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2011 Shows

 
(Original Air Date: 04/22/11) Trying to blend two families can be like mixing oil and water. Dr. Phil sits down with couples struggling to merge their families and create happy, peaceful homes. Samantha and Rob are on the verge of divorce because she says he favors their 4-year-old son over her children from a previous marriage and is too hard on her kids when it comes to discipline. Rob feels his wife undermines him in their home. Can these two align and create a parenting plan that they both agree on? Then, with six kids between them, they may look like the Brady Bunch, but Pete and Maureen say their life is no sitcom. Pete says he and his wife can’t agree on how to raise each other’s kids, and every argument brings them closer to a divorce. And, meet a stepmom who says she can’t bond with her stepkids. Dr. Phil spells out the myths and facts of being a stepparent and the most successful way to fulfill that role. Plus, what is your parenting style? Tune in and take Dr. Phil’s quiz!

Find out what happened on the show.
Comments
Replied By: guidemedrphil on Aug 15, 2011, 9:37PM
 
Replied By: donnajold on Jul 29, 2011, 10:46PM
So after watching the show I had to say I thought I was the only out here with this issue. My boyfriend and I have been dating for two years and the drama with his ex and his two kids is driving me crazy. His ex does not work and has been an issue. She gets drunk and calls my boyfriend at night asking for him to go get here. He refuses but  the call have lead us to change our phone number more than 50 times in one year. He feels bad and gives the number to his kids in case of a emergency and it only takes days that she has it and the behavior starts all over again. I don't like his two boys ages 13 and 10. The ten year old has peed his bed many times. They have no respect for the items in our home and for me, The older boy has had a ticket for stealing in elementary, a ticket for being disrespectful in middle school and a ticket for stealing in a different school. He is disrespectful and has destroyed items of his fathers because he has them and his mom can't afford them. The older child has taken information about my home back to his mother and in turn she uses that information to tell me her and her ex, ,my boyfriend are having sex in my home she has said I know what your bedroom looks like with the informayion she had gotten from her son. I get along with children and love them but ibut in this case I would rather be by myself then have those two boys in my house. My boyfriend doesn't like to talk to his ex because she can not hold a conversation without every other word beinng the F word. She is a low income mother and I have tried to tell her that we can lift alot of expenxe off her however you can get two words in with all her screaming. The man she is with belongs to a gang and they drink, do drugs. She has dropped here kids off on our doorsteps twicw because she stated she could not handle the boys but that was a mess. She called everyday made a scene at our home more times that I can remember. I love my boyfriend but i;m so tired of this drama any help out there
 
Replied By: kimberlylynn on Jul 27, 2011, 6:25PM
Hi Dr. Phil. I just got to watching the monday episode, Blended families.  I just wanted to add a positive note to all these families that are blended and having trouble. We went through the same thing and still have moments. My husband and I have been friends since we were about 7 years old. We were very good friends through our school years. After graduation he went to the air force and we visited as friends only when he came home. We were both in relationships as we became adults. I was in a 10 year marriage, he was in a 4 year relationship. At the time of us furthering our relationship I had a 1 1/2 year old daughter and a 8 year old son. He had a 2 year old daughter. I made the move from our home town to our home now in Arizona. We raised my 1 1/2 year old daughter together getting his 2 year old daughter every other week. After counseling with my son he decided to stay with his biological father in our home state and visit when school was out.  His daughter had and still from time to time has issues with bed wetting. I felt he favored his daughter. She is manipulative and issues with lies.  My daughter was constantly on his nerve and what he would say annoyingly happy.  She lived with us permanently. We've now been together 6 years and married for a year and a half. Since then my son now 14 has decided to live with us. Another big change after adjusting to raising the girls. My husband was raised by his single mother not knowing his father.  My husband is very strict compared to how I parent. After several arguments and disagreeing, We really had to step back and look at what we were doing. He was a drill sargent, I was constantly trying to make up for every grounding. Which felt like my son was getting grounded when he was already grounded. Since the start of our life together as 1 family, my kids biological father moved near us so he could have visitation. My husband had a really hard time sharing my daughter, who he raised as his own.  We are constantly presented with new trials. On top of, a step daughter that wets the bed, her mother is a terrible selfish person that uses the child in every way to hurt husband. She takes us to court every year for more money when she dives a brand new lexus,. We are now adjusting to sharing my kids. At first it was really hard and added some really unneeded tension to our family. We now have time to ourselves every other weekend. We really needed that and didn't realize it. My advice to these families is  COMMUNICATE, the loss of communication turns into unspoken resentment. He has backed down on his military drills and I've become more structured and consistent with my parenting. We still have disagreements from time to time but we talk about it now and dont waste days on end not talking and creating tension to our home.
 
