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2012 Shows

 
(Original Air Date: 12/01/11) Quinn is a solider who spent four years in the U.S. military and completed two tours in Iraq, yet he says his deepest physical and emotional scars are not from fighting at war — they’re from his abusive wife, Sara. He says Sara has smashed a glass door — putting several stitches in his head — has repeatedly struck him, and once said she wished he died at war so she could collect his life insurance funds. After five years and two children together, why won’t Quinn leave Sara? Learn the one thing he says is keeping him in the marriage. Then, Dr. Phil confronts Sara about the alleged abuse. What does she think is the root of the problem, and who does she blame for her violent behavior? Plus, Sarah and Quinn’s mothers, Tracy and Rene, say they’re worried the couple’s 2-year-old daughter is also a victim here. Can Dr. Phil help mend this fractured family?

Find out what happened on the show.
Comments
Replied By: brittkamper on Oct 10, 2012, 9:48AM
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Replied By: brittkamper on Oct 10, 2012, 9:46AM
Im from The Natherlands to and i really dont agree . I think Sara  has a lot of problems she hasnt been able to deal with , because she doesnt know how,  so she doesn t have the right tools and the only

thing i heard from the husband  is : You did this and you did that and being a victum in all ! (  he might not have the tools he need either - that is understanding what is going on ) I have been in a abusive relationship myself from age 13 till 16  ( being stabet 2 x beaten raped etc and i was verry scared  and only  13  )  a lot over anger comes from anger ( frustration , you feel helpless , loose trust  in people etc ..its a verry lonely and confusing feeling  )  It takes a strong woman to say i need help and i want to work at it ( and do it ofcourse )  . The years that you where in a abusive situation thats how many you probebly need to have terapy and its a long road after i can tell you that . I was awfull in relationships after  and now my mom says she has her daughter back and more . I had to learn to trust again and lean to love myself again and most inportend the right help ( terapy and loving parends who had take there part in the terapy aswell ... i gave it my 100 procent   ) and i can tell you this  nobody can see that ive been broken before i feel srong , happy and i m able to really love myself and others for years now  in a healthy way . I m  33 now in a relationship for almost 6 years still in love and my parends are  "my best friends"

p.s excuse my english  and SARA   GOOD LUCK   i wish you the best  and if you need somebody to

       talk 2 you can  always count on me britt0210@hotmail.com
 
Replied By: efamanis on Oct 10, 2012, 8:32AM
Hello Quin,


In the Netherlands the Dr. Phil shows are always later in Television and I was shocked when I saw this and what happened with you and Sara.  I can understand you want to divorce and I do not knw what happend after this show and if you realy divorced Sara.  This is something what went on much to long.  In a relationship should never be abuse what so ever.  When something like that would happen to me I would eave my partner right away, this should NEVER ever happen in a relationship.  I hope you made the right descission Quinn and wish you all the best in your life.  You deserve a good life and also your 2 children, full with love and not with anger and abuse.  Take care Quin!!!  Efa from The Netherands
 
Replied By: brookster on Mar 30, 2012, 8:39AM
I was so disappointed with Dr Phil, If Quinn had abused his wife like she abused him, he would be in jail. This woman is a danger to her children, Dr Phil should have advised him to take his children and run, run, run.  She should be in jail!  She will never change, this crap of blaming her childhood for her anger is bogus, my childhood was not peachy, and, I do not have an anger problem, I would never abuse my children, or anyone for that matter. JMHO
 
Replied By: d7sbaldiggi on Mar 27, 2012, 8:44PM
This young woman has fallen prey to the psycho-babble that her uncontrolable anger and violence is due to her upbringing.  There are tons of people who have been spanked with belts, switches, paddles, etc. that don't turn into spouse beaters.  It is our responsibility as adults with chilren of our own to accentuate the positive aspects of our parents and eliminate the negative. We all learn our parenting skills from our parents.  However, when we realize  the mistakes they made--those things that were detrimental to our development--we learn by reading, taking child development courses, etc. and we find ways to improve upon healthy, more effective, loving  ways to teach our children and put an end to the cycle of poor parenting skills.
  It is also helpful to realize that our parents' learned their ways from their parents who learned it from their parents, etc. etc..  However, they didn't have the resourses available as we do today to improve their parenting skills.  They simply did what their parents did thinking this was the best way to raise children. 
  All in all, we must honor our mother and our father and teach our children to do the same.  Dr. Phil neded to touch upon this with this husband abuser, child abuser, parent disrespecter.  She needs a reality check and she did not get my sympathy.  It doesn't seem an insurmountable problem to solve. It is worth a try as the divorce will affect the psyches of these children and they will live with this forever.  They will also inheret poor parenting and marital skills of their own. 
 
Replied By: franklyspeakin on Mar 27, 2012, 12:19PM
Quinn -

Thank you for coming forward to tear down the stereotype that only weak men are abused by their wives!  You show much courage and I applaud you!  

It is a proven statistic that men married to violent women will eventually find themselves incarcerated, whether or not they ever fight back.  My son is living proof.  He was married someone similar to your wife.  She also had an affair and showed no remorse.  Even though they went to counseling, it did no good.  One day they had an argument that escalated from verbal to physical.  She was the aggressor, then ran to the police claiming to be the victim.  He was arrested with two felony charges of domestic violence - which is still unresolved.

