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2010 Shows

 
(Original AIr Date: 10/20/10) It’s been called the ultimate form of child abuse –parents brainwashing their children against an ex-spouse in order to win custody. Could you be harming your child emotionally and not even know it? For 12 years, Chrissy and her ex-husband, Dennis, have been embroiled in a nasty custody battle for their two children. Dennis says that Chrissy badmouths him and his new wife, Gina, to their children and even took out a protective order against him, while Chrissy feels that her ex is an extreme disciplinarian who is teaching their kids to be pathological liars. Areva Martin, attorney and women’s advocate, examines Chrissy’s legal position, while Lisa Bloom, CBS legal analyst, weighs in on Dennis’ side. Will the parents reach a truce for the sake of their kids, or will they continue to battle it out in court? Plus, Dr. Phil speaks to former guest Bridget Marks, who made headlines when she had to hand over her twin daughters to their biological father after a court ruled that she falsely accused him of molestation.


Find out what happened on the show.
Comments
Replied By: gaybird on Apr 18, 2011, 11:01AM
Thoughts and prayers for all Targeted Parents, Grandparents,  Family,  Friends AND MOSTLY THE INNOCENT CHILDREN ..
 
Replied By: pollenys on Mar 5, 2011, 8:36PM
This programme was only broadcast in South Africa last week.
My comments:
1. Chrissy is the glue holding together the father and the stepmom's marriage. They use her as the focal point of their marriage - they tell each other that they would be happy if only she didn't exist - if only she didn't wanted her children to live with her, etc, etc. I have a strong suspicion that, if she were to disappear fully from the scene for a year or two, the couple would not have anybody to blame for their current unhappiness. They would have to begin to look at their own relationship. The stepmom would discover that Chrissy's criticism of her husband was largely valid. The husband would have to face the fact that he is unable to create and sustain happy relationships.
2. The stepmom is wildly out of control. If this is the way she acts while on national television, I really wonder what she does at home when there is nobody to record what is going on. What does she tell the children about their mother? Does she tell them their mother is a 'child killer'?
3. Why blame Chrissy for the little girl's letter stating that she hates her stepmom? The stepmom's reaction to the letter was most revealing. She felt 'hurt' to read that the girl hated her - in other words, she focused solely on her own feelings, her own hurt ego - and immediately blamed the mother for 'putting ideas into the child's head'! But what if the little girl really hates her stepmom? If the stepmom acts the way she does on television at home - and worse! - I am not surprised the girl hates life there.
All mothers sometimes hear their children telling them that they hate them. A real, loving, mother would try to think why the child is saying something like that, and change her own behaviour, if that is necessary.
4. I understand why Chrissy is frantic, and wants her children back with her. The children need, above all, a loving home where they can settle into their own lives, and not worry about fights generated and sustained by the adults who are supposed to look after them.
5. The father's presentation of himself as a hurt, injured party does not wash. I wonder what sits behind his carefully nurtured image of himself as a poor, powerless victim?
6. God bless the children. I would urge all the adults in this case to consider the words of the Lord that nobody should ever let any child stumble or suffer.
 
Replied By: verapapas on Mar 1, 2011, 5:51AM - In reply to secondsister
I hope you can try to have a relationship with your father - don't give up......your mother is horrible for scarring you three for life. Numbers 6:24,25,26
 
Replied By: verapapas on Mar 1, 2011, 5:10AM
I feel sorry for the children and Gina and Dennis. Bridget Marks was allowing her personal experience to comment. Well from my personal experience - I had a step son he was 7 when i first had the privelege of being a part of his life my ex husband had him every weekend. From after school on a Friday until 9pm on a Sunday he was so deprived of the attention from his mother that he called me mum and would message me with "hi mum what time are you coming home" he even loved my daughter (12 years older than him) who would take him with her friends go karting, water fights at home in summer etc. When his mother found out that he was calling me mum she hit the roof and stopped him from coming over on weekends made my husband at the time (her ex husband - they were divorced 6 years before i came on the scene) go over and explain to their son that he only has one mother and then she beat him!  From that day on he was too scared to even sit next to me at the movies. Every now and then he would let his guard down and hug me.  Finally one day he came home from his mothers and said he wanted his father to choose him or me..My husband was devesated but after 5 months of not seeing his son ( because his mother stopped him) we fell apart and divorced.

