I feel somewhat the same way, honey.  I'm sorry for your hurt feelings and disrespect.  I have a husband who also turns the communication back to me having all the problems.  He also has had texting issues with old girlfriends and such.  It really is disrespectful to me and I just wanted to say that I'm sorry you are going through this.  Just remember that YOU ARE NOT THE PROBLEM and don't let him make you feel like you are.   Hang in there. 

My wifes family left me almost $200k in debt.  I blame them for putting me and my family in a terrible situation financially.  My father in law committed suicide a couple of years ago which prevented me from clearing up any of the debt.  So this is the first issue my wife and I have.

Then, like her father,  she is an alcoholic.  Has been for many years.  She drinks ever night, and it had a major effect on our family and decisions she made.

Now my kids are older and one son has taken just a horrible direction.  He quit school and got married with no job, all because my wife enables this. He is only 18 and he and his 18 year old bride live with us.  In addition, all but one of our kids (they are all 18 or 22) still live with us and I still pay all their bills too and I am drowing in debt.  My son and his wife just stay up all night and sleep all day.  They don't look for jobs.

So I am at the point that while I don't want to lose my family, I cannot live like this any longer.  I am so unhappy and depressed because of this situation.  I cannot live with being taken advantage of for money only and for her enabling my kids to be irresponsible.

I have told her either she and my son need to move out or I will.  Am I a bad parent and husband for not being more tolerant?

It is awfully hard to move on, but you must and will. My husband, ex now, had a secret live of years. My children found it out on the internet and had to tell me in January right after the New Year in 2011. He wanted to have a sex change and had been corresponding to a tansvestite. I was in shock. My world collapsed. I went to counseling. This helped me tremendously and it helped to empower me. I found out he had been seeing a therapist that was a woman and is now a man. I was paying for it without knowing he was convincing my ext to do this change. He was a very mean man and I was just plain stupid and believing of his lies. Your children need to know that they are not the fault. If he could just stay out of their lives it would be easier. My youngest daughter, was 23 at the time. She would not date . I nagged and nagged her. I finally met a wonderful man on line. My daughter saw how happy I am and now she is engaged. I also confinded in friends who I ended up consoling when they found out what was going on they were crying!. I broked down at work after holding all of this in. That was the best thing since now people understand how I may feel sometimes and just have a bad day.  Having a postive male role model in their lives will help, even if a brother, friend, cousin etc. All men are not rats! Go to your family doctor and tell him what is going on. I had to do it on the phone since I was breaking up so much. He was wonderful and so understand when my daughter went to him about not sleeping. Let your children know all men are not like that, and it is enexcusable. It will take time, but you will get through it. One step at a time, make sure you file for support asap. Let people help you. Do not be too proud. FIle for that divorce. Dont let him call the shots. Stay strong. Find a good friend to talk to. Whatever you do don't take him back no matter how tempting. I will be here for  you if you need support. Life will get better. Probably if you think back it wasn't all that good after all.

I had been married for 34 years. After 32 years in January of 2011, my children had to tell me my husband wanted to become a woman and was telling all kinds of lies about me. I did not know this was happening. He had always been out of town for work, but it was now weekly.  They had to show me hundreds and hundreds of emails back and forth to transgenders. I then found pictures of him in womens's clothing, in my house, on my birthday, with my little dog in the photos. I was utterly in shock. My world collapsed. There were even texts about wanting to put muscle relaxers in my cereal. He had been on hormone pills getting from New Zealand for ten years!. Yes, he had some upper body changes, but he kept telling me they were fro the meds he was on from is heart attack scare. I stood by him, taking my vows seriously all the while he belittled me and made my life hell. I did not believe in divorce. I begged for counseling. As he said in his talks, lie lie lie and deny deny deny! I had an abusive mother and I had no role model as my dad was always out of town working. This was the last straw. I am heart broken for my adult kids as to the man I chose to be their Dad. They have nothing to do with him. He had reached out to my son, while bitching me out in a letter. My kids want nothing to do with him. I am so angry that there is all these comments on line about the bitch that I am, because he is covering up to justify what he has done. I just want my story to be told. I want to help others. Even in the Courtroom he was yelling how he was going to give me a black eye! My friends cried when I told them what was happening, and I was the one telling them that it was ok. I will be ok. Now I have to lose my house and my job and move to afford things.  I am finally legally divorced and would love to tell my story. I could write a book of all the years of hell, if I only knew how. I would love to support other women.

hi doctor phil im just in a bad place right now and it might be nice to hear how others got threw the same sort of thing . I meet my husband when i was 14 wre now 35  we had an amazing life then one day after 17 years together he walked out on me and my three children 14, 11, and 2 for an 18 year old girl.never even had the decence to tell us his 14 year old dauhter found it on the internet. he willingly sighed full custody of them to me and changed there names . he threw us away like we never exsisted . when his children contacted him beggin him to leave her and pick them after hed only been seeing her for 6 weeks he told his children hes sorry but he loved her more that was hard for them to take .we are slowly moving on but how do we melt the pain and hurt hes left both my children and mt self.

