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2011 Shows

 
Taunted, kicked, spat on and teased -- if this is what your child faced each day at school, how would you react? From guardians to teachers to out-of-control teens, Dr. Phil and his guests discuss the role adults play in bullying and children lashing out. His first guest, Sam, is a self-proclaimed bully who admits she teases other girls, carries brass knuckles to school and has even ridiculed her school principal -- all for what she calls a “good laugh.” The 13-year-old now attends an alternative school but her father, Rob, fears she may wind up in jail. Can Dr. Phil correspondent Kelly Cutrone help shed light on Sam's brash behavior? Is there more to the tough teen than meets the eye? Then Ally, 16, says her peers constantly call her a “freak,” push her down stairs and throw her into trash cans. Bullied since the first grade, she told her mother, Debi, the torture has become so unbearable, she wonders if she “belongs in this world” and dreads returning to school each day. Child psychologist Dr. Susan Lipkins offers Ally bully-proof strategies to defend herself, but is the young girl ready to fight back? Then, Dr. Phil takes on “bullycide” -- the tragic suicides of teens subjected to teasing -- with Wendy, a mother whose son, Seth, took his own life after being taunted at school. How have she and her surviving son, Shawn, coped with his tragic death? Hear her gripping message to parents and the kids she says “murdered her son with words.” If you or anyone you know is battling a bully in their life, do not miss this show!

Find out what happened on the show.
Comments
Replied By: sabouma on May 11, 2012, 2:37AM
This show was on TV in Holland at the 7th of May 2012.

I was watching this show together with my mother. The story was told about the girl who was always walking on her toes, because of a defect in her Achilles tendons (sorry if this is not the right term, the translator said it was this). 
The fact that she's been bullied about that, is ofcourse terrible.

But in this case, I feel strongly that the parents are to blame for this. This defect can (and should!) be surgically corrected at a very young age. This happens in our country all the time.

I wonder why this did not happen?
 
Replied By: jennef on Oct 21, 2011, 3:06PM - In reply to sammydog386
I was going to write negatively about your comments .Sounded a lot like "We have to go back to the farm" .Then I read more carefully what you were saying & it seems to me that most of what you say has a lot of sense.

I'd like to point out,though, that women are not always respected by men & society - please take each of those words for what they really mean.

I'm lucky. I was brought up by kind ,if not perfect parents, a long time ago.University educated  in a country where that really meant something.I think  children need both parents .- So much separation & divorce nowadays. When will people wake up to that?



.ife hasn't always been easy

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Replied By: paintmyworld on Oct 21, 2011, 9:43AM
My son has lived in this community since his birth. Everything seemed fine till middle school. My son has played sports since he was 5 loves any sport, likes video games is really funny. Both my kids have Alopecia. So asthey are growing people are just starting to notice. I thought to protect my kids and have always told them how handsome they are and I have never mentioned the Alopecia to them. till last year. my older boy has been punched in the face for not buying a kid an ice cream cone but than the vice principal told us he was punched because he was bullying. the kid that punched my kid has had numerous other bullying issues with others. my son gets his sports equipment hidden, stolen, or thrown away. He gets told he isnt good at sports why does he keep showing up to the games. I have gone to coaches and principals and it has made it worse for my son. I have even gone to the police!!!! I cry I cant sleep I always worry something is going to happen to him. He is usually honest with me and when I told hm about the alopecia he seemed to have withdrawn a little. I feel the no tolerance for bullying is just a cover up. recently another student on the football team had his mouth guard put in the toilet and urinated on. 3 of the 4 kids were punished. depending on who your parents are. this kid was actually the instigator and walked away scott free laughing about it. We as a society make bullies. I have always tauaght my son fighing is not the answer. so now I have a 13 yr old that has no Idea how to fight or even defend himself. these bullies are weak and scared and mostly bullied earlier themselves. but there are a few that come from families with money and they do it purly because they can and no one will do anything about it. It is very sad. I was bullied and I dropped out of school at 16. My childrens father was bullied for having alopecia and was tormented and teased and he fought back and was kicked out at 16 and he never went back. I want my boys to over come and be proud of who they are. I am tired of crying for them and not sleeping, being angry at another child!!. My sons have been raised with compassion and they both are very caring people. but now I have a younger son that has seen my struggles with the older brother and he has been disciplined at school for fighting and I feel he is getting his in before anyone gets one on him. My fear is losing a child. I want my kids to be accepted go to college and live their life.  I want the schools to really do something about it. not just talk about it
 
Replied By: africanlady on Oct 21, 2011, 4:11AM - In reply to emilygracesmom
You have never been bullied I assume? Words do hurt, especially when they are being repeated day in and day out.

