2011 Shows

(Original Air Date: 10/27/10) The most violent time in an abusive relationship is the minute the woman leaves, or tries to leave. In fact, in domestic violence cases, more than 70 percent of injuries and murders happen after the victim leaves. This phenomenon is known as separation assault. Get the steps to get out safely! Dr. Phil’s guest, Sandy, was able to escape a violent relationship, but not before sustaining horrific abuse and injury at the hands of her ex, including the loss of her eye. Find out how Sandy says her abuser is continuing his assaults -- from behind bars! Former prosecutor and legal commentator Loni Coombs explains Sandy’s options for protecting herself and her child. And, Kathy says since she divorced her husband, Heath, he has physically assaulted her, threatened to burn her mother’s house down and harassed her daily with threatening voicemails and texts. How can the law protect Kathy? Find out how Dr. Phil’s Silence Breakers are stepping up to help save lives, and how to join them!

Find out what happened on the show.
Replied By: desiylov94 on Nov 8, 2016, 1:24PM
I'm watching this episode on own today and I want to know what happens after I hope she's ok and save and somethingnis being done .. dr.phil you shd do an episdoe  again showing where and how they are doing now
Replied By: suamiga14 on Nov 17, 2015, 11:10AM
What has happened since Sandy was on the show? I pray for her and her family.
Replied By: palisaderose on Jan 24, 2015, 8:21PM - In reply to shadylady89
Typically men do not come forward or talk about their experiences of abuse. There can be shame attached if it were known that they were the victim of a DV. Speaking publicly about it would continue to make them feel bad about themselves. It may be worse for some than for others.They should have counseling to help empower them again so they can talk about it but a lot of men don't like to go to therapy.
Replied By: keggers318 on Jun 30, 2011, 11:15AM
I grew up with my Mommy as well as uskids being abused by my father. So, it's hard for me to trust men. I agree that in order for something to be done the man basically has to kill the woman for them to be punished. A woman should get more support in every way. Even tho I feel that way I also stick up for men being abused by women. It is very hard for a man to admit that that happens. When they admit it it's hard for other people to believe that. My point is we shoud help both sexes not just one.
Replied By: cherokee720 on Jun 28, 2011, 10:09PM
When I saw this show I really hurt 4 these women and my prayers are w/ them. My children and I have been abused for the last 23 years and the system has alwz slapped his hand and done nothing to him. One night the police were called 5 times on him and there was a restraining order on him along w/ him being drunk and everytime they came out they let him get behind the wheel of his truck and drive off drnk and did not get him for DUI they said to him each time they came out if we come back your going to jail and did nothing. He has gotten away w/ beating my children and I for the full 23 years, even today as of now I am going back to court to regain custody of my 13 year old and he told of his dads abuse, NOTHING AT ALL. It disgusts me how the perpitrator has more rights than the victims. His mom and him has brainwashed my children against me along w/ he court system many attorneys and they have even paid the Troy Police Dept. and Psycologist off to lie for them against me. They paid off judges and my attorneys I have had. God has stepped in and changed things around with my children of all of them wanting to be with me vs him but they still treat me all of the evil ways they were tauught to treat me. My children have physically, mentally, and emotionally abuse me just like the ex husband. I have total faith in God that they will change their ways there as well. He has gotten away w/ pinning me betwenn the bumpers of his half ton truck and my nova and alot more abuse. This last time we went to court he brainwashed my son and he chose to go w/ his dad but his dad changed before my son spoke to the judge and my son changed his mind and the judge wouldn't listen and sent him to his dads any way and now we are heading back to court for my son to move back in w/ me. My children know the truth but ntil God stops their attitude towards me I don't believe they can do it on their own. My ex mother in law would tell me if I told the truth on him for hitting my children I would go to prison as well and would never see my children again and that is how he got away w/ breaking my sons upper jaw and lost two perment teeth at 9 years old and so much more like betting one of my children with a belt and broke his butt I had to pull him around in a red wagon. He told my children that I hate them and all I'm about is getting everyone in trouble. Everyone says they are old enough and know better but