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Bullying

 
Teens: Have you ever been harassed or intimidated at school or online? Are you fed up with the taunts and humiliation, but you don't know where to turn? Do teachers see bullying at your school? What do they do -- or not do -- about it? Have you reported bullying at your school? Did school officials do anything about it? Share your stories and find support from other teens.

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Comments
Replied By: ashthewookilar on Oct 21, 2014, 3:21PM
Billing not only happens at schools, but in the workplace as well. I was recently fired from A company I have worked for for three years. The company has recently transitioned to a new owner last October. When the new owner first came, she was a godsend from the previous owner, who was a very verbally abusive boss. A few months after she took over, she did a total 180. She hired one if her good friends to be a manager, and she also hired her niece. I was promised things she never followed through with, and she started being extremely hard on me and me alone. I was never allowed to take a day off when other people were taking multiple vacations in the same year. She would act a certain way and yell at me for doing the same thing, but if her niece or one of her friends that she hired did it and it was fine. There was a lot of favoritism going on as well. It's a small local business, so there was no one I could go to about her behavior. She would state that I was such a hard worker than turn around and say I was lazy and only worked hard when I wanted to, which is false. She stated it doesn't matter how she acts, and it doesn't matter how she treats her employees. Often times I would go home in tears over the things she has said to me and accused me of...and I'm 23! I loved my job and what I did there and the people I worked with, but she was relentless with the verbal abuse. The day we were to have a meeting discussing our issues, I was fired. She really took a toll on my mental state and my self esteem, and made my depression worse. Workplace bullying is something that I didn't even know about until it happened to me and I'm sure many people aren't aware this goes on!..awareness needs to be spread!!
 
Replied By: jamesturner972 on Jul 16, 2014, 4:39PM
Growing up I was a bully. I picked on kids and my little brother.  God bless his soul, he was my biggest victim. I abused him, beat him up and hurt him so bad growing up and it really hurts me now looking back. I of course out grew this bully phase of my life once and for all when I was 16 and I saw a man get his head blown off with a double barrel shot gun and all he did was make a threatening remark towards another man’s wife. Life changes when you get older and not everyone will let a person bully them. Some folks get scared and some have guns and will shot you if you bully them. I am sad and regret the way I was but I can say the life I grew up in had a lot to do with it. I did survive and I thank God for that. I did servive and so did everyone else. Thank God.

James
 
Replied By: ciearria95 on Apr 2, 2014, 11:12PM
Hello,

I used to tell myself that I would never be a victim of bullying and that I'd be the one to help others but that all changed when I moved to a new school in 8th grade. I've been called a fat bitch, I've been called ugly I've been shoved into doors and lockers after my arm surgery, I went to the hospital a couple of times and my parents asked how did this bruse get there why is the pain increasing I just told them that I accidently bumped into the wall because of the crowded halls the doctors gave me passes to get out of classes early but I still kept getting injured. I lost my dog that year and someone told me I should have poored fuel over my dogs body and just burn her in a barrel. When I got to highschool things got worse, I was called a slut, a drug addict, and a pussy. I have been shoved up the stairs and it got so bad I needed a tense unit for my back and was put on a weight limit to 15 punds. I was going out on a date and the guy wanted me to start getting closer to him and he kept grabing me, tugging me, and pulling me around I came back home with bruises. I started going suicidal and I started over dosing my medication and I started cutting and stopped taking my meds so I would die from my illness. I can't go to my parents because all they do is talk shit about the people or just say I'm sorry when all I wanted to be told is I'm here to listen and I am here to help you deal with this because we love you. My mom basically abonded me to take care of her sister I feel replaced and that I don't have a mom. I feel like at any moment someone is going to attack me and that my family is going to leave me. I feel so alone and so helpless I feel like I'm trying to find the light that is hidden in this darkness.
 