Dr Phil has good intentions but he's failed to tell you this:  There are no quick fixes for deep-seated emotional problems!  Even if your wife is proactively willing to take a good long hard look in the mirror,  it will take years for her to make any real / long lasting changes.   I've spent 3 decades hoping this, that and the other thing would cause my husband to change his ways....so far no lasting results!

You no longer love her and considering all the damage that's been done, it will take nothing short of an act of God to revive your love for one another. 

My advice:  The Lord allows divorce for reasons of infidelity. RUN to the nearest lawyer and get a divorce.  Don't let your wife's problems affect you and your children another minute!   Get some counseling to overcome the damage she's done to you!  Ask for full custody....she should not have custody of your children until the time she can prove she's emotionally fit! 

 
Replied By: upsydasy on Mar 25, 2012, 8:22AM - In reply to cdemars
I totally disagree mainly because this couple eloped.  It is very easy to fall in love with the romance of a man in uniform.  They didn’t take the time to get to know each other and then the husband was deployed.  The wife stayed behind with the kids and was completely unsuited to be a wife and mother, so she took her considerable rage out on her children and husband.  It’ll take a lot more than anti-depressants to help this woman, which is only a band-aid solution to a seriously dysfunctional personality disorder.  She will need long term counseling in order to learn new ways to cope with her natural tendencies to strike and ask questions later.  But first she has to want to, which she doesn’t.  She’s had many chances to change her ways before this and blew them all.   It is only now, faced with divorce and possibly loosing custody of her kids, that she decides well maybe I need help although it’s all my parents’ fault.  Hitting a defenseless 2 year old child is like kicking a newborn puppy.  They will only grow up to be as angry and violent as their abuser, THAT IS IF THEY SURVIVE THE PUNISHMENT.  I really distrust this woman’s continued plaintive and self-pitying attitude.  It’ll take a lot of guts and maturity to face her demons and admit that the problem is all hers and nobody else’s.
 
Replied By: tinydewey on Mar 24, 2012, 3:19PM - In reply to virgo2
I was so incensed by this particular show that I signed up (for the first time ever) just to respond.  Then, I read Virgo's comments.  Wow.  They completely echoed what I wanted to say.  If Quinn had been a woman, I feel that there is NO WAY he would have advised HER to stay in an abusive4 marriage.  What a double standard!  Also, he has stated that he dowsn't love her as a husband anymore, anyway.  Also, I feel that Dr. Phil completely downplayed Quinn's emotional/physical scarring from that monster he married.  What about offering counseling for Quinn?  Where's the help for Quinn that would normally be given to a woman?
 

I was abused by a former husband, and if I can empathize with a MAN being abused, certainly a trained professional could?  My heart ached for this wonderful, patient (and very marriageable) man.  The integrity he has displayed through all this is commendable, and I think he deserves a future with a decent, loving woman.  Shame on you, Dr. Phil.  Really.  Boo!


As for the children, they are better off being raised by their loviong grandmothers, Quinn, and the future wife I hope Quinn will soon find.  


Quinn's wife is egocentric, selfish, unwilling to accept responsibility for her behavior, and just a mean-spirited person in general.  My sister and I were also raised by an abusive drunken father, and we CHOSE to become better people for it.  We learned that we didn't want to live that way.  Neither of us have ever abused anyone.  So, just a bunch of BS in my humble opinion.
 
Replied By: grandmahudgins on Mar 24, 2012, 4:20AM
I don't feel sorry for this girl at all.  Come on, I am so sick of people using "because I was abused as a child that is why I abuse my children and/or spouse."  My siblings and I were abused at the hands of our first step-father as we were growing up.  I have been married for 35 years and we have two children and two grandchildren and I have never abused my children, grandchildren or spouse.  It made me want to be the best that I could be as a wife, mother and grandmother.  My family is my world and I love them so much.  I want to just say to all of those who use that excuse for their behavior, "You fool, you abuse because you want to not because you were abused.  If anything, you should have learned from it.  I learned to love my family more, respect them as a person, know that we all are human and error, and children are going to try to do things that we may not want them to do.  They have to learn what not to do and what is right to do as we did. We have to teach them, but love them and listen to them as we do.  Yes, my children got spankings when they were little "NOT BEATINGS or a CURSING OUT" when they did wrong.  And my husband and I always explained to them why they were getting a spanking and then when it was over, we talked to them about why it was wrong, hugged them and told them we loved them more than life itself.  I'm not saying I was or am perfect.  Nor am I saying I wouldn't have been the same loving, caring spouse, parent or grandparent if I weren't abused as a child.  I just saying, learned from it.  If you were abused, you know the pain and scars it leaves.....why pass it on to your children?  Why hold on to it so you can use it as an excuse?  Bottom line...YOU ABUSE BECAUSE YOU WANT TO ABUSE.
 
Replied By: cdemars on Mar 23, 2012, 10:34PM - In reply to aab212
I think they can be a family again. There was a reason they got married in the first place. Marriage is for better or worse. I am in no way saying it is ok to be abused. But, If they are willing to get help, then they can be mended. There are different levels of abuse (whether man or woman). This is a young couple who can be fixed. Lexapro is an awesome anti-depressent/anxiety medication that takes that anger anxiety away. It is so easy for people to run away from a marriage now a days. I think if Dr. Phil thought this young girl couldn't get help he would have said so. I don't think taking her kids away and getting divorced is going to help her anger... with councling and the right medication, she can be a normal, healthy , good mother. He will probably find the woman he fell in love with in the first place. Everything can be mended with Faith. We all only heard a little bit of the whole story. They have already taken the first step to recovery.
 
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