i am still thinking of that show and came back to review further comments. The bottom line in this marriage is really not the finances. It's years of mistrust and betrayal between them. Both are waiting for the other one to do something to salvage their debt drowning. If i were her, I would find a place to live and get a good counselor to help her heal from many years of trying to make it work. Couples counseling is not going to heal their marriage at this point. She needs personal support because she is not getting it in the  marriage.
It actually would help him to get individual counseling as well. Find support outside leaning so heavily on his wife. Spend more time on the project of himself and his relationship that is broken than on his home projects.

AND  she doesn't need to wait for him any longer to make a move. I would get an Attorney to help establish what is his debt  in his name and what is her debt in her name. Divorce is the healthy option in this case.She is responsible and will do what she needs to do to rectify her finances. he on the other hand STILL wants her to shoulder HIS responsibilities. She needs to get what is fair put to him legally, so he can become clear what ARE his responsibiities.
When he said, (for her), "leaving the marriage won't help things.," he was STILL asking that she take care of debts he created. He is not taking ownership of his part in the marriage failure. She needs the backing of legal aid to help take care of what is his doing, and then let him crawl out from under the hole he dug.  He still wants her to hand him a  rope to get out.
Even though she has the shared marriage consequences,She doesn't have to be in the same hole. Truthfully, at this point, the reality is: she is not climbing out of it with him. She needs her own place of healing. Then there is hope that she can resurface more healthy without his unhealthy thinking wearing her down.
She really has given up everything for him,not only financially but her mental and emotiona health. That she can regain. She needs to know that life is brighter outside the same hole with him.

I couldn't understand a word you said?????

I absolutely agree with you!

Hope55 I really hear what you are saying and enjoying reading your entries. I have been struggling with this exact issue for about 2 years.  If there is any advice you can give to someone who is in the situation you were once in, I would love to hear it.  How did you resolve it?  thanks for your time!

The wife was just whiny, selfish, mean spirited and fat. She is definitely is no box of chocolates although I'd be guessing she's eaten a few

i have to admit the husband appeared not to have taken  things as seriously as he should have.  his attitude was something to the effect that things aren't as bad as they seem.  the wife, on the other hand, shares no blame at all BUT it takes two to tango.  the wife claims not to have known anything about her husband's financial goings on.  from what she said today, she wasn't staying with him because she loved him so why has she remained in the marriage for so long.  the husband's daughter seems to be in it for the free ride and with the family being in such financial hardship, he should have no problem in asking her to leave.  obviously the daughter has learned well from her father she she can freeload and that she does not have to be responsible for herself.  i thought it was in poor taste for the wife to criticize the way her husband looked on national TV.  i actually thought he was a good looking man and most people tend to put on a bit of weight as they get older, but i certainly would not have called him FAT.  she, on the other hand, is certainly no box of chocolates herself.  i believe that the circumstances have made the wife resentful and that she will not find anything good to say about her husband.    i believe she thought she was going to get something else out of the relationship and that's why she stayed.  i don't believe counselling of any kind will change her mind about staying in the marriage.

I have been through something similar.  When your husband does not want to help carry the responsibility it makes you loose all trust and respect..  You want a partner you can build a life with not a mother and child relationship. When the respect and trust is lost so is the desire to be intimate with this person.

I see a woman who tried TONS of ways to make it work with her husband.
I see a husband who chose to do things HIS way and not listen to his wife's requests to work with him., a man who chose to spend outside of partnering with his wife.
He doesn't want a divorce? HE actually said, "leaving the marriage won't help us."  what a manipulating guilt statement!   All those times she tried to work with him, despite his selfishness, and he comes back at her with this?
I believe she knows he abandoned her  LONG AGO. and that she has been doing the major work in the relationship. I think her going on the SHOW was her last final attempt to see if there was any reason why she should stay in a marriage where he acts like a dependent child and she the parent.
  HE left the marriage long ago when he made numerous CHOICES for his own personal gain, without consideration of his WIFE, his PARTNER who he vowed to treasure all the days of his life.
If there is any criticism towards her, it ought to be that she did FOR him for too long.  
I so wanted to tell her to GO in peace and be proud of your faithfulness in that marriage. Even though you have to cut your losses, you have the hope of a future where you can at the very least gain the freedom of self-empowerment, where your efforts to protect what you work for is not sabatoged daily and weekly and monthly by the person who says he loves you.

I have been in a similar situation and know when the trust and confidence are gone, so is the sex life.  Who wants to have a intimate relationship with a spouse that is not looking out for the safety and security of his family.   Also, its hard to have an intimate relationship when you feel you are the mother and he is the child. instead of the responsible husband and partner he supposed to be.

I see a woman who tried TONS of ways to make it work with her husband.
I see a husband who chose to do things HIS way and not listen to his wife's requests to work with him., a man who chose to spend outside of partnering with his wife.
He doesn't want a divorce? HE actually said, "leaving the marriage won't help us."  what a manipulating guilt statement!   All those times she tried to work with him, despite his selfishness, and he comes back at her with this?
I believe she knows he abandoned her  LONG AGO. and that she has been doing the major work in the relationship. I think her going on the SHOW was her last final attempt to see if there was any reason why she should stay in a marriage where he acts like a dependent child and she the parent.
  HE left the marriage long ago when he made numerous CHOICES for his own personal gain, without consideration of his WIFE, his PARTNER who he vowed to treasure all the days of his life.
If there is any criticism towards her, it ought to be that she did FOR him for too long.  
I so wanted to tell her to GO in peace and be proud of your faithfulness in that marriage. Even though you have to cut your losses, you have the hope of a future where you can at the very least gain the freedom of self-empowerment, where your efforts to protect what you work for is not sabatoged daily and weekly and monthly by the person who says he loves you.