Replied By: raluros on Jan 31, 2014, 8:28PM
Dear Dr. Phil, I am now a 44-year-old woman, but I remember vividly, when I was growing up in Germany, I was bullied mercilessly in school, and my parents (both of whom have passed away) and my teachers would just look the other way. My parents used to say that if I wasn't able to defend myself (using words, language and reasoning), then I didn't deserve any better. I see myself in each and every single one of those sweet defenseless kids who kill themselves because they cannot stand the pressure and stress of being bullied, and my heart goes out to each and every one of them. I do not have a degree in Psychology, but my dream  would be to work with children and teens who have been (or are being) bullied, to provide for them what I never had from my parents: a listening ear, a shoulder to cry on, a soft spot to fall on and a support system. I just wanted to write in, and tell you my story and ask that you continue to tape shows about bullying and what consequences bullying might have for the victims. It is so important to stand united and help the victims AND THE BULLIES!!! Thank you for listening,




Raluca
 
Replied By: devenzt on Jun 13, 2013, 5:21PM
As a young girl I was bullied in elementary school, junior high school and high school. I never told my mother about it, at all. There were boys that would make up lies about me being with them and there girls that teased me about my hair, the clothes I wore and even the lunches I brought to school. I struggled through school with all of this going on. If it wasn't  for my God, my father and my mother telling me how cute I was and how smart I was. I did not realize that it was all true until I got into high school. And then I turned a deaf ear to what was being said to me and what was being said about me. I graduated with good grades and with confidence and self respect and friends that cared and thought a lot about me. Sometimes people don't like you because they don't like themselves. It took just about half of my life to realize that. I wasn't caught up with the newest fashions, parties and being in a clique. I was just myself and I perservered. Sometimes I wish I could talk to some of the children that are letting these "Bullies" who take their joy away from them. And as a mother with a child that was,  bullied I also understand. My oldest daughter had the same problem and I had to go to the school and demand that 2 girls that were making her life miserable stop it. I made sure they saw me and I talked to their principal and teachers and counselor. I told them that I was going to allow my daughter to take care of the problem herself without anyone seeing her do anything. I know it was wrong but thank God it did not happen. I had to call their bluff. And she in a way started standing up for herself without violence. Children now a days also have to know saying ugly things to each other carry a lot of weight. You never know what kind of a person you are attacking. You never know what state of mind that person is in or how desperate they are. I know I'm going to get a lot of flack for this but I'm going to say this anyway. Be careful what you say today because it can come back to you and you will end up a victim of your own words. As a baptist I was taught that the tongue is the smallest part of the body but it can pack some devestating consequences. Be careful what you say always,  think before you say anything.  James 3:6


The tongue also is a fire, a world of evil among the parts of the body. It corrupts the whole person, sets the whole course of his life on fire, and is itself set on fire by hell.  All kinds of animals, birds, reptiles and creatures of the sea are being tamed and have been tamed by man, but no man can tame the tongue.  It isa restless evil, full of deadly poison.   Proverbs15:4  The tongue that brings healing is a tree of life, but a deceitful tongue crushes the spirit.   Proverbs 18:21  the tongue has the power of life and death, and those who love it will eat its fruit.   I've found joy and solace in knowing that all the bullying that was done to me has not affected my life now.  And it can be that way with every person that has been bullied.  There is life after junior high school and life after high school. The way you get back at people who are like that is to live your life well. There will be a time when you will come across those that hurt you and some of their lives will not turn out as well as your life has. Just hold on because their is something that they cannot take away from you and that is your piece and your joy.   And for the parents don't ever say your child is not the agressor or my child will never do that. As a child myself I was told not to do certain things and without my parents ever finding out I did them anyway.   Children can be cruel but, as parents we should instill in them courage, confidence and values.  We should teach our children that they are not better than anyone else and that they should treat people with kindness and as they would want to be treated.  Everything you do whether good or bad will come back to haunt you in ways you will not have ever thought they would.  Talk to someone who will listen and don't mind being a friend and confidant to you.   Everyone is not going to want to be a friend to you a\re even like you. Half the time they don't know why they do not like you.  Sometimes you can be your own best friend and that's even better because you know how you 'd like to be treated.




