...were to be socialised into a role prescribed by genitals, it would be me. I was born in a male body, into the Rhodesian War in 1968. The discussion around war and its effect on children will be presented a little later. Born with a harelip, I underwent extensive maxilla facial surgery to correct it before my first birthday. After that apparently I was a normal little boy, constantly in scrapes and trouble. I was surrounded by very strong male roles, my father and uncle were in the Rhodesian Army, and my grandfather was a WW2 veteran. Even the women in my family were strong, my mother in the ground forces of the Rhodesian Air Force and my grandmother was also a veteran of WW2 as a nurse.

So there is no reason why at the age of six I should have had a paradigm shift in my observation of my own gender. Until then, I had no idea of what my gender was. I became self aware, and knew I was a woman. Of course, my mother found me applying make-up and beat the living daylights out of me. This only reinforced the idea that gender expression was wrong, and I should follow the rest of the pack in terms of what society demanded of me.

Which I did. I physically took all feminine traits and locked them down inside of me, and forgot about it. We moved from Rhodesia to South Africa in 1976 into the middle of another war. There is an old cliché; the truth will out. And the now young woman inside me surfaced again at age 15. There was a time, I tell you. In a small town where the family doctor still had time to make house calls, to be dragged before him by my mother who found a bunch of women’s clothes under my bed and have him glower at me and ask,” Do you masturbate when you wear women’s clothes?” has to rank among the more cringe worthy events of my life.

I don’t blame my mother. It was 1983, the internet in South Africa was still a communist plot and apartheid was at its peak. There were more important things than a frightened young child who was sickened by her body, and disgusted by his mind. I do blame the doctor though, and I am still trying hard to forgive him.

Anyway, it was decided I was going through a phase, and I should be encouraged to be manlier.

First team rugby, school cadets and eventually joining the South African Police in 1986. I was hard, I was tough, and I was brutal. I was everything a war hero could expect of his son. I married, had two children with my beautiful wife. It was with the birth of my first son I was not able to keep the box closed anymore. I was a devoted parent, and my working hours enabled me to spend more time with them than their mother. A result of which we bonded closely.

I did not want them to go war as had the first six generations of my family, so I moved to the country and exposed them to a gentler way of life. This had a reciprocal effect on me and my focus became less about me but more about teaching them to be human and humane. Of course, when you are not paying attention to things, they have a way of getting away from you. 

Three suicide attempts later (caused by gender/sex conflict) I resigned from the police, divorced my wife and with a years worth of intensive therapy behind me, flew to Thailand and had sex reassignment surgery. You cannot have gender reassignment surgery; there is not a scalpel sharp enough to cut out your gender identity. It was a long and painful process, anguish; heartbreak, guilt, turmoil and fear of the unknown all combine to make a terrifying hurdle. However, an innate sense of knowing what was right for me was a powerful driver and I came through it. A little broken, a lot humbled and a new beginning. I am now living my life as a woman, I have an amazing woman in my life who loves me, I’m friends with my ex and my children are back under my wing, yet living their own lives.

Did being involved in so much war have an effect on my gender identity? No, because many other children went through exactly the same thing and they had no gender dysphoria. Gender identity is not something that can be changed by beating, choice of toys or clothing. I would liken trying to enforce genital based  socialisation to the horrors of thalidomide. With one crucial difference: gender identification is not induced, it is nobody’s fault, and it’s not a mistake. It just is.

So called 'experts' offer groundless explanations for gender confusion: the arrogance is astounding that a person can say what another believes is wrong. You’ll give a cripple a back brace, why won’t you let a person be who he or she says they are? The physical manifestation is less obvious, but when help is offered, the result can be the same: a happy, whole person. Listen; do not impose your judgments on us.

I watched Gender confused Children on Dr.phil today 23/9/09. I am sad to see why the parents allow the child do what he wants to do. I believed whatever the Parents sow in a child 's mind , I believed .. it will reap in the childs body and it will harvest in the child's (heart)soul. I remember my past up-bringging , I my self not allow to wear jeans or allow my hair cut short because my grandparent thinks my likeness in things doesnt belong to the gals but it belongs to the boys. Then when I got married and had a child of my own ...I realised My child went through the same experiences what i experiencing when I was a child. I've realised that my past has reconciled with my present  and I realised my young daughter had no interest in girls toys but she likes to play boy's  toys like thomas tank engine , racing car and so on . For that instants I slowly changed her pattern of her likeness without her noticing it, so it will not effect her personality in the future . I bought a lot of books and spend time reading story books to her , teach her how to sing and do what young girls like to do .... After building up that strong pattern in her life ...I also discuss to her why girls wear what they should wear. My daughter  now is 17 years old and she probably doesnt remember what she went through when she was between 3-4 years old .
I supposed if Parents went through this experience with their Child . We as parents must not encourage and allow the child to do what they want to do without pointing a right direction to them. when I look back now , Im glad that My pasts experiences has saved me and make me think deeply and wisely about Life. I believed we are here for a reason and Parents is the master of the mind of their children and Parents must play that big role in the beginning of  their children's life and guide them with strong and firm belief with explaination ....If we as a Parents failed to encourage our children, that doesnt mean we are bad parents especially if parents never experience how their childrens feelings , it is so  hard to get in touch into that sensative kind of world unless the parents experiencing it  themselves when they were a child....then they will understand the situation ....otherwise it can turn into a nightmare in every parents life.