Replied By: mccoybe on Jul 27, 2011, 3:56PM - In reply to donnerstorm
Thanks for sharing... Im glad Im not the only 1 in this situation. I grew up poor & even had an abusive father BUT I took from that situation the attitude of respect,discipline & appreciated ALL the things I did have & even the things that I didn't. I learned real early in life that NOTHING is givin to you,,you got to earn it. And I have tried to teach that to my kids. BUT his kids are already pratically grown & teaching them that just ain't going to happen unless he is willing to put his foot down. We argue alot about that type of stuff. Example: we have 4 cell phones on 1 plan w/unlimited txt but 700 min. to share between the 4 of us..his 19 yr. old CONTINUES to run up the min. & we have to pay the overage charges. Put it this way, we have 700 min. to share & she uses 500 min. & thinks 200 min. between 3 people will work. He always just has a "talk" w/her & the next month its the same B.S. I told him either start making her pay the overage charges OR just take her phone away..THEN that will teach her that there are consequences but he is just a big push over w/his kids.
 
Replied By: nancymack on Jul 27, 2011, 2:03PM
HELLO DR. PHIL, FIRST OFF I WANT TO SAY I WATCH YOUR SHOW ALL THE TIME AND THAT I HAVE RECENTLY MARRIED THE MAN OF MY DREAMS...WELL SORT OF I NEVER IMAGINED MARRYING A MAN WITH A CHILD. I DON'T HAVE ANY CHILDREN AND THIS IS WHAT IS MAKING IF DIFFICULT TO ACCEPT HIS.  IT IS REALLY EATING ME UP INSIDE AND IT'S CONSTANLY ON MY MIND. HIS DAUGHTER IS JUST 4 YEARS OLD AND I FEEL LIKE SHE'S MADE MY LIFE A LIVING HELL, SHE DOESN'T LIVE WITH US SHE LIVES WITH HER MOM. I FEEL LIKE SHE'S A CONSTANT REMINDER OF WHAT MY HUSBAND AND HIS EX SHARED IN THE PAST. HOW I SEE CHILDREN IS THAT THEY ARE MADE FROM LOVE AND THEY ARE THE MOST PRECIOUS GIFTS. AND IT KILLS ME THAT MY HUSBAND SHARED SUCH AN INTIMATE MOMENT WITH HIS EX. HIS LITTLE GIRL LOOKS EXACTLY LIKE HER MOM AND IT MAKES ME UPSET. I FIND HER ANNOYING AND CAN'T STAND BEING AROUND HER. I CAN'T STAND HAVING THE BACKFLASHES OF WHAT SHE REPRESENTS AND I FEEL THAT MY HUSBAND, HIS EX AND HIS DAUGHTER HAVE TAKEN AWAY THE CHANCE FOR ME TO HAVE CHILDREN. BECAUSE I FEEL LIKE MY HUSBAND HAS BEEN TRHOUGH IT ALL AND THAT WHEN IT COMES TO MY CHILDREN HE WILL NOT LOVE THEM AS MUCH CAUSE THEY WON'T BE THE FIRST BORN AND HE WONT CARE ABOUT THEM AS MUCH AND AS A WIFE I FEEL LIKE HE'S TAKEN MY RIGHT. SOUNDS CRAZY AND MEAN AND I KNOW THAT BUT I CAN'T HELP HAVING THESE FEELINGS. I KNOW IT'S NOT HIS DAUGHTERS FAULT OR HIS FAULT BUT IT STILL EATS ME UP INSIDE AND I HATE MYSELF FOR HAVING THOES THOUGHTS. WHAT SHOULD I DO? I DON'T WANT TO END UP RESENTING MY HUSBAND OR HIS DAUGHTER. I FEEL LOST.
 
