I don't know about where you live, but here in Iowa or Illinois there is no such thing as other people "having someone committed." They dont' do that anymore. The person has to sign themselves in for help voluntarily.  I know, stupid right? There are MANY I would have had committed a long time ago!

Hi. I read your comment about Aspbergers Syndrome.  I was thinking John had symptoms of PTSD. You really think Aspbergers? Can you please tell me the difference between the two disorders...equally irritating to the one on the receiving end, but let me know what you know about all this please, because I'm a Psych major and very interested.



~Laura

Yes, it's clear to me and some others on these boards that John has Asperger's Syndrome.  If you are experienced in arguments asperger-style it was so typical.  Note how he deflected the topic, and became more intense as the emotions heated up.  His anxiety levels rose.  What happens in AS is that as the emotions rise their IQ drops somewhat, they can't process both at the same time.  Note how he avoided eye contact with Dr Phil when they were standing.  John actually believes all that stuff about his wife's weight and the housework because he doesn't understand her complaints about her emotional needs.  There was another couple of the show a few years ago, an equally controlling husband who had lists of everything he expected his wife to do.  He was an engineer, and IMO also and AS guy.  More and more men with AS get married and create distress for the wives who are unaware of this problem that has no solution.  When is Dr Phil going to be brave enough to present this topic.  Is it because he can't fix it??

John has exactly the same argument style and high anxiety as my husband who has Asperger's.  I go to a support group and we have a team of specialist psychologists who are experienced and knowledgeable in both the neurological differences in people with AS, and how it impacts negatively on relationships.  I agree with another post that John doesn't belong with people who just have a bossy personality type.  He is controlling because he has anxiety which is part of AS.  He needs to control his external environment because his internal environment is lacking in the rich emotional skills that you and I have.  People with AS dont' even have a good memory for conversations especially if they involve talking about emotions.  Notice how John just kept deflecting the topic onto the housekeeping, or his wife's weight and other side issues.  That's because he actually can't grasp the focus of the topic which is himself and his own behaviours.  he simply does not have the insight to do this.     Many therapists, and other health professionals will not get this if they have not had years of direct experience with AS.  You need to live with it to know how it really works.   John will not change because he can't change.  His brain physiology is different.  I hope his wife reads these boards.  I am in Australia by the way and this show only aired today.

There are many of us here who are experienced in recognising full fledged Asperger's Syndrome in action.  John was clearly in meltdown mode with high anxiety levels.  Note that he avoided eye contact.  All the red flags were there.   He did all the things my AS husband does:  no empathy, intense need for control.  Notice how he deflected everything away from the core issue of his own behaviour and his wife's feelings.  This is because neurologically he can't grasp what is going on.  He deflects and blames her weight, her housekeeping and the discussion goes around in typical Asperger circles.  You can be sure that the next day he still won't "get it" and will again repeat all that stuff about housekeeping etc.  He won't get it because he can't, like telling a blind person to see.  Interesing how they talked about how they met, it was friendship and she was attracted to his looks.  This is very typical of AS marriages. I missed the begining, what was his occupation?  If it was engineering, It, etc. that is another AS box to tick.  I can't believe how much John's argument style mirrored that of my husband.  My technique is to do exactly what Dr Phil did when he said "stop, we're not talking about that".   Unless you've lived with it you don't understand how these guy's brains work when you're trying to communcate with them.  Please Dr Phil will you cover this topic in your show.  Asperger guys grow up and get married and create hell for their wives who think they are going mad but don't realise they are dealing with someone who has a very different interior world and brain functioning.

John??  Is that you??? Get some help, my man. 

I also thought John had Aspberger's.  Wow.

Wow.  John was probably the most outrageous guest I've ever seen on the show.  That was either extreme anxiety because he was in a situation that he could not  control OR he has some form of Autism, such as Aspberger's.  I certainly hope that, off camera, Dr. Phil was able to convince him that he needs medical help.   He was pretty scary.   We need a follow-up, Dr. Phil!

Trust me - if you'd ever lived in a verbally abusive relationship you would not for one minute believe that the wife wants people to feel sorry for her.

She wants to be able to breathe.  She wants to be able to relax and know that she's loved.  She wants to walk in the door JUST ONCE without worrying about whether she's going to be yelled at for some mysterious fault.  She would really, really like to wake up one morning without having her stomach in knots, wondering whether this will be a bad day (yelling/screaming/tension) or a good day (not happy, but at least not being yelled at).

It's a merry-go-round that wears you out emotionally and physically.  It's not likely to produce feelings of self pity as you seem to to think; she's so beaten down right now she has no self esteem at all and doesn't feel she's worth pity.

This problem with these men is more than just having bossy issues. Its just another form of abuse that too many women are too scared to stand up and leave. Did anyone really listen ?? Both women have put up with this for years and years... Not weeks or months but years and children are involved in the abuse .
I understand Dr Phil  wants to truley help them but why he choses to tell these women to keep on trying after that many years of abuse . They need to leave these men and get back their self esteem and respect for themselves and show their children that is not the way to live life day in and day out because both couples children will be the next generation doing this to their spouse or gf or bf one day . I can not even imagine years of someone telling you what to wear and how to wear it and how do you keep a job when your husband is constantly calling you and checking on you and going to have lunch with you and she has no balls to ever had say no and leave with the children. these women will never be happy because they are used to being the fixer because ??? They themselves are so used to being the victim they now think that is their life goal is to just be that for the rest of their lives even if they all get the help these men will never be better without medication of some sort. This did not happen overnight . These women have put up with this for years and showed their children this is what life is . These wives will never be truley happy for themselves ever and that is the sad truth unless they leave these men for good and learn to breath freedom on their own and that is the sad truth . To be that controlled and have put up with it this long means it will never be a normal relationship no matter how much therapy dr phil gives them for the rest of their lives. Its a true fact because these women if they stay will always be wanting more and wanting space instead of being the keeper for men with real sick problems for the rest of their lives. It will never be equal and it will never be a real marriage between two real partners . Those women will always be the victims unless they leave for good > true fact sorry but true ! they will always be these mens helpers not wives.