2010 Shows

(Original Air Date: 02/03/10) Is your spouse too controlling? Courtney says her husband, Paul, is obsessed with governing her life. She says he deletes her e-mails, keeps her from having friends, has to know her whereabouts at all times and texts her every minute of the day. When Dr. Phil conducts an experiment with the couple, will Paul admit his fears and realize that his behavior is pushing his wife away? Then, Aimee says her husband, Billy, tells her how to drive, cook, parent and clean, and if he can't get his control issues under control, they're going to be divorced. Billy says his wife is overdramatic and since she controls the sex in the marriage, she holds the position of power. Is Billy too controlling, or is he simply bringing order to what he says, without him, would be chaos? And, take a quiz to find out what type of controller you are!

Find out what happened on the show.
Replied By: nedhelp on Jan 15, 2013, 2:16PM
I know how hard its stayig with a controlling husband who manipulates on a daily basis. My husband began showing his true color(controlling) after I had my second child. He blames me for everything that goes wrong and wins most arguments through the use of rationalizing his behavior He takes pride in watching me get hurt or sad. He is so demanding and almost impossible to satisfy. My husband's constant sulking,complaining,no respect for my boundaries,haughty,frightening temper,paranoid control drives me crazy. Sad part is - he has no compassion,shows no feelings of remorse or guilt for his mistakes or the hurts he dishes out. He makes me dance to his tunes and follow his instructions without any sort of protest or arguments.
I've pretty much given up and accepted the fact that he's not going to change and that anything I want out of life I have to get myself without his help.He does absolutely nothing for me or our children.He also has anger and communication issues.when he gets really mad - he can't control his mouth and says the most undesirable things. It's just sometimes it really hurts that I can't be close to him to tell him all my hopes and dreams because I am afraid he will be critical of them like so many times in the past. He considers himself as the superior and will always treat me as an ignorant and useless person! I am feeling very bitter and resentful to him, but don't want to leave him and deprive my kids of a father growing up
Replied By: irishhomemaker on Jun 14, 2012, 5:02AM
Hello, I a mother of two georgous kids and have a quiet home life. I dont go out by choice and dont drink or smoke. The problem is , I enjoy going on facebook and twitter. I enjoy the banter and the fun on twitter and it is anonymous as I have a username and dont share my real 'self'.

My problem is, if I am on too long on twitter, or facebook , my husband makes nasty comments about it. I do go on every day, every hour or so to see status updates. Is this too much? should I cut that down?

My husband is not on twitter and says he 'doesn't get it'. He has been looking at my twitter posts daily and I said to him yesterday that I fe.t he was ''watching me''. He laughed at this.

Also, with facebook, I rarely look at his 'wall page'. But he checks mine every day?

Can anyone let me know if I am spending too much time online please. Thanks
Replied By: cadescove99 on Jul 2, 2010, 2:34PM
Why do we stir pots, anyway? To keep food from sticking to the bottom and burning, that's why. To "stir" cooking food the way Aimee did, with her spoon barely below the surface, going so fast that it's slopping out of the pan, why even bother? You're going to have burned food stuck to the bottom, and a messy cook-top.
Replied By: cadescove99 on Jul 2, 2010, 12:58PM - In reply to theorist
But, that's the usual state of affairs with Dr Phil. One-sided in the woman's favor. That first husband just couldn't win for losing with Dr Phil. Who cut him off when he tried to explain why he couln't trust his wife. Who told him to quit speaking from his head instead of his heart. Who told him to quit telling his wife what she wanted to hear. And, then started "feeding" him "repeat after me" scripted phrases. After which his wife said he's been saying these things for the past two years. So, what was Dr Phil's agenda in "feeding" him these words?
Replied By: cadescove99 on Jul 2, 2010, 12:44PM - In reply to leogorky
We might not be on the same page on everything, but we are on this! There are controlling women, there are abusive women, there are cheating women, but, has Dr Phil ever done an entire show on them? He's done "What's Wrong with Men" shows, "Cheating Men" shows, "Controlling Men" shows, and even "Worst Husband in the World" shows. But, where are the "What's Wrong With Women" shows, "Cheating Women" shows, "Controlling Women" shows, and "Worst Wife in the World" shows?  And, I agree with you about his recruitment practices. Read his "Be on the Show" topic lists. He seems to be soliciting women to come on his show and bash their husbands and boyfriends. An awfully one-sided state of affairs, if you ask me.
Replied By: montrealca on Jul 1, 2010, 10:21PM - In reply to wannadanc
While in my last note below I advocated the point of trying to understand instead of just judge out of hand. That opinion is a general one that we all should aim towards especially therpaists. That said. If anyone is in a relationship and there is any kind of emotional or physical abuse they need to stand up and protect there own mental health. While I do believe the abuser can be helped, they have to see a problem exists and that there actions are hurtiing others, especially loved ones. If they won't seek help or at least honestly admit there is a problem. It's time to move on as you did in your situation.