Replied By: jgodsrose on Jul 26, 2011, 8:20PM
Dr. Phil, I guess my situation isn't too common.  Several years before my husband and I got married, his son and my daughter (from previous marriages) dated briefly in high school.  While I began mentoring his son because he had a mostly absent mother, he began mentoring my daughter because her father was also mostly absent.  This continued long after our children broke off their relationship, but the two of them kept encouraging us to date, saying we cared for both of them so much, we could be a natural family unit.  Eventually we gave in to their suggestions and ended up getting married.  For us, the key to easing much of the stress of a blended family was to form solid relationships with our step-children before deciding whether marriage would be a good idea.  Since children factor so strongly into whether a marriage succeeds or fails, we felt it was worth the time and effort to lay a foundation for the entire family and not just the two of us. We had their support along the way, making the transition to a blended family so much easier.  You were so right when you said that people tend to think once everyone moves in together it'll just magically work out. If you don't love your future step-children before the wedding, why would you suddenly love them afterward?  It takes a lot of forethought and planning to succeed in marriage and step-parenting.  
 
Replied By: donnerstorm on Jul 26, 2011, 7:48PM - In reply to mccoybe
You aren't alone. I let people make me feel bad for my attitude towards my step kids at first.  They sound alot like yours.  I busted my hiney with my son to make sure he was a good kid, my husband and his ex used the absentee and "easy" road method.  After getting married and finding out his kids had the problems they did it became aparant to me that my husband had married me because I was a good mother with my son, his ex was not at all a good parent, and he just  wanted to be the fun guy.  I tried in the beginning, to treat them as I do my son but neither parent would back me up.  They would come to me (the ex included) and say how would  you fix this because your son is such a good kid.  Finally one day I told them well he didn't just pop out of the womb that way it took some work, and I couldn't always be the fun guy and that was fine.  My job was to get my son to 18, healthy, prepared to face the world, and help him discover who he was it didn't say anywhere in my mommy contract that he was always going to be happy with me.  Both his kids are flunking out of school, his oldest is 16 on probation was expelled from school for his 2nd weapons violation.  There are no consequences at home for any behavior, they are disrespectful, unmannered, and according to them just entitled to everything.  I finally backed off and told him and his ex  that I had busted my hiney with my son to ensure he was a good kid and that I didn't  have to deal with the things they did with theirs.  It wasn't always easy but I loved every minute of it.  However since I didn't create the mess with his children I was NOT responsible for fixing it. We tried counseling etc I have come to the conclusion that this is just how it will be until his kids move out on their own or go to jail whichever comes first. 
 