I'm from Australia and only just saw this show today. I have a 6 month old son who may, or may not, have to deal with this in the future. 

Watching the show, I am infuriated by the opinions of parents who have never gone through this with their children. They are so adamant they would never allow their child to live as the opposite sex rather pushing them into the gender roles society has created for them.  If they are loving parents and were faced with this situation, I'm sure they would feel differently about pigeon-holing their children.  Parents who have their kids best interests at heart would rather a happy child regardless of the public backlash.  I believe in allowing a child to be who they are, regardless of the opinions of society!

I believe the so-called expert sitting in the audience has NO basis to stand on! He didn't go through this with his children so what does he really know???? His comments that it is the parents fault are unjust!!!! I believe it has NOTHING to do with how parents raise their children and EVERYTHING to do with the child them self.  I personally know a family with 3 daughters who were raised exactly the same. The two eldest are the opitomy of femininity but the youngest is determined she is a boy.

I am not a religious person and as such don't believe god plays any role in the creation of children.  I believe in the science behind the chemical make-up of childrens brain when they are developing in the womb.

As a person who has suffered GID for as long as i can remember, i believe Dr. Dan Siegel's information and perspective is absolutely SPOT ON ! congratulations Dr, for finally bringing a  non-judgemental view to the public.
Sadly we live in a world of black and white and a mindset where people feel they must put everyone "in a box" and label it.  Human beings, sexuality and gender is not black and white, but many shades of grey. And its not a "choice", it's part of who we are. I have seen so many people with GID attempt to "pretend" it doesn't exist or push it aside, only for it to keep resurfacing. This is not something you can just ignore or push to the side.
To believe god/ Jesus / Buddha / Allah or a belief system, should direct how things in the REAL WORLD should work is nothing short of ridiculous ! Once upon a time they believed people who did not follow in their footsteps should be stoned to death ! or maybe we should still be doing that too?. Or maybe we can "pretend" all of the abuse of children that has happened under the umbrella or religion doesn't exist ?
Gender is many shades of grey, it's around us all, how many of us have met "tomboys" or butch girls or more femme males ? it's EVERYWHERE its part of our community. Sexual preference exists on a totally different scale to gender and is not always directly "hooked" into a persons stereotypical gender.
This is about awareness and people being true to who they are, none of us think "oh i think i will have GID today"  its also about people caring about people, and having understanding and empathy. GID can be long and complex discovery process and for some people it is clearer than others, hence why some people must transition and others can live on the fringe.
Support, understanding and education are important. Lets not forget their are laws in place about this stuff, ant i - discrimination etc.
It's so easy for people to sit on the sidelines and talk about how they think things should be or attempt to impose their view on something they haven't had to deal with.
Dr Phill, thank-you for raising the awareness of these issues, i would love to see some people who have successfully transitioned on the show to see how positive this can be for people's happiness.
Thanks

I have identical twin boys, aged five, only one of which is gender confused.   

October 20, 2003
From Reuters News Service:
Gender Identity Hard-Wired by Genetics

LOS ANGELES (Reuters) - Gender identity is wired into the genes, which discounts the concept that homosexuality and transgender sexuality are a choice, California researchers reported on Monday.

"Our findings may help answer an important question -- why do we feel male or female?" Dr. Eric Vilain, a genetics professor at the University of California, Los Angeles School of Medicine, said in a statement. "Gender identity is rooted in every person's biology before birth and springs from a variation in our individual genome."

His team has identified 54 genes in mice that may explain why male and female brains look and function differently.

Since the 1970s, scientists have believed that estrogen and testosterone were wholly responsible for organizing the brain. Recent evidence, however, indicates that hormones cannot explain everything about the differences between male and female brains.

Published in the latest edition of the journal Molecular Brain Research, the UCLA discovery may also offer physicians an improved tool for gender assignment of babies born with ambiguous genitalia.

Mild cases of malformed genitalia occur in 1 percent of all births -- about 3 million cases. More severe cases -- where doctors can't inform parents whether they had a boy or girl -- occur in one in 3,000 births.

"If physicians could predict the gender of newborns with ambiguous genitalia at birth, we would make less mistakes in gender assignment," Vilain said.

Using two genetic testing methods, the researchers compared the production of genes in male and female brains in embryonic mice -- long before the animals developed sex organs.

