2011 Shows

Would you stand by your spouse in the midst of a scandal? In Part 1, popular televangelists Marcus and Joni Lamb opened up to Dr. Phil about the affair that disrupted their marriage and the controversy that followed. Now, two more ministers reveal secrets they were keeping from their families and congregations. First, Tim says he was struggling with the shame of his sex addiction and juggling two very different lives – until he was arrested in a park with another man. Tim shares how he and his wife, Stacy, turned to each other in crisis and are working to rebuild their marriage, family and reputation. Then, David, a longtime pastor, decided to come clean to his wife, his children, and then his congregation about a secret so dark, he kept it hidden since the age of 8. Learn how he's facing his demons and the toll it's taken on his wife. Can this couple repair the damage that's been done?

Find out what happened on the show.
Replied By: summer_411 on Jul 21, 2011, 9:02AM
I watched this show the other day and all I can say is that it does take a lot of courage and strength to come forward with a personal problem that you have, BUT in Tim's case he's been hiding this issue from his wife and family for over 20 years, he says that the guilt has been overbearing for him, but in my opinion if your truly guilty and unhappy about something you are not capable of hiding it for that long!  I feel likeif your doing something decietful to the one you love and you KNOW it will hurt them or potentially ruin your relationship that you should at least have the decensy to allow them to make a choice, and not 20 years later! I have complete respect for peopl who can hang on to a relationship after being betrayed for so long unknowingly, and I really wish I understood how they do it. The crime is the first of the betrayal then comes the lies that follow it, and often times you can deal with the issues if the honesty is there from the very beginning! I do believe that forgiveness is a very important part of life but fogiveness doesn't mean you have to stay in a relationship with someone who has physically, mentally or emotionally abused you in any way.  It actually really does scare me that there's people out there, EVEN miisters that are capable of hiding their true colors for that long, are able to wake up and look at the one that they love everyone morningand lie over and over again for 20 years!
Replied By: johnandbarb on Jul 20, 2011, 6:52PM - In reply to hlb0719
My wife could've wrote that letter. I too, am in Celebrate Recovery. Went because I was forced too, but it has changed my life and marriage. I say to you, "thanks" for hanging in there with him.  I am sorry for your situation, but you are blessed by HIM. HE chose you to go through this. You can do it!
Replied By: johnandbarb on Jul 20, 2011, 6:46PM
I am now in a group called "Celebrate Recovery". It's a faith based therapy  that deals with many issues, but mostly lust, porn, and in my case, infidelity many times over. It, along with some reading, has helped me more than I can thank HIM for. And yes, there is even a person that was in the ministry when he got caught. He says that they just don't deal with it. I have heard that as many as 6 out of 10 men have some type of issue with lust. It may be a matter of simply "looking" too long something they shouldn't, or taking it farther like I did. I am thankful that HE has shined HIS light upon me to change.
Replied By: carriellen on Jul 17, 2011, 11:20AM
Sex Addiction is so very difficult for all involved.  I have been trying to understand my husband of 20 years since January 2011, when I caught him destroying our lives. Nothing about this subject is clear cut, black or white and its all so hurtful beyond words.......

The 1st book worth reading is "Out of the Shadows: Understanding Sexual Addiction" by Patrick Carnes PhD.
The second book is for the spouse who has been cheated on and it is called
"Deceived: Facing sexual betrayal, lies and secrets" by Claudia Black PhD.

I hope you take the time to read this information.  Thank You

Replied By: hlb0719 on Jul 15, 2011, 12:48PM
Unfortunately I only saw the last 20 minutes of the show on Monday.  442 days ago my husband admitted to me that he has had a life of sexual addiction for our entire marriage of 24 year!  I was devastated - I knew something was wrong, but just couldn't put my finger on it.  He was involved with another woman when everything fell apart.  They were almost caught, but I didn't listen to my heart and believed both of them when they said there was nothing going on.  After he confessed to me, it was like we started all over.  I started going to counseling myself.  I have always had a lot of self esteem issues and I finally really really realized that this had NOTHING to do with me, but it was totally with him.  My husband has become involved in Celebrate Recovery in our area - it has truly been a blessing for him.  He now meets weekly with men that struggle in the same area - there is accountability and comoradory (sp?) that he never had before.  I had to realize that this was an addiction - something that he will struggle with for the rest of his life - we both realize that.    I chose to stand next to him.  It was very hard, but by God's grace and help, we now have a better marriage than we have ever had.  For me, divorce was never and option.

