2010 Shows

Dr. Phil continues his campaign to End the Silence on Domestic Violence by sitting down with “soul mates” Charles and Renee, a couple who say they are desperately seeking help to stop the pattern of abuse, control and isolation in their marriage. Renee says her husband flies in to uncontrollable rages and blames her when their arguments escalate. See why the mom of three says she doesn’t fight back anymore and what the law has done to try to intervene. Plus, find out what Charles will admit but not take responsibility for. Dr. Phil’s pleas for compassion in this highly toxic situation may surprise you.

End the Silence on Domestic Violence: http://drphil.com/shows/page/end_the_silence/

Make Some Noise. Become a Silence Breaker! http://www.drphil.com/pledge_to_end_violence

Find out what happened on the show.
Replied By: buffyl12 on Apr 6, 2011, 7:46PM
Hey just saw the story on Renee and Charles. To Charles, everyone has choices, no matter how mad you are you make the choice to abuse or you make the choice to walk away. If you no you are this bad and you realise how much you are verbally and phusically hurting your "soulmate" then get help. get any help you can get! do what it takes to make her happy. Charles you have children!!! what kind of role model are you?!! Im not sure if you have a daughter but say she has a boyfriend and he abuses her?? will you be ok with that? or your son..if he has a girlfriend and he abuses her? will you stand up for her?? You are not in love with renee. That is not love! move out, move away, get a dog, do whatever, she deserves better, you know that, she knows that. stop being such a bully and act your age.
To Renee, have some dignity and respect for yourself and leave him. Everyone fights, but no one had the right to hurt you like that. Any genuine person after the first time would stop at the first time. You have the devine right to live your life the way you choose and be happy both for yourself and your children. You do not love each other! this is not love! Love is trust and respect and cuddles, it is not walking in fear nor tip toeing around your other half because you are scared that they will hurt you!!
Go to your friends and your family and ask for help!
You chose to live your life Renee or you choose to let him live it for you! He has some serious making up to do and needs help for his anger. Hes had two years in jail to sort his s**t and he came back and did it again. Leave him! I beg you! Find a man who loves you to pieces and would never dream of hurting you!! What is it going to take for you to realise that this man is no good for you??? You ending up in hospital?? Him killing a chid who got in the way?? How would you live with yourself if you died and your children were left with no parents  because dad killed mom?and is in jail. it is a reality and you are skating on thin ice thinking it wouldnt get that far.
Do yourself a favour.
Replied By: birdyq on Nov 27, 2010, 8:31AM
Some of this may have been said already, but I just watched the show on DVR and I am bursting. Renee, if you're reading this, please know that your mind has been in complete survival mode for so long that much of what you know to be reality is not real. It will only be when you are away from abuse that you will start to see things through rational eyes. When I was with my latest abuser (it isn't your fault you repeatedly end up with abusers, it is a cycle of abuse), someone could have thrown a grenade in front of me and I wouldn't have reacted. What you are dealing with emotionally is called Environmentally Induced Bipolar. You are not "crazy", you are just living in such chaos that it is effecting your rationalization, judgement, and internal compass on so many levels. You are forced into eventually believing on some level that this is ok, or could be worse, or that if everyone really knew how much he loved you when it's just the two of you laying in bed talking on Sunday morning...You are in survival mode. You WILL lose your children. I lost both of mine for "failure to protect neglect" because my ex was emotionally abusive. They didn't even know he was punching me so hard I flew across the room, or that he locked me in closets. It took that extreme to get me away from my abuser, and almost two years after that before I realized the scope of what he'd done to my life. You have a long road full of hard work ahead of you, but it can't even start if you are with him, or anyone for that matter. Life is too short. You are toxic to each other, even if you do love each other you aren't healthy together. Please start your life over. Learn to love yourself again. I don't know how old your kids are but...isn't giggling around the stove at a domestic abuse shelter making cookies with your kids better than letting your husband use you as a punching bag? Seek out advice or friendships in the domestic violence community. With everything we've been through we all have stories, and a wealth of knowledge from escaping to scrapbooking, patience, and compassion.  He is not the only man out there. You will be loved again, but for now, work on healing yourself and your children's souls.
