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October 25, 2014
Latest Entry: Alimony Reform
O.K.  Here's MY story.  I recently went through a divorce due to my spouse's affair, that started with her "friending" a guy she knew in high school on Facebook.  Lng story short, Minnesota is a "no-fault" divorce state......infidelity is not considered in divorce cases.  After 28 years of marriage, I felt we could be adults and settle on a "fair and equitable" division of assets and liabilites....I was wrong!!  My ex, for some reason, turned vengeful refusing to work anything out.  So, we go to court and the Judge (Referee) awards my ex-spouse lifetime alimony in the amount of $1,500.00/month.  Now, I was pying my ex voluntarily when I moved out of the house to help her get on her feet.  I stopped paying after she refused to work with me to reach a settlement.  So after the court awarded her alimony (keep in mind her original financial information showed a $500.00/month difference between income and expenses) of $1,500.00/month for life....she was not satisfied with that and went back to court to have it backdated 12 months....the court awarded her the extra year, putting me 15 months "in arrears."  Now she's gone to the County to have it garnished from my wages.  Alimony that was $1,500.00 a month is now $1,800.00 a month and putting me on the brink of financial ruin.  According to Minnesota Laws, she gets paid BEFORE any of my expenses.  I am now forced to work 2 jobs.....longer hours to try to make ends meet.  To get this corrected, I have to spend more court fees to try to get the judge to understand that at $55,000.00/year....this award is excessive!  Oh yeah, my ex works part-time, yet the court saw no reason for her to look for a better full-time job....or even a second job to hepl herself out.  Nice!!
October 24, 2014
Latest Entry: Needing Advice
Hi everyone, Im roy. 52 yrs old from Mo. Here is my issue. I divorced in 1995.At the time we had a daughter that was 3 yrs old. I was instructed by the courts to have her every other weekend and a couple of week long visits thru the summer. Everything was good for a couple of years other than at about 5 she would visit me and ask that her mother wanted to know which date I was paying my child support on, which I never fond right, a 5 yr old should not even know the words child support. I did discuss this with her mother to no avail. As time went on, her mother put her in all kinds of activities, sports, gymnastics, church camp etc. I lived 35 miles away from her. Money was tight for me. I couldnt afford to go to every function she had and then my ex would give my daughter a choice to come and see me or go to a softball game or some other function. So at about age 7 she was given the choice to do what SHE wanted to do. So needless to say their were several weekends I didnt get my visit. The ex had remarried and my daughter was calling this man DAD. I voiced my opinion to my ex but was told, she is around him more if she wants to call him dad then thats up to her. Her stepdad had a brother that lived in KC and had done well for himself. His and her Corvettes, Townhouse etc. My daughter would be given the choice to go visit him on my weekends or come and see me. I lost out again. I had threatened to go back to court but was told she would just ask for more child support. At Christmas time my daughter would want to get home earlier than scheduled because she had SPECIAL gifts to open. When I asked her what these were she said , Mom and David get me gifts that Shelby dont get and I have to hide them before she gets there. Shelby being the daughter of my daughters stepdad, the same age as my daughter. apparently, my exs husband made pretty good money and he paid more support than me, so they would spoil my daughter with gifts. This exact reason is part of why we divorced, this was my second marriage and I had custody of my daughter from my first marriage. My inlaws would shower my youngest daughter with Christmas gifts while my oldest hardly got a thing. At 8 yrs old my oldest daughter came home Christmas day from the inlaws crying to her room. I went in to ask what was wrong although I knew what it was. My 8 yr old asked me, Why dont they love me anymore? How does a father answer that question? At 13 yrs old, my youngest daughter came to visit on a weekend and we were watching a movie that at the end of tat movie the father gave his daughter away in a wedding, jokingly I say Ol dad will have to do that with you one day. My daughter rolls her eyes and says , I know, monm has already discussed this with me. I asked what was discussed and her mother at 12 or 13 yrs old had discussed with our daughter that her stepdad should walk her down the aisle because he was around her more. I have battled this for 20 years. My daughter who is now 22 and will graduate College in December with honors basically has nothing to do with me. I will see her post on FB that she is in town visiting her mom and dad but I dont hear from her. I have hurt, cried and and been beside myself for 20 years and just dont know how much more I can take. I feel she has been brainwashed if there is such a thing. She has been conditioned since she was a child to talk down to me and was given the choice to come and see me or not. What do I do? I have tried talking to her to give my side of the story but she dont want to hear it. Please any advice is appreciated!
October 23, 2014
Latest Entry: Trying to figure this Blog Out
I had posted a very long, but true story on my daughters bullying problem.  It was entitled "The No CHild Left Behind Act" I wrote it, sent it, added a picture and now I cannot find it. One might think that I could as I work on the computer all the time as I have been studying so hard to finish my Bachelor's degree in humanities/psychology. Hopefully someone can help me find this? I wanted people to know that the laws in the 'No CHild Left Behind Act" were not finished in a proper manner. This leaves all rural students out on a limb if they are bullied.
October 23, 2014
Latest Entry: Take the charges away he might become President
Poor kid - to have that brand all his life - so take the charges away - give him a clean slate and watch him become president one day!
October 22, 2014
Latest Entry: Struggling
So right now I'm struggling.  My husband has his own issue o I don't blame him for not knowing exactly how to deal with mine.  Besides, a lot of the issue is that I need people I can trust outside my marriage that I can turn to for help.

