2010 Shows

In the 1950’s, the ideal family consisted of a mother, father, two kids and a white picket fence. But the traditional family unit has evolved with extended families, single parents, gay parents, adoption and no children. Aaron and Rachael have been married for three years and recently decided that they don’t want kids. They say they like to travel, consider their dogs their “babies,” and are not enthused by the idea of changing diapers and screaming tots. Aaron’s mom, Michele, worries that her son and daughter-in-law are too young to understand the magnitude of their decision and will regret it some day. Will Aaron and Rachael reconsider? Then, Jennifer, 50, is a self-proclaimed cougar whose boyfriend, Jeff, is 32 years old. Jennifer’s 28-year-old son, Jonathan, says he doesn’t approve of the May/December romance. Will this love last, or does Jonathan have a right to be concerned for his mom? And, meet a woman who says she’s been judged ever since adopting her 4-year-old daughter from China. Share your thoughts, join the discussion.

Find out what happened on the show.
Replied By: befish on Jan 27, 2010, 11:25AM
I am an American Indian woman, but I happen to have light skin, light brown hair and green eyes.  My husband is also American Indian and he has dark skin, black hair and brown eyes.  We have a daughter who is in the middle.  Not quite as light complected as me but not as dark complected as her dad.  When she was around a year old, we were at the Doctor's office and the nurse said "I see you have adopted an Asian child".  I was floored!!  Even if this were the case, how is this any of her business.  Once I removed my jaw from the floor, I replied "no, she's American Indian and I gave birth to her".  The nurse then looked at me and said "oh her dad must be American Indian".  Again, I drag my jaw off of the floor, because that is such a stereotypical thought!  My reply to her was, "sorry to change your preconcieved notion of what an American Indian is supposed to look like, but both my husband and I are American Indian".   She said I just assumed...   I am amazed by how ignorant some people still are in this day in age.  Beth
Replied By: errn94 on Jan 22, 2010, 8:26PM - In reply to pombal
I agree that on some of the clips it did not appear that what was said was really bad. I have never been upset by curious or even unthinking comments so much but the ones where you can tell there is a malicious intent. Tone, body language and attitude usually are a good tip-off that people are not asking questions or making comments that are purely curious or innocent. When I have had some people get verbally agressive in an attempt to make me defensive, which I refuse to be. It would be impossible for me to explain to anyone how much I love Annie and how our lives are so much better with her in it. I do not love her any less or more than my biological children. I was happy to get a chance to be able to say a bit about our situation and hope that a few people will understand that adoptive parents love and will protect their children just as, I would hope, anyone would their biological ones. Thank you- Annies' mom, Joy
Replied By: tammy123456 on Jan 20, 2010, 4:33PM - In reply to andypn
Dear Dr Phil and Robin,
-First I want to say that I do love you both and I know we all do wrong at times without thinking.
-I also know you said you are Christian.
-Then you put up that show "Modern Family" with gay men adopting a baby.
-2 men deciding to be Gay is wrong according the Bible and God's word.
-2 men deciding to be Gay adopting a baby is immortal and wrong and against God's word since being gay is wrong according to God and his word.
-Then you go on there in front of the whole word after that Gay scene and tell the whole world that "Modern Family" is amazing and we should all watch it.
-Oh my God, Dr Phil, you cannot be doing that or saying that when you say you are Christian.
-Your words have to match up to your belief and I know you said you are Christian and gave you life up to God.
-How can you fix now what you said without discrimating to Gays?  I will pray that God helps you fix this what you said and I hope you will pray too because the world should not belive when you are Christian it is OK to be Gay, the bible says no way.
-Anyway, still just want you to know I do love you both.
Replied By: jamdoll39 on Jan 20, 2010, 2:02PM
Like the moms who appeared on the show I have had people question me, but about my biological children. I am a Korean American who was born in Seoul. My children were both born in California with blonde hair and blue eyes. Especially when the children were younger, people would question me about the children, and some assumed I must be the babysitter or nanny.