when you are told garbage from a very young age then you can't change quickly after becoming an adult even when you know the truth. Every bit of truth I have told has never gotten believed. Every GAL we have had has also sidded with him and his mom even when they admit he is an alcohlic and abuser the GAL says he should have full custody and me have supervised visits. I have many Police reports about his abuse and they say it is to old to use but lies on me from years ago they use. Attorneys I have bought has turned on me and helped him instead of me. I have been yelled at by many judges because of lies. The system is NEVER for the victim when it comes to abuse and it sickens me w/ much anger. I have 23 yars of garbage and not enough space for eveything. I know God is in this and he is about to put an end to him his mom and all their lies along with all of these Attorneys and Judges getting punished for all of their garbage, I kept trying to take control of it all instead of letting God and now that I have finally put it all in Gods hands he is going to reveal and expose every bit of the truth. His mom would talk lies into my children saying Im a parinoid psyco. My ex would put his forehead on their forehead and say "obody likes you" "you know why I beat your mom, cuz shes a B...."  "your mom doesn't know the difference between a dream and reality" "your mom is full of hate towards you" and so much more but, according to him and his mom none of this was said I have lied. Everything they have said and done to me they have turned it around and say I said and did it to them. they forced my 20 year old when he was three to lie on me and all of the investigations have been founded false but nothing has ever been done to them for telling lies. These women are in my prayers because I know exactly how the system never helps the victim then when another one dies they are like "Oh Well". Everyone tells me I need to write a book but it would be three or four books by the time I get done w/ all they have said and done. The night after the five phone calls and he was let go drunk to drive, he showed up at my Church and snatched us and held us hostage and nothing done to him for that either. God will make all their lies be known and punish them and everyone in the courts that have done me wrong I believe very strong tat God will pay them back as well.We were at Hocking Hills College and he told me in the woods, " See all of this land, I know every stitch of it and I can kill all three of you and bury you out here and noone will ever find you". According to him this was never said, he even ti my boys up to a truck with a rope while we were there and my boys blamed me, he said it was so they couldn't run and play. The night I had to identify my two older boys dads body because he was murdered, I called him and told him they found a body floating in the river and the police wants me to identify the body because they thought it was my ex husband and could he meet me there to be with me while I checked it out to see if it was him, he said he was to busy and when I got home I caught him and his sister with their hands in each others pants but according to him I was seeing things and according to his mom his sister stood up because I scared her when I opened the door and when she stood up her pants came unzipped on their own just as she was standing up and she went into the kitchen to zip them up and another story is, it never happened I was just seeing things because of the trauma I just went through, then when I went to take the boys to the veiwing I got the snot beat out of me because he was taking them to the funeral and I didn't need to go to the veiwing, when he punched me in the back I went limp and numb and when his parents came in and asked me why was I sitting like that crying I told them they said I deserved it, but according to all their story it never happened. I caught him with other girls all the time but I was seeing things and it wasn't him I saw someone that looked like him. I could go on and on because there is so much more. This is why I am so angry, because the system NEVER does anything to the abuser but the victim gets treated horrible then when they are murdered the system acts like oh well who cares and he still don't get in trouble. I know God is stopping him and it is right around the corner then everyone of them against me will owe me an apology but you know I will never recieve it. The system SICKINS ME!!!!!! There is so much more.
Replied By: ladytiger on Jun 28, 2011, 7:45PM
about Sandy, she said the warning signs were there when her and herchel were dating, THEN SHE SHOULD HAVE LEFT THEN! find a way to leave, don't tell your abusers tha you are leaving! the system isnt working to protect her and her children from him i do agree with that.  are some of these men that work in the system feel that it is ok to put ur hands on anyone including children?