They found 54 genes produced in different amounts in male and female mouse brains, prior to hormonal influence. Eighteen of the genes were produced at higher levels in the male brains; 36 were produced at higher levels in the female brains.

"We discovered that the male and female brains differed in many measurable ways, including anatomy and function." Vilain said.

For example, the two hemispheres of the brain appeared more symmetrical in females than in males. According to Vilain, the symmetry may improve communication between both sides of the brain, leading to enhanced verbal expressiveness in females.

"This anatomical difference may explain why women can sometimes articulate their feelings more easily than men," he said.

The scientists plan to conduct further studies to determine the specific role for each of the 54 genes they identified.

"Our findings may explain why we feel male or female, regardless of our actual anatomy," said Vilain. "These discoveries lend credence to the idea that being transgender --- feeling that one has been born into the body of the wrong sex -- is a state of mind."

I must say the last phrase is an extremely poor choice of words, but the rest of the story clearly indicates that what Dr. Vilain means is that being transgender is hard wired in the brain - a "state of mind" which cannot be changed.

Ah, but God does 'make' people who are physically intersex, and people who have fewer than 'normal' fingers or toes, or blind, or deaf. Your lack of compassion is likely coming from the fact that this relates to something sexual.
Major cities across North America have 'gender identity clinics', where people who are inwardly tormented by not being free to explore their feelings can go. I know. I started going to one here in Toronto in 1992, in 1995 I began living fulltime as a woman, and in 1999 had the lower surgery that made me legally and physically 'female' .Perhaps you would benefit from a counsellor from one of these clinics being a guest.

I had trouble with ignorance from one employer, took them to human rights, and won. I did an article in 1995 about this topic in one of Toronto's 2 most prominent newspapers. In spite of the recession I've been employed a majority of time since leaving my employer in 2001 after I had been with them over 13 years.

Yes, I would like to be on the show and express my views on common misconceptions people have about transpeople. 

It is not cute or funny when someone has identity confusion.  This reaks havoc on loved ones and is disruptive in many areas of life. Do not ever encourage someone to transistion. Get real, how does a 3 yr. old even know what a boy or girl is? Confusion is not of the lord and God does not make mistakes.

I don't think God makes mistakes!  He made us all the way we are for a reason.  I think children get confused on alot of issues because of the way they are raised by their parents.  What are the statistics on alcoholic parents & their children becoming alcoholics?  Television has alot to do with children's confusion, they see things on tv & it gets in their mind, then they start thinking about it.  If you have a child & it is a boy, raise it that way, if it's a girl, raise it to be a girl, once they become adults they are free to make their own mistakes.  Don't help them.

I would normally agree with what most people are saying on this topic- that if a child wants/feels they need something it should be given to them (unless if it comes to spoiling the child or the child wanting something that is dangerous to them) but I draw the line at allowing a child to have a life changing surgery.
I agree that if a boy wants to play with a barbie doll or a girl wishes to wear boys clothing that the parents should let them but I think letting a child have surgery to change there body is wrong.
When I was a kid, I had no interest in anything "girly". I refused to wear skirts or dresses and instead I would also wear tracksuits that were either unisex or bought from the boys section. I was a huge fan of Disney (and still am) but I had no interest in any of the characters aimed at young girls, but instead loved Peter Pan and Hercules. I never wanted to play with barbies, and would refuse to play with them, even while my bestfriends played with them.  All my friends fantasised about getting married one day or having prince charming come sweep them off their feet while I wondered what they saw in boys and was much more interested in a tall blonde women that was on a tv commerical at the time..
I never talked to anyone about this and never really thought anything of it until one day while I was in a neighbours house and they were watching a documentary and GI in children and I thought 'That must be what's wrong with me!'

From then on, until my teens I thought I was a boy trapped in a girls body. I never told anyone, although everyone did know I preferred boys clothes and didn't like anything too "girly". If I had of been offered a sex change at that age, I would have taken it. I'm so happy that as a child I never told anyone I thought I was a boy incase I had of been offered surgery.

When I reached puberty I was still interested in girls, aswell as boys. I dated a few girls and a few boys and realised I was happier with dating boys.
I'm 20 now and I still shop for clothes in the mens section (although I also wear women's clothing), I don't own anything particarly girly that wasn't bought as a present and i'd still pick Robin Hood over The Little Mermaid anyday but i've realised just because i'm interests are more masculine than feminine doesn't mean I was supposed to be born a boy. There's no way I could have understood that as a child.

If there are any parents out there with a little boy we thinks they should have been born a girl, or vis versa, I would suggest that you allow them to be who they want to be without changing there bodies. If your little boy askes you for a barbie, don't denie them it. Let them play with the toys they want to play with and dress how they want, but I would not suggest surgery.
As i'm sure you'd know most children who wish to be the opposite gender grow out of it as they get older.
If you are willing to let your child undergo an operation, I would suggest you wait until they reach there teens and see if they still feel the same way.

I hope this has been helpful.
Aisling