2010 Shows

(Original Air Date: 10/15/10) Parents: Could your child be participating in a scary new fad? Learn the top three questions you should ask your teen. Spice may sound like a common household ingredient, but it’s a slang term for synthetic marijuana. Chris, 20, and his 17-year-old brother, Tyler, say they smoke spice because it’s a legal alternative to pot, and it makes them feel relaxed. Their mother, Billie, says her sons become verbally abusive and destructive when smoking, and she worries that the drug may be affecting their health. Dr. Daniel Amen, a neuropsychiatrist, reveals the hidden dangers of spice. Then, rave parties attract thousands of teens, but could these electronic music and light shows be deadly? Dr. Phil talks to Gracie, the mother of 15-year-old Sasha Rodriguez, who died after attending the Electric Daisy Carnival. Should raves be banned? Nick, a self-described raver, speaks up. Plus, learn about a risky new trend that takes body art to a whole new level.

Find out what happened on the show.
Replied By: aharris7 on Jan 17, 2012, 5:20PM
I don't normally watch your show, but out of all of the day time talk shows, I think yours can be one of the more beneficial.  I had been doing well for sometime about drug use, and then I encountered an old using buddy.  You know that I know that I shouldn't have gone around him.  Anyway, he was claiming to be doing better.  So i went over there, and he was smoking this K2 ya'll were talking about on here.  Claimed he had been smoking it for weeks.  I tried some a couple of times, and I could tell it was not a good idea to be doing this stuff.  So I told him what I thought about it, and then a few days later it was in the newspaper here that people were dying from the stuff.  The guy is still alive as far as I know, but I do know that it has killed quite a few people in this state alone, and a few other people I knew at the time tried it and said they would never touch the stuff again.  I've been doing much better over the last year.  I haven't taken anything, unless it was medically necessary, and I haven't been drinking like a fish for two years now, but I have had a beer or some wine here and there.  I'm too scared to keep it around, and I don't go around people who drink much because I know what can happen.  It's a sad reality that when you've had a problem with drinking before, and you go around people who are drunk, it's easy to end up drinking a beer or even more than you really want to drink.  Honestly, I'm afraid to hurt myself like that anymore.  I count my blessings that I didn't die from the stuff.  I heard they were trying to sell something similar as a potpourri, and there was a bath salt a while back that got abused as a drug by some folk.  I try to stay away from these kinds of things these days, but it's disturbing to know that these kinds of things get into people's hands a good bit.  I saw that some people in the Navy got arrested for selling it too.  It's also very tempting to someone who has been in recovery to see something that is legal someone could get high on.  So take it from me legal highs are not a good thing, ever.  There was a time before this where I fell into the temptation of getting high on cough syrup and that kind of thing when I was a teenager.  Those stumbles were the biggest mistakes of my life.  I have some medical conditions, and I am not in denial that some times I have to take things that are mood altering, one of them is schizophrenia.  So the K2 was a BIG no no.  Anyway, I have to take some medicines that sedate me everyday, but I know it's not a good idea to try to get high on the stuff because it makes me feel bad enough already.
Replied By: mfree11 on Jan 6, 2011, 10:32PM
These music festivals are large, but have the security, cops, medical teams, and numerous adults to go along with them. Everything at these events are by choice from what one wears to drugs to their actions. They are publically known and very popular.  When an event grows to be 20,000 to 85,000 people in one area of course there will be accidents and problems, that is statistically obvious with any massive event.

Dr. Phil and those that agree current "raves" are dangerous and should be shut down need to talk to people who go; they love them and many have been attending for years.  Electronic music such as house, dub-step, drum and bass, and trance are the popular genres of music for Generation Y, just as other decades liked Rock'n Roll, hence why they are music festivals.  Look at the music on 102.7, songs have techno beats.  Society loves electronic music!  I'am starting to dislike people calling them "raves" because they are so have evolved so much from how they used to be and raves come with bad connotations.

If parents want to protect their children be involved do not ban them because they WILL go.  Be their in case something does happen, educate them on drug use, and show them love.  You were young once too, so give advice you wish you had before going to a party or concert.  Teen hormones are crazy and kids do dumb things, but if they have love in their lives they know not to hurt themselves or others.  My mother helps me make my outfits and wants to see pictures.  This prevents me from dressing to sexy and doing any drug that will affect my eyes or facial expressions.  I also know I can call on her for anything throughout the night and I do not want to lose her trust...many of my friends feel the same.  I would of went to a "rave" sooner or later; I am glad at my first few festivals my mom took me and my friends and picked us up.  My mom loved she was involved and got to see how our generation parties and the music they enjoy. She thought it was funny how I made bracelets out of beads with cute sayings and interesting patterns and how I have a "rave name."  She was amazed how much preparation goes into going to these events, but she is not naive she knows dangerous people and substances are present.  I have made deeper friendships and met many people at these raves.  We do talk, bond, and show love to each other at this festivals and carry them home with us; they are amazing.

