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2011 Shows

In a groundbreaking two-part series, Dr. Phil sits down with four women who’ve had affairs with married men and asks them the hard questions everyone wants to know. Cara, 45, Marcella, 50, Angela, 30, and Beth, 49, open up about how their affairs started, what they think about the wives and how they justify their behavior. What the women don’t know is that two scorned wives are watching from backstage and will get their chance to confront these other women! Don’t miss this eye-opening look inside the minds of mistresses. You may learn something that can help protect your marriage from an affair!

Find out what happened on the show.
Replied By: titathepixie on Dec 29, 2013, 10:36AM
I love Dr. Phil, but I thought that this particular show seemed a little onesided. Yes, we got to hear about what it is like to be a mistress, and no, it's probably not the wisest of decisions, but isn't the cheater (in this instance, the married men) responsible for where he puts his (pick a word of your choosing)?

I understand that if one's spouse/romantic partner cheats, the cheated partner is sure to feel some anger towards the mistress/whatever the male word for mistress is, it's understandable. But, arguably, the cheater would have found someone to cheat with, whether it be this or the next person who comes along. The mistress/male equivalent is not the one who lured and lured, until the cheater could no longer resist.

I'll admit that I am not unbiased. My mother had an affair with a married man, who kept telling her that his marriage wasn't very good, and that he'd leave her eventually (the wife, that is). My mother was very much in love with him, and breaking up with him wasn't easy on her. So yes, I probably look with a less judgemental eye on the mistresses, than people who have been cheated on, would do. Sometimes, the mistresses are people with very low self esteem, who will jump at the opportunity of being wanted, and will gobble up the compliments of being preferred for the wife.
Replied By: radtech109 on Sep 22, 2013, 7:22PM - In reply to aandw35
I am not an idiot! I sleep with a married man because he's safe. I have great self esteem. I don't want a husband. I've worked around men as an engineer and the great majority cheat. Why would I be stupid and marry one and expect him not to cheat? The only ones that don't are ugly and no one wants them. Be assured all the cute hot ones do. Even the quiet reserved and shy ones do. They're the best in bed also. Those that look as if they never would do. The husband who seems to always be helpful and attentive has to leave your side and when he does, he sees us single women who don't want a full time man but don't want to be promiscuous and date around. I have my MM, I have my freedom, I have my friends, I have my money; all you folks who try to say negatives about us, well you're wrong. Do you have the courage to realize that there really are women who don't care if the man they date is married or is having sex with another woman? It's true. Not all women are clingy and afraid to be alone. We just don't want any diseases. I only see my MM. He's enough for me. Once a week, great sex, then home he goes.
Replied By: radtech109 on Sep 22, 2013, 6:37PM
I don't have anything but LOL for these wives on this show. I'm a mistress to a married man. He's married 25 years. Guess what? I don't feel sorry for his wife. I don't feel remorse. I don't feel guilty. I don't want to break up his marriage, but if it does break up, I won't feel badly. He's a big boy. I'm single. Guess I don't have a lot of respect for wives. I've been one. Have to admit, my husband was lazy. I got tired of always doing everything and being the only responsible party. I asked for divorce after 18 years. My man didn't cheat as far as I know, but no one ever knows. If you don't want your man to cheat, then there are many things you should be doing. For one, treat him and look at him as you did when you were first in love and dating. Many times, as the years go by, people change into different people, to the point they aren't anything like they were when dating. Now, these people have so little in common that they wouldn't go out on a first date, but here they are, 40, 45, etc., and married. If you want your hubs to not cheat, you also must give him sex, even if you don't want to. Unless you are sick, you can fake it for 15 minutes. If you have an infection, you can give him oral. How hard is that? Do something unexpected once in a while in the sex department, like go out to dinner, then get it on in the back seat. Call him and ask him to meet you at Home Depot, you need help, then when he shows up, drive around behind the shopping center and give him oral and I guarantee you he won't think of any other women but you. Tell him how much you appreciate his hard work when he comes home. Tell him from time to time how hot he is, how much you like his butt or legs, etc. My guy and I met 7 years ago but didn't start affair until 10 months ago. We kept in touch, but not a lot. I knew he was into me and he I years ago, but after I got out of his class, we only emailed about our kids, life, etc. about twice a year. Nothing real personal or sexual. I never ask about his marriage or his wife. Occasionally he will bring something up, but he has never said anything negative about either. From all I've read about affairs, ours is different. No promises, no me asking him to leave. Neither of us says I love you, but we do communicate with our eyes and can read each other. When he left the country for a month, his eyes welled up with tears and so did mine. No, I don't relate to guilt or anything in this show. If his wife appeared or called, I'd not care. I'd just stand there and listen to her.  I have no feelings about her. Whatever their troubles are, if they do have any, which they may not, or whatever reason he has for being with me, which he once told me on his own, without me asking, that he doesn't know why he's with me, these are of no concern to me. The problems are with him. He's married and answers to her if he wants to. I'm single and I answer to no one. I will be with who I wish when I wish as long as he will have me. No strings attached. I have learned, one cannot leash another person. No one will be true to you if they don't want to be. You have your head in the sand if you think so. One will only be true to you as long as they want to themselves, you have no control other than to treat them as best as you can. Doubt I'll marry again. I have worked around men in a previous career in radio and engineering, and I have to say, 90% of the men I've been employed around talk alot about cheating and their affairs. I don't think it's reasonable to expect a person to stay in a monogamous relationship such as marriage for the long term. Men know this and hide it. Women are dumb and haven't caught on.
Replied By: alisun06 on Nov 10, 2012, 10:37AM - In reply to sambo777
Hi- I just read your comment, but then noticed you posted it a year and a half ago. I was wondering if you were ever able to break away from the relationship. I'm just like you- nevesmilie million years thought I would be capable of doing this.  knew him for five years, was coming out of an abusive marriage (drugs and alcohol)- and his attention made me feel wanted. he told me he was getting divorced too, so that's how I justified it. Now, two years later, I'm divorced, he still lives with her. She found out about us, and told me their marriage was over long before I came along, and that he can't afford to move out, so what they have is a living arrangement, not a marriage. And yet- 1-1/2 years later he still can't afford to move out, and I'm still the stupid, weak other woman waiting for the day that will never come.  I've dated other guys, knowing this is a dead end, but he pursues me even stronger when I back away, and I get sucked back in. I know it's wrong, even if their marriage is over, because he still hides it from her.  I know I'm so stupid, but the pain is so great every time I break it off that I keep going back. I was wondering if you were ever able to end your relationship, and if so- if you had any advice.  Thanks.
Replied By: nyredhead311 on Feb 21, 2012, 10:15AM - In reply to sambo777
I just saw this after all this time. I walked away from him although he still pursues and I wish sometimes that it had worked. But I met a single man that I cannot explain now much he intrigues me and how much I respect him. He has also sat me down and taught me so much since he has dated/been married to.or experienced some of the same things in life...God brings people into our lives to help us and I do hope he stays-i do luv him allot-if not then I want him to feel appreciated because what he brought into my life and how much he has helped me I could never thank him enough...good things do happen! My married man has moved on to others! I told his wife and she could careless. We till talk and I am not only mad at me for dating him and staying with him...I am also am mad at me for not turning him into the Catholic Church -- he is the music/choir director in a Catholic Church who lusts over his choir and has had sex inside the church. Ladies run and hide when he says that he is married!
Replied By: nyredhead311 on May 15, 2011, 4:38PM - In reply to sambo777
Hon I know how u feel-it hurts like hell. But u also deserve a nice man who will be there for u 24/7..luving u and treating u with luv and respect! Why should we have to settle for less?
Replied By: unglaublich on May 12, 2011, 4:35PM - In reply to aandw35
Dear aandw35, 

