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2011 Shows

 
(Original Air Date: 02/17/11) In a gripping two-part series, Dr. Phil sits down with a family torn apart over accusations of the unthinkable. Melody says her 5-year-old granddaughter revealed that she was touched inappropriately by a man in a mask, and that the man was her daddy. Melody’s daughter, Karen, says her husband, Jason, would never lay a hand on their children, and two CPS investigations proved his innocence. She says she hates her mother for what she’s done to their family and has cut off all contact with her. Melody hasn’t seen her granddaughter in a year but stands by her accusations. Will Jason agree to take a polygraph test, and will the results end the accusations once and for all?

Find out what happened on the show.
Comments
Replied By: twistedsister9 on Jun 1, 2012, 3:46PM - In reply to auroreavis
When I was a child, no one wanted to believe that someone they all looked up to could have done such a vile thing to a child, so they chose not to believe me. That included my mother and other relatives I had, up until then trusted to protect and care for me. I would have ended up with a far better life if just one ot those I tried to tell had believed me and looked into what was going on. A molested child badly needs a hero, whoever that may be.
 
Replied By: drphil100xcx on Aug 5, 2011, 8:40AM - In reply to sveety04
Obviously this is a tenuous situation.  It is difficult for the child to explain something they do not understand.  And the adults must be calm and objective during the situation, no matter how difficult it is, to get to the root cause of the situation. 

You are correct that a child can be penetrated with objects other than a penis and not exhibit any tearing upon examination at a hospital.

I believe in these situations, where it is difficult to obtain objective data, that the adults must remain calm and level headed.  Screaming out accusations can plant ideas in an impressionable child's head.  But I would still take her statements as viable, while going through a root cause analysis.

Perhaps sequestering the child from the adult, without bringing up the issue and asking her if her "pee pee" still hurts, but returning to a normal routine may be the best bet.  Then if the child tells you that her "pee pee" still hurts, return to the pediatrician.  It could be a urinary tract infection or a kidney infection, or a yeast infection.  A yeast and urinary tract infection can be caused by a foriegn object penetration, and the immune system fighting the infection.  So at the hospital a sample outside and inside of her female organs should have been performed by a pediatrician.

These infections could make her "pee/pee" hurt.

You may decide to have this tested by your pediatrician, even if she does not have any signs of penetration.  He/she could also do a culture in this area and look for pathogens or the presence of any antibodies and will explain to you what the analysis entails.

No one wants to falsely blame a person, nor turn a deaf ear to a child.  When I was going through my molestation/rape, during the earlier years @ 8 to 9 years of age,  I can remember pieces of conversations. My mother told me the bleeding was due to hormonal changes - but it did not explain why I did not begin menses until I turned 12.

Nor did it explain my father giving me french kisses on the lips when the family was away, as he patted the cushion on the sofa for me to sit down beside him as I held back my gut reaction to vomit.  He was 6'4" tall and too strong to fight; so I had to reason with him.  I asked him why he didn't kiss my younger sisters like that; he dropped his stronghold and had his stroke the next day.  He never touched me again.
 
Replied By: drphil100xcx on Aug 4, 2011, 5:14PM
  • I know from experience what this entails; my abuse lasted from ages 8 to 12.  It included both molestation and rape.

    However, it is difficult for a child to distinguish what is going on and that it is inappropriate.  My family was in the military.  My father had a very close friend; a handsome, young officer, about 25 years old.  He would baby sit for us kids on the weekends.

    In one profound incident, he and my two younger sisters were playing in the backyard pool.  I was tired and went inside to the living room.  He asked be to sit on his lap.  As a child I did not know what this was, but when I was a teenager I was infuriated.  He put his hands inside my bathing pants, and was trying to stimulate my clitoris.  But I left the chair.

    He said that he wanted to marry me and my youngest sister.  He was not interested in our middle sister.  When he said that I instinctually knew to protect her, or be with her when he was in the home..

    The last time I saw him was when my father was on deployment. It was nightime.  Mama was so exhausted from work that she was in bed.  My brothers and I were watching the 3 Stooges, when I heard a knock on the kitchen door - it was Uncle Ron.  I asked him if he wanted to talk to Mama, but he said no.  He said if I left, then he would leave.  I went into the living room to tell my brothers, but he left as he said would.