I don't know where to find friends.  I'm not a "typical" person.  I love music- listening to it and playing it.  I talk about producers and sounds and all the music I listen to- from my current obsession with Panic! at the Disco to my lifelong love of the Beatles.  I love to read and write.  I write fan fiction sometimes to deal with the thoughts in my head (I am not good at creating my own characters).  I love to learn and research which goes well with the writing.  I love making people happy.

I am in counceling.  It's difficult because I'm in for social anxiety- I can't even comfortably call people on the phone.  Even though I would regret it forever, I would NEVER approach a musician I idolize for fear of upsetting them even though it's totally normal.  The suggestions my therapist makes seem okay, but of course the one that's probably the best for me, taking music lessons, I can't afford to do. Even though I could make the friends that would really appreciate my interest in music.

My husband was only my second boyfriend.  I never really dated.  So on top of the other issues I have this nagging in my brain if I got married too soon.  I love him but I wonder about what dating is like and what other kind of men are out there.  I don't think I'd ever leave my marriage, but the doubt in myself is there.

The underlying theme in everything is a massive self-esteem issue.  I'm not sure how to help it.  I try to identify the negative self-talk and spin it positive, but it is such an uphill battle.  I rely entirely on other people's perceptions of me.  I don't trust my own opinion and I live for what other people think of me even if there is no one else to get an opinion from.  I need to fix my self-esteem, I need to start living on what I think of myself, but right now it's an uphill battle that I'm not sure I have the equipment for.  I feel so lost that I don't know what to do.  I'm fighting tooth and nail but it would be nice to have encouragement from someone- a friend.  Or especially someone I look up to, that inspires me because obviously I value everyone's opinions but my own right now- not that anyone I look up to would have anything to do with me. I'm a nobody midwestern gal that may never make anything of myself and just work in jobs that don't make me happy until I retire or die.

I could be so much more, if I could believe in myself and if I had someone believe in me.
October 22, 2014
Latest Entry: mind of a misstress

dr Phil I am a new user of this site and i wanted to comment on a show that you viewed today on the minded of a mistress. I agree with your points in what you were saying but there always two sides to everything. I am not happy about the fact that I to found myself hung up having a mistress. it was a the worse thing I ever did but the fact remind is that it happen. There were things that took place that should have never happen in our life that maybe I was a contributor of it but I was doing what I had to do to take care of my family. I am a 21 years retire vet that served in the armed force but during the times when I had to leave my family to go overseas and on military duties during my 20 years of service. It was not till I retired when I realize the damage I was doing to my family because I was gone. Understand during my absent I took care of my family ensuring they had a home and everything they needed to live while I was gone and came home every time I could they did not want for nothing. But what I did not know and only found out after I got out was that my action of being away even thou I was on military assignment only being like her father the only different was at lease took care of her but when her father lift her mom with seven girls and she being the baby he lift them with nothing not even a house or home to live in. I try everything to show her that we were not the same and I took care of them even while I was gone but she did not see it that way. I love my wife and my kids and always will my kids are now grow married  and have their own family and still my wife and I are still like strangers to each other. The mistress came about  in feeling abandon by my wife and she know from the start that I was married and had no intention of leaving my home she was going through her own problems at this point and we would just talk with each other this went on for at least two before we became involved  she a had and abusive  husband  and  a drunk all he did was drink and want to fight  I was working at a shop and she would bring her car to the shop to have repaired and most the time would just sit in the car till someone  got around to it. Just one day I notice her sitting there crying one day and stop to talk with her and she was telling me all about these thing that was going on in her life then it came a time that her husband drank himself to death and died, than her mom had a heart attack and died all in the same year and it was after this we became closer friends this was not something plan it just happen  after a while even thou my situation had not change I realized that I could not continue with this because I knew it was wrong and my position in church it was convicting me spirit I pull out of it she understood and it was not something we were pound  of but it just happen I am still with my wife now 43 years and we are still like stranger no matter what I do to change things it do not work we did go to a talk with someone at one point and it did not work the problem comes in at that I do love her but I am not sure where she stand you can say will she is still there and I can tell you it is only the security that keeps her here and that hurts.       

October 21, 2014
Latest Entry: Lost
My oldest daughter's dad is keeping my daughter away form me.. i tried everything but no one want to help me....
October 21, 2014
Latest Entry: Really! !!
These ladies need to GROW UP! !
October 21, 2014
Latest Entry: disowned
I need your help please I'm a 26 year old married woman and have 2 children ~ my step mom is ruining my life, my biological mother left me when I was 5 then my dad got remarried when I was 7 years old she told me she would love me like her own but ever since then my step mom has been causing so much trouble I can't even see my dad because of her she keeps lying to everyone she says that my dad thinks I'm not his and I want to take a paternity test to prove that I'm his and I want to tell him that the things that my step mom is telling him is all lies but I can't because she want let me near him everyone has disowned me my step mom, my dad, and my step sister and brother I was put in foster care when I turned 16 because my family neglected me I wish my father would open his eyes and see the truth it's hurts so much that my family could ever do this to me please help me 
October 20, 2014
Latest Entry: Thinking....
Trying to stop thinking about all the names I've been called. Trying to stop thinking that I am a self centered person. I am told these things and I can't get them out of my head. I am "worth" something...right?  I will try again. Tomorrow is a new day!
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