September 20, 2008
Latest Entry: How do I handle feeling betrayed by my son?
I have never had a "blog" before.  I wonder what this will be like.  Will anyone actually read it? 

The biggest thing in my life is a whopper.  It all boils down to this though.  Because my daughter was an alcoholic who couldn't raise her own son, I ended up raising him.  I have no problem with that.  If he didn't have me he wouldn't have anybody.  When my husband left he said,  "I don't want to raise another child".  He told me to stop the chaos in our lives or he would leave.  But when he did leave it sounded to me like a temporary thing.  His job would head UP if he moved and he could get our finances under control  while I stayed in CO helping our kids get on their feet and helping our daughter bond with her son.  He was never honest with me.  He expected me to read between the lines, and know that our marriage was over.  When our son and his fiancee went to VA for a visit, my husband introduced our son to his mistress.  Our son came back to CO, and kept his dad's secret for at least 2 years while living in my home so that he and his fiancee could get their degrees.  Two days before my son's baby was born my husband came to town for the graduation and birth of our grandson and he finally talked to me.  It first thing he said to me was,  "You know I have always been a loner."  TRUE.  He said it was time for a divorce.  Granted he had been gone for 5 years.  At first I thought will finally we will have a chance to talk and either work things out or call it quits.  After we talked for almost an hour he said,  "I've moved on."  THE LONER MOVED ON.  Later I found out that my children had known about this for 2 or 3 years and not said a word.  My daughter did tell her dad to come clean to me, but not my son.  He continued to live with me and keep his dad's secret. 

 My son has apologized to me for his lies of omission.  I have told him that I accept the apology.  The problem is that my son has accepted this woman into his life.  He feels that I was in denial about the marriage being over.  The fact is that  the baby that was born 2 days after my husbands coming clean is 3 years old now, and we are still not divorced.  I live my life as a married woman, bacause I AM a married woman. There may have been denial, but the biggest denial was that my husband was a married man and he still IS a married man.   Now the problem is that I have not been in the presence of my son one single time since this all came out that I do not feel a pain deep in my heart...literally.  I am always pretending to be happy and am always near tears when I am with him.  Why?  Because I feel that by accepting what his dad did,  he took sides the moment he was introduced to that woman.  He let me down.  Everytime he visits his dad and that woman he hurts me again.  I know that they visit for big holidays.  My son lives in MD now and my husband and his mistress live in Norther VA.   My husband could have been honest with me all along and I would accept that my son believes that that woman should be a part of his life.  But he didn't.  They all kept the secret...thus setting me up for more hurt that was necessary.  My counselour says that they all handle things by avoidance.  I have to admit that I followed their lead.  I alway followed my husband's lead.  I just didn't believe that he would do this.  There were so many times in his life when he would be depressed and would try to do better.   I didn't know how to handle the situation because I could not just put my oldest grandson out on the street corner.  Even though my daughter is angry now that I didn't "let" her put her son up for adoption (which she never mentioned until he was EIGHT years old), I would not change anything regarding him ...even losing my family. 

I just don't know how to handle my relationship with my son now.  I feel that his apology was not real.  It seems to mean,  "I sorry, but not very much", or "I sorry but not really."  I feel that because of the way this was handled  I will always be hurt knowing that he accepts his father's mistress into his life.\

I can assure anyone who reads this that there is MUCH, MUCH more to the story.  Bipolar disorder in 5 succeeding generations...alcoholism...drug use...promiscuity...the missing "family gene"...that is one generation after another walking out on family when thing get hard.  I have none of the above in my direct family accept my daughter and grandson.  Even my little grandson has some early problems...believe it or not he as an autistic spectrum disorder...he can read and spell like you wouldn't believe but can not carry on a conversation.  When I told my oldest grandson's psychiatrist that B's (my oldest grandson) cousin was diagnosed with a language disorder with stereotypic behaviors (autistic) he wrote everything down as if is was significant to B's diagnosis...bipolar disorder.   There seems to be a lot of resentment from family that I have made an effort to learn about all these disorders and how they relate.  According to my daughter who is currently off medication, I have Muchausen's by proxy. 
Maybe she is right.  I just wish I could make all theirs lives happy, but I have finally learned that there is little I can do.  Right now I have to do what I can for B.  So there

