2010 Shows

Is your marriage in crisis, but you’re staying together for the kids? What if the children say you and your spouse are better off apart? That’s the dilemma 22-year-old Melissa and her family face. She says she and her sisters, 18-year-old Moriah and 16-year-old Alex, grew up listening to their parents constant yelling and screaming matches, and even witnessed them being arrested! Their father, Willie, says that his wife, Lisa, belittles him, and Lisa claims that Willie has punched her in the face and pulled out her hair. What’s at the root of their anger? Are Lisa and Willie ready to save their 25-year marriage, or should they heed their daughters’ advice and throw in the towel?

Find out what happened on the show.
Replied By: doughmance on Sep 7, 2010, 5:08PM - In reply to beenthere4ever
I am sorry you went through that.
Replied By: starlet234 on Sep 4, 2010, 2:41PM - In reply to truly4christ1
I am in agreement with you on this.  Wonder why he came down so hard on the mother.  He seemed combative, at times, in speaking with her.  I think they both need therapy, though, to help their marriage if they want to try to make it work.   
Replied By: lourissa04 on Sep 3, 2010, 3:30PM
This show really struck a chord with me and really made me realize what issues I have as well as my 3 other siblings.
There has always been yelling, some violence among other things in my life growing up. My mom and us kids have packed up and left my dad 3 times. Every time we came back because my mom wanted us to have our dad in our lives. When the girl in the show, Moriah, said that you begin to believe that you deserve it and your self esteem goes down the drain, I totally related to that. I know this to be true because all 4 of us kids have very low self esteem and 2 of us left home at an early age to get married and get away from the chaotic lifestyle. I know that I have carried these horrible things into my own relationship. There are times when I have been followed by my own husband and continue to stay with him because it just seems easier.
My parents are still together and have been for 26 years but, I worry about the 2 other siblings at home because of the yelling and sometimes physical abuse.
I have confronted my dad about smoking marijuana when I was younger and this has gone on for years and sometimes happened in the house. My mom has not had an easy life, however, she has been emotionally abusive as well. She has got in my face and told me that "I'm nobody."
I am 25 years old now and have spent my life trying to prove her wrong. I did marry at 18, no kids, own a home on 2 acres and write songs for a record label as well as go to college. Even though I have accomplishments, I battle with my self worth on a daily basis.
I hope this gets read and maybe someone can share information on how I can change the way I view myself.
Replied By: jennysgram on Sep 3, 2010, 4:57AM
Well, my comment "In Agreement" didn't make it to the messageboards. I'm assuming it's because I made reference to the McGraw family. Dr. Phil brought his family into the discussion -- I did not. My comment was made in reference to the discussion in which Dr. Phil mentioned his family. Apparently it's just not acceptable to make a comment that contains something about the McGraw's. If that is true, Dr. Phil should refrain from saying things during the show about his family. I stand by what I said -- that it is out of place, irrelevant and unfair to bring his family into a discussion with another family. To make comparisons is just wrong. 

I also mentioned his "question" segment in which the questions are all nice and fluffy about his hobbies or his grandchild. He claims he'll answer ANY question.  I have some no-holds-barred questions for Dr Phil:

Why are you so proud of your obvious bias toward the South/Southerners? We are all ONE nation.
Why are you now inventing words like "consequate"? I looked it up -- the word doesn't exist. How can you make yourself clear when you're using words you've made up?
Why do you consistently refer to people as "that" -- "The man that..." ? Objects are referred to as "that"; people should be referred to as 'who". It's de-personalizing to use the word that in reference to a person. I would think you would be sensitive enough to realize that.
How did you pay for grad school and your PhD? You often proclaim that you have never owed money to anybody, and yet you did not come from "money". Your degrees had to have been very expensive. I would like to know how you did it.
You say you were almost a high school dropout. What changed you in such a major way that you continued to college and beyond to finally receive your doctorate?
We know your son and his wife made a baby. It's wonderful, it's great. However, why must you mention your grandparenthood so often? There are many of us out here. I am a grandmother of one year. I know the happiness firsthand, but I don't make it a priority to mention it to everyone I see. We know you're proud and thrilled -- we get it...

Thanks for reading. I make sure my comments are intelligently written and contain no disrespect. I see posts every day that are borderline insulting and poorly written -- sometimes they're nothing but  nonsense. I don't understand why these comments are posted and mine are sometimes rejected. And that is my last question...
Replied By: only1nini on Sep 2, 2010, 8:00PM
Honestly, I think every one is missing the point.  Dr. Phil was harder on the mother because she was in defense mode.  She was too busy defending herself to see what she is doing to her children.  The father wasn't about to defend himself because he new what he is doing is wrong.  Really can't defend it.  Dr. Phil is trying to wake them both up to what they are doing to their children.  I'm not so concerned with the parents as I am the children.

I am the third generation (that I know of) of very strong women.  Women who have put up with a lot for their children.  Not always did they make right decisions, but they lived and learned.  They in turn taught me how to be stronger and make boundaries for myself.

Long story short.  My grandmother was raised in a generation where it was okay to beat your wife.  Calling the police was unheard of and if you did nothing was done about it anyway.  My mother had me when she was 18 years old, my brother when she was 19.  She divorced my biological father when my brother was born.  She remarried when I was 3.  They had 2 children between them.  The physical abuse started about 3 years into their marriage.  They divorced when I was 13.  Both my biological and step father disappeared after the divorce.

