Sign up for the Dr. Phil Newsletter
Twitter Facebook YouTube

2010 Shows

 
How do you define a modern woman, and how does her role change when it comes to money, marriage and motherhood? Helping Dr. Phil sort it all out is his expert panel of legal analysts, TV personalities and comedians. First, Meredith, a nurse, is the breadwinner for her family, while her husband, William, stays home to care for their three children. The househusband says that since he doesn’t bring home the bacon, he feels like less of a man. Dr. Phil’s panel weighs in. Then, Lori Gottlieb, author of Marry Him: The Case for Settling for Mr. Good Enough, says women should stop ruling out potential suitors on superficial criteria. Find out what several outspoken Dr. Phil staff members have to say about settling.

Find out what happened on the show.
Comments
Replied By: gabusch on Apr 9, 2010, 5:27PM
I have always felt my grandmothers & my mom were modern women.    They all worked & had the ability to take care of themselves.  My mom's mother is 93 & she & my grandfather were married over 70 years until he passed away in 2006.  My dad's mother, who, passed away almost 16 years ago, had worked since she was 12 years old.  My mom has always worked & been able to take care of herself.  My great grandmother was a widow & supported herself in a time when women didn't work.  I was always told to have the capability to support myself & not rely upon someone else to support me.

I am glad to see in this day and age companies such as "Dove" soap are promoting programs to give young women self esteem & encourage them to be the best they can be.  I also like the fact that "Dove" soap is a long time company that recognizes the change of the times.  They promote all kinds of beauty & do not define beauty by a specific type.    They recognize that all women are beautiful.
 
Replied By: dbachelor on Mar 7, 2010, 10:09PM - In reply to shelibells
> Where are all the good guys who have themselves established and WANT to get married and have a family?

You need to familiarize yourself with the "marriage strike". The video "Men, Math and Marriage" (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=42sI2G4m5aU) would be a good place to start.

Basically, the combination of no-fault (unilateral) divorce and highly biased family courts not recognizing the rights of fathers has caused many men with something which could be put at risk (i.e., decent jobs, assets, etc) to be extremely wary of the harm which can come to them for making the mistake of associating with a woman.

Men do a simple cost/benefit analysis and conclude it's just not worth it. That is why you seem to only find men who have nothing to offer. Men who do have something to offer are leaving the playing field to the losers and ne'er-do-wells. Some refer to this as "going ghost" -- becoming invisible to women, which is easy because women still are passive and never initiate "first contact" or ask a guy out who they don't know. This is also known as the Men Going Their Own Way (MGTOW) movement. That is, without women.

It is all a structural problem and has nothing to do with anything personal to them or you. I.e., it isn't' because "men are intimidated" yada yada yada (as I explained in a previous post). True, some harsher critics combine criticism of the legal disadvantages men face in marriage with the idea that western women have been ruined by feminism and are thus unmarriageable in spite of the laws; these sorts tend to talk about expatriating to areas of the world where women still respect men and where the laws are friendlier to husbands/fathers.
 
Replied By: haroldb1934 on Mar 7, 2010, 7:22PM - In reply to bullock607
3/7/2010

You said, "I think the only reason why a woman gets married is to have a man to blame when she is not happy with her life."

There is much to be said for that.  I think their mothers teach them something like that.  It is like "Get married and have a baby and you will have a financial lean on that man for the next 20 years or more."

haroldb
 
Replied By: shelibells on Feb 25, 2010, 6:58PM
As a single Mom who makes very good money, I am the owner of my own home in a small rich town, I am just so sick of men who are mamma's boys who think you're going to take care of them because you make more money than them and you got your stuff together.  I consider myself a middle class, self-sufficient working single mom and manage my money well.  I have a 401k and a savings and when I want to go on vacation I put money aside and I go.   I pretty much figure I'm going to be single and date these loser men for the rest of my life.  They claim they want to get married, but are in their young 30s with a dead end job, no savings, some with no health insurance, no stable home, etc.  It just baffles me that some of these men have no kids and even if they make a good pay they have nothing to show for it.   They have no desire to get ahead or have more and then this woman comes along and they want you to fix them.  Where are all the good guys who have themselves established and WANT to get married and have a family? Men who want a woman for her brains and are not intimidated by a strong, intelligent self-sufficient woman who holds her own?  I feel like if a  man sees a woman and she is not needy, meaning he brings nothing to the table that she cannot already offer herself, she has no worth to him. There is much more things that I personally am looking for than just someone to make more money than me.  Just have a passion for life and a desire to be more and hold their own, whatever that may be.
 