You are obviously a person of religious beliefs, holding to the tenets of the Bible. However, infidelity did not just start in our current society - it has been with us through the ages; so much so, that it is part of the 10 Commandments.

But people should be free to make their own decisions.  Although one may personally feel adultry to be disgusting, if you really hold to the Bible, then there comes a judgement day.

Moreover, not all men or women, who sleep with married counterparts, have any intention, other than to fulfill sexual needs.  No love is involved, but just a human urge. 

So, to have such a strong response to this subject, your childhood must have been very painful, as you aluded to in your last sentence.

You have a right to your opinion, and there exists a myriad of opinions on the message board; that's what makes this system, and freedom of speech so great.  It would be boring if everyone had the same belief.
Replied By: sambo777 on May 11, 2011, 2:39PM - In reply to nyredhead311
Got the same thing going on knew this man for years and his wife, I was married and got separated. As soon as he heard that this happened he came around. He was everything I wanted in a man. Gave me the attention I wanted and needed that I didn't get from my husband. Loved me like no one ever did, I was the center of his world when he was with me.  But as time passed he started getting into this "are you cheating on me" deal. Kept on asking who am I talking to, spying on me when I went out with friends etc. Crazy. But I still put up with it and have kept myself away from friends because he has a problem with it. I know what he is doing is making just be at his call and away from other men and I allow it. Unlike you I have a problem pulling away I KNOW this relationship is sooooooo wrong not only for me but for my kids but I love him so much and it kills me to think of not having him in my life. I am just so stupid and weak.
Replied By: sambo777 on May 11, 2011, 2:21PM
I am in an affair with a married man and I am so ashamed of it. I'm trapped and when I feel like i can break away I get sucked right back in. I was that person that would never think I would do this but I did.I have children and he interacts with them and that is wrong. They feel that he is part of the family and I need to break away. Everything that Dr. Phil said about the relationship is right
Replied By: aandw35 on May 10, 2011, 9:57PM
Those women that date and sleep with married men are idiots!  What happened to their self-esteem?  It definately isn't love and all these men are doing is using you.  It doesn't mean that they stopped loving their wives and if they don't love them, they still don't love you.  Your just a booty call, a quicky.  Even when they get a divorce, they don't always leave the relationship.  Some stay together out of convenience, which is still disguesting and when you decide to call the house, they may commit domestic violence against one another.  It's a no win situation.  They both go to jail behind you with expensive bail bonds to pay.  Is it worth it for you to be involved in this type of relationship?  Neither one of you are benefiting from this.  What's wrong with women these days that they are so desperate to need someone so bad to lower their standards so low to get a man?  It's not worth it.  You minaswell get into God and get some help because your only going to get burned and hurt.  You're playing with fire.  What are your kids going to think of you after that?  I had to grow up watching this crap happen to my relatives.   
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