Replied By: mfree11 on Jan 6, 2011, 9:57PM - In reply to alwaysmoo
Raves are all about choices!!!!! From your clothing, drugs, and actions it is always your decision. These "raves" should be called music festivals because there is security, cops, medical teams, and numerous adults. They are not hidden nor are people that go trying to hide anything it is all above ground. This way of partying is a shadow of society now a days...everyone wants to escape the reality of their everyday 9-5 work days and school we are forced to go to survive in this economy...so we party/play just as hard and big.  Hell yea some of these music festivals go to 80,000 strong...NOW that is a party!!! YOU ROCK GENERATION Y!!!!!
Replied By: sunshinerays on Dec 31, 2010, 4:47PM - In reply to lisag4570
It is your responsibility as a parent to fix this. NOT society's problem and NOT the government's problem.  There are way too many parents out there that don't deserve to have kids.
Replied By: sunshinerays on Dec 31, 2010, 4:45PM - In reply to kentuckywoman2
It truly is a great injustice that adolescents are tried as adults in certain instances and punished as severely as adults. However, younger teens are not allowed to drive or vote.  If they are old enough to be tried as adults, then they are old enough to vote.   Why can you be old and senile and not even know why you are voting for a certain candidate, but a 17 year old who works hard at school and at work and volunteers cannot vote?
Replied By: asaudas on Dec 31, 2010, 3:02PM
I never heard of Spice or K2 until an Indianola, Iowa boy died from it this year. I learned about it on the news and then a infomation commercial about the parents and his brother speaking about it.
He supposedly died within an hour of smoking it.
Such a tragic loss.
Replied By: medman911 on Dec 31, 2010, 2:50PM
WOW!!! Reading some of the posts actually exemplifies my previous comment.
Replied By: medman911 on Dec 31, 2010, 2:47PM
Today's episode unfortunately is a sign of the times of today's generation. It seems like we have raised a generation of children that feel like it is their right and responsibility to not only question authority but to go against it. Despite the fact that there are many reasons for this I believe that we are now seeing the results of several generations of poor parenting. There was a time when if we went against authority there would be a price to pay. Now we provide these children excuses for their own behavior. Some of the end results of this were exemplified in today's show. We now also have a generation of people who seemingly have so little to offer society in the form of a personality or intelligence that in an effort to avoid having this deficiency come to light they mutilate their bodies in the form of implants, tatooes, etc so that rather than having meaningful conversation involving meaningful topics people with either avoid them altogether or the topic of conversation will revolve around what they have done to their body. Although I understand there are exceptions but at this point the rule has become the exception and the exception has become the rule. It is all a shame.
Replied By: kentuckywoman2 on Dec 31, 2010, 1:43PM - In reply to tinkybell269
First, I would advocate that sometimes as a parent we just have to back off.  This is very difficult to do when we're worried about our chld's health and safety, but sometimes it's necessary.  This is because the developmental stage of a teenager is one of  trying to find their own identity, testing their autonomy, wanting to make their own decisions, and of course, believing they know everything and believing they are indestructable.  Teenagers generally are not going to listen to what you have to say as long as you're trying to MAKE them listen.  They just tune you out.  They're also not going to read books or pamphlets you give them, or listen to other people you send to talk to them.  So unless you intend on hiring someone to kidnap your child and sequester him away in isolation until he "comes to his senses", you probably need to take a different approach.

I would suggest that for at least two weeks - four weeks you don't say anything further about his using this substance.  You can't help your son unless you can help yourself first, so you have to get your head in a different place.  You have to concentrate on what your life would be like IF you didn't have this problem with your son - and then live it accordingly.  Stop the yelling, the crying, the cajoling, the bribing, whatever else you're doing know that makes your son resist and fight with you.

If he doesn't pick up his room, just close the door. Your son wants to make his own decisions and be independent of you, so you have to teach him how to do that so he can make better decisions than the ones he's making now.  When you know he's doing that drug, stifle it, as Edith Bunker would say, and just keep your mouth shut and go on with your life as if he wasn't doing that behavior. 

He'll notice after a couple of weeks or so that something's changed.  And it won't be him, it will be you.  You can't change his behavior - YOU CAN ONLY CHANGE YOUR OWN BEHAVIOR.  Remember that, because it's crucial.  Once you've started to allow him to be responsible for his own choices and allow him to suffer his own consequences, you'll actually start feeling like a load's been lifted.  This won't be easy, but if you want peace of mind and you want his behavior to change, you have to do it.

Like I said, after a few weeks where the yelling has stopped, no crying or cajoling or begging him to stop smoking the stuff, no asking him where  he's going, etc., and the tension will ease.  He might even start initiating conversations with you about small stuff.  Go with it.  What you're aiming for is for your son to start seeing you in a different light.  Now he sees you as his jailor, judge, and jury.  He might even be projecting some of his anger at himself onto you; he just doesn't realize it. 

Once you can start having conversations, and you will, even if you don't think now that it's possible, you can think of things to talk about that won't cause conflict.  Start with baby steps in that area.  The goal is for you to increase your ability to have conversations with your son where you can both discuss things without either one of you getting angry, judgmental, etc.  This won't happen overnight, and it will take much effort on your part, because you're the one with the agenda.