like i have always said and told my dumb mother, if you are seeing the warning signs of an abusive when you start dating them, u need to leave now! she said it can take 15 yrs before you see the signs im like r u stupid? now, some abusers use charm everybody loves them and later on in life their true colors start to show i agree with that part. my mom and dad got married barely knowing each other (found out this out from my 2nd oldest sister) knowing full well that my dad was a sorry piece of crap! my mom's aunt cindy begged her not to marry dad and she expressed her reasons my mom said we were in love and that again was never true she was desperate for a man and he wanted a mommy figure.
they have been married for almost 45 years, its been nothing but a miserable marriage. she did nothing to protect her 4 children, basically she had us to keep a man. my 1st oldest sister is by her ex boyfriend from high school, while me and the other 2 siblings are from my deadbeat dad. my 2nd oldest sister told me on the phone that mom told her during the 1st three years of marriage that it wasnt working at all. my sister said why r u still here? my mom got mad. my parents are 2 similar to each other. they dont love each other, hate each other, talk about each other, argue 24/7, both of them stink so bad, dad cheats, mom doesnt but screams 24/7, miserable, eats a lot etc.
i remember b4 i was born, my mom told me that dad put his hands on her and gave her a black eye. my sister told me she wasnt there but came home and saw the end result. typical woman, didnt call the cops to make a report and have him arrested. i remember in CA, when i was taking a bath kitchen (the sink and shower wasnt working in the bathroom), dad was pissed off about somethin (always seem to be mad at somethin and wants to fight another warning sign), i remember he grabbed mom by the shirt and pushed her into the microwave. omg, she did call the cops to have him arrested. was there a divorce? nope, stayed with him and her empty threats. even now, when they argue, he threatens to hit her and she has a can of bug spray. what is that gonna do? as all of us have said, divorce is quicker. she could have had her peace 40+ yrs ago, but she chose to stay and complain about why some women have a great life and hubby while she dont.
its our fault and everybody else's fault for why shes not divorced. she went to file for a divorce in 97, didnt happen she dropped it and gave my dad another chance. what i found out from my sister is mom has always given dad way too many choices and my sister told her thats one time too many. she gives me and sister advice on sorry men we have both said dont give us advice on sorry men when you are still with a sorry one still cant figure out how to get a divorce. i found out from my brother, he spent 2k for her divorce and told me she screwed that up big time she is on her own now. my mom said she paid for it thats a lie she didnt. she wanted my sister to come back home from Japan (navy hubby) to "help her with her divorce and to help her pack." its not like she has a lot to pack she can pack that stuff on her own anyway. my sister said i gave u the resources and the sites to look at, as well as to video tape the nasty house and record pops when he says one thing and says i never said that stop lying. my mom refused to do it, cursed out my sister, telling her she needs to come home blah blah and that became extremely heated on the phone.
my mom did call a shelter in 97, we stayed with my SIL's father for a while then went back to the dump house. my grandma and mom had a big fight on the phone, my grandma said few years ago that "adulterous husband of urs." my mom said other women have cheating husbands, we r not talking about other women's problems. my mom basically screamed and cursed out everybody in the family, both sides of the family dont want nothing to do with her or dad except for my mom's sister who doesnt seem to have a backbone yet she wont send no money nor come to AZ to help her with her divorce.
i told my mom if u know the warning signs are there when u meet a guy, then u should have left yet she proceeded to curse me out with her famous line "at least i have a husband." i told her "so, you have a hubby? this is what you are proud of? an idiot who doesnt and never wanted to provide for his family, still with his mistress and other women, gave u a blk eye, narcissis, likes to make ppl feel so dumb, etc yet u dont seem to mind? so, you are saying this ok behavior and that this ok to find a guy like this to marry?" she was red hot when i said that saying that is not what i am saying. i said 'that is exactly what you are saying u dont have to say it with words body language will always have power and speak for itself.
she told me i had no clue what i was talking about cuz my sister puts lies into my head. my parents hate my 2nd oldest sister i wonder why cuz she told them what she thought of them? my brother seems to my mom's angel until he says no he wont do xyz then she will disown him. she gave up her 1st oldest daughter anyway never went back to NC to even try to help her my grandma did all the work for her. i told my mom "so, ur saying that this ok to find a sorry guy? ok, dont complain when i find one just like dad and dont complain because the learning experience/behavior from what i have seen my whole life is coming from u." man, again red hot! told me i knew nothing about men i said u didnt have that many boyfriends she said she did i found out she only had 2 men in her life all she can seem to get is sorry men.
