervisor!!  I am now out on FMLA leave since November, am nearly out of time as my 12 weeks of guaranteed employment will be over at the end of the month, my vacation and sick leave and even donated time are nearly gone (about another week left) and am in intensive psycotherapy for acute PTSD.  I have explained to a few people that I am suffering from PTSD, but have now decided that I am RECOVERING from PTSD.  I have done some research and bullying is not actionable legally in the workplace!!  I don't fall within the "protected class" for hostile work place designation, can't find an attorney that will help and figure that even if/when I can find another job, those people got away with their horrible actions.  Bullying doesn't stop when you grow up!!!

I was bullied as a child, starting around the age of nine years old, going until around age of twenty. Now at the age of 48, I’ve learned a lot about bullies and how they work.

1) Bullies are cowards. They are insecure people who need to pick on others in order to avoid dealing with their own insecurities. So they roam the internet and other public places in order to find someone to torment. That way they can avoid their own demons. Sad, huh?



2) Bullies rarely develop any social skills. Going around putting down others and making others feel stupid is not a great way to make friends. I’ve learned their friendships can be very shallow and weak. Most bullies end up alone with little friends. Sad, huh? I ran into one of my High School’s former bullies and I really felt for this poor 40’s something woman. She was severely overweight and had a small circle of friends, the same bullies she hung out with when she was in High School. All they did was sit in her basement getting drunk on the weekends. Sad, huh?



3) No one wants to be a bully’s friend, especially when they become adults, unless they wake up and smell the roses. (I have two family members who were bullies and are still bullies now. None of their aunts, uncles or cousins want anything to do with them.) Sad, huh?


So how does one deal with a bully?
Bullies want one thing: Reactions. They want your reaction to their taunting. That way they don’t have to deal with their demons. They are creatures to be pitied. So when the taunting starts, don’t cry, don’t complain, don’t give into it. If someone tells you others are mocking you on a website, then avoid it. Why in the world do you want to go to some insecure person’s website because they have nothing better to do, but pick on others? Who cares what these unknown people think of you, whom they’ve never met?? If someone starts to pick on you on a forum board, then don’t answer their posts. I’ve seen others do this and it makes the bullying poster seem like an idiot. Haha. Also if you don’t give into the bully’s taunts, they suddenly look like an idiot, standing alone with a stupid look on their face. It’s a little degrading for the bully. They learn real quickly not to mess with you. You make them look stupid.

I learned when I was a child if I turned away from the bullies, I took away their toys. Don’t allow their words to penetrate your heart. Allow only the good and loving words to affect you. Don’t try to get their attention; don’t give them the sideways, fearful glance as they come down the hallway. (that’s a sign that says, come, throw your vomit on me. I’m waiting and willing.) They don’t exist in your world. Instead if they approach you and begin the taunts, be bored with them, look at your watch several times, sigh with a bored sound and ask are you done yet, cause I’m busy now. Would you like to make an appointment and we could continue your insecure tauntings later?

Focus only on those who love you and cherish you. Your good friends and family. Get involved in something even if it’s outside of school or work. Get a good hobby that pulls you away from them. Love yourself and know you are a good person, that you are loved by others. Allow your confidence to grow and show. Be kind and compassionate to others.  Once you build on these things, the bullies’ words will not bother you because you’ll know it’s not true. And you don’t care what they say. 

As for me? Well, I enjoy my life. I love, love, love hitting the medieval faires with my freinds, putting on flowing, handmade by me, beautiful gowns, strapping my knife to my side, putting on my elf ears and having the younger handsome men hit on me. :) (Sigh . .  .there's nothing like a man with a sword strapped to his side.) I still get the bullies who try to bully me, but I’m much too busy trying to sell my first novel (fantasy of course), leading a writer's group, sewing my costumes and one day selling them, learning about medieval history (something I love), meeting new friends everywhere I go, cultivating deep friendships, volunteering in my church and loving God to really care what the bullies say. (One woman who made fun of my medieval excursions suggested instead of doing the faires, I head out to the corner bars with her, get drunk and then have others tell us the funny things we did the night before as we nurse a hangover.  Um . . . no. Since I stood my ground, she's now my friend.)

So live your life, teens. Love your friends, ignore the idiots, strap a sword to your side, put on your elf ears and enjoy what God has given you. Life is too short to worry about what the bullies have to say. :) 

I was bullied in elementary school but i never thought nothin of it so i just blew it off.

But now i am 46 and my sister and brother bully me cos im over weight. My sister is 59 and

my brother is 54. yes i know they should be old enough to know how bullying hurts right?

But it does hurt hearing how fat iam. One time my whole family was at my sisters the 59 year olds

 house and i was in her and i was using her bathroom and they all were wondering where i was

So my youngest told them i was using the bathroom and what my daughter told me after we left my sisters that when they were told i was in the bathroom my brother the 54 yr old made a comment saying yea shes probaly breaking the toilet.

When my daughter told me that i felt like crying but i didnt cause i didnt wana cry around my girls.

There was time that my sister the 60 yr old would get into a argument with me and she would bring up my weight then it would start a bigger argument. she would say to me how when shes around me i stink that i really need to shower more often. I keep myself clean my clothes are always clean. She would say i dont know how ur bf can stand u cos u are so fat. 

It would go on and on with my brother and sister its been going on now far to long.
There would be times that i dont even wana live any more cos of my weight and cos of the family bullying My other sister shes 56 and she would say sumthin bout my weight to when she sees me. She would say jeez amy have u put on more weight. That would make me so mad but shes not as bad as my other siblings But thats enough to make a person hate themself and feel hurt.

My weight problem is due to a medical reason its from these hormoan injections im getting every month. I have told my siblings bout it and they just dont believe it. So as of now i dont talk to my siblings cos of this and other reasons. I dont hear bout my weight from anyone now.

But my question is Dr. Phil what do u do when u have bully siblings?

We have workshops upon workshops and some teachers just don't get it.

1.  I was bullied unbelievavly and no teacher adult ever helped me.  I finally went to my 40th High School Reunion.  The person who daily beat me up = hugged me and "remembered" we were such good frends at school.  Others hugged me and said they missed me and remembered the fun times we ahd in class.  I was dumb founded!


I am a teacher and all the students know there is no bullying around me or if I ever hear about it.

2.  I brought to the attention - a fifth grade teacher - whose students were bullying one of their students.  She said to me - "That was not bullying, that is how htey are treated in the community."  I went to the Principal and then tot the Superintendant and nothing changed or happened.


I told the girls that they should tell me and I would deal with it.  Now the students aren't nice but the girls are left alone and have friends.


One thing I understand is that I understand the increased paperwork etc. that teachers have to deal with stops them from dealing with some issues.  At least I see that some teachers are willing to do something if it doesn't require extra paperwork.


My rule is: everyone plays or no-one plays.    The first time I hear - you can't play with us or go play over there.  I blow my whistle and everyone sits down.  I don't say a word.  When everyone has sat down and they understand I meant what I said.  Then they can play.


One thing is the students need to know - I mean it.  And that I will not tollerate it.  It took about 5 or 6 times and then one student raised their hand and simply asked why are we sitting down.  I said did everyone understand the expectations when I read them.  I said that everyone plays or no-one plays.  "Is that clear?"  Students are only ready to here what you have to say - when they are ready to listen.


I never had another case of bullying.  If one student ever said anything nasty then the other students would quickly say - we don't do that here and go on playing.  Peer pressure is the most valuable tool.