Some resources that may be helpful for you, are a book by Karen McAndless-Davis, "When Love Hurts, http://books.google.com/books?id=qBFdlUnxmkkC&printsec=frontcover&dq=when+love+hurts&hl=en&ei=8Mm6TJn_FI-8sAOh7_WUCw&sa=X&oi=book_result&ct=result&resnum=1&ved=0CDEQ6AEwAA#v=onepage&q&f=false, a book by Lundy Bancroft titled, "Why Does He Do That?" http://books.google.com/books?id=xEZIpu3SVvcC&printsec=frontcover&dq=why+does+he+do+that?%22&source=bl&ots=x5ntBcz5jU&sig=4K6gEGH86cTQB0tl_xQGH2AR9aI&hl=en&src=bmrr&sa=X&ei=cE0KUNXJJYbS2AWH_s3xDw&ved=0CDIQ6AEwAA#v=onepage&q=why%20does%20he%20do%20that%3F%22&f=false; and a few great Facebook Pages: Northwest Family Life Learning and Counseling Center in Seattle, Focus Ministries and Broken And Beautiful as well as Facebook Support Groups called Broken and Beautiful and Broken But Beautiful.

Some resources that may be helpful for you, are a book by Karen McAndless-Davis, "When Love Hurts, http://books.google.com/books?id=qBFdlUnxmkkC&printsec=frontcover&dq=when+love+hurts&hl=en&ei=8Mm6TJn_FI-8sAOh7_WUCw&sa=X&oi=book_result&ct=result&resnum=1&ved=0CDEQ6AEwAA#v=onepage&q&f=false, a book by Lundy Bancroft titled, "Why Does He Do That?" http://books.google.com/books?id=xEZIpu3SVvcC&printsec=frontcover&dq=why+does+he+do+that?%22&source=bl&ots=x5ntBcz5jU&sig=4K6gEGH86cTQB0tl_xQGH2AR9aI&hl=en&src=bmrr&sa=X&ei=cE0KUNXJJYbS2AWH_s3xDw&ved=0CDIQ6AEwAA#v=onepage&q=why%20does%20he%20do%20that%3F%22&f=false; and a few great Facebook Pages: Northwest Family Life Learning and Counseling Center in Seattle, Focus Ministries and Broken And Beautiful as well as Facebook Support Groups called Broken and Beautiful and Broken But Beautiful.

Some resources that may be helpful for you, are a book by Karen McAndless-Davis, "When Love Hurts, http://books.google.com/books?id=qBFdlUnxmkkC&printsec=frontcover&dq=when+love+hurts&hl=en&ei=8Mm6TJn_FI-8sAOh7_WUCw&sa=X&oi=book_result&ct=result&resnum=1&ved=0CDEQ6AEwAA#v=onepage&q&f=false, a book by Lundy Bancroft titled, "Why Does He Do That?" http://books.google.com/books?id=xEZIpu3SVvcC&printsec=frontcover&dq=why+does+he+do+that?%22&source=bl&ots=x5ntBcz5jU&sig=4K6gEGH86cTQB0tl_xQGH2AR9aI&hl=en&src=bmrr&sa=X&ei=cE0KUNXJJYbS2AWH_s3xDw&ved=0CDIQ6AEwAA#v=onepage&q=why%20does%20he%20do%20that%3F%22&f=false; and a few great Facebook Pages: Northwest Family Life Learning and Counseling Center in Seattle, Focus Ministries and Broken And Beautiful as well as Facebook Support Groups called Broken and Beautiful and Broken But Beautiful.

Am married to a wonderful husband. Well more like living with Dr Jekyll and Mr Hyde. When he is good, he is the man I married, the one I love, and the father of my two kids. He tells me, "Have I ever told you today that I love you?" Or that am pretty. He loves me with all his heart. Then like hours later he is treating me like I can do no right. That my breathing bothers him. And any little thing might set him off. I really don't know what am getting hour by hour.

