2011 Shows

Can a marriage survive infidelity? If you caught your spouse cheating, would you get mad -- or get even? Darcy says when she caught her husband, John, with another woman, instead of filing for divorce, she had an affair of her own! John insists he regrets cheating and just wants to mend his troubled marriage. You won’t believe what Darcy proposes to save their relationship! But, with all the damage done, can this marriage be salvaged? And, Callie says when she caught her husband, William, cheating, she got revenge by sleeping with her ex-boyfriend! Learn why, despite the infidelity, the couple says they aren't ready to call it quits. If you’ve ever wondered whether marriage can survive someone straying, you do not want to miss this show!

Find out what happened on the show.
Replied By: imstrong123 on Dec 1, 2014, 11:50PM
I believe that a marriage can survive infidelity even serial infidelity...as long as both are willing to do the work and put their family first.  By tht i mean, their children before their pain, their anger and their devastation.  And make a decision, if the betrayed partner decides to stay, is to rebuild not to enslave the other to a life of misery, together with the children.  It is hard, very hard to do this, but if the one who betrayed honestly wants to change and does the work, it is possible to save a marriage.  It will tke 3 to 5 years before things are somewhat similar to "before" but, they could actually be even better, because now there is a lot more honesty.

A common mistake betrayed partners do is to "get even' by sleeping around too!!! This is just horrific and won't resolve absolutely anything...the only thing that will come out of this, is more pain, more shame, more problems for the couple, and....losing the leverage....not only in the eyes of the partner but to one's heart...in the end it is very simple" two wrongs don't make a right....so don't do it!!! Cry as much as you need, but try to keep it from your children, and try to find a sensible, honest and clear decision of how you will continue your life from that moment on.  
Replied By: iviewer on Dec 10, 2011, 11:01AM
I listened to Dr. Phil talking to these cheating husbands, and felt awful about myself. Over two and half years, my significant other has cheated on me with at least seven women, and that's not including the women he had sex with or tried to while we were split up.

I kept hearing people say, "Once, maybe, but twice..." Twice? I didn't learn about the cheating until #5! We are in couseling, and some days I think it will work, some days not. Twice? Geez... these women have it easy.
Replied By: mrsleverett on Dec 9, 2011, 10:12PM
This show was very interesting and sad all at the same time.  I couldn't believe the things that were coming out of the couples mouth regarding their marriage and their infidelity.  I really don't understand the point of continuing the marriage if you're going to be sleeping around.  That sounds like something a single person will do and if you're married then a person shouldn't behave in that manner and they need to just be single.  I was shocked to hear that the wife caught her husband and that the husband had also saw the wife having sex with another man too.  SMH!!!  Now that's crazy.  They need to decide what they really want to do and if it's not to be in a committed marriage then they should really consider ending it.  They have to think about the message they're sending to their kids by seeing such behavior among their parents.  It can damage the kids with their future relationships and that's not good or right.  I can't believe how the husband was having sex in their own home.  Now that's just slimy and dead wrong.  Hopefully the couple will do what's best for them and for their kids.
Replied By: donnahopeful on Dec 8, 2011, 7:49AM
I feel sorry for any couple going through this type of treatment of one another.  Obviously morals are not in the front of their minds.  I was cheated on by my first husband, and frankly after my trust in him was broken, there was no going back or repairing it if he'd wanted to, which he did not.  I have been happily married to the real and true love of my life for 12 and a half years now.  The thing that bothered me during this show besides the immature behavior with which both couples behaved was a comment Dr. Phil, himself, made.

It was to the second wife, when toward the end of the show, he said "it's not your fault, but........"

In previous shows, a number of times, I have heard Dr. Phil say that when you make a statement, then say the word 'but,' you basically cancel out everything you just said.  So what I took away from this was that Dr. Phil said that to the wife that 'it's not your fault, BUT evidently it kind of is.....'  THAT bothered me.

I understand PTSD the best I can having never been in a war situation.  I don't understand, though, how having been in a war can make your morals fall out the window and allow you to excuse an affair, especially since he had the first one when they'd been together only three months.  A reason is one thing. An excuse is quite another.

I hope these couples can find peace and happiness.  I, too, would like to see a followup show.

Replied By: zacabba913 on Dec 8, 2011, 6:30AM - In reply to limmn11
I cannot tell you what to do with yourself.  There are times a feel I have PTSD from all that he has done.  I knew I could never trust him again after the first affair.  Then he did it 2 more times that I know of for sure.  After that, I knew I would be divorcing him.  I could not go another day with him around.  We went to marraige counseling SEVERAL times and it did absolutely no good.  I am MUCH BETTER without him in my life, but I feel like a "man hater" because of him.  I want to move on with my life and I cant.  I know i will never trust again so there is no point in getting involved with anyone. 

I FEEL your pain.  I would wake up having panic attacks every morning.  I was put on Xanax by my Dr for the anxiety.  Here I am on MEDS and he is just having the time of his life!!!  If you feel your marriage is saveable, then by all means do what you can to save it!!  But at some point, for me, I sat down and realized that my marraige wasnt ever going to be saved, so I decided to save ME.  And here I am, this MESS of a woman bearing all the wounds and scars of what he did to me.  I dont know if you have children, but I used that as a crutch for years to tolerate his behavior.  My kids are MUCH BETTER off without him and his antics. 