Replied By: donnerstorm on Jul 26, 2011, 7:31PM
I just watched the show, I have not read the other posts yet.  I wanted to let Kelly from the show know she is NOT a bad person there are alot of us in that exact boat!! My husband and I have been married 4 yrs.  I had been divorced for 13 and had a 14yr old son.  He had been divorced for 2 yrs and had 2 boys 10, and 12.  I was raised very black and white by a father who was special forces.  I like wise was very black and white with my son.  The house rules were laid out as were the consequences that if he complained about the punishment I could say I didn't ground you, you did.  I pushed my son very hard in school.  I also supported him in figuring out who he was.  I so did not do my homework when we married.  There are days I feel like taking my husband to court and sueing him for bait and switch!  His custody arraingment was that of joint, he and the mother constantly fought and underminded each other with the children.  He did not tell me his oldest had SERIOUS and violent behavior that required conseling and that since the 2 could not agree on a dr he didn't have one.  School was not a priority for his children it was ok for them to act out in school, and flunk every class.  In short his kids were the kind of kids my son was not allowed to associate with.  The rules in the house are completely different, my son has consequences and expectations, his have a sense of entitlement. I felt horrible for a long time because I did not like his children.  There is always constant tension in the house when his are here.  We now have a daughter between us and the difference in parenting styles are now more visible and cause more tension.  I become mama bear because he will try and discipline our daughter for who is 2 for having a tantrum and I end up saying wait a minute you are disciplining the 2 yr old for the same thing your 14yr old just did and you said nothing! I feel like before I justified the difference by saying those are yours and this is mine, but now there is one in common.  There are 3 families in the same house there is mine, his and ours. 
 
Replied By: beamacdex1 on Jul 26, 2011, 2:08PM
Dr. Phil, When my husband and I were first married, a 12 year old girl showed up at my door asking to see her dad, surprise!!  He did not tell me about her as she had been adopted by her step dad, needless to say I had to accept her in the family and it was so destructive for the first few months as she was trying her hardest to break us up.  She moved back home but for the next 4-5 years would come and stay, and I struggled with it for years.  But now, 30 years later, she calls me almost every day, and we have the best relationship now.  If I knew then what I know now it would have been very different, hindsight you know !  I fought it, instead of embracing it, I am older and wiser now, but I do feel for couples struggling with this and I am grateful you had this show to help.  Thank-you, Mary
 
Replied By: mccoybe on Jul 26, 2011, 1:55PM
My boyfriend & I have lived together for 4 yrs. I have 2 girls (ages 9&6) & he has 2 girls (ages 19&17). My girls live w/us & go on every other weekend visits w/their dads & his only come over every other weekend (which is the same weekends my kids are with me).
When we first got together it seemed like it would work out fine...but that didn't last but a few months. My kids were younger & his kids fussed about my kids whinning & etc (like they NEVER did that). They some times even told their dad they weren't going to come over because they couldn't stand my kids. Then later, I noticed how jealous his 17 yr. old was of me! These is how BAD she is: One day me & him were sitting on the couch  less than 3 inches apart, she walked over & plopped down between us pratically sitting on top of me-that day I came close to physically shoving her in the floor (SO disrespectful..if she wanted to sit by him ALL she could have done was ASK!) Then many of times she would walk down the hallway & see us sitting beside each other on the couch & she would roll her eyes & stomp back down the hallway to her room (its like-Lord forbid he touches me @ ALL when she is around..she NEEDS all the attention)! Oh & another time his youngest daughter made a comment about how we didn't need to go out to eat "Thats what I was for!" WOW really I didn't realize I was their personal cook/maid!!
Coming into this relationship, I knew it wouldn't be a breeze with his kids being older. My kids are younger & more accepting per say, so its not so bad on his end. But its a constant battle on my end. I know Im NOT their mom (even though Im a way better mom than what they have..& I feel sorry for them). But Im also NOT trying to be their mom...sounds bad but I don't really care if they like me or not..I fell in love w/their dad not them! Its kind-of, Im here & if you don't like me oh well-deal with it!
I just don't agree with how his kids act... they come over & expect us to give, give, give & they don't even appreciate what they do get (UNGRATEFUL)! Its always more, more, more (that we don't have).
 Oh I still remember one day, I took us out to eat @ an expensive Japanese rest. & then we were taking his youngest back home. We got done eating & was driving her home my 2 girls said "Thanks mom", my boyfriend says "Thanks" & then there was silence. She NEVER said "Thank you". It was like she would rather die than to tell me thank you.
Sounds bad but sometimes I am glad that they are older & maybe they will go their own way & I won't have to deal with them as much.
 
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