even when i was on dates with guys before i met my boyfriend, i started seeing warning signs of them. i had one threaten me saying he will rape me and get me preggo which i dont know why he would get me preggo what would that prove anything? i ended up meeting mostly jerk guys who threaten and stalked me i wasnt even dating them they barely knew me and i barely knew them too. they talked as if they knew everything about me, my life history, what i did in CA before moving to AZ, etc. they became such nutcases that i dropped them. i only made a police report on one guy when i was 18 and he was 26, he called me at 2a calling me every name in the book including racial ones for no reason. he said i will call u on monday as if nothing happen! this guy had 20 different screen names and he cursed me out so bad using 5 of them! i only read a few of this lies, name calling, and threats. sent him an email saying ur a liar and hypocrite saying u dont like black ppl yet ur the one who goes clubbing going home with a blk gurl u dont know making out with her and saying i love blk women and admitting that you do. i dont remember what he said but he said i made it up when i didnt.
i made a police report and havent heard from him since. we didnt get along anyway i dont know why i went out with him i barely knew him but went out with him. several months ago, i had a guy i met offline contacted me out of the blue i knew who he was. he was abusive too saying he hated everything about me in the past and i was terrible in the sack i said u shouldnt have met me if u truly felt this way about me. i wasnt like my mom who stayed with them knowing they were no good yet she tells me about good men i said how would u know u never had a good man? she screamed at me for that comment.
Replied By: talesi on Jun 28, 2011, 1:29PM
I am 42  years of age and a mother of 4, grandmother of 2. On the surface it appears as if I am a strong, stable and put together family.
I was a victim of domestic violence starting at the age of 16.  I had a shot gun wedding as a result of getting pregnant at the age of 16.  I was physically abused thruout the pregnancy and hid the bruises while I attended school.  I was emotionally abused and accused of cheating up to and including my ex-stating that the child was not his and he was a sucker for marrying me. I was a virgin with him and it hurt my core for him to deny his child.  As a result of our family ties, roots and image in my small town I was forced to stay in the marriage.  When I spoke to my grandmother about what was happening I was told "What goes on in the four walls of your home should remain in the 4 walls of your home".  "You have to figure out how to make it work for the sake of your children". I am proud of the fact that I graduated H.S. regardless of the burden and humility I had to endure.
At the age of 19 I was now with 2 children: age 6 months and 2.5 years.  The final straw for me was getting beaten up very badly while my children were in the room.  He told me the typical "If I can't have you no-one else can".  I knew I had to get out and had to find a way to do it without invovling my family.  My husband at the time worked for the Department of Corrections and he told me he had a "hit on me" if I thought about leaving.  I spoke with his father and and asked permission from both of our parents for a trial separation in which he would stay with his parents.  During the time of our separation I would receive messages and threats from so called inmates.  The tactic was a scare tactic that put me in a spiral.  I was fortunate to have found a friend that was very supportive during my escape.  I would go to work in the morning and we would switch cars, I used my comp days for time off so he could not be suspicous...I would travel over 600 miles round trip daily to apply, interview and find the means to set up a life in another city all together.  All the while having my ex believe I was at work.  I found a family, a job, and an attorney and filed for divorce and went underground thruout the process.  I did not attend any hearings and was represented by my attorney.  I could not have any communciation with anyone and had to schedule secret trips for visitation.  The day of my hearing I was told that I had to give up all material items in exchange for shared custody and a car with the payments.  I walked away from a home, a new vehicle and all the furnishings..all material.  I was placed in a safe home/shelter and had my children with me.  It took 3 years of counseling and the luck of great employment and great supervisor's that helped me with the healing while I maintained ft employment to support my children. 
