2011 Shows

(Original Air Date: 04/01/11) What is the one thing in your life that you wish you could do over? Is there a decision you made that still haunts you years later? Dr. Phil speaks with guests who confessed their mistakes on SecretRegrets.com and are ready to open up about their secret in an attempt to heal and move on. Kelsey, 19, says she regrets contacting her biological father, Bryan, who left when she was 6 months old. She says getting to know her father has been nothing but disappointment. Bryan says he’s not even sure Kelsey is his daughter. Will a DNA test confirm his suspicions or inspire him to plug in and get to know Kelsey? Then, Jaimi, 21, confesses, that she regrets a heart-breaking decision that she says her boyfriend pressured her to make. Can she get past her choice and get over the man who broke her heart? Plus, meet the creator of the website and author of the book, Secret Regrets, who says his website gives people an outlet and a chance to heal.

Find out what happened on the show.
Replied By: serenity713713 on Oct 12, 2011, 10:51PM
I finally found this story on here!  That could have been me, my story is so similar to hers.  I wanted her to know someone else has been through what she has been through, right down to the lack of emotional expression from the father and the callous way that he responded to her.  I didn't even know my biological fathers name until I was 17 and I didn't officially meet him until I was 20.  He did not respond the way I wanted him to either and it hurt me all over again.  He broke promises and constantly let me down.  This is a pain that I still think about sometimes, but at the age of 35 I"m really trying to get over it.  I no longer have the desperate need for a father I once did as I now have my heavenly Father, but I know that what I went through had something to do with me marrying an abuser and staying so long, ending up with a diagnosis of post traumatic stress disorder. What I would say to this girl if I could talk to her is get your foundation on the Lord Jesus and don't look back.  Because without Jesus as your foundation, you will sink in these waves of pain.  I know for me I ended up marrying an abuser as I said, and I self destructed for a time after child protective services threatened to take away my children and I was forced to choose my husband or my children (due to the violence in the home).  This does not have to define you and I want you to know you can overcome this.  It's not easy but with prayer and support and your foundation on Jesus, you absolutely can.  My bio dad has nothing to do with me today and though I've reached out to him, he continues to ignore me.  My story is too long to share on here, but I wanted to let you know someone has been where you are, and there is life after an absentee father.  I'm 35 today, single mom of two, I work and I attend college full time.  I'm majoring in psychology with a concentration in substance abuse and Dr. Phil is my hero lol.  If I could meet any two celebrities, it would be him and Judge Judy.  :)  Get a hold of life now while you're young and don't end up like me, struggling through school while working and being a single mom at 35. Though mine is a success story, there is an easier way.  Don't let this define you, and keep your chin up.  If you don't take care of you, no one will.  <3
Replied By: daisyamy on Aug 6, 2011, 6:13PM - In reply to twins90210
I wanted you to know that I just read your posting on Dr. Phils blog about the girl who had the abortion.  I dont know you but somehow I feel that it wasnt just a coincedence that we both watched that show.  I posted about my healing I went through.  Did you read my posting about the Surrendering the Secret study class that you can go through?  You can always research it on the internet.  I dont know if you are a Christian or not and maybe it is none of my business but women like us have one common bond and sadly that is an abortion.  I hope that you are able to find true healing for yourself, a release of anger towards the father of the unborn baby and that you are able to mourn the loss of your child.....an abortion changes your life forever.
Replied By: notyomomma4 on Aug 5, 2011, 4:39AM
I was single. My man was gone and I was left with two kids. I slept with someone else then got back together with the older kids dad. I don't regret having someone else's child, however, I wish everyone knew the truth. I didn't even tell my husband. Not even my family knows. My son has lots of brothers and  a sister and I regret having to worry that one day he will get together with his own sister. I regret that I haven't told the people in his family that I see all the time.  I regret that he is by far my husband's favorite. I regret that I didn't tell my son.
Replied By: lb40winks on Aug 4, 2011, 9:16PM
