October 26, 2016
Latest Entry: Finish my letter
I'm not asking to be on your show or for money I'm just letting you know how I feel and in my book dr.phil your the greatest ever it's all about the kids your kids must be involved in everything a man & woman do.kids are a pure joy when I'm sad or feeling bad I can look at my granddaughters and the bad feeling I had is gone a hug from one of them brings the utmost joy to me it frightens me often if anyone was to harm any one of my kids or granddaughters I would spend the rest of my life in prison and I would not have any regrets most cases that even reaches a court don't get what they deserve for bringing harm to a child the same goes for a m an that beat's on his wife..the court system is too lenient on cases such as these .it's just my opinion.  I wish I could be the judge in some of these case's I would fix it and make damn sure they would have plenty of time to think about what they did and would definitely have them treated in the same manner. So forgive me if I'm wrong or come on harsh I just love kids every child is a pure Joy thank you for reading this dr.phil and I hope to hear your response and let me know if you think I'm wrong.
October 24, 2016
Latest Entry: Entry Title
Let's start off by saying I love my boyfriend alot. Been together 4 yrs. We have lived together for 3 of those years. My issue is his adult children. His 26 yr old daughter moves in & out everytime the going gets tough. His 23 yr old son has lived with is the entire time because he was getting his college degree. He graduated in May. Since then he has done nothing but sit in the basement & play games. He is a pig. Dirty dishes everywhere, clothes strewn about. We have a nice home but he has become too comfortable in our finished basement. It's so bad it stinks down there. The problem is my boyfriend won't do anything about it. My children have been out of the house for over 6 yrs. They were not raised like this & say I allow a double standard, which I am sure they are correct. I also babysit his daughters child when she decides she wants to flit all over the country. I love this child like she is my own grandaughter so I am afraid she will leave her with someone who won't care for her properly. When she comes home, she will be broke & unable to pay her bills, then my boyfriend will give her the money because we don't want our grandaughter to live without food or necessities. I am so frustrated I don't know if I can take it anymore, but don't want to leave my boyfriend. I have tried talking to him about it until I'm blue in the face & all it does is cause fights. Is it worth the fight anymore?
October 21, 2016
Latest Entry: "Hello Scott, It's almost time for you to die. ... Enjoy your last few days of earth."
Death threat sent to Scott Huminski,

     "Hello Scott, It's almost time for you to die.

      Did you think that I would let you get away with your bullshit and your lawsuits?

      Enjoy your last few days on earth.I'll be there real soon. Officer Pillar"

This insterstate terrorist death threat was transmitted through the U.S. Mails to

Scott t Huminski.  Lee County sheriff Mike Scott claims it is not a crime and protected by the first amendment.

See death threat and envelope (scroll down past court filing)


As long as law enforceent endorses this type of conduct, the terrorists win. -- scott huminski

October 19, 2016
Latest Entry: Lost
I don't know what to do.  I really love my husband, he is my greatest weakness, but right now we barely talk.  Over a week ago we had a fight and I took my rings off because here I was again asking for my needs to be met only to get with, "I'm giving you what I think you need".  He also hits me with, "I'm not this hard to get along with", "I'm a better person then I used to be".  Sidebar: he stopped drink about 7 years ago.  What he fails to realize is the drinking only intensified his attitude.  But because of this belief of being better, he will not listen to anything he feels is negative. 

Anyway, all I want is something out of this marriage.  We used to have fun and spend quality time together.  But he has been in this marriage for 3 years and most of it with his walls up. He cannot see that his lack of emotional support has caused me to emotionally leave.  He always tells me it's my fault because I don't see and agree with his point of view.  Or I get mad and yell.  Well I don't get mad and frustrated on my own but he will not except that he helps in the fight.  He just can't see he's side because he doesn't want to admit he has a side other than happy, even though his is not happy 3/4th of the time.  

Help me Jesus to get this man to see that what he is doing is wrong and hurts me.
October 19, 2016
Latest Entry: Reactive attachment disorder
I am a stepmother to a 7 year old child who is in mine and her father's custody. I have recently been told by her therapist that she may be suffering from reactive attachment disorder.  (Disinhibited) I am looking for all the support and resources available to help me parent her in a positive way. This is something I have never heard of until now but explains a lot of why her behaviors are the way they are. I want desperately to help her. Please offer any parenting tips that may have helped anyone in a similar situation. Thank you. :)
October 15, 2016
Latest Entry: New job makes me feel sick all the time.
This is my first post so I hope it's well received, I'm 27 years old and I started a new job last week, one I was happy to get and is actually in my field, but now that I have been here two weeks I'm fixing computers in schools, 2 schools a day during the week, I have had this sick feeling in my stomach for about a week now. This feeling that tells me something is not right with this job and its fit for me.

I make decent money, the job comes with insurance/disability and a pension and all that good stuff but I have been told If I want to succeed in this job I will have to do overtime work unpaid at home due to the amount of work load at times. I can't do that because I need to have a work/personal life balance.