Replied By: ladyfxst on Nov 26, 2010, 3:25PM
My husband actually sat down and watched this with me. We have been together for 10 years now and Known each other 30 + years now and been thru everything this couple has been going through. We have a son (9) who has seen the violence with us. One question that was never discussed that I thought should have been brought up was drug and alcohol use. Is any of this going on in the house that could be causing some of this rage? My husband saw himself in so much of Charles it was unreal. Every list Dr. Phil had about the abuse was him. The jelousy, threatening with weapons, ect. My husbans has issues with alcohol, and has gone to angar management classes. They never work. To add to all of this, we are both unemployed and living with a relative.Where can normal people with no money get help for all these problems?
Replied By: summernight on Nov 25, 2010, 8:58PM
You said you don't know why Charles can keep his cool on the show but why not at home. Abusers are COWARDS. They don't mess with anyone who is stronger or as strong as they are. They are COWARDS, they pick on those who are weaker. Charles is a classic abuser, DENIAL, DENIAL, DENIAL. They always blame the other person for their acts. That is why most of them can't get well because they refuse to take responsibility for their actions. The abuser always thinks that the other person is always at fault.
Women in general blame themselves for the abuse and always think, What if I?  I have lived with three abusers and it took me less time to get out of each situation. If I would have had help like they do now I do not think it would have taken me 3 times to learn.
There is so much help Renee out there and you are getting the best help now. Do not take your children back into that horrible, volitile situation again. You will find your strength and self worth getting the help you need. I do not think you should go back with him until or even if he shows  a tremendous improvement. You need lots of proof to know if he has really changed he may say he has but that could be his way to  drag you back into the mire.
Quit being a victim just because your afraid. You are allowing your children to learn the abuser ways and allowing them to become victims. They don't have a choice so you have to make it right for you all.
Replied By: vgeoffrion1 on Nov 23, 2010, 5:02PM
Dr. Phil. I would like to let you know that I can relate to Renee. My late husband Mark was very abusive to me for many years, before he finally sought help through Anger Management classes. He went through Anger Management several years before he passed away. The ways in which he abused me were in very similar ways that Renee's husband Charles abuses her. My husband Mark used to punch me, slap me, pull my hair, kick me, call me names like bitch, cunt, whore, and many other names, as well as would also embarrass me in front of his friends. He was also a compulsive gambler, as well as a compulsive cheater. Because of the compulsive gambling problem that he had, as well as the anger problem that he had, he developed a lot of stress in his life which in turn gave him cancer as well as a weight problem, and a problem with his heart. He'd finally started changing because of the classes that he was taking, but it was too late for the changes to be made. His cancer had gotten so bad to the point that he was starting to hemorrhage. The day that he died, he apologized to me for everything that he had put me through, and also held my hand and we prayed. Several hours after he apologized to me, and after we prayed, he passed away from cardiac arrest at age 41. For the longest time prior to him apologizing to me and  our praying together, I thought that he was going to kill me. Afterward, I realized that he really did not mean a lot of what he'd said or done to me. I think that the reason that he waited to leave this earth, was to show me that he really mean't that he was sorry. All things considered, even after everything that he had put me through, I still love him, and still think about him.
Replied By: kimmye on Nov 22, 2010, 5:06AM
It didn't have a name when I was a kid....it actually seemed acceptable to beat your wife and kids back then. Or at least to me. No one came to help my little brother and I....even the family, neighbors and friends that knew what my daddy was doing to us. Mom never wanted anyone to know. She put makeup over her black eyes and bruises and got by the best she could. My little brother, he was just too young to do anything at all. Me, well, I tried to save us all. Daddy was too strong though. I thought about killing him, but I loved him and I couldn't do that. I tried to get Mom to do it, but I soon realized, she loved him too much as well. He was just drinking too much. That's what caused it all. The drinking. If he'd just stop! I soon began to hate both my parents....Daddy for what he was doing and Mom for letting him do it. Only choice I had was to save myself...I hid under my bed and I prayed, and prayed, and cried. That's where I was when I made a promise to myself. That if I lived through the nightmare my dad was putting us through and God gave me children, I'd NEVER put them through what I had to live through as a child. At 16 and pregnant, Mom showed me the door. I married my sons father. Four years later we had a baby girl. Three years later we divorced. I have now been married to the man that helped me raise my children for 20 years. My son teaches Advanced Geometry and is Head Football Coach at our local High School. He's also gone back to college to get his Bachelor's degree. My daughter is an LPN and hopefully can get back in school and get her RN soon. They have given me 3 wonderful grandchildren and both married wonderful people. My daddy is still drinking after all theses years and my brother is a drug addict. Mom finally left him after 17 years. If only way back when someone had noticed. I had a 50/50 shot and I made it, my little brother didnt, he's tried suicide 3 times. I'm far from perfect Dr. Phil but I'm alive and I didn't let domestic violence take me down. Tennessee is the worst state in the Nation for helping people with Mental Illnesses or Addictions. If you live in TN and need help, you must be very wealthy and be able to pay for it or you won't get help. However, it wouldn't matter with my dad anyway, he doesn't want help.....he loves his drinking more. Thank you Dr Phil for all you do for others!
