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August 25, 2015
Latest Entry: i need help

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Me and my wife split up we separated and I kinda miss her but helf of me said forget about her and other helf of me said cry ok here what happened when I married her I married her because I love her well I moved in with her and her mom and dad lived with her ok she used all my Credit cards about $1200 each then messed up my credit and she tried to blam it on my mom I been with her two years and her mom and dad use to abuse me and beat me up and I left her like in May 1st the dss came and got me to my moms house befor I left her I told her to be her own woman she got mad and went to her room crying and two days later she had me court day to suit me for not paying her beils the Juge dismissed the case after that I never Heard from her God knows what she's up too I don't want to divorce her I tried to works things out
August 25, 2015
Latest Entry: me
This picture shows the world that I once was very happy
August 24, 2015
Latest Entry: Life in my house...
This past December I decided to take on a new adventure. Alzheimer's the time I only suspected that was the case and I had to bend some arms to get the whole thing in motion, now here we are in August. My husband and I are in a new place with his Mom, diagnosis confirmed by the way...oh and a heart attack that was thought to have been had, well nope she didn't have it!  So as you can imagine my life is very different. Of course you have no idea what my life was before. I am disabled, both physically and because of bipolar disorder. I had a spinal fusion in February 2012 and I have a lot of nerve damage, and up until recently I was pretty overweight. 219 pounds to be exact, that is all part of why I am here telling this story. When we moved in here to this house that we are renting January 15 I weighed that much and I had given up on dieting or even the thought of losing weight really, but I did know that I needed to feel better and to have more energy to take care of my family. I had a new fully grown adult to take care of after all and I had fought to do it. I didn't want her to go into a nursing home, I wanted her with me, so I had better make this work!

I started with a regular schedule and by eating, well by drinking breakfast. I got a protein powder that was all vegetable based and added lots of fruits and more vegetables and seeds and I had so much energy. I didn't even notice that I was losing weight, my next doctor appointment I had dropped ten pounds!! That had me looking for a new little thing to add, so coconut oil came into my life and so on, until I stopped eating meat altogether and I have now lost fifty pounds and counting!! Being healthy has never felt so easy and I don't feel deprived ever. I snack if I want something, but for the most part I don't want it and I am losing at a healthy rate.

Back to the dreaded diagnosis...I knew it was there and I knew it would come. And it did. And it sucks. And I love the person more than anything...the disease is hateful and spiteful and it does not care. It does not remember and it not fair. It tears you apart to watch what it does to the one's you love. I hurt so much to see my husband hurt. My heart is breaking for him. I will love his Mother with everything I have and show her all my heart and soul, she will not know a moment that I am not loving her.

Today was a good day. A day I could tell my story. I hope I can tell more tomorrow.  
August 23, 2015
Latest Entry: My Beloved Son's Death
My son David passed away July 3o, 2014. He was severely disabled with Cerebral Palsy and mental retardation, and his body just couldn't go on anymore. For the last few months Ihave been trying to recover his personal items from the group home(Wild Oak),but with no success. I even reached out to the parent company Rescare, out of Louville. I reached out to John Quinones (WWYD?), Dateline,48 Hours, any news media I could think of,...just asking for a little assistance. Here's a little FYI for you boys and girls; I majored in Communications (Radio,Television,Film and Video), and one of the things you learn in yout News classes,...."If It Bleeds, It Leads". The point of telling you this,....a little story about my and my precious son,.....well, it's got no juiceI do want to point out Andrea Canning (Dateline) pointed me to the Dateline Facebook page, and to tell my story. I gave up a very promising career for David, and I wouldn't trade all that joy,laughter and tenderness, for that career.

Although the loss of a child is devastating, to stand there, and watch them slowly drift away, know they are going to a better place, pain, no surgeries, no seizures,....but regardless of how you are told 'it does get better,...and it does in some ways,....the sorrow in your soul never goes away, No more hugs, no more kisses, more watching the childlike joy when they open their Christmas presents. We might have been poor,....but the riches David brought forth,...well those kinds of riches cannot be measured. I don't know why I keep getting blown off and ignored by Wild Oak and ResCare about getting David's personal items back,...if not found, I was told they would be replaced. Before I went to get some of David's stuff at the group home, I called the QMRP,she told me everything was boxed up and ready to go. That wasn't even remotely true. What few things that 'were'  there,we had to put in trash bags Infuriated? You betcha,....a testament to my son,.....trash bags.