In a healthy relationship, you feel valued, loved, respected, and safe. If this isn't the case with whoever one is with (loved one, friend etc), it's important to protect your own mental health and speak up. If the abusive person is willing to honestly work on things or get help, there is hope. If not then it's time to separate & move on.

I'm glad you were able to see the light and do what was right for you. People think it takes a lot of courage but in my experience the hardest step is to actually believe you deserve better. Once a person believes they deserve to be treated and to feel better, the dominos start to fall and the possibilties for a happier life emerge. But the that first step is key.

In short, "the truth shall set you free". It's incredible how honest that phrase is.

Replied By: wannadanc on Jul 1, 2010, 9:07PM - In reply to montrealca
It is all well and good to attempt to understand WHY someone behaves as they do, but that understanding may not be possible within the confines of a controlling marriage.  My husband, a clinical psychologist, was a master at his trade and turned me into a child without too much trouble.  His parents were normal, loving people.  I tried to figure out what made him so pathological, but that was only after I escaped the prison by the skin of my teeth.  I never did gain any insight, but I flourished once I was no longer imprisoned psychologically by this man.  50 years later, he still attempts to engage me in arguments or debates.  He has long been remarried, he has disowned our two children, and  yet - he persists.  What is different now is that I don't have to take the bait.
Replied By: sheryl4488 on Jul 1, 2010, 7:37PM
Thank goodness we didn't have cell phones years ago when I went thru the same thing.  My EX wouldn't let me have a private ph conversation or go to my neighbors just to chat.  He would stalk me.  Sometimes I knew he was watching me, but I got scared when a friend's husband saw him stalking me.  I wasn't even allowed to take a shower alone. There were threats of violence.  I thought I was losing my mind.  I left an 18 yr marriage and I'm SO glad I did.  Run girlfriend, RUN!!!
Replied By: montrealca on Jul 1, 2010, 7:11PM - In reply to lynnscrip
To the average person, it's easy to blame others for making bad choices that put themselves or others in danger. Yet, I think a better thing to do is try and understand why people do what they do in the first place. All of us have a past, good and bad, and have preset temperments that regulate how we handle life's stressors. Anyone who has been around psychology long enough knows all of us do what we do for a reason. Why would psychological profiling exist otherwise. All of us are a products of our pasts and unfortunately the worst experiences have the most self destruct affetcs on peoples lives.

To get a better understanding of what I am talking about look up repetition compulsion and schema therapy. When you understand more, you realize not many choices "some people" make are truly honest choices but ones based on primitive survival techiniques and maladaptive attempts to fulfill core emotional needs (to feel loved, belonging, enough). Now is that to say people can not change. No, but to change they first must have to realize what they are doing is unhealthy and secondly they have to heal that wound that causes them to make maladaptive behaviorial choices.

It's easy to blame and harder to truly understand.

Replied By: lynnscrip on Jul 1, 2010, 4:00PM - In reply to stanrg
It sounds like you do not have much peace in your home with your wife.  Just as there are controlling men out there, there are also very controlling women out there.  I'm sure its hard to want to help around the house when your getting nothing but criticised for it.  Then, if you stop helping because you doing wrong, she will still be angry.  You can't win.

Ask her to read 'The proper care and feeding of husbands'.  If she does, great.  If not, well then you know what kind of woman your married to.
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