I found myself sitting here tonight, Friday night to be exact and doing work for five hours since I came home and I just can't do it, I just can't. I just want to go to work do my work at work, do a good job and clock out at the end of the day and leave my work at work.

If I do work at home I am going to end up working on some things that I can't reasonably finish in one night and what's going to happen is I am going to stay up way to late trying to finish it and I'm not going to get enough sleep and I'm going wake up very tired not wanting to go to work and end going to work tired with dark bags under my eyes like I always do. Something happened to me my first year in college and it was hard for me to deal with.

I have had a number of jobs but none lasting more than a year and my last lasted 8 months (I was let go during my probation period, so technically not fired).

I'm keeping this job for now, I just don't know how to tell my parents it may not be for me and that I want to keep applying for jobs in my field without them thinking I'm lazy or don't know how good I got it (they asked me if I knew I had it good) considering it took them years to make the money I'm making. I want to work in an office somewhere doing IT where I don't have to travel or get up extra early so I can head to the office and get parts before my workday starts.

I don't want to have to store parts and supplies in my car and don't want to have to do work at home and I'm worried that I'm going to fail this job like the others.

All I can think is, doing this for 20 years.... at this job and it scares me.

I can't live with this sick feeling, I have never had the feeling before, I almost started crying at work because of it before I contained myself that is. Anybody have any thoughts or opinions.
October 13, 2016
Latest Entry: Introduction!
My name is Ryan Merce. I am 30 years old. I have celerbal palsy. Which affects all four of my limbs, but my mind is sharp as a tack. I am very involved in the LBGT community. However I don't let my disability hinder anything I want to do. I have staff 13 hours a day/7 days a week. I'm basclay openly gay. I am also very the current events of the world and yes I love the Dr. Phil show! Feel free to comment on any my stuf. Ask me any questions youd like, I'm a very open book!!
October 11, 2016
Latest Entry: Neighbor
I think my neighbor is super strange!  He wears the same clothes everyday do every task.  Black pants and white long sleeve dress shirt.  He wears it to go to work, get the mail, smoke on the steps.  Top of weird list, get the grass on his riding John Deer.  We don't talk to him which makes us weird too I guess.  Why would someone wear the same thing EVERY SINGLE DAY?
October 11, 2016
Latest Entry: First Entry: Background and Forward Motion
In this first entry, I am hopeful! 

I'm so glad this place is here for me to come and share; for many reasons! I know I will be benefiting myself first and the enjoyment I always feel in helping others First; I've much to say; much to be rid of and I do think of it that way sometimes. I'm certain my story is not dissimilar and fancy myself a writer of some acumen with a flair for picturesque speech. La-Tee-Da!  But, you'll be the judge. 

So you know me, background seems first. And while such is deeply negative; remember that through all mentioned here, a deep, inner strength I possess co-exists with me throughout. No words of mine seem attached, but I feel it always. Remember too:  most labels and descriptions of behavior arrive through my hindsight. (my blog, right?! ;)          I am quite old enough to pre-date the majority of science on ADHD and more minor cases of autism. Most derived and related here derives from my voracious seeker of self.    

I am the surviving adult of a Narcissist (mother). Through that mother's genetics, I am the 5th and last child in a family which exhibits varying levels and cocktail combinations under the umbrella of Aspburger's Spectrum. Each sibling was affected greatly. WE each exhibit ADHD. Additionally, a few (and me) have Sensory Integration Dysfunction (Audio) where loud, repetitive and especially conflicting sound immediately causes more a level of more than moderate internal anxiety in us; and hours may pass before the anxiety disappears. I notice each possess varying levels of verbal and/or written acumen; my surviving oldest sister (Yes, in a minute) and my third sister did/do not articulate well at all  verbally and are given to much visual yet unspoken anxiety on many occasions. And on that score; you might know... I am different.

I am 60 years old this 2016 and most of my immediate family are deceased. Father; as I'll relate, was first. Two sisters and a brother passed from 5-10 years ago; all near aged 50. My oldest sister and I remain; my mother passed last month; September 10, 2016.

The only light in this dank and scurrilous place:  My father. A wonderful man to a child; a young-at-heart, joking and laid back sort who was a ease talking to any child. He was quite funny in many ways; quite the prankster in his early years and joked about more often than anything else. But my father was also ailing most of my life and was dead much too young (48) when I was 17. My mother wreaked much derision over all; but of course more so after his death. I realize now we each received our own 'personal cocktail of poison' from Mother.

Driven by insecurity, anxiety and feelings of emptiness on the deepest levels I suspect (she herself a horrific childhood survivor) my mother's messages to me were about her own self- hatred, outward jealousy, overwhelming authority, control and win arguments at all costs, aggressively asserted opinions which never matched mine, belittling and desperately ever desperately trying to make me her CO DEPENDENT. Woe to me those times I've been financially tethered to her!

There is such detail; so many aspects to my mother's psychosis and how her treatment of me affected other siblings in the bargain--Lord! What a web! So, I'll just begin with me; for as mentioned, I have selfish reasons to be here-and as for the Beast that was my mommy, no doubt she'll enter in due haste. 