Replied By: metalman_too on Feb 20, 2010, 11:55AM
I sure am losing it for these discussions and Dr. Phil shows. Maybe it's my age but these soap opera issues are starting to question my own sort of reasoning. I mean if these people see life this way, what's the matter with me for paying attention to them?????
I'm a male who has been married once for 21 years and in my own mind that was the biggest mistake I have ever made in my entire life. If it wasn't for sex I seriously doubt that we would have been together at all. My ex-wife wrote me to make amends after 23 years of separation. She was dying from lung cancer and the very first thoughts on my mind were how worthless I felt all the times I tried to get her to quit smoking. I concluded that females are controlling and manipulating by nature and think that's truly a gift they possess. But I've also conclude that I was the one who had the problem because with my ignorance about mating and knowing how to pick who to relate to,  I enabled myself to be controlled and manipulated. It takes a woman to make a man so as a male. A female is offered no security when he's to weak to not be controlled and manipulated. That ended up being what I seen a the failure in my relationships.
Now when it comes to these women on this show they all were successful on their own for their own individual reasons with the intention of controlling and manipulating their own futures. I do not see that as a problem but I do see letting myself get involved as a problem. In relationships such as these from my own past I am now fully aware that all I could possibly do would be defend and protect myself from the control and manipulation. That was the main reason I divorced because it became the only choice I had to protect myself. I knew no other way to end the legal part of what I ignorantly accepted to be responsible for.
So now that I'm older and listen to females demand their rights along with expressing their expectations of males I realize that I never was capable of earning a female's trust and respect so she would use her talent of controlling and manipulating for the 'we' part of relationships instead of just the 'me' part. Seeing these women only left me wondering about if they were involved with all their relationships this way when do they ever change? I mean there was a time I liked to open the door for a woman without her demanding that I open the door for her. I would've liked to just been trusted and respected by her to do it on my own. If she didn't I wonder what's the matter with her because she didn't take the time to observe my behavior before becoming so heavily involved with me???
I do know it's not intimidation that I feel for females. It's not fear but pure terror that I feel because for me to ever do that kind of damage to my own life again such I've done to myself in past so-called relationships is something I could not handle or ever take a chance on ever again. I have no problem letting females win that one and at least have a life of my own to live now. I also realize I'm not capable of choosing decently who to share my life with and I have a good feeling about liking my life best this way.
I have to admit to being troubled though with our society not looking decently at relationship issues because I feel we have so many males displaying female's controlling and manipulating behaviors. Male roles where meant to be accepting the responsibility and accountability for the direction and well-being of the relationships. Maybe being smart finds a person losing sight of 'common sense.'
 
Replied By: va5quez on Feb 20, 2010, 11:21AM
When I saw this show it made me so furious. I just have to say to all the women who think money matters more than your man, I guess you don't know what love is. Because no matter how much money your man makes, it doesn't determine how good his heart is.
 
Replied By: rjinga on Feb 19, 2010, 12:36PM
 
Replied By: sanjuangal on Feb 19, 2010, 6:41AM
The most interesting person on this program was Mark Walberg...........Initally I thought I didn't like Patty Stanger but she won me over with her comment about "living together" as "dating with privledges".  I was most saddened to hear Lisa Bloom state that she is living with her mate without any intention of getting married.  Also disturbing was the statistic that 40% of children are born to single parents.  In my opinion no one thinks about how the child is going to feel later on in life not having two parents.  Where'd I come from?  Oh some guy I hooked up with or well, you came from a tube.  REALLY!!  I also was curious about Areva Martin and her statement about being married to a lawyer.  But she never looked any further than law school and for sure she wasn't going to marry "down"!!
Women griped and complained about wanting equal rights and they got them and now they gripe and complain about not being able to find a equal.  Hell they think they are so superior that any man is scared right out of the shute.  To me a partner is someone with a good heart and a good spirit - someone kind.  If your so called "standards" are too high and please, I'm not talking about morals here - how about the gal with a list of 100 qualities - GET REAL!!  I'm old and guess old fashioned but I think the womens lib movement did more harm that good.
 
Replied By: listenandlearn on Feb 18, 2010, 3:57PM
This show was very entertaining.  As entertainment I enjoyed it.  I'm not sure it really addressed the questions presented.  In between the comedy there were some great points made.  It's true that the women's movement did a lot for women.  However, there were some side effects.  Some of those side effects have made life harder for men and women alike and dating is one of those areas.  Nobody knows the rules anymore, and with relaxed attitudes about sex before marriage, many men don't see the need to make a commitment.- ever.   I think life is definitely better overall for women since the women's movement, but we did lose something in the process.
 
Replied By: blinkie124 on Feb 18, 2010, 12:23PM
I just saw this show and I have to say...I am one of those women who are so there!  It was not my choice, though.  I married at 23 wanting to settle down and just go in neutral for a while.  I am a very driven person and it was making me nuts!  I thought average Joe was good enough and would keep me "normal"...Ten years later (divorced for the last 3), I have 2 bachelor's degrees and am persuing a master's.  I have two wonderful children, a career on the move, and am finally debt free with the exception of my mortgage.  I have been through a LOT in that time and it was NOT easy.  One of my children has a disability.  I gained 75 then lost 95 pounds having my chlidren.  I am divorced from a bitter, not nice man.  Thank GOD for a sense of humor!!! 

I know on the dating scene I have several things working against me and I have found they are NOT what I thought they were.  I thought being a mom, having a disabled child (aweseome kid, but he will need a guardian for life and apporpriate housing if he moves out of my home), being divorced, all of those things would work against me...NOT true!  No one seems to care much about any of that.  I thought the pluses would be that I work out and keep in shape, am tall and attractive, well educated and driven in life.  That I make a good living for myself and am funny and have a welcoming personality.  That I am in no rush to get married but want to spend my time with a man who is like minded and wants to work on having a true partnership and a solid relationship.  Are you kidding?  That stuff has been the kiss of death!!!  I am NOT joking!!!  I have formed the opinion that men need to be needed.  I don't "need" them to survive, but I would like one in my life!  I think when the need aspect is stripped away and it's completely about who they are as people, they get intimidated.  I am grateful I am as motivated and driven as I am so I can support my family and give them a good life and be a good example to them that no matter what life throws at you, there is a second chance to make it with hard work.  I have no other choice but to keep going forward in my life.  What I am finding is that men (even very successful ones) view this as competition, time and attention taken away from them.  For example, they can travel and have busy schedules and be workaholics, but apparently the women are supposed to be ready for action at a moments notice and not have a life of their own.  Who with a decent job or any responsibilities at all can do that?  They say they want a woman like me, but their actions say they want someone with nothing to loose willing to dedicate their lives to them from day one.  In my mind, they should see the dedication I give my life and think the idea of being part of my life would give them the same dedication and attention.  Instead it's almost like they want a desperate cling-on they can save from themselves.  It's rough, it really is.
 
Showing 1-10 of total 141 Comments