2011 Shows

Dr. Phil continues his mission to end the silence on domestic violence. More than 25 percent of battered women remain in a relationship with their abuser. Sonya fears that she is one of those women who stay. She says her husband, Lawrence, kicked her in the stomach during a fight, forced her to the ground while she was pregnant and violated her in an unspeakable way. Lawrence denies his wife’s allegations. He says she instigates fights, throws things at him and gets in his face. Three children stand in the middle of this turbulent relationship, and the couple’s oldest son reveals what bothers him most. How can Sonya calm the chaos in her household? Is leaving Lawrence the only option? Sue Else, president of the National Network to End Domestic Violence, shares the six steps to protect yourself in an abusive relationship.

Find out what happened on the show.
Replied By: suzee_q on Feb 13, 2014, 9:36AM - In reply to bigbuffy
Violence is not a matter of strength or size; it's a matter of personal choice. Being bigger and stronger does not exempt someone from accountability. Does an elderly person have the right to hit and spit at a youth just because the youth is stronger? No. And how are you supposed to indulge somebody who spit on your face, destroyed two laptops and a television? Do YOU know what a hero is? Clearly by your post you don't because what you wrote is not the definition of a hero. I grew up in an abusive household, witnessing my parents fight all the time and yes women do initiate violence and even though my father was big and strong, my mother was able to toss him around the room like a plastic bag. Violence is never OK.
Replied By: cathylt on Jan 30, 2011, 12:29PM - In reply to supergrrl
I can't believe that her behavior in the relationship was treated as if it is not abusive. I never feel strongly enough to post to a blog.  I have also never disagreed with Dr. Phil before.  I sooooooo disagree on this one I can't believe it.  Only a man can be abusive and a woman's behavior is "just" a realtionship thing.  Give me a break.
Replied By: keith16 on Jan 27, 2011, 10:00AM
A note to Lawrence: Having only watched the video please understand this comment is not intended to condem but hopefully offer insight.

The aggression portrayed between yourself and your partner are symptoms of a problem that both of you may never overcome or address directly. It is unfortunate that blame is politized as a gender issue, as it obfuscates the calm required to look deeper and longer. In watching the video there is only one clue that points to the potential problem, stated by your son  “my mom talks to me about why they fight". If you give this some clear thinking you will realise this is not appropriate behavior of a parent or an intimate partner.

It is likely that your partner is acting out unresolved issues with her own father and this may be the underlying theme of the conflict with you. It mirrors almost perfectly the combative nature of a teenage girl struggling with paternal acceptance. It is likely that when your partner speaks of her father it is to vilify and denigrate him. She has not resolved the conflict with her father and received the required affirmation from him to move on to healthy maturity.  It is endemic of this culture to perpetrate and perpetuate this father/daughter conflict. The culture says that women can do no wrong and are innocent victims. A father will not affirm this because he knows the truth about her humanity and her weaknesses.

The clue to this is that your partner discusses your intimate relationship with your son. This is not the behavior of a mature adult this is the behavior of a sibling or child. She is treating her son like a sibling or brother and confidant. This can be catastrophic for your son because it removes the boundaries of youth and age and forces him to cast judgements and insight that should be coming from an experiential process of self actualization. He will falter in his understanding because he lacks the life experience and he will cut off his feelings because they don't correspond with the information. He will rebel against you in support of the intimacy he has formed with his (mother/sister).
Your family requires serious counselling, whether the relationship continues or not you own it to yourself to fulfill your legacy as a father and you owe it to your children to provide them with that legacy, so that they can mature in a healthy way.

It matters not who is to blame, yesterday is gone, today has opportunities and tommorrow is waiting.
Your partner will never understand your needs in the current circumstances, she is engaged in a struggle of her own and likely does not even fathom the complexity of who you are as a person. Your young you have time to fix this. Help yourself and your children while you still have the opportunity and the power. Let your partner work out her issues on her own, she needs to finish her conflict with her father and grow up as a woman. She may never achieve this and you will have sacrificed the years of your life and your children to the conflict your partner is struggling with. Get out while you can!!!

If you find this rings true give it reasonable consideration and act responsibly for yourself and for your children. Give yourself time to contemplate these issues talk to a real proffessional not an entertainer.
Stop hurting yourself and start healing your family. It is clear to me  that you possess that ability, help yourself brother.

