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October 31, 2014
Latest Entry: Entry Title
Anyone have a relative that is being abused and refuses to leave?  there are seven children involved and DCF has done very little to help these children.
October 31, 2014
Latest Entry: Concerned Dad
My 44 year old daughter has  a disease that causes swelling of the knee and ankle swelling that is so bad use she uses a walker and some times can not get out of bed.  The doctors have not yet found out what the disease is but knows it is some kind of Rheumatoid arthritis.   I am starting this blog so I can write down my feelings.
October 31, 2014
Latest Entry: #hallowbirthday
Today is the birthday of one of the most complicated and the most amazing people I know.  My Mom.  She is one of a kind, even her birthday fits the mold for her life.  To share this spooky day with the woman who gave birth to me just seems to make sense.   A day of demons which she has many, a day of sweet satiating as she indulges in life's goodness and a day of disquise for my Mom is one in which u never know whats lurking underneath that pretty blonde exterior.   The many emotions brought forth by the one responsible for your life here is to put it lightly, complicated.  All I will say is that I hope she indulges, delights and celebrates her life here.  Happy Hallow-birthday Kathleen.
October 31, 2014
Latest Entry: What message are you sending, dr Phil?
Yesterday, I watched a show (which has aired in the US much earlier) about a woman with low self esteem, and a husband who threatened to leave her if she gained weight.

Much to my surprise, the 'solution' offered by dr Phil was to get the woman into a room where Robin was grinning at us in a multitude of pictures. She was treated by Robin's 'personal beautician' with Robin's new line of skincare, which 'she' developed in Switzerland and had Edelweiss added to make the cream even more effective.

Where is the evidence that Edelweiss is beneficial for skincare? There is not so much Edelweiss in the Swiss left, so I do hope Robin doesn't rob us of this little flower for her skin products.

The lady was then getting a haircut by a hairdresser who had his share of plastic surgery. All this was done to make the lady ''feel good about herself" whereas one may wonder whether a team of beauticians who had some self image challenges would be the right professionals to help this woman.

She then returned to the studio, where Dr Phil had had a chat with the husband, about the fact that the husband's approach was not working ('if you gain weight I will leave you'). Said husband was supposed to be a wonderful father as well but in between the lines you heard another story - him impressing his sons with his views about overweight people.

Basically the husband was told to encourage his wife and tell her she was beautiful. His wife returned to the studio with her makeover and... presto, another problem solved! Or was it?

I used to like dr. Phil for his ''tell it like it is" approach combined with a treatment based on scientific insights. If you take a leaf out of your own book, dr Phil, you know that this couple won't change a thing, and within a year from the show they will either be divorced or the woman will be a shade of her former self.

What happened to "I will make resources for you available and find you a professional to work with"? If you want to give people a makeover, then look at the show ''How to look good naked" by Gok Wan. He shows how a change of low self esteem really can be done.

It is just great that Robin wants to get a whole product line. I just wish she does get her own show to plug her products. Then I can choose (not) to watch it.

Be brave, dr. Phil. See the error of your ways. This show was 45 minutes of my life that I won't be able to retrieve.
October 30, 2014
Latest Entry: Past mistakes should not be held against you forever
I am a mother of 8 children 4 of which are "bonus" two from previous relationships and two ours. At the time of my mistake I was pregnant with our first newly married, depressed, not working and taking care of 6 children. My husband was deployed at the time and had no help from outside sources at the time even with requests for frequent checks.This was in 1998. I admit to abusing one of the bonus children and leaving marks. I also turned myself in at that time. We got help from then on with SCAN and other services, lots of counseling, I was also put on atidepressants once again. I learned valualbe lessons from this experience and even took parenting classes with my husband in years following. His children were more than a challenge to raise and have since grown up and moved out. We have not had any more cases since 2003 thaat have been documented by CPS. I have worked as a NAR since these incidents and have never harmed anyone profesionally in the field. I very much would like to become a nurse but will not be able to be licensed in the sate of WA because of the record I have even though i was never arrested or convicted of this action. I still have children in my home with no problems.My aquestion is should someone like me be punished for the rest of their lives for something that they have admitted to and got help for with no other issues arising? Could there be a way to have us wait a period of time, get evaluated by a counselor? What are your thoughts?