Am I wrong to continue to feel hurt by my son.? He was always to one in the family that I felt would not let me down.  Does time living a lie trump one day of telling the truth?   I should add that soon aftern my husband left I had heart failure...idiopathic cardio myopathy...which according to my doctor means they are a bunch of "idiots" and haven't got a clue why I had heart failure.  My personal feeling is that it came from living with generations of untreated bipolar disorder...who knows for sure.  I know that at first my children were not honest because they were not sure it was a good idea.   But years when by and some one needed to say enough is enough.  Instead, they were saying,  "Oh, she knows."  What was I supposed to know and how was I supposed to know it?  I DID know I was still married.  I believe that just as you can't be a little bit pregnant, you can't be a little bit married. If he wanted to "Move on" he needed to talk to me first.  

Does anybody out there relate?  Does anybody care?
September 20, 2008
Latest Entry: Is this really an issue?
I noticed that one of the "be on the show" subjects coming up is "Is your Daughter a Tomboy?" and I wonder....why is that a big issue? I really don't see why this subject would merrit a whole episode of Dr. Phil. I'm a tomboy, I was a tomboy when I was younger too, my parents didn't see a big deal with it, none of my friends did or do, I know a LOT of girls, and women, who prefer to hang out with men instead of women. Doesn't mean there is cause for alarm or concern. (Personally, I think men are sometimes easier to be around because they are a lot less catty than women). When I was a little girl, I loved dinosaurs, wasn't into barbies that much. I would wear little boy's Jurassic Park t-shirts because there were no girl's shirts, or very, very few little girl's shirts, that had dinosaurs on them. (I could also pronounce dinosaur names that neither my parents, nor my grandparents could even read correctly. Parasauralophus and Pachyrhinosaurus being a couple of them. I was pronouncing these when I was 5.) I was a huge Power Rangers nut, and the Red Ranger was my favorite. Could have cared less about the Pink one.

And what's the big deal if a girl DOES like Spiderman, Superman, or X-Men? I LOVE Wolverine, and Spiderman and Iron Man are my two favortite Marvel characters. LOVE them. I'm a total Marvel fan, I've even requested an IronMan cake for my 21st birthday. I've read tons of comics, everywhere from Planet Hulk to Watchmen (I'm stoked about the upcoming movie).

I've also been a fan of video games since my grandmother bought me a Super Nintendo when I was younger than 8. The original Star Fox, Donkey Kong Country, Super Mario Bros. (Because every gamer should have played at least one Mario game in their lifetime) and the Clay Fighter  games were within my repitoir. That Nintendo still works to this day, and I still have all those games. I loved playing racing games and first-person-shooter games with my dad, and my boyfriend thinks I'm the perfect girl because I love games. sum this all up....SO WHAT if a girl is a tomboy? I mean, seriously? Why is this even up for a possible show? There are literally millions of tomboy girls the world over. Why should it be such a concern?
September 19, 2008
Latest Entry: Thank you and goodbye.

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Thank you to all the fine people who helped to make this new Dr. Phil community a smashing success. You have much to be proud of!
September 19, 2008
Latest Entry: Entry Title
I caught the show about lowering the drinking age to 18...

And sat there incredulous that Dr. Phil was able to come up with more than one person over the age of 18 that was for this ridiculous idea.

There doesn't need to be a big debate about this, there doesn't need to be a question mark in anyone's head about whether this is a good idea...

This idea is on par with the notion that we should remove all the speed limits on our roads, or permit drinking and driving.

Anyone with a brain in their skull will see clearly that this is a disaster in every way possible.

Many 21 year olds are not even mature enough to drink.

Please, dear God, let the people that support this reclaim their right minds and see this idea for what it is...