I'm back to starting life over again,.....feels kind of strange, but it is a necessity. Willing, able, talented, able to start that career,.....I'm sorry, did I forget to mention I have run into age-ism? One person I met e-v-e-n patted my head,.....can you believe that? Plus, back to standing in line at pantry (n-e-v-e-r any protein). Praying and praying that I find someone who's looking to donate a dependable and reliable car. I read about some folks back east who have programs like that,.....and the other programs,...they are called "Angel Mechanics" (usually, but not always) affliated with a dealership,....they donate their talent and services, to bring a car up to speed,running safely. For instance,...out in the parking lot there is a 2001 SAAB 9-3, that is desperate for a bumper to bumper tune up, and a check on the condition on the inner workings of the car. So far, not having much luck of anything,....but I have never been known to give up easily. Getting help from Dr. Phil, Robin, or even the sensational Ellen Degeneres,....well,me and my son's little story, jusk doesn't fit their format,.....but they are still wonderful people.

Blessings to one and all, and like Ellen says, " Be Kind To One Another".
August 20, 2015
Latest Entry: Worried
As usual as of late I am just worried about everything. Anxiety and worry tend to be my 2 main states anymore. Worried about my disability application since I have had 2 back surgeries in the time span of 1 year and my most recent surgery was just 3 wks ago. My job fired me and I am not able to work with my residual mobility after these 2 back surgeries. This causes anxiety regarding financial issues for my family which I am the cause of, especially with all the hospital bills. Also worried about running out of my pain medication too soon before my next MD follow-up, as I have trouble managing the medication due to my pain not well controlled. I have anxiety and worry over trying to bring in some kind of money with a new website I started for my own handmade jewelry, My jewelry is very nice but still no sales on my website at all. It is hard for people to find a new website but I don't know what else to do. So I am frustrated and have anxiety regarding not being able to bring in any funds at all still through my jewelry either. So, this is a synopsis of most of the current issues causing me worry and anxiety and they keep me up at night with difficulty sleeping as well.  Any suggestions, comments or ideas are welcome.
August 16, 2015
Latest Entry: Relationship and Money
Hello.  Looking for some advice to determine whether I am over-reacting to money problems in my realationship. I am 55 and my fiance is 51 and we've been together for 10 years.  Prior to discussing him moving into my home 8 years ago, we talked about comittment and expectations.  The agreement at the time was everything was 50/50 (expenses, save for the future, travel, gifts for family, etc.) and whatever was left,, was for our own spending money.  All is good. He moved into my home, we re-financed to add his name to the mortgage, things were great for the 1st 4 years of living together. Then things started to fall apart. He is self-employed, sometimes it would be months before he could find work.  He was able to meet his share of the bills, but I would be the one paying for all the xtras.  Not a big deal really, until it became a lengthy pattern. Work picked up after a while and he started making good money again. We were travling and enjoying life. I make 3x more $$ than him and my extra money went to 3 rental properites, which I put in both our names for retirement purposes.  The right thing to do when you think your with a man who you will spend the rest of your life with.  Then his mom sold her home and she gave him 10k as an early inhertiance.  I asked him to deposit the check into the "retirement" account that I had been contributing to for that past 4 years (he never deposited a dime during those 4 years). He said he wasn't going to and put it in his savings account (which I am not on the account, his sister is). 3 years later, he decides to sell his harley davidson which was his pride and joy.  He asked my opinion and I said that I would be fine with it as long as you deposit it into the retirement account.  He agreed.  The day he sold it, he deposited 11k into his account (the account that I'm not on, his sister is).  I asked him why he did that and he replied that he forgot and would transfer the money.  It's been a 1.2 years and no money has been transferred.  The other issue  at hand is the special treatment of his daughter. I have 2 kids (35 & 36) and his daughter is 26.  I found out he has been very sneaky with giving her $$. I don't mean an extra 20 bucks, we're talking a couple of hundred bucks.  I asked him why he didn't tell me he was doing this and the conversation got very heated. He is very protective of her and I learned a long time ago to be very cautious of how I speak to her and of her. It's like walking on egg shells. She has caused many issues in our relationship, a few times we almost broke up. She steals, lies and only comes to Daddie when she wants something.  She went a whole year without speaking to him because when she turned 18 he told her she needed to get a full time job and become responsible. She didn't like that, obviously.  So one thing led to another and he started feeling guilty that she wasn't talking to him.  So he started slipping her $$.  When I talked to him about it, he told me to not to question what he "gives" is daughter and I shouldn't care about "his" money. Pretty much told me to mind my own business. I got very upset and told him how very unfair it is to treat 1 child different than the other 2.  The conversation got very heated and it ended with me telling him that I can't do this anymore. As you can tell from the story in general, this is not the first time he has been sneaky or lied to me through the years, but I did forgive him all those other times.  But I feel this money thing has put the icing on the cake.  It's been a issue for years and it's just not going to go away. I feel bertrayed and he simply doesn't care about how I feel.  I've lost trust in him and faith in our relationship.  It's clear that we're not on the same page in this relationship. I am prepared to ask him to leave and get his name off of everthing.  Just would like to hear from anyone who may have experienced what I'm going through???
August 16, 2015
Latest Entry: wish i knew what to do
hi i wish i knew what to do i feel so useless and fat i dont know what to do.i have tried all kinds of diets and nothing works i cut out all sodas and fried food and even started walking everyday. I am tired of being ugly and fat i hate my self cant even stand to look at me in the mirror i even feel my husband dosent love me anymore.i just want for once for someone to say you are beautiful but all i hear is well if you wasnt so fat you could do more and when i ask for help noone wants to help me they just say well quit eating well i only eat one time a day as it is
August 16, 2015
Latest Entry: Worriednana
I have been raising my Oldest granddaughter and grandson all their lives the girl 16 in Oct the boy 13. I am at the point of no return. I can't Handel how she speaks and treats myself and others no more. I have been married to my husband 36 years this October. I have tried so hard with this child she is my world as my own children but her abusive attitude is getting to be more then I can take. She has been to therapy etc. she will curse yall at me then when I try to really be firm she will scream and act insane till I go away. I live hiding in my room a lot as I am not. I am dieting inside I don't know what else to do.
August 14, 2015
Latest Entry: I am Mentally disabled and Can't work I have to ask for help & donations.
My name is Alexia Mitchell I am Disabled and unable to work. Normally it scares me to ask for help beacause most of the time it feels like no one wants to help anyone anymore. I hope to reach out to people willing to help. I have a lot of medical bills and daily expences that are so hard to maintain in my situation. I can't work due to my Bi Polar disorder and my Anxiety disorder. These disorders I deal with on a day in day out basis. I put a minimum amount for a monetary
 goal. But the the truth I don't think I'll make it to that amount. But every penny helps. I've been disabled my whole life, If anyone could spare anything I would be eternally grateful.