He is on medications. That he says that he should not have to remember to take them, I should.

We were at Wal-mart, he had promised the boys a toy. The toys were either two expensive or not worth it. But he had pumped up the boys they were getting something. So then he tells them that there is nothing good, and they can wait till next payday. Of course they were heart broken. Our 7 year old as aspergers. So he cries your a liar, both of you. My husband says to me well say something. I told him he did promise them. In my mind he should have at lest got them some bubbles for something.

Well that little thing turned into world war three in my house. He was yelling at me calling me everything under the sun. He wanted a divorce. And took off walking. Course I still had to come pick him up and take him to the movies, were on the way he never stopped. I was crying so bad. It hurt. I come to find out he had not taken his med.s in three days.

Then everything goes back to normal. Which it always does. It's like a cycle.

Ok about five years ago, I had both my husband and his mom in one house. She has problems too. It seemed I could do no right to them. I was just learning to be a wife and mother. But they gave me no support even when I did do something right. If I try and talk to him he would just make fun of me.

I started talking to a guy that happened on a web site I was on. It was not even a chatsite. i never looked for that. But he talked to me at the same level. Never talked down to me. And it was a nice change. Did I let it go too far. Yes. Do I wish it never happened, yes. I would give anything to change it. I never had any intention to meet up with him or I never said I love you, I thought at the time it was nothing wrong. I have grown since then.

Well he found out and made copies of the conversations. It blow up he wanted to kill himself and that cycle would go on for like 3 years. He seemed to be fine and loving but when he was in a mood he would be mad at me all over again. Yes, I gave fuel to a fire I know. Like I said I wished it never happened. And it had never happened again. I am more careful online and am devoted to him always. Yet he doesn't believe a word of that to this day. I love him and do everything for him. Even walk on egg shells around him.

Anyway he had not brought it up for over a year. I thought it was over with. Then he sent me this facebook message today. He is mad that am not mad and sorry. It was over 5 years ago, it's like digging up the horse out of it's grave to beat it. That said he is stay cause of the boys and it was the biggest mistake I had made. etc..etc.. I want to divorce you. He even send me the conversations. Like I'd forgotten. It's been five years agao.

He has even saved the conversations all these years. If I got upset over every time he said divorce I would be a wrack. I have so many times am starting to get numb. He will be fine later, he always is.

PLEASE HELP ME!!!

I need help with my marriage. My husband seems to think that I'm the one with the problem, that he's perfectly fine and that I needed to seek help. What I will admit is that I am to blame for our fights because I voice out my dislikes. I voice out my feelings. I am not happy and when my husband does something that I feel is disrespectful to me I tell him and it turns into a fight. So to him, I am the one with the problem.

Thing is I feel like I have a husband who disrespects me all the time. From the start of our marriage I have never felt like I was his number one partner. I feel disresected and I feel that he leaves me hanging all the time. Let me just give examples. 1) Every evening he leaves me for an hour or two to go smoke and has his down time. I complain because during that time I'm stuck alone with 2 whinny babies. And I never get my alone time. 2)When he's away and out with his friends he will not finish a conversation with me via bbm, he'll leave me hanging, he will not call me because he's busy with his friends. I complain because I feel he can end the conversation with me before going to his friends and besides when he spends time with me he is always on his phone, texting with friends or coworkers, and what bothers me most is that when he is driving us (2babies in car) he is texting friends even when I ask him to stop. 3) He recently went on a business trip, the day he was supposed to come back home, I didn't want to nag but I sent him messages asking him to update me on his status so I would know when he would be on the road back home. It was 9pm when he finally sends me a message telling me he wouldn't be coming home. I got angry because I felt I deserved a phone call or the least a message telling me he wouldn't be coming home that day. I took it too far in reminding him of all the times he has disrespected me and it blew into another huge fight. 4) Over the past 2 years I have found that he has had some secret conversations with ol gf, and with other women on his phone where he's had to delete the messages so I wouldn't see them. I have seen messages of him flirting with other women. He swears that he has never been unfaithful, although I tell him that secret conversations are not faithful actions. He still swears to have never done anything wrong.

Ok so I'm sorry for this long (could be longer comment). I  feel like I'm a crazy, paranoid, b**** of a wife. We have 2 babies. He says Im pushing him to his limit. But I feel like I've already been pushed over my limit, but I want to make it work. I'm committed to my vows and my family. But he never admits he's at fault for anything. At the end of every argument he always manages to make me feel like crap, like everything is my fault. I don't know what to do.