The point is these children can overcome this cycle.  There are rough times ahead no matter what their parents decide to do.  But they DO NOT have to continue the rage.  As a child of emotional abuse you carry a lot of rage around with you and sometimes you don't know how to express that rage.  So it comes out of you in many different ways.  The rage is the hardest thing to control, therefore you have to look for different outlets for the rage.  I chose a heavy bag. LOL   It is all a matter of setting boundaries for yourself.  You have to treat yourself like a princess. As a princess you will not allow yourself to stoop to the level of treating another person differently than you would allow anyone to treat you.  Create dignity for yourself, draw the line in the sand.  What ever it takes.

As for the cycle continuing in my generation.  Though me and my siblings have had a rocky road.  I am celebrating my 20th anniversary on September 17th.  No one has ever physically or emotionally abused me.  I love my husband as much as I did they day we met.  I did not marry until I was 21.  My sister has been married for 14 years with no abuse.  She didn't marry or have children until she was 20.  My brothers have had a lot more issues but have grown and are continuing to grow in their own relationships.  None of my nieces and nephews have seen violence.  It can stop.

Dr. Phil thank you for recognizing and showing these children can and will improve their lives.  I have all the faith in the world.
Replied By: tamiesmail on Sep 2, 2010, 4:41PM
I can't believe you gave the mom such a hard time about the dinner. I grew up in a fighting family and I would rather have celebrated with my mom and dad separate rather than had fighting at the dinner. It's better to spend quality time with each than be miserable with both.
Replied By: madmoney39 on Sep 2, 2010, 10:38AM - In reply to jennysgram
I agree, what an aweful thing to say, I hope your sorry for those words one day!  Maybe if you ever have kids they will think the same of you, it's called Karma!
Replied By: jennysgram on Sep 2, 2010, 5:04AM
Harsh words.  Demeaning, humiliating. Had it been me sitting in that chair opposite Dr. Phil, I would have walked off. All the air would have gone out of me. There was already plenty of animosity and negativity on that stage -- why add more?? Those words have been said before, and I cringe every single time.   
Replied By: sweetfreedom2 on Sep 1, 2010, 9:00PM
I was married for 22 years. We had three children together and I had a child, a girl who was about 5 1/2 when we got married, she kindergarten when we got together. LOL! Makes me think a little more writing here! He used to pay for her childcare, take and pick me up from work, he bought us groceries before he moved in. He was quite the "catch". After about a year of courting maybe more like 9 mos, he moved in. Let me back up, he and I dated during my senior high school year about 10 years prior to us getting together again, so we knew each other, or so we thought! Anyway getting right to the point. This guy was the meanest guy behind closed doors he treated me so badly. He ripped my gown right off my body and angrily took advantage of me, tried to put me outside at 8 mos pregnant with our son, after I got out of the hospital and almost loosing the baby and in front of my daughter! Any way that all happend within the first year of our marriage and I could so go on because I stayed with this psycho mean man for over 22 years and had not one but two more children! My kids wanted us to break-up. I wanted us to break-up and co-parent our children sort of be "friends". Be honest with our children because they "saw" better than any doctor could say and they really know what is best because they are living it too. But that ol mean man was just NOT having it! O okay I saved the best for last, I stayed with this monster and I found out he molested my youngest child. Now what?!!!! I think when the signs are there to leave and break-up it is important to be honest with the children and move on, because somebody is going to be deeply, deeply hurt. Just move on! Sometimes people who shouldn't get married and have children and they shouldn't stay in a painful relationship simply because they got married and had children. We raising a generation of very angry confused kids/adults because we decide to stay in a pain relationship for whatever the reason is.
Replied By: beenthere4ever on Sep 1, 2010, 7:05PM
Your advice to 'call the police and have him locked up' to the woman whose husband was physically abusive may not apply if she lives near the wrong sheriff. My children and I were abused, but when I called 911 one night after a particularly vicious incident where my husband beat up our son, the deputy who arrived only wanted to talk to the 'man of the house'. He then arrested my son, who was clearly bruised and shaken. He told my children that a man had the right to 'beat the shit' out of his children in his own house if they did not obey.

The children and I left the relationship--we felt we had no choice. In the eyes of the law we abandoned the marital property, worth about a million dollars. He cleaned out my bank account, killed the children's pony because it was too much trouble to take care of (punishing the children for leaving), had me arrested one Christmas on a completely false domestic violence charge (he was out of state on the day of the supposed incident, and the police knew this but arrested me anyway). He has committed fraud repeatedly, perjured himself, and flagrantly violated the court's orders. It's been 6 years, and the courts continue to allow him free rein. Yes, they prosecuted me for the domestic violence (the judge actually laughed at my husband in court before he dismissed the case), but have never done anything to him. I am told the District Attorney is afraid of my ex, and that certainly seems true. The SBI investigated how I got out of jail on Christmas (NC has a mandatory 48-hour cooling off period for any domestic violence arrest), but not how he got away with filing a false arrest warrant and perjuring himself.

Dr. Phil, being abused is one nightmare, but sometimes leaving creates more. My children and I are happy but we have been through so much. The sheriff and the courts are no refuge, no help, and actually in our case a hindrance to us and enabler of the abuser. An abused wife needs to check out other options before she just calls the law. There may not be any options except leaving and letting him keep everything. Except the children.
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