I have been bullied when I was in the final year of my primary school. When you hear day in day out that you should never have been born, that it was better for my mother to have had an abortion, it hurts. If they tell you that you are a danger to them and to the rest of the world, if I would be so kind to kill myself, it hurts!!!!! Nothing is trivial when it comes to bullying. I did survive, but not thanks to them. I really do not care how they are doing, or whether they succeeded in live or not. Why should I?
 
Replied By: redbird04 on Oct 21, 2011, 2:53AM
HI
Bullying is not new it has been present in schools for 60 or more years. With the internet, cellphones and other communication tools that kids access at school and home the taunting and disregard for another persons dignity and selfworth has expounded.
Kids want too belong, they go back and forth with their friends and mates thorought their learning years. Picking on a student wearing glasses, different clothes, with weight issues, hair color style or cut, teeth or braces, height or any perceived difference seems like something certain students take pleasure in attacking. They also get pleasure in having followers a gang or group, and not having to answer for their behaviour to a teacher, parent or principal.
The fact is bullying is cruel, mean leads too a lack of self esteem, health issues, loneliness, or ideation that could cause a teen or youngster to take their life.
  I think the networking we have today causes the issue to be profoundly worse. Being taunted in the scool yard or on route home is one thing. But, to open your computer or phone messaging and have it haunt you at home is terrible, Kids start believing no one cares or will help them. 
I was bullied as a child, threatened that the bullies sister, would show up after school and beat me to pulp, (she was in high school)an impossible 5 miles away. I ran through the back of the school and  through a thick forest that we were not too enter due to fear of getting lost.
Being hit over the head with lunch pails and threatened every day finally came too a head. I complained to  my mom, she called the school and the bullies all 4 were halled into the principals office and their parents were called. The bullying against me stopped. one girl even said she was sorry.
One angry dad came to our door and threatened my mom sreaming that we were little girls and that his kid had never been in the principals office before so who was she to lodge a complaint, we should have  been left to work it out on our own.
Thirty years later mom and I were talking and she said that he had really scared her and maybe she had done the wrong thing in backing me up. I recall telling her that;  I was never prouder of her than at that time, as I could not cope with the bullying any longer. The group turned on another girl within days of stopping bullying me. Her mom pulled her out of school for more than two weeks until the grade 7 teacher addressed the whole class and informed all the bullies to stop as they were all known and faced suspension if it did not stop. I think most of it stopped for our class as we were moving on to high school.
I did have a guy in high school mock me repeatedly. throwing my books into mud puddles and or
taunting how I dressed. He was so angry with me because I had stood up to him for barring a crippled friend in a wheel chair from entering the corner store.
I was so mad at him, I told him he was cruel and unkind and that he had no decent feeling for humanbeings. I was a tall skinny teen , but his mean behaviour was the last straw. I put up with his taunting and bullying in high school due to standing up for my friend.
He finally stopped bullying one May day when I wore a tennis outfit to high school that showed off a lot of leg. I was rather shy and was not sure if it was appropriate, but my mom laughed and approved of the outfit as it had shorts that went under the jacket dress. I think I only wore the outfit to school once, mini skirts in the 70's were still a fashion choice.  He never bullied me again, after that point his gang stopped bugging me also.
I truthfully believe that the bullying is worse now, with the electronic devises that exploit communication.
Teens transfering schools to avoid the bullies may have texting follow them. Facebook and other internet sites are open to these individuals to post nasty comments. Dr Phil should invest time and study the impact of these electronics and compounding the bullying problem. It would be interesting too see the stats on the issue.
 




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Replied By: momof2rosboys on Oct 20, 2011, 12:34PM
My sons were in the same school since pre-k.  My older son had had a couple of run-in's with a certain child since that time.  When 7th grade rolled around, I told my son, "If you come home and start a sentence with 'Momma, John did this' then it better end with 'and I knocked him on his ass'. If it doesn't, then I dont want to hear it."  I don't condone violence but sometimes the only way that a bully will stop being a bully is if he feels it. 

So one day my husband sends me a text to go pick my son up from school.  I asked him why because we always strive for perfect attendance.  He answered, "Because he knocked John on his ass."  I was told that my son attacked John from behind, which angered me for a moment because they should never start a fight but should always finish it.  Then I turned to my son who was dumbstruck because they were trying to spin the story to make it appear that my son was at fault.  He looked at the assistant principal and then looked at me and told me that the only reason he hit John from behind was because John had bullied his friend and then ran.  Niko was tired of it after years and years of bullying and ran after him.  My son had to be pulled off of John by 3 teachers as 7 years of pent up anger was finally being released. 