October 30, 2014
Latest Entry: Seeking Advice!
Hello! I am new to drphil.com and as the title says, I am looking for advice for a recent problem with my relationship. About two months ago, my now ex boyfriend, Brandon, started talking over Facebook. His intention was to talk to me just to try to make new friends and get to know other people. He is twenty-two and I am eighteen. So we started to talk and eventually started to hang out. It was great. We got along perfectly and got along like best friends, until a problem came about. He had an ex fiance, Cassidy, who cheated on him with several guys while wearing his engagement ring. So, apparently I saw her on his snapchat under best friends, and for those who don't have that, if you have someone under best friends on your account, that means you talk to that person. This made me uneasy because I didn't know what to make of that. I thought why would he talk to her after what she did, right? So I talked to him about it, he said that it was her and I told him that I would rather not want him talking to her. He said that he wasn't, he said she's trying to get him back because she realizes she 'made a mistake'. So as I requested, he took her off everything that I could see such as Facebook and Snapchat. This made me happy because nobody has really considered how I might want something handled so I appreciated him even more. Well, four days ago was our one month anniversary. So we went out to eat and we had a blast, he even kind of made fun of Cassidy which made me happy because it made me think he wanted nothing to do with her. I guess I was wrong. Yesterday, we were driving home from his bowling league. He turned on his phone and when it unlocked the messages popped up. I glanced over and happened to see two hearts on opposites sides besides a name. So, I took it and managed to scroll through some messages without him knowing. It was her. I saw my name, my name had a ':)' Seriously? Your ex has two hearts and I have a smiley face. This made my heart sink. I asked him: do you really love me? He said of course he did. I said then why is your ex here with two hearts beside her name? He got quiet. We practically yelled at each other and argued over this. He said that since she's going into the army, he thought it would be nice to ask how she was doing. He said that was the first message. Well I looked at that wasn't that first message, nothing close to hey, how are you doing? It was can I have a cute picture of you in your footise pajamas. Thanks for lying to me. In one of the texts he said that well what happened to us always being there for each other? She said that she had a boyfriend and that was all that I read. That was just last Tuesday, which was a day he came over. He told me that I was too young to understand why 'adults do things' or something like that and basically acted like it was nothing to worry about, he said it was stupid. So before I got out of the car, I said so what now, what about us? He said uh, we're still together? And I said it doesn't feel like it and went inside and he left. He texted me and kept repeating himself saying he didn't want her and that he wanted me and that I was just overreacting. Am I crazy? I guess that's why I posted this. I want to know what you guys think, please. Would this not be okay with you either? Would you try to talk it out? Is there even anything to talk about? Or should I just go away? Becasuse he can't seem to let it go. He texted me this morning when I told him yesterday to just forget about it. Please, somebody tell me what you think! I would greatly appreciate it and would like to know what you think. Thank you!
October 30, 2014
Latest Entry: Does it ever stop hurting?
About three years ago now, I divorced a man who I was married to for 25 years.  Five years earlier he started to withdraw from me, got nasty, controlling and out right mean.  And his anger was scary.  He put me down, I was fat, I was lazy, I was never good enough.  And the ONLY one who could love me was him.


December of 2010, it finally got real.  I started suffering with major depression, and got put on medication.  I started losing weight without trying, felt totally out of control !  I developed ulcers, was having panic attacks, and suffered from full body hives when the stress got to be too much.


In August of 2011, I got smart, and asked for a divorce.  I had the car packed, and tried to leave.  He texted me threats ~ threats to our dogs (that he was going to leave them out in the hurricane that was hitting)  threatening to call the cops, and saying he would take care of me and my then friend (who is now my new husband)  I stayed.  He wouldn't let me leave until I finally was able to afford a lawyer who told me to GET OUT immediately.  That wasn't until December of 2011.  


But in the meantime, he had gone lying to my family.  LIED TO THEM !!  telling them how much he loved me, how much he was trying.  He got them to think I was cheating on him, even though HE was the one who had been writing, emailing, texing and calling other women for a few years it turns out !!  MANY women !!  He didn't feel that was cheating.  


So when I needed support.. help. My mother (who is a therapist)  couldn't care less.  She would hang up on me, ignore my emails, my pleas for help and understanding... I was at fault in her eyes.  My sister was the same way.


In November, after telling him that the professional advice I sought said to keep the divorce as quiet and private as possible for the kids sake, he wrote 46 of my friends, family, my kids friends, and his friends, telling them i was cheating on him, and asking for "prayer"  My mother couldn't have cared less.  It destroyed my reputation.  I already felt all alone, now people I thought were my friends no longer wanted anything to do with me either.  