Replied By: evett726 on Nov 21, 2010, 12:20PM
Dr Phil both of the DV shows were very hard to watch but I’m glad that I watched them. I had move in with this guy to see if our relationship was going to work but, soon as I moved in he changed into someone I did not recognize so, I quickly moved out because I was not used to being treated in a demeaning way! This guy was mentally abusive to me, shouting and the belittling. So I packed my things and stay with my uncle until I could get my own home. Ladies if you are having the same problem as I or the list that Dr Phil provided get out! You do not deserve to be physical or mentally abused.
Replied By: ncness on Nov 19, 2010, 9:23PM - In reply to lynnscrip
I just want to update and ask did anyone drug test this man>> He shows signs of being an addict either on Cocain or methan , I believe he does need help badly but until he starts to show improvement the chidren should be removed for safety,
Replied By: sharperk on Nov 19, 2010, 5:15AM - In reply to lilmamalinda
this same behavior was what my ex did, trying to control his rage, that is a typical coping mechanism until these abusers can get their wife home to beat  her or beat someone else! hope she is given safe haven through Dr. Phil and his team!! she needs help now, or she will end up dead before they even get back home, take her out and get her safe! Counseling for her would open her eyes, he is sick, typical abuser, nothing special, has all the signs of  Domestic Abuser, isolate her from friends, family, control where she goes, remove all her money, etc........ the wheel of Domestic Abuse is complete with this animal! His rage, and all the tight muscle movements of his behavior, his excuses about her causing this has brought her down so low that she has lost herself, she is in such a dark place due to  that  abuser, that is how they keep control, when you have a better self esteem, you will leave, until then you are dragged to the bottom of the darkest place!!  Get her out and safe! Please, if she has no job to go back to, keep her and her children near the Dr. Phil team to keep her safe! this monster needs to be out of the picture completely, and guidence for her children too, they are growing up  to repeat the cycle! a daughter will marry the same abuse, and the boy will abuse his wife! and yes, these abuser's do find women they can abuse, which means the women who are nice people, trying not to anger anyone, because they had been abused as children, and try not to cause an arguement as adults! the cycle continues............
Replied By: sharperk on Nov 19, 2010, 4:59AM - In reply to skbruning
I too had been in abusive situations, and married a verbal and emotional controller,divorced after 11 years, way too late, stayed single for nearly 10 years then married what I thought was a gentle soul, only to be beaten nearly to death in my home 11 years later, he is now diagnosed with paranoid schizophrenia,  auditory hallucinations, voices telling him to kill himself or other people, (lives in psych ward/assisted living) Thank God my family, grandkids etc... survived during the marriage, he only snapped once, at the end, I left, after he nearly murdered me, caused me to be permanently disabled!! He has no memory of this, due to his mental illness, I have let that anger go, realize if he was in his right mind he would never had beaten me, but would never trust that again!  The diagnoses provided me with answers for the little odd behavior I attributed to stress! WAS I WRONG!  Stress had no part in it, he was trying to keep the voices and his deadly behavior in check, he was also a hoarder of  junk, out of control if he threw anything away, so that was another coping mechanism for him. I am free of that situation! AMEN Thank You Lord!   Dr. Phil is correct, abuser's do hunt for women who they can abuse, my guess is that the wife has been sexually abused as a child=a low self esteem, a big target on her forehead for abusers! Big neon sign, although we don't know it, that is what happens to so many women, when I did seek counseling at the Dom. Violence Center in my community, I believe every woman in the groups had been sexually abused as children, which destroys our self esteem and takes away our strength, and all the children in these violent homes today will grow up to marry someone just like "Daddy" sadly all to true,  I had asked people outside of the Dom. Violence area, and 9 of 10 women had been sexually abused as children by someone they knew!
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