Eventually, after a couple of months, you should be at the point where you can ask your son about this particular drug, or any drug for that matter, without him automatically flying off the handle.  If he feels safe talking to you without getting attacked, so to speak, or evoking an angry response from you, he might feel safe enough to really talk to you about why he does this drug.  What does he get from it?  How does it make him feel?  Is that the way he likes to feel all the time or just sometimes?  Is there something in this life that makes him want to do this drug or is it just because his friends do it?  (Remember not to judge or condemn his choice of friends at this point because he'd just get defensive).

In fact, that is a key.  You son is 17 and is really at the age when he's about to leave the nest.  You have to prepare him by trying to teach him how to make good decisions for himself.  You also have to be resolved that you have to stop trying to make these decisions for him or point out to him how wrong he is.  What you can do, however, is explore the pros and cons with him - but always in a non-judgmental way.  You can let him know you love him and want the best for him, including good health, but you also have to let him know that he's old enough to make his own decisions and you will respect them, even if you don't agree with them.

Hopefully you will be able to bond with your son in a way it sounds like you haven't been able to in a long time.  But again, the change will have to come from you first and foremost.  If you want your son to change his behavior, you can plant the seed but must allow him to come to the decision on his own, as if it was his own idea all along. 

Sigh.  That seems to be the trick with so many people.  :-)  I sincerely hope that things work out between you and your son.  I would urge you to remember that having a good relationship with your son is the primary goal here.  Ultimately, his decision to use drugs must rest with himself alone.  Be the voice of reason, but not the voice of condemnation.  And in the final analysis, just remember that although you love your son probably more than life itself, you can't live his life for him.  Sometimes you have to let go and wait for your kids come to you for advice.  I wish that for you and your son.

Good luck!
Replied By: kentuckywoman2 on Dec 31, 2010, 1:12PM
It's funny that Dr. Phil doesn't mention that some of this behavior from teenagers, e.g. punching walls/doors, the anger, etc., are completely normal at this developmental stage of life.  Read a decent developmental psychology book (available at most bigger bookstores and at most libraries) and you'll learn what parameters of behavior to expect at any development life stage.

Now, risk taking behavior that is above and beyond the normal is a different story, as is addictive behavior.  Some people are more at risk for developing addictive behaviors than others and need to be more careful.  Risk taking behavior can be part of addictive behavior, but there are many risk takers that don't do drugs.  Some of these people are bipolar or have other mental health problems that can be corrected with medication and/or therapy.

I personally wouldn't do this so-called "spice" drug; but I also believe that marijuana should be returned to it's legal status, as it was until the late 1930s.  I'm not advocating heavy marijuana use for teens, either, but at least that is a natural plant and not a conglomeration of spices and chemicals.

Teens in particular have a hard roe to how.  Historically speaking, there was no such thing as a "teenager" in the way we think of the teen years until around the 1940s.  In fact, there wasn't even really that much of a "childhood" concept until at least the 1930s, when Democrats and Unions succeeded in implementing many of the child labor laws.  Before then, children were expected to help support the family not just by doing their fair share of the work at home, but by working outside the home, as well.

Until the 1930s or so, nothing was thought about girls marrying as young as 14, 15, or 16.  Indeed, if a girl was unmarried by the time she was 18-20, she was considered a "spinster" or "old maid."  I'm not advocating a return to those times, but evolutionary psychology would tell us that a teenager of 15-17 r so has a body that is ready, willing, and able to behave as an adult, but the brain is not quite hardwired with the same reasoning capacity as an adult. 

What's missing is that in the old days, there were adults who guided these youngsters in how to behave as an adult.  That's missing today.  We expect teenagers to behave like adults but we treat them like they're still children.  Our society is out of whack. 

We spoil our children when they're young by buying them everything they want that we can afford.  We instill in them an attitude of expectation and entitlement - and we all do it.  Even the poorest among us try to compensate for whatever - lack of money, lack of a father/mother (in single parent homes), lack of time we have to spend with the kids because we have to work, lack of being able to live in a decent house or part of town, etc.. 

Working parents and non-working parents alike tend to spoil their kids.  Sometimes if we can't spoil them with material things, we spoil them by giving them too many excuses and/or permissions to get out of doing their chores, treating people with respect, etc.  We cut our kids too much slack because we as parents feel we have somehow shorted our kids in other ways, so we constantly seek to make it up to them. 

Bah humbug.  I did the same thing to my kid and I regret it today.  I created a selfish kid who puts himself first, is grateful for nothing, is condesending to those who aren't financially successful, and is disrespectful to the one parent who gave him everything.  That would be me, I'm ashamed to say.

Of course, hindsight is always better than foresight, but I think that we do a great disservice to our kids by trying to "give them everything we didn't have" and all that hoopla.  I think we'd do better to concentrate on giving our children less and teaching them to give more.  IMHO.
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