2011 Shows

(Original Air Date: 04/01/11) What is the one thing in your life that you wish you could do over? Is there a decision you made that still haunts you years later? Dr. Phil speaks with guests who confessed their mistakes on SecretRegrets.com and are ready to open up about their secret in an attempt to heal and move on. Kelsey, 19, says she regrets contacting her biological father, Bryan, who left when she was 6 months old. She says getting to know her father has been nothing but disappointment. Bryan says he’s not even sure Kelsey is his daughter. Will a DNA test confirm his suspicions or inspire him to plug in and get to know Kelsey? Then, Jaimi, 21, confesses, that she regrets a heart-breaking decision that she says her boyfriend pressured her to make. Can she get past her choice and get over the man who broke her heart? Plus, meet the creator of the website and author of the book, Secret Regrets, who says his website gives people an outlet and a chance to heal.

Find out what happened on the show.
Replied By: ghstwheel on Apr 7, 2011, 7:45PM
I can't believe he could look in a mirror and think she wasn't his.

It is also a shame when fathers (or anyone) don't have the self awareness to at least say "I'm lousy with holidays and birthdays. They mean nothing to me, so be patient while I try to figure out what is important to you." That little sentence would give kids hope.
Replied By: shell53213 on Apr 4, 2011, 3:34PM
I wish I could be open to the fact that I too have had an abortion.  It has been over 20 years since i had an abortion and I have probably only shared this with about ten people.  I wish I could forgive myself but not only did I have one abortion but I had a second one about 7 months later.  I just picture what people say...she should have learned her lesson after the first.  It has affected me greatly and the guilt never goes away.  I pray by you being able to confront this situation will only help with you finding closure.
Replied By: lily20 on Apr 3, 2011, 5:53PM
I can see how Jaimi would be pressured into an abortion, and she should not blame herself because it really is all of us who let this stuff happen.  Jaimi, the baby is in heaven and is being loved unconditionally by God... and you WILL see your baby again and it will be a great day... do not EVER give up hope and devote your life to pleasing not yourself but the Lord.

Unless we really help women in these moments and not ignore them or offer "quick-and-easy" solutions, this kind of tragedy will happen again and again.  We need stronger support for women when they need it most, including the risks, pain, and grief of abortion, and more sources readily available.  Of course, in a "women's choice" world, this is highly unconventional and looked down upon.
Most women grieve over an abortion just as much as a welcomed baby lost to miscarriage or stillborn birth.  For women who abort sometimes grief is offset and in 5-10 years their grief can enter.  WOW.
I had an unplanned pregnancy last year, and even though I was 30 years old and successful I was unmarried and it did scare me.  Without my faith in God, I'm not sure if I would have traversed the flood of opinions and relatives/friends questioning what I was doing.  It was surprising how many trusted friends even shared opinions about the fate of this beautiful individual, not any less helpless than their own very lives were in their own mothers, just decades before.  How would they feel if later they had discovered that someone had suggested to abort them?
Mother Theresa says, "The mothers may forget their [aborted] children, but God never forgets them.  He says-- I have written you into the palm of my hand"  (it was something close to that).
ok, enough of my rant.  Protect life--- it's all we got!

Replied By: lolosmith on Apr 3, 2011, 5:39PM
The April 1, 2011 show really touched home, I met my biological father when I was 18 years old at my high school graduation, I am now almost 43 years old, and have seen him maybe 6 times, I have always had a hole in my heart, because of the feeling of never being wanted, I have struggled all my life with a hatred in my heart that I don't think will ever go away.  I was his first born and then my sister was born and then he went on to make specimen deposits all over the state of Indiana. He never supported me and my sister or ever had anything to do with us.  He has 3 other children that he has relationships with and their children. I met the brother and sisters then and tried to keep a relationship with them, but he has had way to much influence on their lives and we didn't stay connected.  I am so angry with him, that words can not describe, I have two children of my own and can't imagine a day of my life without them.  I honestly don't understand not wanting your child, grant it if I was adopted at birth, I really think it would be so much easier.  He has taken so much from my life because of the anger I have built up inside of me.  Besides not knowing who in this world is related to you.

