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2010 Shows

 
(Original Air Date 01/26/10) Is your household in turmoil? Do you feel overwhelmed by your child’s temper tantrums? Dr. Phil reveals the best solutions for common parenting dilemmas, and he has help from educational consultant Dr. Michele Borba. Lizette and Ricky have four children under age 6, and they say their 3-year-old daughter’s behavior is completely out of control. They say she hits, scratches, yells and screams, and her meltdowns are rubbing off on her siblings. Find out what happens when Dr. Borba makes a house call. Then, learn why Lizette says she left home for a month! Plus, Stefani and Shenan are engaged and struggling to blend their families. She has four kids and he has three, but when all seven of them are together, they say it’s utter madness! Dr. Phil and Dr. Borba have advice for keeping the peace.

Find out what happened on the show.
Comments
Replied By: cherubs13 on Nov 30, 2010, 12:00AM
I totally understand Lizette's predicament. I am in the same boat with 4 kids in 4 years. I yell all the time and I have my very own Trinity (named Taylah).  I have wanted to run away but feel guilty that my supportive husband would not cope as he's not used to it. 
Take that time for yourself....
My kids are now aged 8-12 and it's hard because my daughter is hitting puberty and hates me so I yell even more.... Oh the guilt!
Please keep in contact as I think we can support each other Lizette.  Not many people understand the life of a mum of 4 kids close in age.
Take care, Tracey
 
Replied By: cherubs13 on Nov 29, 2010, 11:54PM
I am a mum also with 4 kids but I had mine all within 4 years (no twins) and I can feel for Lizette. I, too, have felt like running away, but never did.  I also understand how she feels guilty when her husband says "go and do something" as I know how hard it is for me so I know it will be harder for him as he is not used to it. 
I feel like I yell all the time and have no escape.  I even write a blog about it for my own release.  No-one tells you how hard it will be to be a parent, but Lizette, I totally understand all the way from Australia....  I am saddened by the harsh relationship I feel I have with my kids and the fact that I don't give them many positives.  My kids are now aged 8 to 12 and although it is physically less demanding, emotionally it is worse as my oldest daughter is hitting puberty and it's ike a roller coaster ride.
So Lizette, hang in there.... it sort of gets better, but also harder.   And take that time for yourself or you will have nothing to give.
I would like to keep in touch with you as I feel we have parallel lives in different countries!
Take care, Tracey in Aus!
 
Replied By: cadescove99 on Jul 13, 2010, 12:45PM - In reply to nlp4901
Dr Phil says some of the oddest things, at times. Without considering their impact. He has always been a huge advocate of family meetings. As any long-time viewer can attest. But, what impression does calling family meetings "corny" have on someone who's tuning in for the first time? Maybe one Dr phil didn't intend.
 
Replied By: emmajemma on Jun 30, 2010, 3:56PM
Dr. Phil, I came away from that show very bothered about that little 3 yr. old baby girl.  Then I realized I don't once remember hearing anything about "telling her you love her", or seeing any affectionate interactions between the parents and the little girl.  That broke my heart.
How dare that mom walk away when she laid down to have them all, one right after the other.  Another case of immature adults trying to play house with more than they can handle.  Case in point, more kids screwed up for our society to try to fix.   
 
Replied By: nlp4901 on Jun 28, 2010, 6:56PM
I have two comments:

1. Dr Phil please don't minimize the value of family meetings by referring to them as "corny" even if you then say "but they're really good." You put the idea of corny into people's heads and they might resist what is one of the most valuable tools for bringing harmony to chaotic families. I think you could do a whole show on family meetings. They teach mutual respect, family perspective, support, responsibility...great family tool!!!

2. Time Outs - I disagree with your expert about time outs. When a child is not in control of their emotions or cannot perform a task that the parent has asked, a time out becomes a punishment rather than a learning opportunity. A Positive Time Out can become a place to get centered again, to gain control of one's emotions. A child of any age - that includes adults - can benefit from a chance to calm down. The environment should be pleasant and not the hallway sitting in a chair holding a timer - that becomes punishment and not a learning opportunity for how to regain composure and/or how to do the task better.  What you want to do is help everyone get their best selves together so they can solve what ever situation is at hand. As for cleaning one's room. I have a feeling that this mom has never really shown her 4 year old HOW to clean a room. A 4 year old looks at a whole room full of toys and won't always know where to even begin. Small steps - put all the blue things in the box, here I'll help you, then the red things or this half of the room or all the books. Small steps. 

More parenting shows - even a once a week thing that people can expect - can be so helpful to parents in need.  
 
Replied By: ashleybriana on Jun 26, 2010, 5:09PM
Watching this episode, I was watching a mirror image of myself with my 3 year old daughter. I realized how negative I am with her and how I am not in control when she pushes my button. I wanted Lizette to know she is not the only one struggling with a 3 year old girl. Us mothers do not come with an automatic manual when our children are born. If our parents do not show us the best example in parenting, we pass on their bad habits as well.
 
