Sign up for the Dr. Phil Newsletter
Twitter Facebook YouTube

Archives

 
Are you sick of your spouse's chauvinistic, controlling or abusive behavior? Do you feel like you're just a step away from divorce -- but you don't want to be? If your marriage has changed from a healthy, happy union to an angry, resentful or toxic one, share your story and find support here!
Comments
Replied By: crazyj95350 on Feb 22, 2014, 11:43AM
I have been threw many things in my life but the mental and emotional abuse I have been threw for many years is killing me. I can't figure out y it is I cant just make him go away and stay away. I always seem to believe his stupid lies and promise. I domt even have feelings anymore. How do u break a bad habit like this. I truly need some help with my life. Abuse sucks I need to find freedom and truly b able to live a happy life
 
Replied By: crazyj95350 on Feb 22, 2014, 11:42AM
I have been threw many things in my life but the mental and emotional abuse I have been threw for many years is killing me. I can't figure out y it is I cant just make him go away and stay away. I always seem to believe his stupid lies and promise. I domt even have feelings anymore. How do u break a bad habit like this. I truly need some help with my life. Abuse sucks I need to find freedom and truly b able to live a happy life
 
Replied By: unsureinlove on Feb 21, 2013, 12:54PM - In reply to moonshine13
I feel somewhat the same way, honey.  I'm sorry for your hurt feelings and disrespect.  I have a husband who also turns the communication back to me having all the problems.  He also has had texting issues with old girlfriends and such.  It really is disrespectful to me and I just wanted to say that I'm sorry you are going through this.  Just remember that YOU ARE NOT THE PROBLEM and don't let him make you feel like you are.   Hang in there. 
 
Replied By: wbpo5l on Sep 3, 2012, 6:52PM
My wifes family left me almost $200k in debt.  I blame them for putting me and my family in a terrible situation financially.  My father in law committed suicide a couple of years ago which prevented me from clearing up any of the debt.  So this is the first issue my wife and I have.

Then, like her father,  she is an alcoholic.  Has been for many years.  She drinks ever night, and it had a major effect on our family and decisions she made.

Now my kids are older and one son has taken just a horrible direction.  He quit school and got married with no job, all because my wife enables this. He is only 18 and he and his 18 year old bride live with us.  In addition, all but one of our kids (they are all 18 or 22) still live with us and I still pay all their bills too and I am drowing in debt.  My son and his wife just stay up all night and sleep all day.  They don't look for jobs.

So I am at the point that while I don't want to lose my family, I cannot live like this any longer.  I am so unhappy and depressed because of this situation.  I cannot live with being taken advantage of for money only and for her enabling my kids to be irresponsible.

I have told her either she and my son need to move out or I will.  Am I a bad parent and husband for not being more tolerant?
 
Replied By: newlife12 on Aug 4, 2012, 10:59PM - In reply to nettie77
It is awfully hard to move on, but you must and will. My husband, ex now, had a secret live of years. My children found it out on the internet and had to tell me in January right after the New Year in 2011. He wanted to have a sex change and had been corresponding to a tansvestite. I was in shock. My world collapsed. I went to counseling. This helped me tremendously and it helped to empower me. I found out he had been seeing a therapist that was a woman and is now a man. I was paying for it without knowing he was convincing my ext to do this change. He was a very mean man and I was just plain stupid and believing of his lies. Your children need to know that they are not the fault. If he could just stay out of their lives it would be easier. My youngest daughter, was 23 at the time. She would not date . I nagged and nagged her. I finally met a wonderful man on line. My daughter saw how happy I am and now she is engaged. I also confinded in friends who I ended up consoling when they found out what was going on they were crying!. I broked down at work after holding all of this in. That was the best thing since now people understand how I may feel sometimes and just have a bad day.  Having a postive male role model in their lives will help, even if a brother, friend, cousin etc. All men are not rats! Go to your family doctor and tell him what is going on. I had to do it on the phone since I was breaking up so much. He was wonderful and so understand when my daughter went to him about not sleeping. Let your children know all men are not like that, and it is enexcusable. It will take time, but you will get through it. One step at a time, make sure you file for support asap. Let people help you. Do not be too proud. FIle for that divorce. Dont let him call the shots. Stay strong. Find a good friend to talk to. Whatever you do don't take him back no matter how tempting. I will be here for  you if you need support. Life will get better. Probably if you think back it wasn't all that good after all.
 
Replied By: newlife12 on Aug 4, 2012, 10:36PM
I had been married for 34 years. After 32 years in January of 2011, my children had to tell me my husband wanted to become a woman and was telling all kinds of lies about me. I did not know this was happening. He had always been out of town for work, but it was now weekly.  They had to show me hundreds and hundreds of emails back and forth to transgenders. I then found pictures of him in womens's clothing, in my house, on my birthday, with my little dog in the photos. I was utterly in shock. My world collapsed. There were even texts about wanting to put muscle relaxers in my cereal. He had been on hormone pills getting from New Zealand for ten years!. Yes, he had some upper body changes, but he kept telling me they were fro the meds he was on from is heart attack scare. I stood by him, taking my vows seriously all the while he belittled me and made my life hell. I did not believe in divorce. I begged for counseling. As he said in his talks, lie lie lie and deny deny deny! I had an abusive mother and I had no role model as my dad was always out of town working. This was the last straw. I am heart broken for my adult kids as to the man I chose to be their Dad. They have nothing to do with him. He had reached out to my son, while bitching me out in a letter. My kids want nothing to do with him. I am so angry that there is all these comments on line about the bitch that I am, because he is covering up to justify what he has done. I just want my story to be told. I want to help others. Even in the Courtroom he was yelling how he was going to give me a black eye! My friends cried when I told them what was happening, and I was the one telling them that it was ok. I will be ok. Now I have to lose my house and my job and move to afford things.  I am finally legally divorced and would love to tell my story. I could write a book of all the years of hell, if I only knew how. I would love to support other women.
 