Lawrence did you have a relationship with your mother, similiar to your son's relationship with your partner. Have you cut off your feelings? Are you hurting and you don't know why? Help yourself brother!
Talk to a real proffessional, be kind to yourself.

Kind regards and concern
Replied By: wildfirekris on Jan 17, 2011, 10:18PM - In reply to skbruning
You have the right idea. Trusting someone who violated that trust could lead you down the wrong end of a dead end road. I appreciate your view. I think you have had your issue of this myself and I sure hope you are safe, healthy and happy now.

Bless you,

Replied By: wildfirekris on Jan 17, 2011, 10:14PM
I had to reply to this board. I was a child raised with abusive parents. 99% of the time my Mother would fight by yelling, but my step Father would beat her until she wore black and blue. This was a daily routine. The police would tell my Mom to leave but she had no where to go back then.

I decided long ago not to marry a man who would abuse me. WRONG! I made the mistake. He never hit me, but he was getting close and I knew it and I got the heck out of there. FAST!!!

Abuse is WRONG no matter if you are a man or woman. If you are in this kind of relationship don't bother trying to change someone, because it is not going to happen. There is no picking up the pieces to put the marriage back together, simply it is over.

Poor Dr. Phil had some interesting things to say, but blew it on a few points this show. Sadly, we all make bad choices, but the fact is we need to make the choice to run when we can't fix things and say a ton of prayers to survive and move on to something better.
Replied By: skbruning on Jan 17, 2011, 3:59PM
If you think this man is going to take this woman in his arms and truly make amends....hold onto your hat.

Well, he  just broke into tears so maybe....MAYBE....there is hope.  Because the first round of tears?  There were no tears....I looked so hard.  I wanted there to be tears in Lawrence's eyes so much....and there were not any.  He was moved.  (But not sure in what capacity.  He is sitting on a massive Hot Seat so you will definitely be motivated to do a lot of squirming while there!  May not account for much when ya get home.)

I know this type well.  And THE most important thing in their life is 1) their opinion of themselves and to admit they were THIS wrong?  They'd rather drive to the bridge.  (Usually they drive the wife to the bridge, i.e. just kill her.  Do you know how often a woman is killed in America?)

And 2) they care what others think of them.

Lawrence is overwhelmed right now.  He will soon dry his eyes.  Then he is going to get Raging Bull angry, in my opinion.  Starting with Dr. Phil.  The best thing that can happen is a super diplomatic good therapist IMMEDIATELY.

It didn't work for us because you can't help someone who lies this badly~~ to themselves, the wife, the kids, the therapist, everybody.

Good luck with the campaign. 

(And good luck, Lawrence.  I wish you both the best.  I just can't afford to have anything but the most sober of views about all this.)
Replied By: myway47 on Jan 15, 2011, 11:54AM - In reply to aathanas
I agree 100% Those that get caught up with her response to his abuse have not experienced what I and others endured with long term abuse.
Replied By: efffy_ on Jan 14, 2011, 1:32PM - In reply to marianparoo
I find your attitude bizarre. Why does anyone need reminding that women have been taking care of women forever? Who cares who helps as long as there is help. There are a lot of stupid women that allow men to abuse them, should we remind people of that? Women need to take responsibility for what happens to them. The first time a man does something abusive they must end it and leave. I mean the very first time they try to control, demean, restrain, or treat you like you're not an equal. There is a reason that women enjoy the rights and freedoms we do in western society... because our husbands, fathers, uncles, sons, and brothers recognized us as fully fledged human beings. Rich men run the world whether you like it or recognize it, it's just a fact. As for the "big rich man" in question, he has a very happy wife. He's never abused anyone in his life and he should be commended for it. The more gentle decent men in the world the better off we all are. As for the T-shirt, I have no idea what response is required. I give to charities any time I am able.
Replied By: supergrrl on Jan 12, 2011, 10:02PM
I am SO glad to see I am not the only who was shocked & appalled by Dr Phil calling her abuse a relationship issue. How awful. They both are abusive, and I am so disappointed in Dr Phil for saying that.  What a terrible message for anyone to put out there.
Replied By: marianparoo on Jan 12, 2011, 2:42AM - In reply to dimitri
Or only the man?

That kind of thing makes me go grrrrrrrrrrrrr!!!!!
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