Replied By: trainer38 on Jun 26, 2010, 1:12PM
Just a thought if people took more control of thier kids,
it may cut down on the chaos. Just saying.
 
Replied By: cyrilla102 on Jun 26, 2010, 11:30AM
Dear Dr. Phil,

 I am sure you have been bombarded with responses to your show about the stressed out mom and dad show this past week.

 I would like to give my two cents worth if I may…

 I am a 52 yo mother of two adopted daughters. My husband and myself parented  about 75 kids in twelve years as foster parents, adopting two form the system.

One has a lot disabilities and the other is a typical as much as she can be 20 yo.

 

I am mainly speaking about the 25 yo with disabilities.   After watching your show I MUST HAVE BEEN A TERRIBLE MOM TO BOTH!!!!!  Not that I do not see how things could have been better with your techniques.

 I implemented them ASAP after your show.  She has ADHD, mildly MR, OB, speech impairment, PTD to name a few.

I took the advice of “Say it Once and Shut Up” technique one step further (I am ordering the book and have told others who are new parents about it as well) to write what small chores need to be done for those who are old enough to understand and read.  This hopefully will help her when she gets off track to remember how ot get back on. If she seems to wonder for say.. I will just say see paper.

 

 Hope this continues to work as I have also felt like that mother did many, many times just never acted on it. I have left for a few hours, but never a month.

 

Cyrilla Bender
 
Replied By: cuteshaggy on Jun 25, 2010, 8:01PM
I personally think that today phycologist have stepped into our homes to such a large degree, that parents have no say in there own homes any more.  Either the govenment or phycologist have to much input into the lives of people's home environment and it give the children all the lee way to call CPS on speed dail for there parent, and the parents are haled away.

I'm glad that I don't reside in the U.S.  my children are both raised with the utmost respect, because they see me give respect to others.  Children mimic just what they see.  This is the training that they should all get at home.  But parents don't want to be parents, they want to play the role of big brother or sister, and expect the kids to have any respect for them as parents.  That don't work in this society.  Either you are a parent or not.  If you don't want the responsibility, don't have any kids, this is why we have so much social issues today, because to many children are having children.

Where I'm from, you can punish your child how ever you see fit to do so, once it not child abuse.  Yes there is alot of child abuse going on today and you have to protect the children.  But don't take away 90% of the rights of the parents.  You can talk to harsh (verbal abuse) spanking (physical abuse) send them to there room (social abuse) etc.  What next??  All of these issues started in the home where parents have lost all control and they are now looking to society to help them.  So when society has to now assist, they have there rules and guidlines, so abide or deal with the matter yourself....

Shell's 2010
 
Replied By: chuggins on Jun 25, 2010, 6:10PM - In reply to rudy28
I COULDN'T HAVE SAID IT  BETTER MYSELF!!!!! WHATS WRONG WITH THESE PEOPLE? ARE THEY SCARED TO DO WHAT PARENTS ARE SUPPOSE TO? WE MUST GUIDE OUR KIDS IN THE RIGHT DIRECTION. CHILD PROTECTIVE SERVICES DON'T SCARE ME. I CARRIED MINE FOR 9 MONTHS AND  GAVE BIRTH, LIFE TO THEM AND ILL BE DAMNED IF I GET DISRESPECTED. AND ITS NOT ALL ABOUT THAT, I WORK TOO HARD TO PROVIDE WHEN NOBODY ELSE COULD CARE LESS INCLUDING THEIR FATHER. AND YOUR KIDS SHOULD LOVE YOU ENOUGH TO KNOW WHEN THEIR DRIVING YOU CRAZY. MY KIDS KNOW  WHEN THEIR ON MY LAST NERVE AND THEY GET SOME WHERE AND SIT DOWN. I CONGRATULATE YOU FOR BEING A NO NONSENSE TEACHER! I LAUGH AT SUM OF THE TEACHERS AT MY KIDS SCHOOL. HALF OF THEM HAVE NO KIDS AND THE OTHER HALF ACT LIKE THEY WILL GET FIRED FOR ACTUALLY DOING THEIR JOB. YOU GO GIRL!!!! ALOT OF THOSE KIDS HAVE PARENT WHO ARE ADDICTS AND DON'T EVEN COMMUNICATE WITH THEIR CHILDREN, AND THE OTHER ONES PARENTS ARE JUST DUMB TO THE FACT. ITS NOT ABOUT SCARING YOUR KIDS, ITS ABOUT RESPECT AND HOW YOU WANT YOUR KIDS TO BE SUCCESSFULL IN SOCIETY. BOTTOM LINE IS YOUR KIDS ARE A PRODUCT OF YOU!!! SO WHAT DOES THAT MAKE YOU LOOK LIKE?? THINK ABOUT IT!!! AND THEN DO WHAT YOU KNOW YOUR SUPPOSE TO DO!!!! 
 
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