Hi- I just read your comment, but then noticed you posted it a year and a half ago. I was wondering if you were ever able to break away from the relationship. I'm just like you- nevesmilie million years thought I would be capable of doing this.  knew him for five years, was coming out of an abusive marriage (drugs and alcohol)- and his attention made me feel wanted. he told me he was getting divorced too, so that's how I justified it. Now, two years later, I'm divorced, he still lives with her. She found out about us, and told me their marriage was over long before I came along, and that he can't afford to move out, so what they have is a living arrangement, not a marriage. And yet- 1-1/2 years later he still can't afford to move out, and I'm still the stupid, weak other woman waiting for the day that will never come.  I've dated other guys, knowing this is a dead end, but he pursues me even stronger when I back away, and I get sucked back in. I know it's wrong, even if their marriage is over, because he still hides it from her.  I know I'm so stupid, but the pain is so great every time I break it off that I keep going back. I was wondering if you were ever able to end your relationship, and if so- if you had any advice.  Thanks.

I just saw this after all this time. I walked away from him although he still pursues and I wish sometimes that it had worked. But I met a single man that I cannot explain now much he intrigues me and how much I respect him. He has also sat me down and taught me so much since he has dated/been married to.or experienced some of the same things in life...God brings people into our lives to help us and I do hope he stays-i do luv him allot-if not then I want him to feel appreciated because what he brought into my life and how much he has helped me I could never thank him enough...good things do happen! My married man has moved on to others! I told his wife and she could careless. We till talk and I am not only mad at me for dating him and staying with him...I am also am mad at me for not turning him into the Catholic Church -- he is the music/choir director in a Catholic Church who lusts over his choir and has had sex inside the church. Ladies run and hide when he says that he is married!

Hon I know how u feel-it hurts like hell. But u also deserve a nice man who will be there for u 24/7..luving u and treating u with luv and respect! Why should we have to settle for less?

Dear aandw35, 

You are obviously a person of religious beliefs, holding to the tenets of the Bible. However, infidelity did not just start in our current society - it has been with us through the ages; so much so, that it is part of the 10 Commandments.

But people should be free to make their own decisions.  Although one may personally feel adultry to be disgusting, if you really hold to the Bible, then there comes a judgement day.

Moreover, not all men or women, who sleep with married counterparts, have any intention, other than to fulfill sexual needs.  No love is involved, but just a human urge. 

So, to have such a strong response to this subject, your childhood must have been very painful, as you aluded to in your last sentence.

You have a right to your opinion, and there exists a myriad of opinions on the message board; that's what makes this system, and freedom of speech so great.  It would be boring if everyone had the same belief.

Got the same thing going on knew this man for years and his wife, I was married and got separated. As soon as he heard that this happened he came around. He was everything I wanted in a man. Gave me the attention I wanted and needed that I didn't get from my husband. Loved me like no one ever did, I was the center of his world when he was with me.  But as time passed he started getting into this "are you cheating on me" deal. Kept on asking who am I talking to, spying on me when I went out with friends etc. Crazy. But I still put up with it and have kept myself away from friends because he has a problem with it. I know what he is doing is making just be at his call and away from other men and I allow it. Unlike you I have a problem pulling away I KNOW this relationship is sooooooo wrong not only for me but for my kids but I love him so much and it kills me to think of not having him in my life. I am just so stupid and weak.

I am in an affair with a married man and I am so ashamed of it. I'm trapped and when I feel like i can break away I get sucked right back in. I was that person that would never think I would do this but I did.I have children and he interacts with them and that is wrong. They feel that he is part of the family and I need to break away. Everything that Dr. Phil said about the relationship is right

Those women that date and sleep with married men are idiots!  What happened to their self-esteem?  It definately isn't love and all these men are doing is using you.  It doesn't mean that they stopped loving their wives and if they don't love them, they still don't love you.  Your just a booty call, a quicky.  Even when they get a divorce, they don't always leave the relationship.  Some stay together out of convenience, which is still disguesting and when you decide to call the house, they may commit domestic violence against one another.  It's a no win situation.  They both go to jail behind you with expensive bail bonds to pay.  Is it worth it for you to be involved in this type of relationship?  Neither one of you are benefiting from this.  What's wrong with women these days that they are so desperate to need someone so bad to lower their standards so low to get a man?  It's not worth it.  You minaswell get into God and get some help because your only going to get burned and hurt.  You're playing with fire.  What are your kids going to think of you after that?  I had to grow up watching this crap happen to my relatives.   

I was in my late twenties when I was going through my first divorce.  An older co-worker wanted to have an affair.  Of course I had to hear his sad story of his son marrying his mother's best friend; he thought it was because it was when he was a small child, he was changing out a tire near his son and the kid's head was hit, making him a little short on the side of intelligence.

After the work social function I came home and the phone was ringing.  He wanted to start an affair.  I told him I was not interested.  And he replied that was good, as he would not have to buy new underwear.

Dear Stratusbo,

I am sorry to hear about your situation.

But doesn't it hurt more, that the man that fathered those children, who should have inherently protected his children against any harm or pain, brought this into his home and started the row of dominos falling with no way to stop?

Morally your question to his mistress is a viable one; and I don't think you are going to get a straight answer.  My sister worked in a hospital radiology department, and the head of the department was a woman.  Her husband was a doctor also.  And the female doctor said that women were keeping their eyes on couples with marriage problems, so they could step in and start dating a doctor.

My personal opinion about these errant husbands is that they are flattered and feel attractive, that sex differs from one woman to the next, that may they will get more oral and anal sex than at home; the other woman at the beginning may wait on him hand & foot until they get married.

But I have experienced the true awkwardness of men trying to hit on me, at dinner parties with kids, in front of their wives.  One man was in like the equivalent of the special forces, and he trapped my leg between his, and I couldn't get free without making a scene.  He has his daughter get off the couch so I could sit down beside him, and said "Get off the sofa so the beautiful lady can sit next to me".  At that point I made my excuses and left.

If he had been single, or if we had only been on business, maybe a 1 night stand would have ensued.  But I couldn't do it if I knew the wife, saw or spoke with her - that was too much for my conscious.

It may vary from State to State, but there is a law for Alienation of Affection. So you would be able to take the mistress to court for a financial award, if it is proven that she was responsible.  You can probably find more on-line.  There is nothing better than hitting the pocket book.