I started a new job in March of 2010, in October of 2010 a co-worker of mine had surgery and was suppose to post on facebook the status after surgery.  I had never really looked at her facebook page before this day.  I was being nosey and looking at her pictures she had posted on facebook, I seen a picture of my biological father on her facebook page.  I clicked on his facebook page from her facebook page and low and behold he had a picture of her on his page and it said "my daughter and son-in-law" I was in a total state of shock, I went into work the next day which happen to be a Saturday, and asked the other girls at work if they had her phone number, I called her and asked her who her biological father was and of course she said her adoptive step dad as well, and I said to her "No" "who's your sperm donor" and she replied Ron Graphman, which is the name of my biological father and after 41 years of my life I find out I have another sister I've been working with everyday for the past 9 months, she knew me and my sister existed but did not know our last names.  This was a great, she is a wonderful person, we have not been able to get together outside of work, because we both have children and our very involved in our childrens lives.  This is one of the biggest regrets of my life that I have missed out on such a wonderful sister, me and my sister Diana are very close and could not imagine my life without her, and he kept me from having this great of relationship with my other siblings.
Replied By: annanana on Apr 3, 2011, 10:24AM
Watching the show on regrets really hit home for me. I can truly relate to Jaime's story. Although our circumstances were different I know her pain. When I was 16 yrs old I had an abortion. When my parents found out I was pregnant my mother sat me down in our kitchen and asked me what I was going to do. I told her I wanted to have and keep my baby. She told me they couldn't have a baby in their house. She never gave me a reason why. I was terrified and hurt. Where could I go at 16 yrs old? She talked me into having the abortion even though deep inside I didn't want to do it. In 1971 abortion was not legal in my state. I had to fly to New York City to have the abortion. The procedure itself was very painful. I cried all the time I was in the recovery room. As I left the clinic I found out my mom and sister went sightseeing around New York City all day. I felt so alone. When I got home my dad couldn't even speak to me. The subject never came up again. My mom died in 1993. I have always loved her dearly. I have had to forgive her for her actions. I am now 56 years old and live with the guilt of killing my child. I never had any more children. I did get pregnant again when I was in my 30's. Unfortunately, I miscarried. I knew then I would never be a mother. It still really hurts inside after all these years. Jaime, I wish I could help you with your pain and regrets. I am telling you my story to let you know you are not alone. I imagine there are millions of women who have walked in our shoes. My only hope in my situation is that if there is a heaven and I make it there my two children will be waiting for me and my first baby has forgiven me. Thank you for sharing your story.
Replied By: camcar00 on Apr 3, 2011, 8:34AM
I have been married almost 9 yrs. been together almost 16 yrs. We have our ups and downs. The downs seem to be the same things. We work through them, but now seems to be the last time for my wife. She says she's unhappy and doesn't want to wait again for change. I have pushed my step-son away from me. I know he can do so much better in what he does he makes me upset he doesn't try hard enough. Then I've been not there for him as a friend helping him with what he needs. He wants a father and more freedom. He's 16 and has that teenage attitude. I've got to learn to be that friend to him first and not such a father. I know I can do this, and I've already have been making great strides to do it. About how my wife feels, she's hurt emotionally. She feels that I've not listened to her wants and needs. I've been controlling. I know I've not listened enough to her emotions. I am so mad at myself for that. I know that I come across as controlling, but I am only trying to get things done that need done. I need to find ways to let it go and enjoy life. Not worry so much about work. Live life today and be happy. My wife wants to enjoy life and the kids before it gets too late and they are gone and she's too old. I want to be that person to do it with her. I enjoy being with her and doing wthings with the kids. We are at the time where divorce seems like the only option. I am only waiting now for it to happen. All I can do is let it happen and hope I can win my family's love back. My family means more than anything else in the world. I'm going to counseling and I am going to get better. I just feel so down right now I am having such a hard time dealing with it. I just hope my wife can find it in her heart again to let me have a chance to win that love back before someone else does it.
Replied By: mrcjsinger on Apr 2, 2011, 7:34PM
I finally summed it up. after being diagnosed in 2002 and having about 3 or 4 manic episodes, life got tougher in all aspects. My regret would be that if I wouldve led a healthier life in my late teens and understood the toxicicity of my entire family and got away from them earlier, i might not have had my first manic episode. i have not had an episope in over 5years now, however. the bipolar stigma. along with my past episodes haunt me everyday in many ways. especially having my daughter taken away from me by perjury from her mother in the courts claiming i was delusional for the past 3 and 1n2 years. The high payed lawyer of my ex has now somehow caused the judges ears to be closed to anything i say. this diagnosis has been used against me in more ways that i can write at the moment. I suppose the only positives that keep me alive are my precious daughters love for her daddy, my goal of one day being a recording artist for a major record label. and the serenity prayer. although i regret that i couldnt go back and change my old lifestyle of unhealthy living. i still press on with Gods grace. In all honesty, my bipolar diagnosis has definitely felt like an emotional death sentence along with physical since i must be babysat with the visitations of my daughter 2 days a week like a prisonor. yep a prisoner of the stigma. Hope, faith, and Love will get me by.sicerely.Chris Jespersen
Replied By: czech_chic on Apr 2, 2011, 12:51PM
When I got my Dr. Phil newsletter, I knew this show was coming, and I checked out the website earlier in the week.  I thought about posting, and I like that the posts only ask for gender and age.  My concern, however, is that if I postedthere, and I haven't -  there is not enough webspace, bandwidth, or patinece/interest for anyone to read what I might write.  If there is a guilt-gene, I have it.  If there is a regret-gene, I got a double-dose.  My problem seems to me to be not being able to forgive myself for all the grief, misery, and bad decisions I've made in my 57 years.  (That's a lotta grief.)  Other than speeding and things like that, I've never knowingly done anything illegal that I can recall.  So what's my problem?  I wasn't the favored child, the smart one, I was a disappointment to my mother, I didn't go to college and still don't want to, I married an abusive husband the 1st time around, I was dfiagnosed with depression and my 2nd husband couldn't live with that,  I rejected my high-school sweetheart I should have married, and now he's dead (we tried to find each other for years - that'll eat your heart out to no end,) I didn't realize until years later that what I thought was the flu was a miscarriage... blah, blah, and on and on. 