The single most secret regret that still haunts me to this day is that I somehow contributed through inaction or neglect to the death of my twin daughter. Twenty years ago I discovered that my husband was addicted to crack cocaine. During that time I was pregnant with twins and we already had a 4yr old son. I was the sole breadwinner in our family because my husband had lost his job due to his drug addiction. Everyday our household was in constant turmoil, uncertainty, chaos and danger. While I was working during the day my husband was sleeping with his mistress in our bed, dealing and using drugs in our home, pawning/selling anything that wasn't nailed down for drugs, etc. I was too ashamed, depressed and embarrassed to let family or friends know what we were going through. So I suffered in silence. Many nights I wouldn't even go to sleep for fear of not being able to protect myself and my son from my husband's drug activity. I so wanted my marriage to work because I truly loved my husband and I thought I could save him. But sadly HE didn't want to save himself from crack cocaine. When my twins were born I became so overwhelmed with working full time and taking care of 3 kids now by myself. Me and my husband had separated by then and he was living with his mistress. The day that my daughter became ill I was at work. The babysitter called me to tell me she was sick. But I couldn't leave work because I had already used up all of my sick and vacation time and I was already in jeopardy of losing my job. So I called my pediatrician from work for instructions on what to do. This was a Friday. After work I picked up all 3 kids and we all went home. I was SO tired of working all week and was ready for the weekend. My daughter looked ok and the babysitter told me she seemed to be doing fine. Had I taken her directly to the hospital on that Friday afternoon I believe my daughter would still be alive today. My mother's intuition should've told me to seek medical help for my daughter but I disregarded my gut instinct and paid the ultimate price. THAT is my biggest secret regret! After arriving home and feeding my kids we all went to bed. Saturday the next day I woke up to check on the twins. Immediately I noticed that my daughter's lips were blue and her listless body did not respond to my touch. I rushed her to the hospital where she later passed away from severe dehydration and diarrhea. My only daughter gone too soon at 5 months. From such a preventable ailment! Dr. Phil can you help me get past this secret regret?   
Replied By: sdw299 on Aug 4, 2011, 8:56PM
Sorry-the computer decided i needed to send the last message! I was writing about Brian who was clearly 'ambivalent' about being  a dad. I am a  Licensed Mental Health Counselor in WA State. I am a Christian-not over the top fundamentalist-but hopefully one with sound doctrine. I make these disclosures because I believe he could be a more confident person...but he's choosing hiding over the bravery it takes to admit that he is weak. He doesn't have to stay there...my hunch is that hiding is more of a comfortable discomfort than standing in the strength of being honest. I hope more for him.
Susan Walker
Replied By: tiklmelmo on Aug 4, 2011, 7:20PM
I'm a 57 yr old woman and I've never met my father, all I know his name is Joe, I have a picture of him holding me as a baby and that is all.  I feel it's his loss for not knowing me, he's missed out on 5 grandkids and a 2yr old grandsone.
Replied By: twins90210 on Aug 4, 2011, 7:16PM
I was also 20 and in a relationship with a loser when I got pregnant. I very much wanted the baby but for me, I already knew this guy I was with was never going to be the man I wanted or needed him to be and it made my skin crawl to think about having his baby and being connected to him in that way for the rest of my life. I knew he'd never support me or my child the way I needed him to and I was imagining a life as a single mom, which scared me to death. I was an overachiever who had always been perfect in the eyes of my family so I was also scared of disappointing them. So I made a decision based on fear before I could give myself the chance to really think about what I was doing and I have to tell you that 15 years later, even though I'm married to a wonderful man and have 3 beautiful children with 1 more on the way, I STILL think about that baby I murdered every single day of my life and that decision will haunt me for the rest of my life. It's by far my biggest regret. Looking back, I realize I should have gotten counseling after it happened and honestly, I probably still should. But everything you said to that young woman today really resonated with me. She needed to hear it and I needed to hear it and you weren't afraid to say it so I thank you for that. The few people I have shared my story with are well-meaning when they respond with things like "you did the right thing, it wasn't fair to bring that child into the world, etc." but I did NOT do the right thing and it wasn't fair for me to make that decision for my child. I can't go back and undo what I did. I do have to forgive myself. And it did make me more responsible in my decisions after that. I will not absolve myself of the poor decision I made but I did learn from it and I can move forward and be the best mother I can be for the children to whom I did give life. And like your guest, I carried a lot of anger toward that guy for many, many years because he didn't give me what I needed at the time (support, sympathy, encouragement, any sense of sorrow or loss on his part, etc.) but just like you told her about her boyfriend, mine wasn't capable of those emotions and I knew it. To expect him to suddenly pony up those kinds of sentiments was unrealistic and totally naive on my part and had I only realized that back then I could have saved myself from wasting years of feeling anger and resentment toward this man, which hurt me way more than it hurt him. I just feel for this young woman and I know exactly what she is going through and I wanted to be the one to say that since most of the comments I read about her appearance only heralded her in her decision to choose abortion and I know from experience that is not what she wants or needs to hear. So thank you for being a voice of reason for her. I could tell she appreciated everything you said and so did I.