Does anyone else feel this way Please send me messages or emails if you do!
August 13, 2015
Latest Entry: My Cancer Diagnosis and the doctors that made it worse

September 8, 2014 I'm sure seemed like any other day for every other person. Except for me. I was to receive my cancer diagnosis today at 12:56PM. That moment would leave me stupefied.

A week after a tumour in my left breast was biopsied, I received the phone call at work. The woman on the line told me that Dr. Siddiqui would like to see me right away. I almost dropped the phone. I noticed her voice was dripping with pity.

"OK," my voice cracked. "I'll be right there."

I walked slowly and deliberately over to my boss's desk and told him I had to leave, assuming I was about to find out if I was going to live or die. During the short drive to the clinic, I began thinking about my 5 year old daughter Abigail, and my loving husband, Sean. This has been one of the very few times we've had any type of major health scare. We've been very lucky. I was suddenly overcome with certainty that our luck was about to change. I began to shake.

I announced my arrival to the receptionist and was told to take a seat in the over-crowded waiting room. I looked at other patients and tried to guess why they were there...a rash? allergies? broken bone? cough due to cold? It's amazing how alone you feel when facing the possibility of a cancer diagnosis. I thought, wow, there's NO WAY anyone in here is waiting to hear if they will live or die in the next few minutes. Only me. I felt utterly alone, and deeply frightened. I was sure these feelings were written all over my face, and tried to shield my face with an out of date "People" magazine.