No matter what your wife tells you as to why she is cheating, there is no excuse.  Period. 
Replied By: limmn11 on Dec 7, 2011, 8:03PM - In reply to zacabba913
I know what you're going through.  I've been through the same thing...  the only thing is i was, in the shoes of the women on the show.  My wife has cheated on my numerous times.  I cant seem to ever get past it.  I actually had a nightmare last night of her admitting to cheating on me in my own bed and woke her up with me screaming in my sleep... I watched the show today because i DVR'd it and thought it was time to join the Dr. Phil website..   I need to find some answers on what to do with myself.
Replied By: philsfan75 on Dec 7, 2011, 3:06PM
Why are these the only two options here? There is another way. A much better way. My husband had an affair and it almost destroyed me. I was devastated completely. I felt so lost for a long time afterwards. I will admit that the urge to retaliate was there. I wanted revenge. Common sense told me quick that two wrongs do not make a right. In fact, it just creates more problems. A marriage CAN survive an affair. We sought counseling, both marriage and individual. I heard that it was all my fault since I had gained weight with my fourth child, and that I did this or that. I became the "villian" to justify his actions. Fortunately I did not fall for any of that and REFUSED to accept responsibility for his actions. After many, many deep and in-depth discussions, he realized that none of his actions were my fault.

It took WORK, and a lot of it. He was required to be completely open. I went with the "trust but verify" technique and I spent a lot of time checking up for several months afterwards. Eventually he proved to me that he could be trusted. I will never be the same, true, but our marriage is stronger now and I am more realistic and in tune with reality. I took him off of the pedestal that I put him on early on in our marriage. I see him as a wonderful person who made very bad choices during a part of our marriage. We recently celebrated our 15th wedding anniversary and we are looking forward to many many more. Take DIVORCE off of the table and REVENGE off of the table and work on things together. Those should never, ever be an option and always be used a last resort.
Replied By: zacabba913 on Dec 7, 2011, 1:44PM
I watched the show on Tuesday and cried from go.  I have NEVER related so much to guests on your show as I did the two wives.  There were so many parrellels with them and my own life.  My x-husband moved to PA to marry me and resented me so much for it, he cheated also, multiple times.  I felt the pain that those wives were feeling. 
My problem is that the last time my x-husband cheated was 2 1/2 years ago and I am still not over it.  I went to marriage counseling and also couseling on my own.....nothing.  I hurt EVERYDAY of my life because of what he did to me.  I will never be the same woman that I once was.  I am BROKEN and cannot find that woman I once was in my life.  At almost 40, I NEED to find her soon!
I dovirced him and he has been gone now nearly 4 months.  He moved back to GA where he was originally from.  He still texts and wants to casually talk on the phone which I refuse to do.  Everytime he does, I am so distraught for days because just seeing his name on my phone stirs all those hurt feeling. 
Personally I do not know how a marriage survives after an affair.  It may survive, but is it ever normal?  Will I ever be normal?  Or am I changed forever????
I wish those wives on the show the best of luck in whatever they decide to do.  My heart goes out to them and what they have endured.  It is something that no one should ever have to suffer through. 
Replied By: turretgunner on Dec 7, 2011, 1:20PM - In reply to vindictive
I really don't understand your comment. So you condone cheating if your spouse cheats first? But only if "you can live with that?" Live with what? Cheating and not feeling guilty about it? There is NEVER any excuse for cheating. If your spouse cheats and you can't get over the decit, then divorce him/her. When is bad behavior ever a justfication for more bad behavior.That's just childish and pointless if you want to stay married to the other person. if you don't, then end it. Period. 
Replied By: turretgunner on Dec 7, 2011, 1:07PM
I found one statement by the wife in the first couple to be kind of odd, compared to all her other statements. While there is no question that her husband's actions were dispicable, her cheating to get even was not only childish but just as wrong as what he did. Yet, when Dr. Phil asked her what her solution was it was something that she admitted she (not her husband) had brought up before - an open marriage where she and her husband would stay married (technically) but be allowed to date other people. She went on to say that if her husband wanted to stay married to her, that was the only way she would agree to it. Dr. Phil's response was to say why even be married then, but that was about it.

My point is that there was al lot of condemnatiion of the husband's multiple infidelities not just once but twice, and he certinaly deserved to be slammed for that. but the wife wanting to continue the marriage only if both he and she could sleep with other people was sickening, not to mention her belief that what she did wasn't really an affair. That killed any hope for a reconciliation as far as I was concerned. What is the point of counseling if the wife is so anxious to sleep with other people (the husband did NOT want an open marriage relationship), that she is pudhing for him to agree to an open marriage situation?

Bottom line, I thought that the wife's statement about wanting an open marriage was a huge one and Dr. Phil reacted as if it was just a minor bump in the road .Very strange.     
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