T
 
Replied By: daveswidow on Jan 25, 2013, 12:30PM
In this fairly small community, both the perpetrator AND the victim get suspended equal time.


There is to be ZERO self defense.  


There is nothing a parent can do - supposedly even their attorney isn't allowed to view the video tape of the incident "because there are other kids in the video".  Yes, showing them standing there cheering the bully on, and also showing that unlike the rhetoric, teachers are NOT standing in the hallways during passing periods as they are supposed to for behavior monitoring, crowd control, etc.




Can the parent file civil suit again the bully and the bully's parent(s)?





 
Replied By: lhunter5 on Jan 21, 2013, 11:55AM
My son is bullied on a daily basis and I am just about at my end.  My son who is now 14 has been bullied most of his life.  I am just so tired of it and about at my end.  I was informed by his high school that it would be stopped there and that they wouldn't put up with it. Guess what it happens daily.  My son has had a basball whipped at his head but caught him in the spine.  He has been called a faggot, gay, loser, retarted, poor he has had threatening text messages sent to him, he has had sexual text messages sent to him.  The other day he was told to choke on a cock and die. These are just some of the things that have been happening to him since the end of september of this school year.  I came home early from work one day to find my son hiding in his closet because he didn't want to go to school.  Here in Canada by law a child must attend school until the age of 16 so I feel like I am stuck between a rock and a hard place.  I call the school everytime that things happen and all I seem to get is the run around.  At the beginning of this I was told that it didn't matter if it was heard through the grapevine that from now on the kids would be suspended.  All that has happened is these kids have been spoken too.  After the latest incident I called the school and was told by the vice principle that there was nothing he could do because he has no proof that this happened to my son.  I think I just about lost my mind when he said that to me.  He asked me when all this was happening in his school and I told him at lunch time.  He then proceeds to tell me that my son then should find a quiet place where theses people aren't at lunch time to go and sit.  So now not only does my son have to be subjected to this bullying every day because he has no proof, he wants him to go and hide away from everyone and everything. While his bulllies get to keep on bullying him and get free run to be able to do what they want.  I guess my 20-30 phone calls to the school isn't proof enough for him.  So if anyone has any suggestions on what I can do it would be greatly appreciated.
 
Replied By: adagray on Jan 21, 2013, 2:29AM
What happened to me... I was date raped two times. After that, I decided just NOT to say NO cause I felt I had no power. I became very promiscuous. I just slept with whoever wanted to have sex with me because it was easier to say yes than struggle, scream, and fight with nobody coming to my aide. Now, these poor girls are called sluts, whores, etc. At least in my day there was no social media otherwise I might've commited suicide myself. My question now, as a mother of a 9 yr old boy, how do you instill on them the true value of a girl or woman? I hope he has gotten it by how I require my husband to treat me now and how I require he treat his little sister. But, I am so scared for my daughter... I don't want her to go through the pain that I did. It makes me wince and cry thinking about what happened to me. And, then to think someone would call her a slut on social media because she was raped... I am just sickened...
 