Many people are extremely judgemental.  I so appreciated what the pastor's wife said at the end of the show on Monday when she made the comment about being in her shoes.  So many people are so quick to pass judgement, but yet have NO CLUE what it's like.  An addiction is an addiction.  Instead of being so critical, I think we need to be supportive.  I understand and get that if you are in an abusive relationship you need to get out.  But when you have someone who wants to change, is working so hard to change, they need our support and not our harsh words.
Replied By: sweetride on Jul 14, 2011, 6:29PM
Been dealing with this forever! The pain of deceit! I am 41 and have been happily married for 23 years with the exception of his internet porn addiction. He even had the balls to blame the internet history on our 12 year old son who is now 21. Well that was bull****.  All him. Time after time after time after time. Is 23 years too long to feel betrayed and inadequate and lied to?
It wouldn't take a whole lot of photoshop or airbrush to make me into one of those bimbos on the internet. Should I just do that to piss him off? He is very jealous and oveprotective. (Not that I would do this!!!)
Advice from only those who have been there is appreciated.
Replied By: sweetride on Jul 14, 2011, 6:16PM - In reply to muchalone
The fact that u replied so early in the morning says a lot. I am 41 and have been happily married for 23 years with 1 exception. His internet porn addiction. counseling once 7 years ago. it does not go away. it is torture and u never know how far or deep it is.
I relate to your comment more than all the rest.
Replied By: rsavoy on Jul 14, 2011, 5:07PM
 I hope Tim & Stacy read this message.  WOW is all I can say, Tim I couldn't be happier to hear a man of your faith speak the Truth about growing up in a conservative family where you must not breath the word sex. As if it is not a part of life. As if you talk about it in a family setting your pre- teen will rush right out to experiment on and with Every person they come in contact with.!!!!

Christian families are still in the mindset of dont talk to your children about sex at all.

Christians stop making this subject TABOO in you home.

I could only hope to have your views on forgiveness in all areas of my life. I wish you both all the best. What works for your family may not work for another . Do what works for you!!!  I have nothing but blessings for you both. Good for you for not walking away from a thirty year marriage. God is here to pick us up when we are at our lowest and we should do the same for each other.
Replied By: jll982 on Jul 14, 2011, 1:30PM
I fell so bad for this guy and his family. 30 years of marriage, 2 kids and he is still lying to all of them. How can you go on national television after being caught having sex with a man and say you just have a sex addiction?  If you aren't gay or bisexual then why weren't you cheating with women? This makes no sense, if he is going to continue to lie to himself or his family then people are going to continue to be hurt. It doesn't matter how much you love your wife as a friend, you cannot "pray the gay away"
Replied By: dathoe on Jul 13, 2011, 10:24PM
My ex had become fully active in prostitution after spending years with pornography.  He said it was something he had wanted to do all his life.  So when he finally had the opportunity, he was now traveling  weekly and found craigs list , he went for it.  Afterall, it was right in his office neighborhood and he was away from home 2-3 nights a week .  He had been active with prostitution for 4 years when I found out. 
I was DEVISTATED!!!  I knew that if we did not work this out, I would loose everything, my house, my family, 12 years of marriage.  After 5 years of staying and believing that we could make it through this going to therapy, 12 step programs and marriage counceling....he finally told the truth.  He wanted to be who he truely was, to be free from commitment and free to "f" what ever he could get his hands on.   That was unless, I would just accept who he was and maybe even join him, swing or get a boyfriend, let him watch...etc.  Hell NO!!!  He is really sick, he was into EVERYTHING, anything sexual and I do mean ANYTHING!!!!!! 
I finally move on, it's been over a year and although I am on my own, I've lost my dream home, filed for bankruptcy, you name it....I am finally free from all that doubt and sickness.
Ladies, if you think he can give it up, he can't, if he has an adictive makeup, then he will never, never be past this and you will never be safe from the craziness and thoughts.  It's so much work emotionally and most of the time, they choose the addiction.  Do what your hearts says to do, yes stay...but as soon as you see that he is never going to really leave the addiction.  GET the "H" out.  You will then be free to become a whole person, happy and healthy. 
The brain is always working.....his brain is always looking, seeing, thinking and hiding this illness.  It's your choice to stay or go and untill you have been in these shoes......you can not judge the woman that stays...even if they stay forever.....it's not your life.
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