    As far as the rape was concerned, I was able to appeal to my father's conscience.I was 12 at this time.  He was not totally evil.  The next day he suffered a stroke, and was admitted into the VA hospital.  I waited for the rest of the family to leave and stayed behind to tell him that the only thing we had in common was a big mouth - he knew it meant I was old enough to tell.

    When I turned 16 he sat me down and said we had been too angry at one another for too long a time.  We never discussed what had happened; but he respected me and my accomplishments in life.  And he was proud of the fact that I came through it and still put it behind me to move on with determination.

    My father gave me a gift in life; he gave me his brain.  He was a very intelligent, logical man.  Unfortunately, it came along with the Bipolar Disorder, High Manic I Disorder.  As with my father, we were able to function in the working world until we turned 50 - then the glass came crashing down.  Medication and hospitalization was required.

    I cannot say I would regret these problems in life, as I had no control of the situation.  However, if I had let myself become a victim, not seeking help and allowing myself to stew in self pity and hatred,, then that would be something to regret in life.

    When I told my maternal Aunt, she asked me why I didn't tell anyone.  I told her because a kid doesn't
    know what it is.

    My parents died at ages 50 and 53 respectively.  First, children don't know what it is.  I did not what masturbation via clitoris entailed.  When I was 8 my father was putting sanitary pads on me while my Mama was in the hospital having our youngest brother.  He pulled me out of school and we were alone.  He told me if I didn't tell, then I could have my favorite pasta and he would not let the boys hit me.

    The first time I ever heard the word whore was when I was called that by my mother and father.  I looked it up phonetically, but I spelled it hore.  So, who is a child to turned to.  I thought I would carry it to my grave.

    When I was hospitalized after seeing my first psychiatrist at age 50, I was asked on my intake had I or any family member been sexually abused.  I sobbed uncontrollably.  I still do it if it comes up in sessions.  Sometimes I become suicidal.  I asked my doctor why it happens - he said because I lost my childhood.



 
Replied By: faeryedark on Jul 25, 2011, 5:16PM
I just have to say, some kids and teens do lie about this type of thing esp. in custody type situations
There are places all over the web (support groups and such)that deal with childhood sexual abuse. i know, i belong to one...and many members give details of  their abuse.
It wouldn't take much to piece together a convincing story from some of these detailed accounts.
i just felt I have to say something, as a loved one of a falsely accused RSO. and a survivor of actual childhood sexual abuse.
I've seen both sides ...and sadly, many have taken real trauma and heartache and used it for their own means...and now we have a new american Witch-hunt.  It's far too easy to accuse without proof and ruin lives. not just the accused but their loved ones as well. IMO doing so is every bit as heinous as the abuse they falsely accuse a person of
 
Replied By: sveety04 on Jul 22, 2011, 10:20AM
I understand that the grandmother and sister were out of line taking the little girl to the hospital. However, this mother needs to understand that she would do the same thing if she were in her mother or sisters position. What do you do when a child tells you their pee pee hurts? You take it seriously. I honestly wanted to smack the daughter for yelling, "You raped my baby." over and over. Just shut up, the grandmother didn't rape your daughter. The little girl said someone was touching her. There was an investigation but nothing came of it. So WHY is the little girl continuing to say these things? Your mom and sister did what they had to do. Maybe the little girl doesn't feel comfortable coming to her mother, and that's the real reason she is so upset. If she did come to her mother, we wouldn't even be talking about this. Why would the sister and grandmother make that stuff up? They are grown adults and they love the little girl. They aren't going to make up such aweful things.  I think the little girl needs to be taken to the counciler. Maybe nothing is going on, but what if there was something going on? Obviously, the little girl trusts the grandmother and aunt more than she does her own mother. The mother is just in denile, but the little girl needs to be taken seriously. Mabe it isn't the father, but it sounds like something is going on. "My Pee Pee hurts, maybe the man hurt it." That isn't just something children say, unless something is going on. Pull your head out of your rear mom and listen to your family. They are only trying to help and the only person you are helping is possibly her abuser. Child abuse doesn't have to be penetration.
 
