2012 Shows

(Original Air Date: 04/09/12) A mom is supposed to love and nurture her children, but what if she’s too involved? Reed, 33, says his mother, Margaret, is so meddling, manipulative and controlling that the day she dies will be a cause for celebration, not mourning. He claims she uses bribes to control his every move, including offering him $20,000 to divorce his first wife. Margaret admits that she can be pushy and difficult but says she just wants to see her son succeed in life. Is she really setting him up for failure? Does Reed really want to man-up and break free from his mother's grasp? And, is Margaret willing to let him go? Then, 35-year-old Anthony, star of the new TLC reality show Mama’s Boys of the Bronx, says he sees nothing wrong with living at home and letting his mom, Patti, wait on him hand and foot. How does Patti feel about their living arrangement? Will she ever kick Anthony out? Plus, hear how Anthony's lifestyle affects his dating life. If you know of a mother-son bond that's a little too close for comfort, don't miss this Dr. Phil.

Find out what happened on the show.
Replied By: lostangellisa on Jul 4, 2012, 10:12PM
Good day to all...

I would like to know how I could get in contact with Reed from the episode ' Over the top moms'.

...or possibly for my details to be passed on to him.

After watching his dilemma I felt drawn to make contact with him for reasons unknown.

Dr Phil, hope you can organize is.

Lisa-Perth, West Australia
Replied By: hrn1957 on Jun 5, 2012, 7:09PM
Nothing wrong with living at home until he was 35..he has his cooking , ironing, washing and possibly his mum is his secretary with phone calls. On top of that he has no mortgage to worry about...I AM ON HIS SIDE...However i to had a meddling mother and the more she meddled, the less i spoke to her.....She said if i dont speak, i will have to make my own meals.....Fine i said..I made my own meals but i never cleaned up as it was not stipulated.You see i took her litterally ..Eventually i left home at 27 and got married ( UNFORTUNATELY ) at 31......Reed,,,,you go for it, stay home and use that as an incentive to save or enjoy your life....You will only otherwise move out, get married and in a few years divorce so she gets the lot....lol ...Where girls are concerned, if they dont like the fact you are staying at home saving up for your own house, then they are not worth to be around as to me , they sound like gold diggers.
Replied By: ggolti on Jun 5, 2012, 5:54PM - In reply to lawriter
Regarding Reed and his mother's attitude towards Asians is reflective of her own upbringing.  Most likely she was raised during an Asian war with overbearing, manipulative parents.  Likewise, Asian parents frown upon interacial marriage and are no better off than Reed's mother.  Realistically speaking, Reed and his mother are generations apart and as Dr. Phil stated it's time to move on.
Replied By: ggolti on Jun 5, 2012, 5:32PM - In reply to lawriter
Regarding Reed and his mother's attitude towards Asians is reflective of her own upbringing.  Probably raised during an Asian war with overbearing parents, she has become one of them.  Likewise, Asian parents have very high expectations of their children and marrying outside of their own race is commonly frowned upon.
Replied By: breakingties on Jun 5, 2012, 3:50PM
I could really identify with the pain I saw in Reed's eyes during the show. I'm the daughter of a mother who had no problem sending me to live with my grandfather who sexually abused me from the ages of 7-12. She knew about his criminal intentions too, because he'd done the same to her. She also sexually abused me when I was eleven. When I confronted her about this, she denied all responsibilty, making me out to be the 'ungrateful' child. She seems to think she should be awarded a medal, but if all mothers are like her, I'd hate to see what state the world would be in today...

Sorry to say that I also identify with Reed's comment that he feels he'll only know true peace once his Mom finally passes away. I feel the same.
Replied By: breakingties on Jun 5, 2012, 3:41PM
I could really identify with the pain I saw in this young man's eyes on today's show. Often, as a society, we put mothers up on a pedestal, and we can't or won't see that they can be coercive and manipulative.

My wish is that I could have my Mom permanently out of my life. When I was seven years old, she literally threw me to the wolves, as she moved me and my sister in with her father who sexually abused her. Of course he ended up abusing me too, and that went on until I was twelve. When I was eleven, she took me out of the country on a business trip to Spain, and also sexually abused me. I confronted her when I was twenty one, and all she coud say was that I was 'lucky it only happened once' and thought I had 'passed it off as a dream.' That was not only condescending, it means she truly feels she did nothing wrong. Such a cop-out. As far as I know, nothing happened to my sister, but she does show signs of post-traumatic stress. And as the younger sister, it must have been difficult for her as well.