All these things that perhaps wouldn't bother someone else are piling up on me.  Day after day I spend hours obcessing about them, and endlessly crying about doing this-instead-of-that, years ago.  Yet I have the audacity to not forgive myself and move on, when God has forgiven me for any of these that were sins.  Why does this play over my head like a bad record, like Michale rowing the boat, the boat, the boat... I HATE that song!  I get mad and have huge bursts of anger, and throw things here alone in my house (I think the concussions didn't help, but made it worse.)  The older I get, the worse it gets, and it's only a relief to know that it will someday stop with my death.  Or, with my new psychiatrist.  In Heaven, we're promised "no more sorrows, no more tears, no more pain, no more death."  I'm am SOO looking forward to that. and I don't think my new psychiatrist can promise those things.  How do I make my "internal dialog" tell me better things?  I don't know.  I really don't know.  Bueller??  Anyone???

See?  People think that because you can crack jokes or make light of something, that you're not hurting.  Guess what?  I might be your funny hurting friend.   ...   Oh, sorry, I don't like or use spell-checker.  Should I regret that too?  [Note to self: regret that it now takes me two hours to write what I could have written in ten minutes, 30 years ago.]
Replied By: bunnyboots on Apr 2, 2011, 11:50AM
Maybe it was fate for me to   watch the Dr. Phil show and stumbled upon this exact topic that I have been beating myself up for years about.  Like Jaimi, I also had an abortion that I regret.  I was 16.  I know that God forgave me, but I never forgave myself or had closer until I recently spoke to my ex-boyfriend about it after all these years. I told him that I was sorry and I regreted doing that to him . He forgave me.  I guess that his forgivness was my closer. There's not a day that goes by that I don't think about it and wonder about the "what if's".  That situation put a strain on my life and  my children (they don't know). I just learned about this website yesterday from the Dr. Phil show and now I know that I am not the only one with this horrible regret.  Now that I am 42, I realize why that situation was so regretful.  But that's another story.  I should have went to therapy a long time ago because it was pretty bad. I thought if I  kept myself busy, the thoughts would go away, but that never happened.  .  I don't talk to my friends about it too much because it happened so long ago, it's easy for them to tell me to move on. I try to move on but it still haunts me. 
Replied By: czech_chic on Apr 2, 2011, 11:40AM - In reply to nathanielbrown
I just read your story, and I'm so sorry that you have all that to carry in your heart.  I really don't know how to help you, but I am concerned about your view of church.  I don't know what church you went to, and it doesn't matter.  If this sounds strange, I'm sorry, but I'd like to offer this thought to you:  forget "church" and go with whatever relationship you originally had with God and His Son, Jesus Christ.  Please do not turn away from God, because some so-called church misrepresented His word to you.  The power of prayer in your life can help, as it had helped me, and is often the only thing keeping me going.

There is a protocol to prayer. God the Father hears prayer, and we offer our prayers to Him in the name of his Son.  (So prayers to Jesus are ineffective - that's not His job.)  Pray for your daughter and her family - that their minds will be open to the truth of your sincerity.  And if someday they are, God the Holy Spirit acts as a human siprit within them, and they may come around to you.

I know, this may all sound crazy, and I may receive flack for this, but it was not the way I was raised, it's the way I have come to believe, and I have seen it work for me, time after time.  It's just a suggestion, and maybe it could help you.   I will pray for your daughter and her family is this manner.  I hope that's ok with you.

PS - It never hurts to pray for yourself, either - for the right reasons.  "Church" can make you feel guilty for this - God will not.
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