2010 Shows

When a Tennessee mom put her 7-year-old adopted son on a one-way flight back to Russia, it caused an uproar that made the subject of international adoptions front-page news. Dr. Phil speaks with adoptive moms who say they relate to the woman’s decision, and unless you walk a mile in their shoes, you have no way of understanding. Jayne says she had no idea the 2-year-old little girl, Mikhaela, she adopted from the Ukraine eight years ago was profoundly deaf and autistic. Jayne says the now 10-year-old has multiple behavioral disorders and kicks, bites, punches and tries to hurt herself daily, and is getting too strong for her to handle. And, Kristi says all the love in the world couldn’t help the baby girl she adopted from China. Kristi says she wasn’t even close to being qualified to parent her now 14-year-old daughter, Tierney, who has since been placed in out-of-home care. If you or someone you know is thinking of adopting internationally, or if you’re an adoptive parent in crisis, don’t miss today’s show. Learn what the experts say you should do to prepare for a cross-cultural adoption and how to get through the adoption process the right way.

Find out what happened on the show.
Replied By: sweetbabynrs on Mar 17, 2015, 8:31AM
the only person here who is doing the correct and intelligent and OBVIOUS thing is Kristi.   if you have a child with a severe disability, you send them somewhere they can get help and be taken care of properly.   you turn them over to the state.  keeping a child with serious medical problems at home makes as much sense as a person with no medical training performing open heart surgery.  

you do not send these kids back.  you put them in a hospital with caring professionals who can handle them.  you can still be a parent.  these are resources that are not available in other countries.  you can visit, go on outings, be involved in care.  but you cannot live with this child in the home.  not yet. 

it is not the child's fault, but it IS the parents fault if they do not do take every step and use every resource at hand to help the child. 

SHAME on the mother who sent her son back to russia all alone!.  no, she could not keep him at home, but she should have hospitalized him and gotten him help.  now there is no hope for this child.  

Replied By: ashealvarez on Sep 13, 2014, 12:21PM
That was the most disturbing opening video. The child obviously has special needs and does not comprehend information like most kids do. The mother is over aggressive, angry, and uncivi. Duct taping gloves on, like she's an animal. I'm sure this video doesn't show all of what this mother did to this poor child. She tries to redeem herself saying all that she's doing for the kids but she is not acting on it. He behavior to the child is cruel and she should not have children. Children with special needs have to be treated, talked to, and handled differently.
Replied By: sorcor on Aug 19, 2011, 7:40PM - In reply to crisser3
I just read  your post from the last time this issue was addressed.  I don't think you will get this, but hopeful.  Look at Nancy Thomas's stuff.  She has had success. www.attachment.org
There are so many of us out there.  I know there are groups online that you can find support.  I hope you are surviiving.
Replied By: leinster on Sep 13, 2010, 8:01AM
Hi there,

We're a little behind here in Ireland and the Adoption, Return to Sender show aired here today.

Within my own family we have a long history with both national and international adoption, and I have to say we were very very fortunate that we didn't have such serious issues to contend with.  There were abandonment issues, physical and social development issues but we were very lucky to have the resources and the backup within the family to deal with every issue that arose and I'm very proud to say I have two cousins who may be adopted but they are my family.

