I grew up with an angry father and a mother with rage issues and absolutely zero empathy. When I watch mothers like this one calling her daughters liars when they talk about the abuse and neglect they suffered it infuriates me because I know how they feel. Both my parents lied for years about what they did and what they ignored. At least my father eventually came to his senses. He disclosed to me abuse he had suffered which explained a lot of his anger problems and excess drinking. But my mother lives in complete denial to this day. She denies things she never witnessed, just like this woman questioning her daughter on the details of her being molested. If I told my mother the sky was blue she would come up with some reason why it was green on her side o fthe planet.
It is very hard to get a person to understand what they did when they have no capacity for empathy. My mother appears to be completely unable to empathize. There are times I have seen her trying to show compassion but it becomes obvious very quickly that she is pretending, or saying what she thinks people want to hear. At this point I wonder if she has a developmental or personality disorder. My problem is she is the only mother I have and I keep holding out hope that she will be able to relate to me on a normal level and that she will understand the extent of her abuse and acknowledge it. But interlectually I know she never will.
My mother sees herself as the victim in every situation and that is what I see in this mother.
Dr. Phil, I am so tired of hearing "children" holding parents to some kind "moral" high ground. I empathize with this mother. These adult women need to stop blaming their mother and looking for attention. Get the heck over it you spoiled little brats.
It is easy to judge other people from a position on the outside. My mother is very similar to this mother plus much more. I have literally ran away and had to leave my kids with in-laws to get away from my mother. I am seriously afraid to get a home phone or list an address on anything in fear of her finding me. I don’t post pictures and hardly comment with friends on facebook because I am afraid of her. There is a certain type of pain and fear of life that only a parent can inflict. What they tell you is elementary school is A LIE… sticks and stones may break your bones and WORDS CAN AND WILL CUT YOU TO THE SOUL AND SCAR YOUR HEART! Sometimes there is no way to heal the damage a parent has caused and it is NOT always the best option to reconcile with an abusive and manipulative parent. Be careful not to judge a child (even the adult ones) so hard because deep pain can often look like a bad attitude.
This sounds like a show from my family the only difference it was a brother and my mothers comment was just lock your door and shut your curtains. All these years later life has been the same. Many years not seeing them and not interested in a relationship until they are ready for counseling.
Wow, you read a lot into her comemnts and emotions. She voiced her opinion when Dr. Phil tried to lump her in with her sisters about hating their mother.
I do hear in your voice a lot of hurt for what you went through. It is very hard for a child of any age who is not ready to care for children and forced into it. You obviously still have a lot of pain and anger that you don't know how to handle. Please see a professional and work on these feelings so you can enjoy the rest of your life. When choosing a professional, talk to each one before choosing one to work with you. It has to be a comfortable relationship or you won't get anywhere. So many people think they have to stay with the first person they talk too, that is not true. Your future life is too important for you to continue to feel so much pain. Please take care of yourself.
I find myself very frustrated at what the mom did at the end......... Dear Mom of these three women... Stop using dr Phil to try to manipulate your daughters. talking about i know that I am going to have to do this withouth them, i know they won't for give me....... Look I understand it is painful but seriously don'[t use a negative behavior acting as if your just looking for an answer or information.
I can't believe these so-called daughters, although that word doesn't seem to fit. Before everyone jumps down my throat. I was molested as a child by a brother 11 years my senior, from the age of 3-4 to 7. I told my mother and she told me I had a great imagination and not to tell stories. Was this the right thing to do, no, but I wasn't angry with her, I was angry with my brother. My father had a heart attack when I was ten and believe me for the 92 days he was in ICU we were pretty much on our own. My mother was a nurse and came home once a day to wash pajamas for my father and went back to the hospital. I have two older sisters and three brothers, by the time I was 13 there was only two of us. At 13, I found out my father had cancer and we watched him die slowly for 6 months. When I was 14,a year after my father died, my mother went to visit an aunt in another country for three weeks, two of us were still at home and we were alone. It seems this mother was a single parent but they didn't say she went out every weekend and was out all night, they didn't say she brought lots of men home to stay over. Yes, she went on a cruise and I am sure the oldest was left to take care of them, she didn't leave them alone. I feel bad for the oldest daughter who probably had to give up a lot to take care of her sisters. There wasn't a lot of daycare when these girls were little and it was expensive. I am sure the mother thought if the oldest girl could help out they could have a few of the niceities.