After a round-table discussion with all applicable administration, our "punishment" was a week suspension, weekly anger management sessions and he had to see a child psychiatrist to make sure he wasn't a danger to himself or to others before returning to school (over the Thanksgiving holiday???). This to a child who has never had any disciplinary issues, ever, and has only brought good recognition to the school....ie: Duke University Scholarship Program, Catholic middle school shot-put champion, etc.  Later that afternoon, I called John's mother to check on him as I knew he was out of school that day and I know that my son kicked his butt.  Come to find out, the bully received NO SCHOOL DISCIPLINARY ACTION.  Upon finding this out, and before I even had another school to put our children in, I walked straight into the principal's office.  She looked surprised when I told her to give me the paperwork to withdraw my children from school because if I allowed her to treat my children unfairly and different because of how much money the parents had, then what lesson would I be teaching my kids.  I told her that it was easier for her to wear her blinders and pretend bullying didn't exist that it was for her to have to deal with the issue....especially with parents of kids that they didn't want to lose.

Upon leaving, we found a great school that my kids loved and felt accepted in.  I had avoided dealing with the issue because this was the only school that my children had ever gone to.  My younger son was very much a creature of habit and I was very concerned to pull him from his comfort zone.  They had said that they hated the school but I thought that being where they always had been was better than moving to a different school.  Well, how wrong I was.  It was the best thing that we could have done for our children and if we could go back, I would move them as soon as the signs started. 

I brought the information to our parish priest who is over the school that we withdrew from.  He said that it was hard to detect a bully.  I told him that if you gave me a notepad, I could sit through a day of recess and give him the names of at least 3 students in every grade that had tendencies of being a bully.  It's not hard to spot a bully, it's just hard to deal with the aftermath. 

I think that once I gave my child permission to handle the situation, he felt empowered enough to handle it.  The fallout was rough until I realized that it was for the best.  Parents should know when their children are bullies or are being bullied.  Don't tell them that it will all be ok and that it will go away when they get older.  The hurt doesn't go away. 
 
Replied By: cr1441 on Oct 20, 2011, 11:57AM
I am sick at heart today. My grandson's best friend took his own life two days ago, and from what I know, there was bullying involved. At 16 life became to painful for him and, unfortunately, though he had many friends, he never reached out for help. He put on a happy face and kept everything inside. When will the bullies of the world be stopped?
 
Replied By: troybullard on Oct 20, 2011, 10:08AM - In reply to troybullard
One more thing to add.

That administrator in the video, like many, did not realize that she told the victim it was his fault.  Not in so many words, but you can tell it in the victims eyes.  Telling a victim of bullying that it is their fault is the samr as telling the victim of rape that it is their fault.
 
Replied By: troybullard on Oct 20, 2011, 9:53AM
Like it or not, we have domestic terrorism right here.  It all starts with the bulying stage.  People do not need weapons, or even weapons of mass distruction to account for terrorism.  bullying is no different.  We do not negotiate with terrorists, as a country, so why should I negotiate as a person or even a parent.  I was bullied as a kid, and my parents dismissed it saying, "that's life!"  It still is not right, and needs to be stopped.  I remember being too concerned about my safety, and wished I could just focus on my school work.  However, I always had to keep my head up and aware of the bully's next move.  I was also bullied by my parents, so I could not expect them to do anything anyway.

Today, I am in Law Enforcement, and The National Guard.  We were scheduled for Iraq Sept. 2011, but we got cancelled.  I do not like violence, but will use it if I deem it necessisary to use it to set any record straight.

The same should be with bullying.  Do not negotiate with a bully, it will just give the bully more power.  I saw a video on the Phil show.  It showed a school administrator trying to get the victim to shake hands with the bully.  Then the administrator tells the victim he is no better than the bully.  If I hear any administrator tell that to my kids, as a victim, God help them.  A victim just wants to live in peace, and go to class.

In society, we do not negotiate with affirmative action issues, (race, sex, religion, etc...) Why should we not hold the same value to bullying?
 
Replied By: carhod5196 on Oct 20, 2011, 6:36AM
When I watched the 10/18 bullying show, I questioned your advice about pushing the bully, as it seemed to me this move could be construed as an assault by the victim to the bully. One day later, my son, who has been a victim of bullying for years, finally stood up to a bully and punched him in the stomach after repeated verbal taunting. My son landed a 3 day suspension for fighting and the bully only landed a 1 day suspension. What kind of message does this send to bullies? Any type of gesture with the hands can be an assault charge, but the words should have been considered the first assault; however, it seems that is not taken into consideration.  
 
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