A complete and utter catastrophe in every sense of the definition.
September 19, 2008
Latest Entry: Should the LEGAL drinking age me changed from 21 down to 18? my opinion it wouldnt matter. im a teem at my school. and i can tell you the statistics are not even close to the real thing. MANY MANY MANY teens are drink regardless the "LEGAL" age. me i do not drink but i can tell you that 15 14 13 and even 12 year olds are its against the law or not. its not hard to get ahold of alcohol. and of course we want it to stop. but the truth is it NEVER sorry to say the LEGAL thing doesnt stop almost ANY teen. they will do what they want.                                   
yours truely,
September 19, 2008
Latest Entry: Re: Changing Alcohol Age
When I was younger the age for BEER drinking was 18, then hard liquor at 21. It was great to be able to have beer at 18 if I wanted it. Go back to the old days.
September 19, 2008
Teachers with guns? Are you kidding me? This is an idiotic idea from start to finish. I don't care what kind of training they get , its a bad idea. I live in Florida, and they passed a similar law a while back, but  it was for employees to be able to bring a gun to work but it has to stay in the car. What a bunch of morons. I have worked with people that shouldn't even be in charge of a puppy, much less be able to have a gun in their posession. I feel the same way about teachers. There is no place in schools for guns.
September 19, 2008
Latest Entry: Entry Title
I believe that the drinking age should be returned to 18 along with stiffer penalties for all ages who drink and drive.  When kids are off at college. Parents do not have the opportunity to monitor their behavior and yes there is heavy binge drinking going on in college and I have heard about it from my own son who is a college student.  It is the most frightening thing to hear every year about a student or students who have never had a drink  who have been rushed to the hospital for alcohol poisoning and of deaths due directly to binge drinking.  I think there are alot more parents who would like to see the age return to 18.  You know your parent guest said that 18 year olds would be buying for younger teenagers . But in fact 21 year old college students are buying it for younger students as well as younger siblings and there is no supervision. when they are off at college.  The dialogue needs to be promoting all ages will be severely penalized and will lose their license go directly to jail whatever to keep all drunk drivers off the road period.  But I for one would like the age to return to 18 and help kids learn to drink responsibly .  Please add my vote to the 18 year old group.  And tell MADD to battle for ALL ages to be put in jail for ever for drinking and driving because adults can be irresponsible too!!!!!  Why were the statistics not quoted  on the ages of the people who killed people since the age went up to 21.  I bet you majority of the drunk drivers were over the age of 21.   ASK THAT QUESTION  The age number is subjective to all review.  Hey Dr. Phil what do you think on the age difference.  I don't think I heard your definitive answer
September 18, 2008
Hello my name is kim and I'm trying to get advise or help with my new diet as far as your daily intake any ideas?
September 17, 2008
Latest Entry: *Ready to get started*
  • Today is September 17th and I just stepped off the scale weighing 348 pounds.

    I can't beleive that Im even writing that number. I remember a time when I would say to myself, wow what would I do if I got to 300 pounds. I was horrified. But now look at the numbers. I was watching and reading some parts in Dr. Phil's book The Ultimate Weight Solution 7 Keys to Weight Loss Freedom, and I realize that I am an emotional eater. When things are going good and everything is fine, thats when I like to go grab something to eat. I also notice that Im a food eater, versus a snack eater.

    I need to pay attention to my eating habits, and also monitor what I put in my mouth. Earlier this year I started a on line weigh loss group and lost 23 pounds. Here I am back again. But I must say I did learn something. I learned how to eat, and how to pay close attention to what I put in my mouth. Im happy about that.
    Im ready is all I can say. As a matter of fact, I have these excercises that I do DAILY. I stated them today.They are:
  • 100 Booty Ups standing up making your behind jump up and down * good for the thighs as well.
  • 30 cool offs
  • 100 hands on waist jumps
  • 50 sitting in the chair arm across your chest excercises
  • 100 thigh ups sitting in the chair

Im going to do those everyday this month and thats going to be my start. I am writing down everything that I do.
Good Luck everyone, lets keep in contact.
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