To anyone out there thinking about adopting, please please please do your research beforehand and go through a recognised adoption agency, take advantage from all the parenting classes before your new family arrives and most importantly please remember that no child is perfect but all children deserve the love of family, access to education and medical care
Replied By: dancethetide on Aug 27, 2010, 12:10PM
We are still waiting for our appointment with PNP and Dr. Lawlis, but the needs just seem to be getting greater.  Had to request yet another placement, due to total failure to supervise.  There are now some lovely pictures in cyberspace of my daughter and the 12 year old I believe she is "grooming" when brought to the attention of the grown ups (I had copies of some pictures), their response was "they were playing dress up".  Seriously?!?  She is 14 and was wearing club wear with her chest falling out (her cup runneth over) and 4 inch hooker heals, clearly she has been taught how to pose for the camera for a "profile" picture.  Additionally, the provider decided she was qualified to discontinue my daughter's thyroid medication and had failed and refused to provide transportation to doctor's appointments.  She has not seen a GP in over a year.   The agency's response - gave me a 30 day notice they will no longer serve her.  Now Magellan claims that despite a new auth being issued 13Aug, they have to decide if she still needs this level of care.  Huh?  We requested school records and come to find out she has ditched 5 days of school last year that we were never notified of as a CFT and she had 7 days of IBI at school we were never told about.  How can a team make good decisions for a child when the providers are withholding information or blatantly lying to us!1?!?!?  Oh please God, help us to see PNP quickly and help us discover ways to truly treat Tierney.  She deserves so much more than this.
Replied By: jayneb on Aug 15, 2010, 7:11PM - In reply to dancethetide
I've been MIA for a while.  I packed Miki and took her up to Carlton Palms.  I left while she was on a golfcart ride.  She needed to be restrained the first night and had two episodes pr day that week.  She's settled down a bit. She is hardly tantruming now.  I'm going up to visit Aug 25 for her birthday.  I sent a pkg and she got excited knowing it was from me.  I tried to speak to her on the phone one night.  The aide said she was excited and hopping but only said BAAA BAAA to me.  I've been busy trying to acccomplish what was lacking for the last six years.  There are so many projects that I got distracted from with Miki here.  I also NEED to work.  I spent too much time blogging instead of working in June.
I got the results of the tests the PNP Center did for us.  Miki has high levels of platinum.  I would love her to burp up some jewelry (sorry, it's my humor that keeps me sane.)  I'm trying to figure out how to chelate her while she is at the facility.  I'm not sure that they would cooperate.  I'm getting back my sanity, doing things I've missed and sleeping late a few times a week.  Thank you for you thoughts and prayers.
Hugs, Jayne
Replied By: staciab on Aug 12, 2010, 7:04PM - In reply to crazy4elvis
I am so sorry to hear about these major difficulties.  Know that we are praying for you.  When my daughter was having similar behaviors, I looked everywhere for help.  I finally looked in the phone book and found a treatment center for adolescents.  Look under hospitals.  They did an evaluation and one time they didn't admit her but the second time they kept her for 5 days and checked her meds, etc.  At least I got a 5 day break.  I hope you have something like this in your area.  Lord, continue to give us strength and wisdom and insight into these children.  Pour out your grace and peace, Lord and give us favor.
Replied By: crazy4elvis on Aug 11, 2010, 7:07AM
Well, after having to call the police AGAIN, he was hand cuffed and put in the back of the cop car. I really thought this would be the wake up call that he needed. He  sprained my wrist, but at that time I didn't know how bad it was. I allowed him to come back in that night, which ended up being a really big mistake. He is not one bit sorry for what he did. He has tried to attack me 3 more times within a 5 day period and the only reason he didn't get me is because my two older sons kept him off me and took him to his room. He now explodes at any time, out of the blue. We have put all our knives away and we even caught him making weapons in his room out of the hangers we had in his closet. Removed them immediately. Anyway, my wrist was sprained so badly that I couldn't sleep that whole night. I had to get a brace the next day and he was just cocky the whole day. I just can't belive that a 12 year old can cause such chaos and damage and not feel any remorse for it. He is like an erupting volcanoe......you keep one eye open all the time to stay safe, but he can blow at any time and now when he blows someone usually gets hurt. The coulnselor told me that I needed to create a paper trail by calling the police every time he gets like this, or I won't ever get the needed help. Isn't that just sad. Because the juvenile lock-up is so full here, they have to do something pretty major in order to get anyone's attention. I guess that means he will have to kill me before anybody believes me when I say he is a danger to all of us in this house.  I have been so stressed lately that I can hardly even get going each day. I really need to have him out of the house for a few weeks in order to gain some control back and maybe start to live a safer more stable life with my other two kids. He's back to claiming that we abuse him again, so I need to stay one step ahead of him.:(
Lord help me survive this mess.
Replied By: dancethetide on Aug 7, 2010, 3:58PM
It seems to me that maybe the morality police who are so upset with a mother who admitted her own shortcomings and inability to parent a very special needs child before providing for his safe return to an adoption agency who could take care of him, should take a good hard look at the dead beat parents in this country who fail to support their biological children (disabled or not) by choice.  The system is set up to allow them to run free and make the parent already doing it all for the kids need to chase them through the court system.  It certainly is not worth it, to chase a deadbeat who clearly by definition is less than a parent in that they do not care enough to parent the child physically, emotionally or financially.  Simply stated - you cannot legislate love or responsibility.  A person who would put a bite of food in his mouth before ensuring his children are fed is not a parent.  A person who would lie to his children is not a parent.  A person who would cheat on his wife(s) and mock family values is not a parent.  A person who would lie, cheat and steal, teaching children how to abuse the system is not a parent.  Someone who does not ensure the physical, financial or emotional well being of the child they created is not a parent.  To those who have done their job - congratulations, you have made the world a better place.  To the rest, I would imaging the deathbed regrets will be horrific.
Replied By: dancethetide on Jul 21, 2010, 2:55PM - In reply to jayneb
Mi she-bei-rach a-vo-tei-nu,M’kor ha-bra-cha l’i-mo-tei-nu: Mi she-bei-rach i-mo-tei-nu,M’kor ha-bra-cha l’a-vo-tei-nu Jayne and Miki -

You have been in my thoughts and prayers.  Please let us know how you are both doing working through this transition.  There is joy on this path.


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