An hour passed, and I'm sitting there with my heart pounding in my throat, trying to keep myself occupied with a crossword puzzle, but it was useless. Terrible thoughts fight their way to the front of your mind, first, convincing yourself you DEFINITLY HAVE CANCER, and other thoughts like "How are my parents going to react?" "I won't be alive to see my daughter walk down the aisle!" and "What if I die and the woman Sean grows old with ISN'T ME?" Finally, my name was called and I was ushered into a smaller, quieter waiting room. Now I literally WAS alone. After another half an hour of waiting in the small room, the doorknob turned and in walked my doctor. The first thing I noticed as she entered the 6'x8' prison cell of an office was her pungent, umistakeable body odour. I giggled, then choked a little. She sat down and looked at me quizzically.

"Hello Stephanie, what brings you in today?

"What?" I said...

"YOU called ME".

She gazed at me with a confused look on her face, as if I had two heads and both heads had just spoken to her in Russian.

I glanced at her computer and could see a PDF file on her desktop titled "Stephanie Kelch Biopsy Results". 

"Oh, really?" she finally replied. "I'm not sure why that would be."

So I started guiding her along as to why I thought I was called in, since she obviously doesn't know how to pepare for a follow up in a life or death matter.

"I believe my biopsy results are in," I said.

"Oh no!" she said. "They wouldn't be in yet!"

"Then why would your staff call me at work and ask that I come in right away?" I inquired, "And why is that PDF file titled "Stephanie Kelch Biopsy Results on your desktop?" 

"Oh," she replied. "That's just a notice from the clinic that performed your biopsy, stating that the results are in progress, but they are not complete yet. Basically, a status report."

"Are you sure? THAT'S the reason your staff called me away from work and asked me to come in immediately??? To tell me that the biopsy is in progress?" I snapped. "I don't believe you!"

I demanded she open the file, based on the fact that the file had "results" in the title.

She opened the file, and one word immediately JUMPED off the page at me, "MALIGNANT".

I couldn't believe my eyes, then I couldn't believe my ears because the next thing she said was, "Oh, ok, I guess you have cancer. I didn't read the document."

I sat in stunned silence with tears rolling down my face.

"Why are you upset?" said my doctor.

"Excuse me?" I said incredulously. I couldn't BELIEVE the lack of understanding and total incompetance of the "doctor" sitting beside me.

"Your staff urgently called me in here, where I sat for an hour and a half waiting for you, and you breeze in, not being able to recognize your face from your *******, let alone ANYTHING that has to do with my case, then I diagnose MYSELF with *- ING CANCER and you ask why I'm upset?"

She said, "I can tell you're anxious, let me put you on some Ativan." I sure as hell didn't argue with that. The least she could do was hook me up with some good drugs! This was the worst moment of my life and she had to make it even worse by adding her own dose of "The Twilight Zone." It was so bizarre!

SOMEBODY had read the document, otherwise I wouldn't have been called here in the first place! CLEARLY she had not read this very important document, and CLEARLY she had no idea what was going on with me, as her patient. I truly believe the receptionists were much more knowledgeable about my case, and I want the person who read the results, and called me in, to now be my doctor! My doctor has proven herself to be a total moron. As I keep writing about my journey, there will be much more mentioned of her incompetence. It's really unbelieveable... Sometimes I felt as though I was on candid camera.

I got my pills and dashed out of that office so fast, I must have been a blur.

That day, Sean was working in Nisku, which is a small industrial town just outside of Edmonton. He stayed at a motel that was close to his work site, instead of commuting every day. As soon as my appointmant was done, I called him to tell him my diagnosis, and that I was on my way to see him. I will never forget that afternoon for as long as I live. I know now that I should not have been driving. Just from the shock itself, I felt numb and dizzy. Not to mention my eyes were cloudy from crying. I'm 39 years old! This wasn't supposed to happen! What if Abby has to grow up without her mother? I arrived at the door to Sean's motel room which was wide open. I walked in to find my tough, handsome husband standing there with tear stained cheeks. I flew into his arms. We sobbed.

Our world had been changed forever.

Surgery-The First Step In Treatment

to be continued...

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