Replied By: tiffanymorris on Jan 20, 2013, 6:57PM
Hi Dr Phil;I
Thank you for doing the show on bullying, it is so so sad that kids are being shamed and bullied and hurt so so much that they are choosing to take their own life as a way out. I have been there and am still there. I am now 42 I was bullied as a teen not only by other teens but also by teachers. My parents were very "old school" one from Britain and my mum from Australia. My dad was in and out of my life a lot as a child as he was always away working my mum didn't know how to deal with the situation, and when my dad was home neither did he. I'm only 5 feel tall now, when I was in junior high I was only about 4'1 I was always the shortest in the class and the most timid which I supposed made me an easy target.  I went to school with "rich kids" and my parents were not in that category, the teachers always did what they could to try and get themselves into the parents "social circles" so no matter how little the children  of these parents tried or didn't try they were always treated like royalty, and given amazing marks, I would ask for help and teachers would agree and then not show up for the meetings, I would get physically abused and emotionally and mentally abused  by my PE teacher, and she used me as her punching bag. I tried so hard to keep her happy, I tried over and over and over to do what she wanted but she would be little me infront of the entire class or make fun of me with the mean girls, and then failed me two years in a row, just because she could.  After high school I was angry, all the time, I started using drugs quite regularly to try and ease the pain I would also drink quite heavily, and on more than one occassion tried to commit suicide. I went to counselling for years as there was so so much more that happened over the years, and occassonally I still see a therapist.  I know try to work on my anger by working out, sometimes without my antidepressants, I find myself sometimes getting back into that dark hole where I want to stay in bed forever and never see the light of day.
Some parents and authority figures within the school system do not fully understand the way a teenager processes depression or bullying. They don't understand that words to hurt and it eats away at your soul and burns inside your brain, and you find yourself getting physically ill from worry, and find yourself doing different things to cope with the pain such as cutting, or bulimia, drugs or alcohol. Bullying is a crime and it is soooooo far past the time where it should be treated as such. If these bullies can premediate the behaviour and acts they are willing to commit then in my opinion they should be able to suffer the consequences of they're actions by taking responsibility for the damage they have caused. There has got to be a way to help those being bullied, there has got to be a stand, we have to stand together to make this stop so that there are no more senseless suicides, so that no more parents have to bury they're children and so that brothers and sisters, aunts and uncles, friends and other relatives of these children have to go through living the tragedy over and over and over.

Yours truly;

Tiffany
 
Replied By: rrenee29 on Jan 19, 2013, 7:36AM
I never imagined I'd write anything to a tv show, but this time its important enough to say something. I can't possibly tell my whole life story on here, but I was born into a dysfunctional family with horrible child abuse, physical and mental. It was also done to my older sister. ( she became a bully and I became a non- existant mouse). At one time she protected me all she could, then she got out as soon as she could. I was beat up and called whore and slut everyday before my bus came for school, even though I was an honor student and didn't know what a whore was yet. My mom has lived in a constant rage her entire life. She is now 72 and the same. Long story, lots of missing pieces in this. What I want to say is, with my dad a a convicted pedophile....I had little chance of getting any self-esteem. I am told I am pretty and when I hear it, I think 'you are a liar'. I don't feel it, I never will. You cannot buy self-esteem. I have seen a counsler for 4 years. It helps me 'deal' with the people around me, but it can't help how awful I feel inside. For many reasons, I am home alone almost 24 hours a day....I have one last kid, 14 that is living with me, an honor student involved in lots of activities..she is everything I wish I could have been. I love her. Wonderful girl. The rest of my family is horrible. Too much for this space. Things have been going from bad to worse for me and my mood and feelings to hopeless. I have had pills in my hand more then 5 times in the last month. I put them back for fear my daughter would be the one to find me.

The reason I want to thank you is I have never associated low self-esteem with bullying (from family and others) and bad choices I make. It actually shocked me. When you talked of that young girl jumping in front of a train, due to bully's who added to what was already there...low or no self esteem, it clicked in my mind, that although I am much older then her, I am the same as her. Wow. You said, promiscuity isn't about sex...and I started to cry. I never admitted to my counselor about that side of me. I didn't want her to be ashamed of me like everyone else. I realized that you are right, its seeking some acceptance in this world, some approval, something...I have never found it. Thank you for enlightening me. I don't have anyone to tell me like it is. Your words mean life or death to some people and to me......it meant life. I feel like you didn't judge me. You explained to me why I do this. I really didn't know it. If I could type forver, I would tell the whole story, its not a pretty one and you have probably figured out most of it anyhow.

Thank you......for not judging....for telling even an 'older' person that there are reasons people behave like they do, the guilt was killing me and I feel now that I can make a better choice, knowing 'why' I made the bad ones. Sincerely........Robin
 
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