I am now a successful professional making 6 figures, even without a degree as a result of the time, energy and effort that I made in educating myself in the public library.
My two children are adult children and I can tell you that our love, respect and understanding of and for each other is unconditional.  their Biological father has not seen them or has participated in their life in over 20 years.  As adults he now wants involvement on his terms.  I am proud of how both my children have reacted.
I don't regret my life, my decisions yet I do not recommend it for anyone.  To escape, get out and start fresh comes from your soul within.  My soul screamed---you have to do it for your kids, you are better to them alive vs. dead and you owe it to them to give them a safe place to grow up.  I lived in fear of being found....but after some time....and the more stable I got the stronger I got to the point that I was able to take my children to the funeral of their grandfather (the father of my ex).
We won, he cannot hurt me anymore.  What I learned is that he was a coward and a bully and took out his insecurities on me.  I was his punching bag-I was an easy target cuz I was the closest target....
Get help! Get out!
Replied By: brandyorrill on Jun 28, 2011, 8:15AM
I have just watched the show from Monday and first off let me just say wow. It was like watching a movie Jennifer Lopez starred in called Enough and It is so dead on what this woman has been through. I also can relate somewhat from an outsiders view of some of the things she has gone through because I have a sister who has been in an abusive relationship for more than ten years and is still currently in that relationship with three kids and she is so afraid to leave. She is so smart but has no money, car, or college education and he makes sure she stays that way. He also threatens to take the kids somewhere where she will never find them if she leaves and she cries to me everyday while she is smiling at everyone else. It upsets me so much mainly because I don't know what to do to help her and I feel so helpless.
Replied By: robinallison on Jun 28, 2011, 12:23AM
Hello Dr Phil ,
I had watched your show on domestic violence  yesturday when u aired  this lady kathy . which i know its a re run but u can not re run your life back once  something horrible has happened. Im in final stages of breaking it off with  a 10 yr off and on relation ship. hes also fits the category  on  offenders   i have listened carefully . i had him arrested and the cops here just gave him a chance to go get a parole officer  and yes he is a category 1 sex offender. ive broken it off with him several times. first time i had to take a breathing treatment  i have asthma and must  take the duo neb liquid med  .he purposely    kept out for 7 hrs by then i got a migrain headache he throws a fit takes me home and then leaves slamming the door  theres a lot more  but im scared just the same i just got housing. been  in since march. not knowing why i cried so easily this one day my  friend was here  he got up and said he didnt need to listen to this ....  by  b.... . i called him up told him that the manager called me told me i was gonna lose my home if that persisted. he was up set. but its these  kind of things    they think of what to do next. hes even had tried to have me killed  like these idots are just stoopid  if they were gonna kill me theyd of done it right.  so i spoke to my mom and she said for me to get rid of him or things are gonna happen. so my thing is now about protection ... i am not sure this city really does protect the person being violated.   since this is a casino town  in butte montana  restraining orders are really null in void. so now what do i do  i do have my friend's parole officers phone number. like kathy   my friend also does have that nack for making me look stoopid. us women cant win with these kind of offenders. im not about to lose my home i am not going to move yet again. im too old and im tired of moving. to keep ahead of this so called friend. can u shed some light. my hats off  to kathy for speaking up. bless her.
Replied By: debbiebittner on Jun 27, 2011, 8:58PM
I have not watched a show on domestic violence in such a very long time.  My young life was filled with hiding from Dad and making sure the three youngest of us ( the babies) were protected.  When I was 20 years old my mother had kicked my father out and asked the four oldest children to help her out and we were more than willing to do that.   There was a restraining order on my father but, it didn't stop him from going to the house at night with his gun in hand to beg for another chance.  On March 3, 1977 he had decided that she wasn't taking him back and no one else would have her.  I so hoped that our country had gotten better at protecting people like my mother but, in the last 34 years It does not appear to have improved at all.

I believe our family has broken that pattern if only because of the death of our parents.  I hope you can make a difference with this program and thank you.
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