Gina do not let Chrissy do that to you and Dennis when the children are with you just concentrate on each other as husband and wife and your children - yes i say your children as a step parent you still have to cook clean and play and care and love them just like a parent. Sometimes better than a parent after seeing the burn on her leg what parent in their right mind would not get medical help for their child shame on you Chrissy !!

Chrissy needs to just stop the bad mouthing to the children and concentrate on her parenting skills because it does not matter how bad a parent you are your children will always love you no matter what you say or do and you are playing with their emotions. If they want to call Gina mum so what you know you Chrissy are their natural mother so what is the problem and if you are a good mum you will not worry about what they do over their father's house or with Gina it is not a competition it is about being their mother when they are with you. Dennis is a good father and if he thought you were not playing with their emotions and actually looking after them - he would not stop you from having more access. Stop making this about you and concentrate on looking after your children. I believe you push Gina to breaking point it does not excuse her reactions but you add fuel to the fire we all say things we regret and i could see Gina regreted saying you Chrissy were a child killer but you are not innocent telling Gina she is not their mother - she Gina does more for them than their own mother by caring about their emotional well being which is less than i can say for you Chrissy.
 
Replied By: meljonsmom on Feb 15, 2011, 6:38AM - In reply to meljonsmom
Even if you do the "right" thing, don't expect these types to be happy with their "win". Seven years after we allowed the custody switch, my ex still wanted to punish me even though I'd only seen the children twice and spoken to them a few times.

My youngest son from my current marriage was tragically killed in a school bus accident. My ex learned of this and phoned my home as we were leaving for the funeral to LAUGH?!

I only tell you this sad event to help you truly understand how sick these individuals are.
 
Replied By: meljonsmom on Feb 14, 2011, 2:09PM - In reply to alib21
I have had a wonderful marriage the past 25 years to a successful and sweet man. That wasn't always the case...


I went through this heartbreak many years ago, before the label "PAS/MAS) was coined. I know it IS real and heartbreaking. In my case, I made the mistake of marrying a psychopath. He manipulates everyone around him for some perverse enjoyment. In this particular instance however, he brainwashed the children to hate my side of the family after our divorce. The children had been happy, loved and doing well when we lived on Hilton Head. He lied, and manipulated the court GAL and counsellor involved. It came down to our deciding with the Judge that it would be their "best interest" not to fight him, let him have custody. It was quite difficult for me to allow this, but I didn't want them any more traumatized. The Judge nearly change his mind, when my ex exposed the truth inadvertently at the end by blowing his lid over $5 in child support. It was obvious to the entire court  since my current husband and myself are more financially secure, our support was set much higher than he'd had to pay, and he threw a fit over $5!?! Afterward as you can imagine, he ignored the court ordered counselling, and told the children that they didn't have to call us or contact us anymore (despite the order) because he had "saved them". That was 17 years ago. I have 7 grandchildren I've not been told about, but found on Facebook before I was closed out. When I attempted to call my daughter, she called the police to request I not call her anymore. The deputy said that she admitted I hadn't threatened her or any such thing.

Our case has been well documented, but my children won't want to know the truth. Maybe in a way, they can find some bit of happiness without knowing. I hope the grandchildren are safe from this abuse from their paternal grandfather, stepgrandmother and paternal greatgrandmother.

I hope you all remember to have a good, fulfilling life. Sometimes there is nothing to be done, but have a wonderful life on your own. You were great parents, did what you should have done, and likely are someone who fell into a relationship with a person who is "morally insane". You can't have known, these people lack empathy, will do anything to "win", etc. The children are doing what is easiest for them in the circustances that these people have put them. Dr. Amy Baker has written a book on this subject, and some children realize what really happened eventually. Sadly, the average time it takes is 20 years.