Replied By: daisyamy on Aug 4, 2011, 6:57PM
I felt so compelled to sign up to write a comment regarding what I watched on the Dr. Phil show tonight.  This is for Jaime....I feel like God put this in my heart to share with the world.  I had an abortion, under different circumstances.  I was married and already had two small children, I couldnt bring a child into such an unhealthy situation, as my marriage was failing, which our relationship was failing before it even started.  Anyways, fast forward many years, my abortion was in June of 1994....your story touched my heart and I cant believe that everything that came out of Dr. Phil's mouth was exactly how I felt about everything.  I wanted him to be someone he was never going to be.....I know that you spoke about your boyfriend being drunk and falling asleep, well, my ex husband made the comment as we were walking out of the abortion clinic "Why do they even make appointments?"  He took me to get my RX's filled and dumped me at home, left to go and pick up our other kids who were at a babysitters.  The reason I am writing this is because what women need to know is that there is help out there.  I am healed from my abortion and I have been able to forgive my ex husband.  Like Dr. Phil said, you need to share your story, God didnt have you go through this to do nothing about it.  I took a class my church offered called "Surrendering the Secret".  I have never need the same since.  God took me to the darkest place in my life and gave me such healing that I became a certified leader to lead the Surrendering the Secret Bible study.  It is not a Bible study per say but it is a Christian based study.  Pat Layton is the author of this study and she is an amazing women.  She is from Tampa, Florida and she travels all of the USA to do trainings for this, so that there are plenty of women out there to help women like you, to be able to heal.  I cant even begin to tell you just how this changed my life.  Yes, we made wrong choices, God was there with us and He forgives us for what we chose to do.  Now, it is time for you and all of you women out there to get healed and mourn the death of your child/children.  It is time to forgive and move on.  You will never, ever forget, trust me, you are just in a different place.  You are able to mourn the child that you lost.  It is a different kind of feeling.   I know that you are wanting an apology from your ex boyfriend, I can only pray that you get an apology, some day.....I had a rough year a couple of years ago and reached out to my ex husband and discussed my feelings and he told me that he didnt blame me for what I ultimately chose to do.  I was able to move on.  I would love for Dr. Phil to look into the Surrendering the Secret study and possibly promote it in his practice or on his website.  I pray that you will heal because if you dont let go of all of that anger it will eat you up....and that is not fair to you, or your new boyfriend who is being very understanding.  I am remarried, he tries to understand but never will.  It is something that men will never understand, they can comfort you but you really need to heal before you can go on.  My prayers go out to you.....
Replied By: mypanda on Aug 4, 2011, 6:12PM
     I only have one real regret.....Not having my husband realize sooner that he should have a vasovasectomy. I fell in love with a man that is unable to fulfill my dream of becoming a mother. After he did the vasovasectomy, the sergeon said all was working properly, 2 years later, nothing...... I am still wondering if we waited to long since his origional vasectomy....
   Everytime I think about this (almost on a daily basis, hard not to!!) I just get thrown into a depression.....usually I come out of it, in a short time,.....othertimes it can take weeks......
Replied By: sacredsages on Aug 4, 2011, 5:20PM
this is a poem i wrote when my son was about 5 years old and mr noah was running for senate.  he thought he could win by showing aborted fetusus on tv ads ... he lost ... but he did inspire a poem of mine choices about an abortion i had when i was 19 and didn't have the resources to raise a child or give it up for adoption. so i felt the only choice i had was abortion.  i hope this poem help others recognize we all make choices based on the best options we see facing us wether they really are good, bad, or the only option. they are the choices we make, we can forgive ourselves and move on. our babies have god has and our real friends have. 


abortion is a horrible choice
i'd be the last to disagree
but do you think it's worse for you
or is it worse for me

maybe i'd raise a geinus
a scholar of high degree

or maybe my baby
is telling me it's not our time to be

show me a family that can raise my child
to a standard of our degree

we only ask
for love and peace
and a chance
to live

~ amy fedde
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