I feel disgusting even having to talk to her. And, similar to Reed, she does occasionally offer financial help, as I am currently underemployed. But the truth is, I'd rather live in the streets than have to deal with her at all. The psychic pain of this situation is unbearable. Sadly, I also identify with Reed's statement that he feels he'll only know true peace once she's finally gone...
Replied By: bellagee on Jun 5, 2012, 3:17PM
Hi Dr. Phil, watching Reed and his mother today I felt compelled to write in and went to the trouble of Mrs. are great examples of what to aim for in relationships.In the sea of depravity on the air your program IS a shining light.
   Reed's tearful, bewildered affect today and his mothers mind games-manipulation,pretences just plain lying pushed my buttons today.You see I grew up with the same king of narscisitic- mind tripping parenting. until I entered the Nursing Discipline though, I did NOT realize what had happened to me.I clearly recall sitting in a pediactric class on different types of child abuse, I could not put my finger on the WHAT,WHY& WHO of my own mind. If the person I trusted the most, was my only parent present brought me up to rely on her, her alone.Once in that class, I recognized the degree "the patterns of what had happened to me" The veil was lifted YIKES. Dr. Phil I was so terrified,panicked,anxious, it was all I could do to remain in my chair(i think my fingernail marks are still on that desk) I wanted to FLEE from the awareness because I had no idea how  to cope with this new reality. Mostly I would like to pass on to Reed that HE IS NOT ALONE. There is a recovery 12 step program for Co-dependancy. Thank God.I also entered analysis.Luckily once I began to pull away and continued with my nursing(incidentally I was most interested in PSYCHIATRY <LOL>) my mothers deceptions became more overt.She is very slippery but I could not see that until I was able to create some space.
I don"t wish to say here Reed that I don't love and honor my mother. I do and it is possible to relate adult to adult and have a loving relationship. It took awhile to train my Mom or untrain myself not to engage with her pathology,to create boundaries. I think what hurt the most was when I realized that her self centeredness,critical nature, putdowns etc. were not for my "GOOD" but to my detriment.The "game" was to keep me off balance insecure and dependent.    I wish you all the best in your recovery and know this : in surviving this past phase of your life,you ARE psychologically more astute and healthy than you ever imagined  possible.All you need to do is gain some knowledge of this dis-ease, perspective, and continual insight into your own desires.You are "allowed to make your own decisions and your own mistakes.   John Bradshaw,Alice Miller, Melody Beady (self help with co-dependentcy) Minnette Walters(the shape of snakes -fiction)have all helped me heal. When that guilt noise enters your mind TELL YOUR OLD THINKING-you do not know what time it is! "i am in a healing program, I am getting my education, I do not need to rely on old ways of coping to move through this. There absolutly will be people to assist you IF you continue to REACH OUT and tell YOUR TRUTH!! Eventually I hope and Pray that you will have self confidence  and peace of mind.Also many who enter recovery develope healthy love and friendship relationships & are able to become self supporting.The truth for me is no amout of money, false security is worth my personal dignity and self respect. I sometimes have had to learn to live with less material objects however my peace of mind and ability to love unconditionally-firsy myself,then LOVE and Kindness flowed through me to my patients, my family etc.I was no longer a slave to my reactions.           Reactions that had been programed @ an early age into my- mother could no longer hold and push that remote control. I began to be able to respond to life rather than react. I applaud you for your courage today and wish you all the best in your healing. Remember it wasn't pretty going in and it isn't pretty coming out. It IS a JOURNEY not an EVENT. Sincerely, Carolyn Gee Blessings Of LOVE,LIGHT & LAUGHTER along "THE WAY"                                                                                                                                                                      I
Replied By: lexuslady52172 on Jun 5, 2012, 2:07PM
This just made me laugh.  I have two boys nd they will tell you in a heartbeat they are momma's boys.  I love my boys more than life its self but I alss love my daughter-in-laws just as much.  They are both happily married one has 3 boys the other has no children.  I quess my and there defination of momma's boy is different of what I saw today.  One lives in NY , one lives in Virginia.  I live in Iowa but we are moving to upstate NY by my oldest soon ad daughter-in-law and guess what we are moving because they have all asked us to.  They want me closer as I get older so they can help me and they want me now so they can help me with there disabled step dad. 

I don't interfere with there lives and I don't give advice on less they ask me for it.  I would do anything to help them and they would do anything to help me.  They are productive, loving, caring people and I am so proud of them my heart swells.     My boys would of never brought or tried to sneak a girl into my home when they lived at home because that would of been disrespectful and they new that.  I never had to tell them don't try that because thye have that much respect for me as there mother.  So my defination of momma's boy's is definately different than what I saw today. 

I admit though I did have a good giggle today and I do think they 38 year old guy who is helping his mom is honorable but he could help out his mom without living ith her and letting her wait on him.  When I am around my boys they wait on me because they say I waited them long enough.
Replied By: daisy6649 on Jun 5, 2012, 2:06PM
Thank you Dr. Phil for finally talking about cutting the cord. This 33 year old man needs to cut the cord with his mom,not forever but long enough for him to grow up. It was the most hurtful thing for him to say he will be happy when his mom passes. Yes she does spoil him,but he is her only child,but on the other hand he has allowed her to do this,All he has to do is say no and walk away,at anytime he could have taken a large amount of mom's money[that she gives willingly] and move far away and learn to stand on his own two feet.I don't see him as the victim here mom is.
Replied By: eag071083 on Jun 5, 2012, 12:45PM
As a graduate of nursing school (more of a boot camp, really) I take issue with Mom's comment that  Reed can't complete nursing school and work at the same time. I worked full-time while in nursing school. Did I mention that I'm also a mother of a toddler? My husband was very supportive and my parents helped too by watching my daughter once a week. They would have helped me more, but I wouldn't have bothered them with any more myself. I wanted to do it on my own, and I did. To Reed: don't think you need Mom to get a nursing degree, you can do nursing school on your own while working full-time, you just have to study hard.
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