Replied By: abcdcline on Jul 21, 2011, 5:25PM
How can that sister take that little girl to the hospital and have a rape kit done on her. It made me sick to my stomach when I heard that. When I was thirteen my father took me into the hospital to be examend  only after him and my mother were arguing. My mother didn't want me to go but I said I would go. I was striped down of all my clothes  and a grow was put on. My legs went up into the stirrups and I thought because I was a teenager now that this is how it is done. The Doctor started down there and the Nurse stood on my right side holding my hand. I looked  up at her and asked what he was doing, next I told her he was hurting me. I cried and kept saying he was hurting me. I wanted to take my foot and just smash him in the face but I knew if I did I would get in trouble. That Nurse said to the Doctor, "Is this really necessary?" His reply, "I'm only doing my job." I got dressed and held my coat in front of me and just  wanted to run and hide. I never for got that and it still stays with me to this day.

It wasn't until I was 35 that the reason came out for that exam. My father molested me when I was maybe 4 yrs. old and I had gotten into trouble at thirteen. He was afraid I was going to tell the Police.
I didn't remember being molested until I was 18-19 yrs. old.

At 35 he made advances at me and I told my sister. She told my mother and a big argument happened. That's when I put everything together.

That rape kit will haunt that little girl the rest of her life. Shame on the adult for putting her through that.
 
Replied By: dmyers888 on Jul 21, 2011, 5:10PM
After watching the show and seeing many mistakes made, I felt it necessary to comment. My daughter went through a similar situation when she was three. The child psychologist after an hour of talking and studying my daughter concluded she had not been molested and here's why. He said that men do not know much if anything about female anatomy and that her father most likely unintentionally stimulated her while washing her in the bathtub. If she had been molested, she would've shown more external signs, which are posted on this site, and she never did.

Performing a rape kit was not only unnecessary, it probably traumatized the child. Any pediatrician can tell if a 5 year old girl has been penetrated by an adult male without performing an extensive examination like the one performed on this little girl. The parents shouldn't let the grandmother or sister near them because neither knew the appropriate steps to take to protect the child and exacerbated the situation. The grandmother using a Q-tip to clean the child is bizarre and inappropriate. If anyone should be looked at, it should be her.
 
Replied By: meems42 on Jul 21, 2011, 4:16PM - In reply to spudchucker
Just a small piece of advice from someone who's been there. You should write all of your feelings down in a journal, just in case you ever start missing him or wanting to work it out because of your children, things like this never end good if you go back and they say the most dangerous time for an abused woman is when she leaves. So please be careful and May God be with you.
 
Replied By: meems42 on Jul 21, 2011, 4:02PM - In reply to spudchucker
Just a small piece of advice from someone who's been there. You should write all of your feelings down in a journal, just in case you ever start missing him or wanting to work it out because of your children, things like this never end good if you go back and they say the most dangerous time for an abused woman is when she leaves. So please be careful and May God be with you.
 
Replied By: kris10mo on Jul 21, 2011, 3:33PM
I watched the show today in horror as it is too familiar.  This same thing has happened in my family.  My two nieces told me they were molested by both their father and their father's half brother(uncle).  They also told their mother, my sister and she did not believe them.  She did nothing.  So I reported it to DCFS and I was advised to take them to the hospital and be examined and I did so.  No evidence of penetration was found, but like others have said there doesn't have to be penetration for it to be considered sexual abuse.  The girls were 3 and 5 when they told me.  DCFS got involved and my sister was given all sorts of resources and services to help herself and the girls.  She refused all the help and chose the boyfriend over her own girls.  The father never admitted the abuse however the uncle did admit to it and went to jail, sparing the girls a trial.  Despite the uncle admitting to it...my sister still denies it and blames me for putting ideas in their heads and stealing them from her.  This has ruined our family.  She hates me, I"m angry at her, my parents take her side because our whole family is messed up.....and I"m raising the girls and have adopted them and their new baby sister out of foster care due to my sister losing her parental rights for allowing the abuse to take place and not protecting her children.  I know I did the right thing by calling DCFS and having the girls examined at the hospital  without telling my sister and I'd do it again.  When a child tells you they are being sexually abused and shows signs of emotional trauma.....TAKE IT SERIOUSLY.
 
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