The situation contains some similarities to the moms on the show, but instead of the child being from Asia with a caucasian mom, it's an Asian mom with caucasian looking children.
Replied By: marguna on Jan 20, 2010, 12:40PM
I am sitting here watching the show and just saw the couple who says they don't want children.  I can only speak from experience as a couple who also decided not to have children and are very happy with that decision.  We have been married almost 25  years. I am 45 and my husband is almost 47.  At first we talked about having children and then the time just never seemed right and we were ok without them. At some point in time, we decided that we did not want or need children to make us happy. We liked the way we were.  Our families were upset thinking we were going to be sorry some day etc.  I did get testy when every time I called home it was "are you pregnant?!" and when people say "do you have children or how many children do you have?" and when we say none, they say "oh, don't worry, it will happen for you."  to which I say "I hope not!!!"  They just assume that we want children and can't have any.  My family has accepted it. My sister who was born to be a mom and now is a young grandma, always said, "you are going to be an old lady alone in a nursing home with no one to visit you." I told her that I worked in a nursing home and saw how kids sometimes don't go see their moms and dads. Also, I will have money since I didn't have kids and I  will bribe my neices and nephews to come visit me. ha!" Seriously, we jokingly talk with neices and nephews about them taking care of us when we get old. They know we mean it too and we do have a very special relationship with them, so I don't think it will be a problem.  My mom died when we had only been married 2 years. My dad I know felt badly for us, but he tried to understand. Also, there were plenty of grandchildren from my other sibblings including step-children when he remarried.  Yes, I know we are missing out on some things, but I didn't want to have children just because "it's the thing to do". We ARE happy!
Replied By: marianparoo on Jan 19, 2010, 12:20AM - In reply to megamonica1
....How old are you?
Replied By: megamonica1 on Jan 18, 2010, 4:08PM
I just recently married someone who is nineteen years older than me, and we're incredibly happy.  We even plan to have children soon.  We realize that the age difference is going to have some long-term effects, but we are completely devoted to each other, and I know he will be a wonderful father. 
Replied By: lola145 on Jan 18, 2010, 10:19AM
I do agree with Dr. Phil that todays family are different from the traditonal ones of the past, but, there are still lots of them out there. I am 30 years old and my husband is 34, we have been happily married for 10 years, and now have an 8 month old daughter. May parents have been married for 35 years,  and my inlaws will celebrate their 40th anniversary this summer. There still are many familys that have 2 loving parents and that stay together. My husband and I both work full time and we have a mixed farming oreration, we come from a rural farming community and the majority of familys are still 2 parent. I think there are all kinds of familys out there today, and thats great, but just so you know there are a lot of traditional family too. 
Replied By: lalady029 on Jan 16, 2010, 9:09PM
I could totally relate to the women who had people come up to them and ask questions or make comments about their child.  I am caucasian woman who adopted an african american child.  He is now 22, but he has been living with me since he was 18 months old.  He was in foster care with me for 9 years, but that is a whole different story!  It has been a while, but some memories we laugh about now.

One of the first I remember was when we went to a fair.  My friend was there with her 2 children and I was there with mine.  We were watching them run through a maze and my friend's son was helping my son through as he was only about 2 years old.  They were having a great time.  The lady next to me started saying things like, "Where is that child's mother?!  He is just too young to be in there by himself.  I don't even see her here watching him go through."  She just went on and on.  Finally all the kids got through the maze and he was so excited he came running up to me saying, "Mama, mama!"  I just said, "He looked like he was having fun to me!"

Another time we were in the store and he was in a shopping cart.  I was standing at the cash register checking out and had my hand on the cart.  The lady behind me started talking to my son, "Where is your mama?  I am going to have to spank her when she gets back.  I can't believe she left you here all by yourself!"  I just looked at her like she was crazy and walked off when I was finished checking out.

Another time we were out eating with the same friends from the fair.  Suddenly I realized that we were the topic of great conversation at the next table.  They were saying things like, "Well, he calls her mama but he doesn't look mixed to me."  or "Maybe she is babysitting...stepmother..."  I just told them he was adopted so they would be quiet and let us eat in peace.  I guess he was embarassed because the man of the family said, "I would have never guessed that!"

Once we were eating with his sister.  Same conversation at the next table..."Why is he calling her mama and she isn't?  You can tell they are related (him and his sister) because they look exactly alike.  How can she be his mama and not hers?"  I don't think I answered them.

The times I heard, "Where is his mama?" or "Doesn't his mother want him...no his REAL mother?" are countless.  We actually had contact with them until Katrina and he was able to know both sides of his family.  His sister actually had problems with  him wanting to spend time with "his white family".  She didn't understand that was all he ever knew.  (She is 2 years younger so he was already with me when she was born).

You could always tell when someone was sincerely interested in adoption or transracial adoption and those people I talked to openly.  Others were not happy with me raising him (like the manager at a McDonald's in another state who came across the restaurant to say, "y'all aren't from around here are you?")  One black person said I shouldn't have adopted him because he was like a puppy and when his cuteness wore off and these big black friends started visiting I wouldn't be too happy about it.  I told him my foster girls who were teens were helping me become accustomed to that already!

The stories I could tell....
Replied By: marianparoo on Jan 16, 2010, 3:19AM - In reply to white354
That is almost a lifetime of difference in age!

There are ages with 14 years either way can be no big deal, but in your case you are just past jail bait.

Consider why a guy that age has to look for a partner in such a young woman.
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