I would BEG for help, they didn't care.  BEG for support...  He got invited to Christmas for two years, and Thanksgiving once.  ME?  Nope... HE got to enjoy MY family for the holidays.  As he played the victim, the hurt one.  My mom listens to HIM !  Supports HIM !!  doesn't care about me... AND IT HURTS !!  


They know he lies, they have CAUGHT him in lies, they don't care !!  He smashed my computer why I was there.  he let my then 12 year old daughter take the blame and be punished for it ! When the truth came out, he claimed he didn't tell the truth because he was afraid of me !  He wouldn't let me go, but he was afriad of me!  REALLY?  But my parents?  They didn't care. 


He had our family pictures.  Memories I wanted desperately.  He would tell me that he couldn't find them.  That they were "lost"  Yet, my daugher found them during one of his weekends.  And after trying to LIE about it again, he finally fessed up, and then STILL Wouldn't give them to me !  My family knew ~ Didn't care.  


I have only my new husband as support.  I am afriad to make new friends, I can't trust anyone !  I have learned I can't count on anyone.  Have I been perfect in this?  By NO means !! I am hurt, I am angry !! I have lashed out at my parents, sister and even friends who just seem to REFUSE to see the truth.  I don't know how to get them to see it !!


Even his last attempt to hurt me, by writing my sons soccer club, they didn't care, MADE EXCUSES FOR HIM ! He wrote, and LIED about information I give him and when.  So I got an email from the coach to call him immediately regarding this issue.  I did, and had to then tell him all about the divorce.  The fact that he lies etc.  I feel that now we are the "family with baggage"  and he does this with every where we go!  This is NOT the first club, school etc.  Every where I go he does this.  He won't stop, and my family?  Still seeing him, talking to him, being friends with him on facebook...

I know my therapists have said to just let my family go.  It is their decision.  But they are MY family ! and it hurts SO much that they can't see the truth about him, AND see the pain I am in.  Blood means NOTHING to them... 


How do I get this pain to stop?  How do I "let go"  
October 29, 2014
Latest Entry: Feeling Stuck
My life has been a great ride. That being said I have an issue I have never seen advice for. I have been married for 33 years. We have 4 adult children and 4 grandchildren. All and all we have had a pretty good marriage.


4 years ago my husband was diagnosed with Atypical Parkinson's Plus with dystonia. For the first year things were not to bad. Then he was unable to work and everything has snowballed since. Of course with Parkinsons he has the mood swings and memory loss. Lately he has really been scaring me. My kids do not see it because they do not want to. He is parinoid and accusing. One night he was walking around outside the house with a pistle in one hand and a flashlight in the other. The next night he was checking on me every 20 minutes or so to make sure I was not sneaking out ( we do have different bed rooms due to sleeping habits) Usually the problems start about 3am and can go all night. He keeps all the money from me and says it is his. I have to beg for anything even food money. I get disability and it is not much. Now he is telling me how I have to spend it and keeps track of it.


I am on disability for depression and Fibromialgia and major migrains. I feel like I am falling apart.


I know I have already "checked out" of the marriage. I am being emotionally beaten down not only by my husband but also by people who think I should give up my life and dreams. I need to get out before he either kills me or I go insane.


How do I make the break without feeling like a terrible person, and get some happiness in my life again
October 29, 2014
Latest Entry: How to deal with Husbands "baby mama"
My husband had a child from a previous relationship. As soon as she found out about me she freaked and wouldn't let him see his daughter. She has let him visit from time to time but not much. My husband and I dated for a year and got married in June, it is still an issue with her and she hates me for some reason. Last night I went with my husband for the first time to meet his daughter and she threatened that she would leave or hurt me if I was to meet her, so he did his thing and I waited. I know she most likely still has feelings for him and thats the reason she hates me, I tried to talk to her and level with her so that we can meet up avoid issues and let my husband, myself and my son try to connect with his daughter as a family. She told me that it was no of my business and to stay out of it. I guess my question is do I have a right to be involved or do I leave it alone? I don't want to over step my boundries but what is my role in all of this? Thanks!
October 27, 2014
Latest Entry: Grandparents raising Grandkids...are you?
Hi all....I want to start a support blog for all Grandparents raising their grandkids. I am one and would like to see just how many of Dr. Phil's fans are as well....lets face it....misery (even with great love) loves company!!



Linda Leighton
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