It never occurred to me to yell at my mother or raise a hand to her. For these girls to not see their mother and not bring her grandchildren to visit is deplorable. All three of these girls, grew up, didn't get into drugs, managed to support themselves and at least one is married. Their life wasn't awful. Their mother made some mistakes but please, she gave birth to you, long before epidurals, changed your diapers for three years. fed you and managed to make sure you went to school and became independent indiviuals, she was there for you for at least 18 years. If she hadn't, then their lives would be a mess. What was missing in this family was a father who taught his children to respect and honor the woman who cared for them.
I can understand how you feel my family is just like yours. Your sister is not worth your time it seems to me that she is the one with the problem not you. I love my sister and yes we are suppose to forgive but God doesnt say to keep going back to be treated badly. You will have to decide that you are better than that forgive and walk away and dont go back for abuse. I think your sister needs help and she has to want that for herself. I truely believe in what goes around will come around maybe not as fast as we would like but GOD will deal with your sister.
My older sister is very vindictive towards me. She manipulated my mom and got my name crossed off the will. She inherited everything when my mom died last year. She is the only one working in the family and other 2 sisters are on Social Security. She got my mom to abuse me when she was alive. She was the Health Care Proxy and said she would call the Police if I say anything to my mother she does not like. She controlled who could come to the cemetary and told me to call a cousin I invited to the cemetary and uninvite her or she will change the day that my mom is buried and I will not be able to go to the cemetary. She makes sarcastic digs to me when I did something nice for my mom. When my mom died, she told me to get anything I stored at my moms house.
When I went there she locked the hall door and said she was calling the Police. I left, went to the Police station and asked for a police escort. When the Police escort arrived, he immediately had me sit in the police car, arrested me. He told my sister to state in her complaint that I threatened her life. This was NOT TRUE at all. We did not even talk. She told me by email to come over and I had one month to get m things. When we went to court, the courts gave me 3 Orders of Protection all stating the same thing what the Officer dictated to each one. He told my sister, my son and the Police dispatcher to say that I threatened their life.When we went to court I got 3 orders of protection and I am separated from my entire family including my son. How was she able to get an order of protection?
i too am from new zealand and just watched this episode. i have gone through the exact same
thing as Daria did but the perpertrator was an uncle....my mothers brother. to this day my mum still
wont believe me! i like daria i think she is a beautiful woman and if she were keen i would
love to mail or chat with her...penfriends maybe?
kindest regards .... kerrie
It is very hard to get a person to understand what they did when they have no capacity for empathy. My mother appears to be completely unable to empathize. There are times I have seen her trying to show compassion but it becomes obvious very quickly that she is pretending, or saying what she thinks people want to hear. At this point I wonder if she has a developmental or personality disorder. My problem is she is the only mother I have and I keep holding out hope that she will be able to relate to me on a normal level and that she will understand the extent of her abuse and acknowledge it. But interlectually I know she never will.
My mother sees herself as the victim in every situation and that is what I see in this mother.
I am so tired of hearing "children" holding parents to some kind "moral" high ground. I empathize with this mother. These adult women need to stop blaming their mother and looking for attention. Get the heck over it you spoiled little brats.
I do hear in your voice a lot of hurt for what you went through. It is very hard for a child of any age who is not ready to care for children and forced into it. You obviously still have a lot of pain and anger that you don't know how to handle. Please see a professional and work on these feelings so you can enjoy the rest of your life. When choosing a professional, talk to each one before choosing one to work with you. It has to be a comfortable relationship or you won't get anywhere. So many people think they have to stay with the first person they talk too, that is not true. Your future life is too important for you to continue to feel so much pain. Please take care of yourself.
It never occurred to me to yell at my mother or raise a hand to her. For these girls to not see their mother and not bring her grandchildren to visit is deplorable. All three of these girls, grew up, didn't get into drugs, managed to support themselves and at least one is married. Their life wasn't awful. Their mother made some mistakes but please, she gave birth to you, long before epidurals, changed your diapers for three years. fed you and managed to make sure you went to school and became independent indiviuals, she was there for you for at least 18 years. If she hadn't, then their lives would be a mess. What was missing in this family was a father who taught his children to respect and honor the woman who cared for them.
These women need to grow up and get over it.
I
When I went there she locked the hall door and said she was calling the Police. I left, went to the Police station and asked for a police escort. When the Police escort arrived, he immediately had me sit in the police car, arrested me. He told my sister to state in her complaint that I threatened her life. This was NOT TRUE at all. We did not even talk. She told me by email to come over and I had one month to get m things. When we went to court, the courts gave me 3 Orders of Protection all stating the same thing what the Officer dictated to each one. He told my sister, my son and the Police dispatcher to say that I threatened their life.When we went to court I got 3 orders of protection and I am separated from my entire family including my son. How was she able to get an order of protection?