I suffered a mental breakdown in Nov. 2014 and was hospitalized for 2 weeks and I've learned scads more than I ever did while in there. Another Story, however. Today, I am still in mental health recovery. My mother; may she ever writhe in her grave, died last month, September 10, 2016. I am relieved. More on that later.         

For the last 8 years I had been living with my mother, as the economy took a downturn. Most began suffering the effects in 2008 as did I. But my economic downturn began in 2005. Jobs were imPOSSible to find for me in 2005 though just before, I had been virtually over-employed before then! I was a 'Big Bank" executive assistant @ 43K; thankyouverymuch. :  o  But, in 2005 I was laid off into a popular, over populated city whose job market was overpopulated with applicants all younger and more degreed than I. I know because I ahd to drop my job description to near grocery store levels to get anything. Each job designation shifted downward. After months of sending out a resume with 8 years of Big Bank on it, I became overwrought. I couldn't pay my leased apt, car payment. The first few months I lived off the proceeds of early disbursement on a varied Bank stock portfolio. Yes, very lucky. But the financial severity of a drop for months and years with small spirts of ...under employment such as H & R Block (receptionist) all had a toll. I was scared and out of control of my own self-sustainability.

The financial facts without recourse, mandated I live with my mother and; I recall being pissed/frustrated and dreading what I knew was coming:  Daily fights over nothing but all about my right to survive a separate and person and free will. Suffering a heart attack in 2008 brought about my loss of my own home more readily than expected. Short 'horror movie' long; I was again the target of my mother's derision, aggressiveness, anger, dismissive and demeaning behavior. Never, ever satisfied with any input or situations proposed; my mother challenged and was openly oppositional to everyone and everything. My time in that household before my breakdown was emotionally debilitating to me. But the change in me after that breakdown made what came after unbearable.

Well, I'm sure that's quite enough for now.

How gratifying and relaxing to simply type; at least status quo!! It helps so much inside! Future posts will reveal more emotionally felt angsts, trials and living breathing, emotional carcinogens I with which I must live no doubt. And it is a most difficult cross to bear-as is all ours.

To my new friends: Cheers to all you've accomplished on your personal journey! I hope you've enjoyed my first foray into mental health blogging. Thanks for listening.

I want be well because....... I've Haditupta. 
October 11, 2016
Latest Entry: Hello world.. This is me.
I'll start of by saying sorry for my poor English. But i do hope you understand me! Lol.

I have a story, the resssion im telling my story here is because no one i know is on here. And i havent really told anyone, just the therapist i started seeing.

So.. The beginning.

it started when i was about 5 or 6. We were 4 sisters, 2 on my step dads side and me and my sister from my moms side. Me and my step sister was the young ones. About 10 years apart from our older sisters. Our parents was figthing most of the time. And my step sister was scared by this. I had to be the "big sister" and protect her even tho i was the youngest. 

My big sister started experimenting with drugs and was often angry at my mom for reassions i dont understand. She pulled out my moms hair, pulled out a knife saying she whould kill herself or her and pushed her down the stairs, so i had to call the ambulance alot of times. 

It didnt help that inwas bullied at school for beeing a bit different... a bit chubby, curly hair and glasses... from the 3 grade to 8 grade. In 8 grade i started to fight back, i hated to be the "bad kid" but it was my way of surviving.. i started hanging in bad crowds og ppl and started drinking at a really young age (about 13 or 14)...

Sounds horrible right? It was.... and i wish it stopped there but it didnt.. 

I never knew my real dad. But finaly got some contact with him at the age of 10. I used to go there somethimes. Mostly summers. One summer, i was 14. He let me meet his new girlfriend/wife. She really was the step mom from Hell!!

i could never take a second plate of dinner because i was too fat and needed to lose weight. She said she was a doctor, the truth was that she was barly a nurse. But still took me to the hospital and took blood samples from me because i aparently was sick.. if i misbehaved (that means leaving clotes on the floor, was not asleep at 9, didnt take my plate to the sink) i had to stand in a corner face against the wall for 30 mins. 

After this summer i refused to go there anymore. I was angry! I feelt my dad didnt care. And she used me as a test subject.. i feelt used, taken advanted off. 

When i was 16 i started doing drugs (mostly weed. Speed on parties) and all the anger and hate, i could deal with it. The feeling of not wanting to kill myself. It was kinda gone or atleast not as strong. 

I was using from the age 16 to 22. When i finaly meet the love of my life. He gave me a choise. Him or the drugs. I stopped then and there. A year later we got a beautiful baby boy. 

But now im struggeling. All those years with weed, i didnt fix my problems. So now i have PTSD (atleast thats what my doctore and therapist says). In norway ptsd is not a normal thing to hear about. So im wondering if anyone has somthing to tell me about this? 

Treatments, advice etc? 

Its now so bad i cant get a job, im "zooming" out alot and start crying over anything that triggers memories.. 

I need help, but i dont think people/doctores here have alot of experience..

Thank you! 

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