Replied By: nettie77 on Jul 24, 2012, 4:46PM
hi doctor phil im just in a bad place right now and it might be nice to hear how others got threw the same sort of thing . I meet my husband when i was 14 wre now 35  we had an amazing life then one day after 17 years together he walked out on me and my three children 14, 11, and 2 for an 18 year old girl.never even had the decence to tell us his 14 year old dauhter found it on the internet. he willingly sighed full custody of them to me and changed there names . he threw us away like we never exsisted . when his children contacted him beggin him to leave her and pick them after hed only been seeing her for 6 weeks he told his children hes sorry but he loved her more that was hard for them to take .we are slowly moving on but how do we melt the pain and hurt hes left both my children and mt self.
 
Replied By: dreamingstill on Jul 21, 2012, 12:11AM - In reply to galuwen
Some resources that may be helpful for you, are a book by Karen McAndless-Davis, "When Love Hurts, http://books.google.com/books?id=qBFdlUnxmkkC&printsec=frontcover&dq=when+love+hurts&hl=en&ei=8Mm6TJn_FI-8sAOh7_WUCw&sa=X&oi=book_result&ct=result&resnum=1&ved=0CDEQ6AEwAA#v=onepage&q&f=false, a book by Lundy Bancroft titled, "Why Does He Do That?" http://books.google.com/books?id=xEZIpu3SVvcC&printsec=frontcover&dq=why+does+he+do+that?%22&source=bl&ots=x5ntBcz5jU&sig=4K6gEGH86cTQB0tl_xQGH2AR9aI&hl=en&src=bmrr&sa=X&ei=cE0KUNXJJYbS2AWH_s3xDw&ved=0CDIQ6AEwAA#v=onepage&q=why%20does%20he%20do%20that%3F%22&f=false; and a few great Facebook Pages: Northwest Family Life Learning and Counseling Center in Seattle, Focus Ministries and Broken And Beautiful as well as Facebook Support Groups called Broken and Beautiful and Broken But Beautiful.







 
Replied By: dreamingstill on Jul 21, 2012, 12:09AM - In reply to treegirl75
Some resources that may be helpful for you, are a book by Karen McAndless-Davis, "When Love Hurts, http://books.google.com/books?id=qBFdlUnxmkkC&printsec=frontcover&dq=when+love+hurts&hl=en&ei=8Mm6TJn_FI-8sAOh7_WUCw&sa=X&oi=book_result&ct=result&resnum=1&ved=0CDEQ6AEwAA#v=onepage&q&f=false, a book by Lundy Bancroft titled, "Why Does He Do That?" http://books.google.com/books?id=xEZIpu3SVvcC&printsec=frontcover&dq=why+does+he+do+that?%22&source=bl&ots=x5ntBcz5jU&sig=4K6gEGH86cTQB0tl_xQGH2AR9aI&hl=en&src=bmrr&sa=X&ei=cE0KUNXJJYbS2AWH_s3xDw&ved=0CDIQ6AEwAA#v=onepage&q=why%20does%20he%20do%20that%3F%22&f=false; and a few great Facebook Pages: Northwest Family Life Learning and Counseling Center in Seattle, Focus Ministries and Broken And Beautiful as well as Facebook Support Groups called Broken and Beautiful and Broken But Beautiful.







 
Replied By: dreamingstill on Jul 21, 2012, 12:02AM - In reply to angiep1156
Some resources that may be helpful for you, are a book by Karen McAndless-Davis, "When Love Hurts, http://books.google.com/books?id=qBFdlUnxmkkC&printsec=frontcover&dq=when+love+hurts&hl=en&ei=8Mm6TJn_FI-8sAOh7_WUCw&sa=X&oi=book_result&ct=result&resnum=1&ved=0CDEQ6AEwAA#v=onepage&q&f=false, a book by Lundy Bancroft titled, "Why Does He Do That?" http://books.google.com/books?id=xEZIpu3SVvcC&printsec=frontcover&dq=why+does+he+do+that?%22&source=bl&ots=x5ntBcz5jU&sig=4K6gEGH86cTQB0tl_xQGH2AR9aI&hl=en&src=bmrr&sa=X&ei=cE0KUNXJJYbS2AWH_s3xDw&ved=0CDIQ6AEwAA#v=onepage&q=why%20does%20he%20do%20that%3F%22&f=false; and a few great Facebook Pages: Northwest Family Life Learning and Counseling Center in Seattle, Focus Ministries and Broken And Beautiful as well as Facebook Support Groups called Broken and Beautiful and Broken But Beautiful.









 
Showing 1-10 of total 25 Comments