God Bless All of the parents, and especially the innocent children who get caught up in a situation where a psychopath has been "wronged". They are vindictive to the end. It's hard, but the only thing to be done is to ignore their bad behavior, and stay as far away from them as you can. Gentle hugs to you all....
 
Replied By: gaybird on Feb 9, 2011, 10:33AM - In reply to dsm1zaa
...when a child/children can't explain why they no longer want to be with talk to or have anything to do with the other parent ....that should be a clue
 
Replied By: georgia3468 on Jan 19, 2011, 7:34PM
I am living the PAS and brainwashing.  My ex husband is alienating the kids bec he is narcisstic, hateful, likes to win at any cost,  and for financial reasons ,  and this is when he cheated on  me...  I am in the middle of a child custody battle and my husband is making up so many lies and manipulating them.

I watched the show, and I question why the STEP MOM was up there and not the ex husband and ex wife. I think they both are at fault, NO...all three are at fault.  The step mom needs to back down and take the back seat and things might go better.  And both mom and dad need to call a truce.
 
Replied By: hybridized on Jan 6, 2011, 2:13PM - In reply to smilingoddess
That is a perfect analogy to what Parental Alienation is- brainwashing.  I have witnessed it with my step-son.  He has a completely different personality now since he has been completely alienated.  It is  heartbreaking to watch a child go from this loving boy to this hateful child that wants nothing to do with the alienated parent. And our hands are tied, courts don't help, counselors don't help.  We are praying that time will help- when he is an adult maybe he can begin to see the abuse that was done to him- by the alienating parent.
 
Replied By: alib21 on Jan 6, 2011, 8:34AM
My oldest daughter has NOTHING to do with me, though not for lack of me trying to keep a relationship with her.  Her dad and stepmother started brainwashing her at the young age of just 3 years.  It started off with them no longer referring to me as "Mommy" I became "Alison", later they started using my last name, too. 

In 15 years, started from the time they married (when she was 3 1/2) I've received 1 picture, 1, maybe 2 return phone calls, sometimes having to call for up to 5 weeks and over 50 calls just for one return, NO phone calls they initiated, NO letters, cards, report cards, NO information about my daughter at all, no invitation to her high school graduation, etc. 

I used to send her letters, pictures, and gifts.  But, when I'd ask her how she liked them she would say things like, "I don't know what you're talking about" or "you didn't send me anything".  When I brought it up to her dad he sent me a picture of a box with ALL the things I'd EVER sent her, things I didn't even remember until I saw them in the picture!  He was never giving them to her, just storing them away. 

When she was 12 she told me, "It's okay for OTHER people to have 2 moms, but I only have one and it's NOT you!"  2 years ago she got a facebook, I wrote her, hoping to by pass her dad and stepmother, I, told her I loved her, missed her...she blocked my profile.  Recently, her 14 year old sister asked to be her friend, again on facebook, she was ignorned. 

She has NEVER been able to tell me what I did that makes me, in her words, "a terrible person".  In those 15 years I've only been allowed 3 visits, once, when she was around 3, my ex went so far as to hide her from me. I called, said I was in town and coming over.  When I arrived he had sent her away and said he would not allow me the visit.  My mother was with me and told him it was a mean and uncall for thing to do...he didn't relant.  When I told him I was moving back to Arizona to be closer to her and be able to have my visits he moved to North Carolina.

I've only been able to make one visit there and he would never allow her to come to me.  During that visit, when she was 6, he refused to allow me my full visiting time, but would drop her off at our hotel at 7:30 and pick her up at 5:30.   Just 2 years later, when her then 4 year old sister still remembered that visit, my 8 year old, alienated daughter, remembered NOTHING about it.

Yes, parental alienation is real.  Yes, it's mean and hurtful.  Yes, it's long lasting.  Yes, it messes with kids heads.
 
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